Cruelty [fic]
Title: Cruelty
Pairing: Lavi/Kanda
Rating: M
Summary: dgm_kinkmeme request fill, prompt: cruelty. Physical wounds don't hurt as much as the ones you carve into your heart, but they can't be fixed with a kiss.
Warnings: There's sex, of course. Probably not what you'd expect from the prompt.
Note: Written in present tense, which is new. And while it sounds dark, it's... not really. It's pretty long too.
They haven't seen each other in months; that was a cruelty.
Lavi has only just returned and can't feel anything in his left arm, not even when he runs his nails along the long row of stitches; that was a cruelty.
Kanda is battered and exhausted, and three days isn't a recovery period.
It was a cruelty.
So he would be leaving Lavi and Lavi's stitches and Lavi's numbness to make his way to Portugal tomorrow, because a soft whisper in the wind told Komui there might be something there that needed to be checked out.
One night, this one night for the first time in months, the last time for months (Portugal is too far, too far, Kanda in the garden and Lavi in the cafeteria would be too far, too far).
On a night like this, flesh being obscured by clothing was torture, Lavi being unable to feel Kanda sweeping his fingers up and down his injured arm was wounding, and maybe they should be talking about the injury, about Kanda's tiredness, about them, about how this may be the last time for months or for ever.
Talk about how unfair fate has been, and hey, Lavi's soul is fatigued too, Yuu.
But it's just one night, and Kanda is Kanda, so Lavi keeps his silence and shakes a little when Kanda helps him out of his shirt (he's one eye short, he's one arm short, he's a cripple but Kanda cannot let go of him for such a thing, no he cannot).
Kanda shoves him onto the bed, but holds the wrist of Lavi's left arm so that it is elevated and doesn't settle onto the mattress with a whump.
That is settled almost delicately, with the care Kanda exerts when setting Mugen down. Lavi is flattered, and his head is pounding with blood (and there the nurses were, being worried he'd lost too much of the red stuff!), and his right hand moves to tug Kanda down onto him.
Kanda lands heavily but manages to avoid the injured arm, sprawling instead across Lavi's chest, and Lavi? He's thinking being made warm like this now would make suffering the cold worse later, but it was worth it.
Lavi fists his hand in Kanda's hair, snapping the tie and curling his fingers in the strands, thinking that if to die was to disappear into the black of Kanda's hair then perhaps it was time to say farewell, cruel world. Kanda nips at the thin skin of Lavi's arm, then hisses a little when the hand in his hair clenches more tightly. "The hell, Lavi. I'll scalp you."
Lavi didn't mean to be hurtful, so he pulls Kanda's head down and licks the corner of his lips, nibbling with care. "Sorry. I missed this."
"Then you should have not fucked up when you fought and came here faster."
"I fucked up because all I was thinking was that I had to come here faster."
Kanda quietens, then drags a finger down a path from Lavi's collarbone to his navel, the tip colder than Lavi's skin and making him twitch. "Makes you an idiot." Kanda's palm moves down the same path next, and stops at the waistband of Lavi's pants, pushing down in soft pressure.
"Couldn't help myself, you were too far. And even when we're at the Order together it's never for very long. And it's hard t'love you but it's fucking disturbing how easy it was t'miss you. Don't be crass, Yuu, don't be cruel," Lavi cooed.
They kiss again, and Kanda is being a little bit savage with his tongue and his teeth and his lips, but Lavi wants to be a little bit savaged and his hand in Yuu's hair, that hand, it feels like it's home.
Kanda must have a heart though, because the hand at Lavi's belt works to unbuckle it, and Kanda's other hand is tapping lightly over the shapes of the bone in Lavi's face, scratching a little at his chin, scraping over the string that held the eyepatch, rubbing against a cheekbone he dearly wanted to nibble. Kanda will be strong and resist, because kissing Lavi when he has not kissed Lavi in so long takes precedence (though the admittance is not something anything could drag out of him. Kanda can withstand torture; he puts himself through it often enough).
He cups Lavi's cheek and Lavi is warm inside.
Lavi's belt is removed, and he is warm outside. Kanda pulls back to breathe, and smirks when Lavi moves to chase after him.
"I'm here. I'm touching you. This looks like I'm being fucking saintly."
But Kanda won't be tomorrow, and Lavi will nurse his own arm and his own heart and he will miss Kanda (even though he isn't supposed to). That was not what a saint would do (Kanda should have behaved in a way that made Lavi not grow addicted to him).
When it hurts to say goodbye, Lavi will blame Kanda for blowing his mind (Lavi almost wants to cry, and he would, but maybe over the years he has lost his tear ducts as he has lost his heart).
(Maybe Kanda will rediscover them for him too).
Kanda's hand brushes against the part of Lavi that needs him second-most. Lavi hisses and arches then groans, because everywhere on his body there was some sort of hurt. Now Kanda frowns, and begins licking his way down Lavi's neck, pressing closed lips painfully against purple bruises, before moving back a little and exhaling on it, a breathy hot compress (Lavi feels better).
Lavi retaliates, though he doesn't think the warmth of his breath will heal Kanda's pain as well as Kanda's exhalation does his injuries. But Lavi intends to try; a debt must be repaid, and the debt he owes Kanda is perhaps as big as the debt Kanda owes him (for making him break his Bookman-ic vows, for finding a heart and shoving it down Lavi's throat to the little hollow place behind his ribs, for so many things). Lavi will be reckless, and Lavi will be evil and unfair to the Bookman, and he will keep running this tab on and on and on, because Kanda is responsible and while Lavi doesn't seem like it (no he does not Bookman would be inclined to say) Lavi is responsible too.
A debt will be repaid.
What Lavi will do, as he licks the curve that joins Kanda's dependable neck to Kanda's dependable shoulder, is keep accumulating debt, for as long as he can.
He will bite Kanda's collarbone (and delight in the soft growl), and will expect a day to come when Kanda returns the bite. He will bite him raw if it means that Kanda's calloused hand will continue clutching at his right arm, blunt nails digging in. He moves on and presses such a sweet, sweet kiss to the small hollow between the jutting collarbones, that he can feel Kanda's heart beat more swiftly in the skin against his lips.
Kanda draws back. Lavi smiles at him crookedly, and pecks the wrist that holds his shoulder to the bed. "You're a god, Yuu, for doing the things you do to me."
The hand that had went still on his cock moved again, and Lavi might have sworn in Urdu, because he had meant it in jest but maybe Kanda Yuu was the god in his godless little world.
Most undoubtably at this moment, everything was centred on that one being.
Most indubitably, Kanda can be cruel, and Kanda can be merciful.
And most unchangingly, he is the one, the one in whom Lavi will invest everything he is and everything he wants to be, the one he will believe exists (persists insists) no matter what he is told.
Because Kanda cannot die without Lavi disappearing. Because when Kanda goes, the grip Lavi has on his humanity is dissolved, and he will fly off into nothingness.
Isn't that what happened to the godless? (Then Kanda really is god, because that is what will happen. Don't be cruel, don't be crass, Yuu. You gave me my heart, you can take it away just as easily).
Kanda snaps out a "Don't be an idiot," but his heart isn't in it (Lavi would like to think that is because Kanda's heart is in his hands, but it is a foolish hope).
(Good thing he was a fool).
"Yuu, come near f'r a bit, I really need t'kiss that stupid, stupid mouth of yours."
And Kanda comes as called, not even bothering to feign displeasure at having a stupid mouth. It's almost sweet, except Kanda won't label it that because he doesn't like sweet things but he liked this.
His grip gets just a little harder, and Lavi yelps in surprise.
"I rule your very existence, Lavi?"
He really, really wants the numbness to leave his left arm, because that was a sort of sensory deprivation and with Kanda scheduled to be gone for a long, long time, Lavi wants to feel the hot skin of Kanda's back. "Hmm?" He couldn't think straight. Kanda had no delicacy in his strokes, but that was fine because Lavi had no delicacy in his existence either. "You can be, if y'want. It's not fun having t'be the one responsible for me."
"If my word is for you to stop being such a fucking idiot?"
"Can't, sorry, no can do. Design fault by that other Creator, the one with the beard, the one I don't currently want t'do it with."
Kanda bites the skin that was pulled taught over Lavi's cheekbone. "Good thing you didn't blame the fucked-up mess that is you on me."
"Mmm." Lavi is trying to manoeuvre his lips under Yuu's, because he wants to taste Kanda again so badly his tongue can't think to speak properly. Give the boy a carrot, he has some sense of self-preservation.
The sublime takes pity on the human, and Kanda moves his attention to Lavi's lips, and Lavi thanks God for it. No playing about, this is all they have, so there is no gentility in how Kanda's tongue roams Lavi's mouth. It's harsh, mostly, quick neat licks here and there and damn, damn, damn come back here again (Lavi thinks).
He's making whines, and Kanda's voice is like a vibration in the air, so deep, so engrossing (Lavi is lost).
Lavi's pushed past his limit for resisting, because Kanda's hand at his cock is languid and slow and he's making it ache more than his arm, so fuck the pain that stops him from touching Kanda. It's a demand from his will, and the tips of his fingers on his left hand, they were tingling with longing.
So with an almighty heave he swings, his left arm landing across Kanda's back.
He hisses into the kiss because his arm falls on the stitches, and now Kanda growls.
He moves away and Lavi growls at him. "Get. Back."
"That arm is not supposed to be moved, Lavi. You are moving it."
"Then get. Back."
Kanda will have none of this rebellion in his little kingdom (everything between the four corners of this bed is his).
He frowns and Lavi goes weak-kneed.
Kanda plucks the injured arm off gently and places it at a post. "Hold that."
"No."
Lavi wants to touch, damn it.
"Hold, it." Kanda growled.
"Non, non, cher." The redhead goes a little bit French in the hope being frenched. "Y'have a nice bed, 's my favourite place in th'god damn world, but I'd much rather have my hand on Yuu." Name puns; this shit never gets old.
He doesn't mean it, but Kanda will threaten so very scarily that Lavi will back down (so that he won't have to) (Kanda has a sneaky streak along with that lusty gleam in his eye). "If you don't do what I tell you to, I will stop."
He squeezes with his other hand, and it's serious business, this. Lavi suspects it may be a bluff, but he does not see the need to be brave when being scared will save his skin, so he refuses to call Kanda out.
"But Yuu...." Doesn't mean he can't sing out a whine to stop this cruelty against animals (just a solitary rabbit, really).
"If your arm goes out of commission for a while, then you cannot do this," the tip of his erection is flicked and Lavi shakes, "for me. I'm not a generous man, Lavi."
Ah. Lavi is seeing the light. If Kanda will not be generous, Lavi cannot afford to be stingy.
Though really, only the threat of the loss of contact makes Lavi acquiesce; were this a one-off thing, Lavi wouldn't have listened, because he couldn't, because Kanda's skin, that seductive little thing, it calls for him.
Trying to make Kanda look on him even more favourably, Lavi decides to kink this out and and put his working arm away too. "Do 's you like then, Yuu. Only 'cos I worship Yuu just a little, yeah?"
Oh, yes. Kanda is looking pleased at him, and ooh la la, Lavi wants to coo over and over again.
Well. His hands are unavailable. He coos over and over again.
Kanda smirks like being always almighty is his reason for living.
Then he shows that all humans must have at least a tiny bit of mercy (at least all the awesome ones), as Kanda moves his hand faster and tighter and all 'round better, and if Lavi keeps clenching the wooden post like this it might hurt him more than getting grabby with our Kan-chan.
"Get off first," that heavy voice whispers in his ear, and Lavi can't see because he couldn't see anymore (his eye had closed in response to what Kanda does to him), and there was a whole body shiver. Kanda didn't talk much, except to shout and curse and swear and be angry, and that voice saying delicious things therefore had more weight to its swing than, say, Lenalee asking him in that pretty, innocent voice of hers if he would like to see what was under her skirt (which would hit him in the face like Oodzuchi Kodzuchi at full size).
So, basically, ah, yes, Lenalee and the top of her thighs, lovely, intriguing, yes.
But, hands down (lower down, harder baby, dear one, oh yes) he would give up on anything, anyone else, so long as Kanda will whisper in his ear and keep stroking and keep sounding like he's getting as much ahhhh from making Lavi sound like that as Lavi gets from Ka-n-daaaaaa.
"Ngh," he grunts, when really he means baby.
Kanda licks about his ear, and Lavi vaguely hopes it isn't waxy.
The grip down there gets lovelier, somehow, toe-curling and ooh.
"Lavi, the faster you get off, the faster we get on."
Oh, God, what a terrifyingly cruel prospect, the thought of there being any time between right now and proper sex.
Heh. Not that there was anything 'proper' about the way they went on about it.
And the thought of the eventual being in or, y'know, the other way 'round (he's giddily delighted with either, really) is the straw that broke the camel's back (the little choking sound that smashed, stomped on and made fun of Lavi's restraint).
Lavi makes a happy groan when he stains Kanda's hand, and shudders so very hard when he feels Kanda smile against his cheek (he's allowed to feel that, though he isn't allowed to see it, and he doesn't like that, he'd rather see it and carve it deeply into his mind, but Kanda's lips against his cheek was infinitely better than, uhh, Kanda's lips not against him).
Lavi breathes a little, then turns his head to breathe the clean scent of Kanda's hair.
He breathes a little more, and while his heart is still going a thousand miles a minute it's calm (a failed Bookman-in-training who is somehow better at lying to everyone else now than he could before, understands paradox with all his exists-but-really-it-shouldn't heart).
"You're very gen'rous today, Yuu-chan." He presses a warm kiss to Kanda's crown. "Thank Yuu."
"Injured thoughtless people need special care."
A warmth in that admission, rare and so very appreciated. Lavi slips in another shudder (because Kanda's body will assume it's because this body next to his is cold and reacts, to clutch closer and keep warmer before Kanda's stupid, beautiful brain can get in the fucking way).
"Mmm. How come you're not in the ICU always then?"
The Japanese bites a cheek. "What. You want me to admit myself now?"
"I'd have t'latch on to your legs. You're leavin' when it gets light, I'd die if y'leave before y'have to."
It turns to a kiss on the end of his nose.
"Fucking dependent."
Lavi opens his mouth to say something witty and warm, Kanda has no time for it and this is how one should always jump into a deep kiss.
The redhead decides to give back, and takes control. He flicks the tip of his tongue against Kanda's canine tooth, licks the soft flesh of the cheek, provokes a response from Kanda.
He pulls back. "But Yuu's so manly, a bit of m'weight on your strong shoulders, don't be a girl and whine, Yuu."
Kanda bruises a rib. "Girl, rabbit?"
Kanda's pet hate (a hint, it's not Lavi!).
"Then let's get on with it. We don't have that much time, stupid babe, and if you're going t'be away for fuckin' ever, let's get screwed senseless, yeah?"
He thinks, a little.
"I want t'see this bed broke, Yuu."
The opposite rib gets an identical treatment, and really, must love taps be so painful? Lavi will hiss and bear it (and seek revenge when he can, he will file this away and think about it).
Kanda answers the unasked question. "For cruelty against bed frames. Especially mine."
Lavi groaned. "Fuck of a time f'you t'be witty, Yuu!"
"You can't use your arm, and now you want to break a hip?"
"'m on a break 'till the next time the sky starts spitting fire."
"That could be at any time."
"Don't depress me, yeah, or it might take me forever t'get hard again."
Kanda snorted, running his knuckles against the underside of Lavi's recovering erection. "Yes, rabbit, it would be so hard."
Has he always been this transparent? Lavi hopes not. Though with Kanda and his magical touch, it is pretty surprising that he managed to not always, always have a stupid, just-got-laid-with-the-hottest-thing-on-Earth smile on his face (luckily his persona was meant to be goofy, ah).
"I'm very forgiving."
"Really?" Kanda's nails scrape against skin, and Lavi hisses.
"F'you, I'm a stack of, ah, clouds."
"Hmm. Should have known the rabbit couldn't fuck me if my life depended on it."
Oh. So things were going that way. He can hardly complain (he can't at all).
There is something warm unwrapping in the bottom of his belly, because Kanda causes such delicious, hot feelings to blooooooooooom baby bloom (everywhere really, in his belly in his elbow in his calf in his his neck in his everything).
"How'm I supposed to pr'pare you when I can't move my hands?"
Kanda's hand, it's slick (thanks to Lavi). He brings it up to his face and gives the gloss a considering look. "Tch. Unlike you, I'm not fucking incapable."
Lavi can't move his hands and it's absolute torture because Kanda obviously is planning to do that thing he really, really likes to look at.
Though, unf, that's not to say there's anything about Kanda that he doesn't like to look at.
"Yuuuuu~" there's whine in his voice, thick as butter (since he's Lavi, look at his innocent green eye, oh, butter can't melt in his mouth). "Yuu, I want t'touch, please?"
"If you move a finger, Lavi, I'll break your arm, and that will be it."
Damn. Kanda was more upset about his injuries than he had first surmised. They were phys'cal people, and him threatening to abstain from the lovely touchy-feely grind-'nd-bump meant that, basically, Lavi should be really grateful he hasn't been stabbed (yet). Kanda is aggressively twisted; he will lash out and it would require a lot of deep thinking and careful unwinding to figure out what, exactly, has ticked him off.
"Were you worried, Yuu?" His eye follows the movement of that hand, down down down and over Kanda's side and now it's hidden by the angle of that Japanese hip. Lavi knows where the final destination is, has traced the same path too, and damned if he can't resist salivating just a little bit.
"No."
Kanda breathes in through his teeth and it's a soft hissed whistle; Lavi imagines he knows exactly what is going on, but he can't crane his neck far enough to see.
"I can't see."
"Don't care." Kanda's voice is breathy and insubstantial, but it had Kanda's essential don't-mess-with-me growl.
"I can't touch."
Those blue-black eyes were in a glare, concentrated on him, and Lavi gulps. Kanda is gravely angry, fine and serious.
"Being unable to do anything is, ghh, intolerable, isn't it?"
Oh?
"Didja want t'protect me from getting hurt?"
Kanda must have found that spot, internally, because he stopped to shudder a tiny little bit, and make a low moan.
Lavi wants to blow out his ear drums or blow off Kanda. He cannot do either, when he thinks maybe he should do both.
"You should have been able to, ah, do it without me."
"Hmm, maybe I could've, but I didn't, don't hurt me now."
"Fuck you."
"Anything, baby, just let me touch, Yuu, a little, a bit, don't keep me in pain."
"You need to learn to not be such an idiotic bastard. Getting everything you want isn't a fucking learning experie-ah..."
Another little shudder and Lavi almost bites through his lip.
"You're bein' nasty and cruel and mean." Lavi is flexing his hips like whoa, because Kanda is doing lovely things to himself but Lavi has no friction where he needs it (but he has it in his mind, thinking about Kanda and what he's done to Kanda and what Kanda does to him).
"If you're going to keep flapping your mouth, I'll finish myself off."
So he decides to put his mouth to better use, and twists his face to plant one on his Kan-chan (Kan-chan, Kan-chan, my Kan-chan).
He breaks off. "We're naked on a bed and you're going off in a few hours and why why why are we not touching each other and Yuu y'know I feel lots of shit f'you, and 'm sorry t'have gotten hurt 'nd maybe hurtin' Yuu, so, so, please, so, let's get on."
Yet Kanda sounds almost calm when he asks "What if you'd died?"
(This while he is doing things to himself. Oh, how scandalous.)
"I didn't. Thinking about it is like, pointless, Yuu. And before y'start breakin' my heart, think about this. If we don't do this now, you, what if you die?"
Which is more than likely, with Kamikaze Kanda, and it's phys'cal, Lavi's mentioned this before, what they're doing now is phys'cal and not soulful or sappy or any of that stuff, but....
But this is all they have.
Neither were soft enough to make anything kinder, but fuuuuuuck it, Lavi believes they were both awesome enough to make just the phys'cal be enough for everything.
Another little shudder from Kanda, and a hand wraps around Lavi's arm.
It was a warning, don't talk about this.
It was an invitation, there're better things to do than talk about this.
And (this is Lavi's fervent hope), there was a little bit of l-o-v-e, maybe.
"Lavi," Kanda growls under his breath, and swings a leg to straddle him.
And as if that wasn't enough, Kanda loomed over him, stretching slightly to reach Lavi's arms, and began worrying the stitches with his teeth. Lavi would have been worried that the string would snap and out would come blood and maybe a detached muscle would slap Yuu in the face and thus bring Lavi's life to an end, but then again there was none so careful as Kanda, who demands method from his madness (and is wary in his recklessness). Those teeth in that mouth were probably safer than Lavi's bleeding mess of an arm had been in the hands of the surgeon.
This, somehow, makes him feel delirious, more so even than the fact that there was contact where contact was needed so badly, and they were rubbing against each other the way a man was meant to rub against another man.
It shouldn't be erotic or arousing, to have I-Won't-Let-You-Die-on-Another-Day (Die-Now) Kanda nibbling at his wound, because Lavi couldn't even stomach the thought of licking a scab, but Kanda and his goddamn magic made everything he touched (with tongue and teeth included) seem so sublime (in a God-let's-fuck-please way).
"Why're you doin' that, Yuu?" Lavi's curiosity is shockingly more overwhelming than his libido.
Kanda moves back to reply, and Lavi misses that mouth. "The existence of a gash on that arm fucking offends me, Lavi."
Since Kanda was very, very verbal when it came to his displeasure, perhaps this boy has an oral fixation. Lavi prefers a press of lips to having his arm shouted at (though with his kinkiness level being where it is, it's not entirely impossible that that wouldn't get a rise out of him).
Instead of mulling further over how deranged his sex drive has become (and how, in a manner incomparably worse, his mind has been corrupted and his objectivity fucked) Lavi executes a sharp snap of the hips, causing an almost profound sensation of contact between their cocks. "Take care of this, yeah, Yuu?"
"God knows you can't take care of anything."
Lavi takes the slight with grace because Kanda's gnawed a little at his ear (and Lavi might've moaned but his ear had been too occupied being deep in adoration with Kanda's pearly whites to register anything) and has moved back to settle his weight on Lavi's hips, and damn responsibility and dignity and humanity and the entire world, this was the only weight he would ever be completely willing to bear.
Kanda should have spread himself, to make it easier for himself and for Lavi, but despite the frequent mischief they got up to that involved copious amounts of nudity and gratuitous sex, the Japanese has remained completely adamant that while being on the receiving end did not make him less of a man (Lavi didn't think anything could make Kanda less of a man), compliance to the demands of his body to take it easy was an insult unto his person.
Which meant that it was always rough-going, when initial penetratin' occurs, yeah.
Rough-going hurts-like-a-holy-hell-ouch type of pain, but there's this little bright spark in Lavi's brain, a point that keeps gleaming like a smug bastard that keeps him going even when he can't see out his eye for the bruising and the bleeding, that when this happens, with Kanda's body completely taut from the discomfort, is that fuckin' 'ell, remember this, Lavi is going into Kanda and in Kanda there is Lavi and around Lavi there is Kanda.
So when thought of like that, Lavi cannot help but groan and shake shake shake like a can of worms, trying to hold back something, and he's not completely sure what that something is, just that if he shouts it out Things Will Happen and eventually, one day, the time may come where it'll be perfectly fine for them Things to Happen, but now is not that time, so he carries on shaking and groaning and memorising at the speed of light the look on Kanda's face.
Kanda settles; Lavi is all in.
Ah, more of Kanda's weight on him, around him, but Lavi slams a stopper on himself because he doesn't want Kanda to hurt (much).
Lavi whistles out a breath.
Kanda's back is bowed, and the slight curve wasn't greatly obvious or anything, but Kanda's usual regulation posture was what rulers aspired to be like, and this unusual blurring of the edges (among other, more easily carnal ways) quite moves the heart that ought not exist to begin with.
"Fucking stay still, Lavi."
Trying m'best, dear, trying m'best.
Kanda breathes in, Kanda breathes out, and Lavi looks at the motion, the black tattoo coming closer, moving off, coming closer, moving off, inhalation and exhalation is a gentle swaying of the chest, and Lavi wants to grab onto that dark mark and rip it out because that fucking thing was competition for Kanda's bloody life, somehow, and Lavi will pretty happily rip it in half, bite out its throat (just because he has a heart doesn't mean he can't be heartless).
"Stop staring at me like that."
Kanda could sound menacing in any position, so Lavi thrusts his hips a little because Kanda was not allowed to have so much control when Lavi has almost none.
There is a little sudden growl, and when that sound first makes its way out Lavi swears to himself it's a purr (Kanda deludes himself into thinking it's not).
"Can't help m'self." He really can't.
They observe a moment of silence.
Lavi twitches upwards, because Kanda is there.
Kanda's breath hitches; might be pain, might be pleasure, but it sounds like a song to Lavi's ears. "Move, Yuu, move, please." So much heat is around him, and damned if it didn't feel excrutiating(ly good). Sex without any emotional attachment was possible, of course, Lavi has been thriving on it until he fell into bed with Kanda, but doing it with a burning sense of care makes it so. Much. Better, that once you fall into it you cannot come out of it.
(Don't ask what it is, it isn't their place to think about it).
Kanda is completely curved over Lavi's body now; Lavi thinks his spine must hurt, but the feel of Kanda pressing his forehead to Lavi's chest, the bite of Kanda's nails on his shoulders, for that, he'd give the Japanese the best damned back massage in the entire world after this (which could, hopefully, be used as an excuse to repeat all of this). "Shut it, rabbit," bit out Kanda, and the tension in his voice reminds Lavi that initially it hurts pretty cripplingly. That tension, that tension needs to be drowned in pleasure because Kanda needs to be shown just how hopelessly appreciative Lavi is of all this.
Lavi forces himself to observe yet another moment of silence.
"You okay?"
Incoherent growl.
Lavi is concerned. He whines in worry.
Which was when Yuu, Yuu had another moment of mercy which made Lavi suspect that the world may, in fact, end today.
Kanda's hands detached from Lavi's shoulders and move down, and Kanda starts rubbing slow, calming circles into his sides. Yeah, he's still growling incoherently, but Lavi thinks this might be Kanda attempting to be comforting, and damned if he didn't feel better. In response of course, Lavi shudders quite badly because Kanda is not a comforting man and that made this special.
"Hurry, Yuu, please."
Kanda starts to move, agonisingly slowly. His hands are still unbelievably careful on Lavi's sides; Kanda's weight is on his wrists, the fingers still making small circles, as he propels himself slightly up, slightly down, slightly up, slightly down. Shallow thrusts, at first, and Lavi's breathing is just as shallow, panting like a dog-gone dog.
There is so much calm in Kanda, when there is never a calm Kanda, so maybe Lavi's usual cheerfully immoveable nature is soaking through his pores, out of him and into Kanda because of such darling proximity. It seemed Kanda's need for speed has Lavi drunk, at least, because there is nothing he wants to do as much as move faster and harder.
So close to a shouting explosion (and that wound, it has to be oozing slightly, because blood was pounding so furiously around and about his body), but Lavi thinks about manly, stoic things because if not he'll come first and Kanda isn't enjoying himself enough to get to that same, breathless place of white, white ah-ness.
"Feels good, hmmm." Oh no, Lavi is very close to breaking in pleasure, and Kanda is sliding (sliding at least, not forcing himself up and down in discomfort and pain, a soft little yay! in Lavi's mind) heat, sliding warmth, sliding Kanda (which is the nicest part of this all), yes, sometimes Lavi more than a little suspects he can fall into completion head-first eye shut just thinking about Kanda.
For fuck's sake, he's gotten an erection thinking about the one time he'd seen Kanda's ankle while the Japanese was practising (shirtless, of course) with his sword, and a suicidal move to apparently fly and murder other people at the same time had his pants flare and flutter just the slightest bit.
Oh what an ankle.
With thoughts of bony joints, Lavi is somehow closer to coming than he was while concentrating solely on the feel of Kanda. His mind, his mind has been blown, and it has been blown for a while now.
Let's make this a mutualistic relationship, Lavi believes to himself. Let's make this mutualistic, and let me make you want to scream with all your heart because it's eating at me, the thought of an imbalance when you're within an arm's reach (Lavi feels this whole-heartedly, Lavi feels this).
So finally, finally Lavi pulls his hands off the headboard, one going to rub circles into Kanda's shoulder, the other (the injured one, that's meant to stand for something, in sickness and in health) wrapped around Kanda's erection.
Kanda's insides, they tighten and force such a lovely, lovely sound out of that foul mouth.
Lavi shakes and shudders and performs a little bedroom jig in hoo-hoo delight. Yes, this is around about the response he was going for, gorgeous sound and indications of enjoyment from the man he is hopelessly in(to).
"Your, hands." Kanda isn't exhaling silent as a ninja anymore, baby half-growls decorating the escape of air, and his eyes are half-lidded so Lavi only gives half his attention. The rest he puts into tugging and pulling the bit of Kanda (whose corresponding bit of Lavi is in Kanda, o happy day!) with a big fat grin like the cat who got the cream.
Kanda abruptly halts all movement, and Lavi is swung a little into despair. His mouth hangs open in a silent scream of discontent, truly, as he sends a look of pure shock at his partner. "Yuu-" he doesn't really know how to continue, but if nothing else came out calling out Kanda's name wasn't a waste (Lavi is fully aware that doing this with this man made him immensely stupid and utterly insensible).
A smirk on those thin lips, and Lavi wants to kiss them and inhale them and puff them up and lick them down. "Listen, Lavi. Your arm's out of commission, move it the fuck away."
Kanda's voice remains sturdy and stoic and unbreaking and unflinching, smooth and deep, and this could well have been an excerpt from a relatively civil conversation with the disagreeable Japanese, but for the undertone (or grumble) of a continuous growl. A needing purr, again, Lavi wants to think it is.
Though perhaps the rumble, it was closer to that of a natural disaster, a precursor to an imminent explosion that will cost ever so many lives.
"Babe," Lavi calls out breathlessly (he means the endearment with all his heart, because Kanda has become near 'nd dear, more near now than dear, maybe, but oh, babe, burn in the depths of my affection for you). "I'm on holiday; they can worry 'bout my injuries for the next few weeks, yeah? What sort of a man would I be if I don't do at least this for you?"
There was a smart flicking of wrist from side to side, Lavi's grip changing direction and slowly dying off to become the lightest of brushes of fingers at the tip of Kanda's cock. Scientific experimentation (doing this, doing that, doing everything and committing to memory what makes Kanda most mellow, for a given value of mellow, afterwards) has proven that this move always made Kanda groan in dissatisfaction (it promised more for later fulfilment than it actually gave when done; Lavi, you tease, you).
Kanda is not big on loud noises, so whether in pain or in passion his sounds weren't attention-grabbing, but Lavi would like to think that there is a richness to the inflections in Kanda's groaning that worked better to get Lavi arching his back in responsive appreciation than a scream would (with the added bonus of being kinder on his ear drums). Which is why his plan of teasing Kanda into admitting his love of Lavi's touch died a swift death, because it had worked too well, and Kanda had responded too well and now all Lavi wants to do is pick his boy (that Kanda man!) up by the waist and stumble and rush for the finish line (they've been dancing the waltz, smooth and controlled by Yuu, but Lavi's declaring a race and has hoisted up his skirts. Let's both blow our minds, yes?).
"Lavi."
It never stops being horrendously beautiful, to hear Kanda say his name, and to hear Kanda say his name when his voice is scratchy and growly and sexy as all fuck and his hair is unbound and flying and sexy as all fuck and his face showing pleasure and the odd twinge of pain and looking...
sexy as all fuck.
Kanda's hands move from Lavi's side to curl in his hair, the Japanese man's upper body supported by his forearms pressed into the pillow on either side of Lavi's head, framing Lavi's grinning face (which, the redhead would cheerfully admit, was nowhere near the sexiness level of Kanda, who often looked like he was surprised his body could feel things not pain so well). Their faces were close now, almost static in comparison to what went on further down their bodies.
Lavi is lending a hand to help Kanda's front, and Kanda has started moving again, faster now because Lavi has called it a race and Kanda isn't one to lose (so much for his attempt to make sure the fucking idiot did not hurt himself with overzealous sex).
The redhead is making light sounds (ah, Yuu, Yuu, babe, oh, oh yes, mmm), Kanda is making low sounds (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, and sometimes Lavi, Lavi, Lavi)(which has Lavi making even sillier light sounds). They were sharing breath; what Kanda breathes out Lavi breathes in, which might have contributed to his giddy light-headedness, but seriously.
Sharing breath? Didn't that make their lungs indirectly kissing, or something?
The thought strikes Lavi as romantic.
The hand on Kanda's shoulder migrates (or slips, seeing the sweat they have generated) to the small of the man's back, and rests most comfortably in that little homely indentation of bits of bone, urging Kanda to be the best you can be, dear one, you certainly are good enough to do us both justice.
Kanda moves (and breaks eye contact, damn) to bury his face in the bit of pillow available between Lavi's head and shoulder, curving his back even more and causing his vertebra to press against his skin, bumps obvious and somehow glorious in their unusual appearance.
The angle at which they are doing this, it changes a little.
Lavi is hitting something good more often now, he can feel Kanda reacting, can hear Kanda slurring Lavi's name like a curse, so Lavi's grin just grew that tiny bit bigger and he works that tiny bit harder on Kanda's erection.
Lavi bites at Kanda's neck, Kanda bites at Lavi's shoulder, and this unsophisticated marking, it's stupid and unnecessary and the red welts say that it's cruel, but as they do this (to forget everything else that is terrifying and despairing) being branded is a beloved cruelty (a badge of honour?).
A testament to a bond between the living; the teeth marks are fresh, right now.
Kanda grips harder with his insides, Lavi grips harder on Kanda's outside.
They chomp down instinctively; everything hurts so good right now.
Lavi's skin breaks first, and the sudden taste of blood somehow, somehow throws Kanda clear off the edge.
A stifled scream into the curve of a shoulder, and Lavi wished he could have heard it better.
It's a clampdown, completely and utterly so, internally. Kanda's insides, they grip Lavi's cock with a vengeance, and he falls under the attack (happily goes down under enemy fire, this is a cause worth dying for, the opposition is worth submitting to) and he's goinggoing gone, making a strangled sound that's a moan and Kanda's name moving past his lips in a confused, dazed jumble.
He draws a happy breath, after.
Kanda is already moving off, and Lavi notices the scrunched up look of mild discomfort. "Hey," he slurs, tongue as happily spent as the rest of him. "You okay?" He probably wasn't; they weren't gentle, either of them in either position, and there was always soreness and sometimes blood (though that beat the record of going out to fight fight fight, all blood no rest no warmth. Give Lavi lower back pain any day, he will embrace them with an honest smile).
"Fine." Which is Kanda's standard answer. As if that glorious, gorgeous Exorcising man could be anything less than offensively fine.
As if.
Lavi flops his hand onto the bed, patting the space next to him invitingly. "C'mere, I'll give you a back rub. Got me magical hands, yeah?"
Kanda sees straight through him (as those blue eyes are wont to do). "You just want to do it again, you pervert."
Got it in one.
But there's more than one part to the request. At the bottom of it all, Lavi just wants to make Kanda feel better, ease away the sharp sting and discomfort that was unavoidable, swift healing or not. "Lemme speed up the healing process, yeah? You're going t'have t'go 'nd fight monsters in a bit, 'nd we both need Yuu to be in tip-top shape. Because Yuu in tip-top shape can kind'f kick butt, and we need you to kick quite a lot of butts to save the world and shit."
A pregnant pause. "Mostly I need you t'kick butt so that no one kicks yours. Because if anything happens t'you, Yuu... the existence of an injury on you that I didn't make yeah, it would fucking offend me."
It takes a moment for Kanda to realise he has just been quoted. He's a little bit baffled, but mostly annoyed. The mellowing of the soul that usually accompanies exhilarating completion fades as swiftly as a blue bruise, and while his muscle memory is reminding him that he should feel sated, boneless and warm, his mind is angry as ever. "It wouldn't last long enough for you to see, idiot. And any injury that follows me back to the Order is going to matter a fucking lot more than your opinion."
"You say that, but I'm promisin', yeah, that if y'come back unconscious I'm going t'sit at your bedside 'nd talk your ear fucking off. When y'wake up with a bitch of a headache, we're going t'break that hospital bed." The smile is full of lascivious promise, too wide on Lavi's face yet perfectly welcoming because Kanda knows it is meant. It makes Kanda feel warm and vaguely scratchy, like a wool blanket spread open in under his skin. Kanda runs his nails down his tattoo idly.
"I don't need your concern."
If the mountain (of aggravation) refuses to move for a red-headed apostle of God, said red-headed apostle of God will move to the mountain (of aggravation).
Lavi rolls over to get closer to Kanda, hissing when his stitches catch a little on the sheets. A burning pain that gives depth to his short journey, like the blisters on his feet after a long day walking to get to somewhere to do something to help someone, only in this case Lavi's sacrifice is more self-serving than anything else. He just wants a little proximity (a lie, a lie, he wants never-ending close contact to this one man).
"Idiot." The voice is hard, but Kanda's touch is soft as he checks Lavi's arm.
"Mmm. Whatever the hell else, babe, y'can count on me bein' worried all of the fucking time. 'm a messed-up maybe Bookman, Yuu, 'nd a big chunk of that mess 's your fault. Y'don't need to need it, but you sure as fuck are going t'get it."
"That is irritatingly unnecessary," Kanda grumbles.
Lavi shrugs and thinks about pink elephants to avoid thinking about Kanda's touch because that might tip that silly Japanese man-boy that Lavi is really liking the feel of those fingers (which will make Kanda stop because he's a contrary person). "Not really. Asking me not t'give a fuck is what's unnecessary."
"Idiot."
"A kiss, a kiss, m'kingdom for a kiss!"
A miraculous night, there must be a thousand shooting stars plummeting right outside the window, the fucking Earl must've been struck with a terrible case of indigestion and heartburn, because Kanda the nearly-heartless shifts onto his side, pushes himself up on an elbow, and obliges.
Black hair shrouds Lavi's vision, and Kanda's lips shroud pretty much everything else.
It was chaste. They were both naked, within touching distance, and this was just a touch, a lick for taste.
Just contact.
Just enough.
Kanda pulls back, and Lavi sighs happily. "Thanks, Yuu."
"Tch."
Lavi raises a hand to Kanda's face, and tugged him closer by his bangs. "Sleep now, yeah? You're going off tomorrow, sleep-deprivation's not a good thing t'have on a mission."
They weren't spooning, they weren't cuddling, but they were facing each other and Lavi buries himself in the crook of Kanda's shoulder, which is one of his favourite places in the entire world (the Taj Mahal and Kanda's lap, to name but a few of the others).
Lavi's eyes close in comfort. He hums softly, because mild non-affection (Kanda insists) sometimes feels better than orgasmic bliss, somehow. "It'll hurt if y'don't come back. I'd have t'rip out the heart y'forced me int'having, Yuu, and I like having one, mmm, thanks ver' much."
Kanda bites Lavi's shoulder, a reminding nip. "Rabbit, try to keep it in your fucking head. I don't do cruelty against dumb animals."
"Lovely. Stay in my moronic company for as long as you can, yeah?"
Kanda ignores him, but that's okay, the things that needed saying and the things that needed doing have been said and done, there's a warm hand wrapped around Lavi's left arm, shielding the wound from the rest of the Universe, and it'll sting and hurt and be awful to have Kanda gone after only one day, but...
If Kanda can't be cruel to him, then Lavi will get his boy back.
*
A/N: Uh, yeah. I have no idea what to say. Sometimes I really like this fic, sometimes I think it drags on unto forever. Beta-ed by Tossino <3 Summary is fail because I fail at summaries :D I hope it wasn't bad, at least. May eventually be cross-posted.
Pairing: Lavi/Kanda
Rating: M
Summary: dgm_kinkmeme request fill, prompt: cruelty. Physical wounds don't hurt as much as the ones you carve into your heart, but they can't be fixed with a kiss.
Warnings: There's sex, of course. Probably not what you'd expect from the prompt.
Note: Written in present tense, which is new. And while it sounds dark, it's... not really. It's pretty long too.
They haven't seen each other in months; that was a cruelty.
Lavi has only just returned and can't feel anything in his left arm, not even when he runs his nails along the long row of stitches; that was a cruelty.
Kanda is battered and exhausted, and three days isn't a recovery period.
It was a cruelty.
So he would be leaving Lavi and Lavi's stitches and Lavi's numbness to make his way to Portugal tomorrow, because a soft whisper in the wind told Komui there might be something there that needed to be checked out.
One night, this one night for the first time in months, the last time for months (Portugal is too far, too far, Kanda in the garden and Lavi in the cafeteria would be too far, too far).
On a night like this, flesh being obscured by clothing was torture, Lavi being unable to feel Kanda sweeping his fingers up and down his injured arm was wounding, and maybe they should be talking about the injury, about Kanda's tiredness, about them, about how this may be the last time for months or for ever.
Talk about how unfair fate has been, and hey, Lavi's soul is fatigued too, Yuu.
But it's just one night, and Kanda is Kanda, so Lavi keeps his silence and shakes a little when Kanda helps him out of his shirt (he's one eye short, he's one arm short, he's a cripple but Kanda cannot let go of him for such a thing, no he cannot).
Kanda shoves him onto the bed, but holds the wrist of Lavi's left arm so that it is elevated and doesn't settle onto the mattress with a whump.
That is settled almost delicately, with the care Kanda exerts when setting Mugen down. Lavi is flattered, and his head is pounding with blood (and there the nurses were, being worried he'd lost too much of the red stuff!), and his right hand moves to tug Kanda down onto him.
Kanda lands heavily but manages to avoid the injured arm, sprawling instead across Lavi's chest, and Lavi? He's thinking being made warm like this now would make suffering the cold worse later, but it was worth it.
Lavi fists his hand in Kanda's hair, snapping the tie and curling his fingers in the strands, thinking that if to die was to disappear into the black of Kanda's hair then perhaps it was time to say farewell, cruel world. Kanda nips at the thin skin of Lavi's arm, then hisses a little when the hand in his hair clenches more tightly. "The hell, Lavi. I'll scalp you."
Lavi didn't mean to be hurtful, so he pulls Kanda's head down and licks the corner of his lips, nibbling with care. "Sorry. I missed this."
"Then you should have not fucked up when you fought and came here faster."
"I fucked up because all I was thinking was that I had to come here faster."
Kanda quietens, then drags a finger down a path from Lavi's collarbone to his navel, the tip colder than Lavi's skin and making him twitch. "Makes you an idiot." Kanda's palm moves down the same path next, and stops at the waistband of Lavi's pants, pushing down in soft pressure.
"Couldn't help myself, you were too far. And even when we're at the Order together it's never for very long. And it's hard t'love you but it's fucking disturbing how easy it was t'miss you. Don't be crass, Yuu, don't be cruel," Lavi cooed.
They kiss again, and Kanda is being a little bit savage with his tongue and his teeth and his lips, but Lavi wants to be a little bit savaged and his hand in Yuu's hair, that hand, it feels like it's home.
Kanda must have a heart though, because the hand at Lavi's belt works to unbuckle it, and Kanda's other hand is tapping lightly over the shapes of the bone in Lavi's face, scratching a little at his chin, scraping over the string that held the eyepatch, rubbing against a cheekbone he dearly wanted to nibble. Kanda will be strong and resist, because kissing Lavi when he has not kissed Lavi in so long takes precedence (though the admittance is not something anything could drag out of him. Kanda can withstand torture; he puts himself through it often enough).
He cups Lavi's cheek and Lavi is warm inside.
Lavi's belt is removed, and he is warm outside. Kanda pulls back to breathe, and smirks when Lavi moves to chase after him.
"I'm here. I'm touching you. This looks like I'm being fucking saintly."
But Kanda won't be tomorrow, and Lavi will nurse his own arm and his own heart and he will miss Kanda (even though he isn't supposed to). That was not what a saint would do (Kanda should have behaved in a way that made Lavi not grow addicted to him).
When it hurts to say goodbye, Lavi will blame Kanda for blowing his mind (Lavi almost wants to cry, and he would, but maybe over the years he has lost his tear ducts as he has lost his heart).
(Maybe Kanda will rediscover them for him too).
Kanda's hand brushes against the part of Lavi that needs him second-most. Lavi hisses and arches then groans, because everywhere on his body there was some sort of hurt. Now Kanda frowns, and begins licking his way down Lavi's neck, pressing closed lips painfully against purple bruises, before moving back a little and exhaling on it, a breathy hot compress (Lavi feels better).
Lavi retaliates, though he doesn't think the warmth of his breath will heal Kanda's pain as well as Kanda's exhalation does his injuries. But Lavi intends to try; a debt must be repaid, and the debt he owes Kanda is perhaps as big as the debt Kanda owes him (for making him break his Bookman-ic vows, for finding a heart and shoving it down Lavi's throat to the little hollow place behind his ribs, for so many things). Lavi will be reckless, and Lavi will be evil and unfair to the Bookman, and he will keep running this tab on and on and on, because Kanda is responsible and while Lavi doesn't seem like it (no he does not Bookman would be inclined to say) Lavi is responsible too.
A debt will be repaid.
What Lavi will do, as he licks the curve that joins Kanda's dependable neck to Kanda's dependable shoulder, is keep accumulating debt, for as long as he can.
He will bite Kanda's collarbone (and delight in the soft growl), and will expect a day to come when Kanda returns the bite. He will bite him raw if it means that Kanda's calloused hand will continue clutching at his right arm, blunt nails digging in. He moves on and presses such a sweet, sweet kiss to the small hollow between the jutting collarbones, that he can feel Kanda's heart beat more swiftly in the skin against his lips.
Kanda draws back. Lavi smiles at him crookedly, and pecks the wrist that holds his shoulder to the bed. "You're a god, Yuu, for doing the things you do to me."
The hand that had went still on his cock moved again, and Lavi might have sworn in Urdu, because he had meant it in jest but maybe Kanda Yuu was the god in his godless little world.
Most undoubtably at this moment, everything was centred on that one being.
Most indubitably, Kanda can be cruel, and Kanda can be merciful.
And most unchangingly, he is the one, the one in whom Lavi will invest everything he is and everything he wants to be, the one he will believe exists (persists insists) no matter what he is told.
Because Kanda cannot die without Lavi disappearing. Because when Kanda goes, the grip Lavi has on his humanity is dissolved, and he will fly off into nothingness.
Isn't that what happened to the godless? (Then Kanda really is god, because that is what will happen. Don't be cruel, don't be crass, Yuu. You gave me my heart, you can take it away just as easily).
Kanda snaps out a "Don't be an idiot," but his heart isn't in it (Lavi would like to think that is because Kanda's heart is in his hands, but it is a foolish hope).
(Good thing he was a fool).
"Yuu, come near f'r a bit, I really need t'kiss that stupid, stupid mouth of yours."
And Kanda comes as called, not even bothering to feign displeasure at having a stupid mouth. It's almost sweet, except Kanda won't label it that because he doesn't like sweet things but he liked this.
His grip gets just a little harder, and Lavi yelps in surprise.
"I rule your very existence, Lavi?"
He really, really wants the numbness to leave his left arm, because that was a sort of sensory deprivation and with Kanda scheduled to be gone for a long, long time, Lavi wants to feel the hot skin of Kanda's back. "Hmm?" He couldn't think straight. Kanda had no delicacy in his strokes, but that was fine because Lavi had no delicacy in his existence either. "You can be, if y'want. It's not fun having t'be the one responsible for me."
"If my word is for you to stop being such a fucking idiot?"
"Can't, sorry, no can do. Design fault by that other Creator, the one with the beard, the one I don't currently want t'do it with."
Kanda bites the skin that was pulled taught over Lavi's cheekbone. "Good thing you didn't blame the fucked-up mess that is you on me."
"Mmm." Lavi is trying to manoeuvre his lips under Yuu's, because he wants to taste Kanda again so badly his tongue can't think to speak properly. Give the boy a carrot, he has some sense of self-preservation.
The sublime takes pity on the human, and Kanda moves his attention to Lavi's lips, and Lavi thanks God for it. No playing about, this is all they have, so there is no gentility in how Kanda's tongue roams Lavi's mouth. It's harsh, mostly, quick neat licks here and there and damn, damn, damn come back here again (Lavi thinks).
He's making whines, and Kanda's voice is like a vibration in the air, so deep, so engrossing (Lavi is lost).
Lavi's pushed past his limit for resisting, because Kanda's hand at his cock is languid and slow and he's making it ache more than his arm, so fuck the pain that stops him from touching Kanda. It's a demand from his will, and the tips of his fingers on his left hand, they were tingling with longing.
So with an almighty heave he swings, his left arm landing across Kanda's back.
He hisses into the kiss because his arm falls on the stitches, and now Kanda growls.
He moves away and Lavi growls at him. "Get. Back."
"That arm is not supposed to be moved, Lavi. You are moving it."
"Then get. Back."
Kanda will have none of this rebellion in his little kingdom (everything between the four corners of this bed is his).
He frowns and Lavi goes weak-kneed.
Kanda plucks the injured arm off gently and places it at a post. "Hold that."
"No."
Lavi wants to touch, damn it.
"Hold, it." Kanda growled.
"Non, non, cher." The redhead goes a little bit French in the hope being frenched. "Y'have a nice bed, 's my favourite place in th'god damn world, but I'd much rather have my hand on Yuu." Name puns; this shit never gets old.
He doesn't mean it, but Kanda will threaten so very scarily that Lavi will back down (so that he won't have to) (Kanda has a sneaky streak along with that lusty gleam in his eye). "If you don't do what I tell you to, I will stop."
He squeezes with his other hand, and it's serious business, this. Lavi suspects it may be a bluff, but he does not see the need to be brave when being scared will save his skin, so he refuses to call Kanda out.
"But Yuu...." Doesn't mean he can't sing out a whine to stop this cruelty against animals (just a solitary rabbit, really).
"If your arm goes out of commission for a while, then you cannot do this," the tip of his erection is flicked and Lavi shakes, "for me. I'm not a generous man, Lavi."
Ah. Lavi is seeing the light. If Kanda will not be generous, Lavi cannot afford to be stingy.
Though really, only the threat of the loss of contact makes Lavi acquiesce; were this a one-off thing, Lavi wouldn't have listened, because he couldn't, because Kanda's skin, that seductive little thing, it calls for him.
Trying to make Kanda look on him even more favourably, Lavi decides to kink this out and and put his working arm away too. "Do 's you like then, Yuu. Only 'cos I worship Yuu just a little, yeah?"
Oh, yes. Kanda is looking pleased at him, and ooh la la, Lavi wants to coo over and over again.
Well. His hands are unavailable. He coos over and over again.
Kanda smirks like being always almighty is his reason for living.
Then he shows that all humans must have at least a tiny bit of mercy (at least all the awesome ones), as Kanda moves his hand faster and tighter and all 'round better, and if Lavi keeps clenching the wooden post like this it might hurt him more than getting grabby with our Kan-chan.
"Get off first," that heavy voice whispers in his ear, and Lavi can't see because he couldn't see anymore (his eye had closed in response to what Kanda does to him), and there was a whole body shiver. Kanda didn't talk much, except to shout and curse and swear and be angry, and that voice saying delicious things therefore had more weight to its swing than, say, Lenalee asking him in that pretty, innocent voice of hers if he would like to see what was under her skirt (which would hit him in the face like Oodzuchi Kodzuchi at full size).
So, basically, ah, yes, Lenalee and the top of her thighs, lovely, intriguing, yes.
But, hands down (lower down, harder baby, dear one, oh yes) he would give up on anything, anyone else, so long as Kanda will whisper in his ear and keep stroking and keep sounding like he's getting as much ahhhh from making Lavi sound like that as Lavi gets from Ka-n-daaaaaa.
"Ngh," he grunts, when really he means baby.
Kanda licks about his ear, and Lavi vaguely hopes it isn't waxy.
The grip down there gets lovelier, somehow, toe-curling and ooh.
"Lavi, the faster you get off, the faster we get on."
Oh, God, what a terrifyingly cruel prospect, the thought of there being any time between right now and proper sex.
Heh. Not that there was anything 'proper' about the way they went on about it.
And the thought of the eventual being in or, y'know, the other way 'round (he's giddily delighted with either, really) is the straw that broke the camel's back (the little choking sound that smashed, stomped on and made fun of Lavi's restraint).
Lavi makes a happy groan when he stains Kanda's hand, and shudders so very hard when he feels Kanda smile against his cheek (he's allowed to feel that, though he isn't allowed to see it, and he doesn't like that, he'd rather see it and carve it deeply into his mind, but Kanda's lips against his cheek was infinitely better than, uhh, Kanda's lips not against him).
Lavi breathes a little, then turns his head to breathe the clean scent of Kanda's hair.
He breathes a little more, and while his heart is still going a thousand miles a minute it's calm (a failed Bookman-in-training who is somehow better at lying to everyone else now than he could before, understands paradox with all his exists-but-really-it-shouldn't heart).
"You're very gen'rous today, Yuu-chan." He presses a warm kiss to Kanda's crown. "Thank Yuu."
"Injured thoughtless people need special care."
A warmth in that admission, rare and so very appreciated. Lavi slips in another shudder (because Kanda's body will assume it's because this body next to his is cold and reacts, to clutch closer and keep warmer before Kanda's stupid, beautiful brain can get in the fucking way).
"Mmm. How come you're not in the ICU always then?"
The Japanese bites a cheek. "What. You want me to admit myself now?"
"I'd have t'latch on to your legs. You're leavin' when it gets light, I'd die if y'leave before y'have to."
It turns to a kiss on the end of his nose.
"Fucking dependent."
Lavi opens his mouth to say something witty and warm, Kanda has no time for it and this is how one should always jump into a deep kiss.
The redhead decides to give back, and takes control. He flicks the tip of his tongue against Kanda's canine tooth, licks the soft flesh of the cheek, provokes a response from Kanda.
He pulls back. "But Yuu's so manly, a bit of m'weight on your strong shoulders, don't be a girl and whine, Yuu."
Kanda bruises a rib. "Girl, rabbit?"
Kanda's pet hate (a hint, it's not Lavi!).
"Then let's get on with it. We don't have that much time, stupid babe, and if you're going t'be away for fuckin' ever, let's get screwed senseless, yeah?"
He thinks, a little.
"I want t'see this bed broke, Yuu."
The opposite rib gets an identical treatment, and really, must love taps be so painful? Lavi will hiss and bear it (and seek revenge when he can, he will file this away and think about it).
Kanda answers the unasked question. "For cruelty against bed frames. Especially mine."
Lavi groaned. "Fuck of a time f'you t'be witty, Yuu!"
"You can't use your arm, and now you want to break a hip?"
"'m on a break 'till the next time the sky starts spitting fire."
"That could be at any time."
"Don't depress me, yeah, or it might take me forever t'get hard again."
Kanda snorted, running his knuckles against the underside of Lavi's recovering erection. "Yes, rabbit, it would be so hard."
Has he always been this transparent? Lavi hopes not. Though with Kanda and his magical touch, it is pretty surprising that he managed to not always, always have a stupid, just-got-laid-with-the-hottest-thing-on-Earth smile on his face (luckily his persona was meant to be goofy, ah).
"I'm very forgiving."
"Really?" Kanda's nails scrape against skin, and Lavi hisses.
"F'you, I'm a stack of, ah, clouds."
"Hmm. Should have known the rabbit couldn't fuck me if my life depended on it."
Oh. So things were going that way. He can hardly complain (he can't at all).
There is something warm unwrapping in the bottom of his belly, because Kanda causes such delicious, hot feelings to blooooooooooom baby bloom (everywhere really, in his belly in his elbow in his calf in his his neck in his everything).
"How'm I supposed to pr'pare you when I can't move my hands?"
Kanda's hand, it's slick (thanks to Lavi). He brings it up to his face and gives the gloss a considering look. "Tch. Unlike you, I'm not fucking incapable."
Lavi can't move his hands and it's absolute torture because Kanda obviously is planning to do that thing he really, really likes to look at.
Though, unf, that's not to say there's anything about Kanda that he doesn't like to look at.
"Yuuuuu~" there's whine in his voice, thick as butter (since he's Lavi, look at his innocent green eye, oh, butter can't melt in his mouth). "Yuu, I want t'touch, please?"
"If you move a finger, Lavi, I'll break your arm, and that will be it."
Damn. Kanda was more upset about his injuries than he had first surmised. They were phys'cal people, and him threatening to abstain from the lovely touchy-feely grind-'nd-bump meant that, basically, Lavi should be really grateful he hasn't been stabbed (yet). Kanda is aggressively twisted; he will lash out and it would require a lot of deep thinking and careful unwinding to figure out what, exactly, has ticked him off.
"Were you worried, Yuu?" His eye follows the movement of that hand, down down down and over Kanda's side and now it's hidden by the angle of that Japanese hip. Lavi knows where the final destination is, has traced the same path too, and damned if he can't resist salivating just a little bit.
"No."
Kanda breathes in through his teeth and it's a soft hissed whistle; Lavi imagines he knows exactly what is going on, but he can't crane his neck far enough to see.
"I can't see."
"Don't care." Kanda's voice is breathy and insubstantial, but it had Kanda's essential don't-mess-with-me growl.
"I can't touch."
Those blue-black eyes were in a glare, concentrated on him, and Lavi gulps. Kanda is gravely angry, fine and serious.
"Being unable to do anything is, ghh, intolerable, isn't it?"
Oh?
"Didja want t'protect me from getting hurt?"
Kanda must have found that spot, internally, because he stopped to shudder a tiny little bit, and make a low moan.
Lavi wants to blow out his ear drums or blow off Kanda. He cannot do either, when he thinks maybe he should do both.
"You should have been able to, ah, do it without me."
"Hmm, maybe I could've, but I didn't, don't hurt me now."
"Fuck you."
"Anything, baby, just let me touch, Yuu, a little, a bit, don't keep me in pain."
"You need to learn to not be such an idiotic bastard. Getting everything you want isn't a fucking learning experie-ah..."
Another little shudder and Lavi almost bites through his lip.
"You're bein' nasty and cruel and mean." Lavi is flexing his hips like whoa, because Kanda is doing lovely things to himself but Lavi has no friction where he needs it (but he has it in his mind, thinking about Kanda and what he's done to Kanda and what Kanda does to him).
"If you're going to keep flapping your mouth, I'll finish myself off."
So he decides to put his mouth to better use, and twists his face to plant one on his Kan-chan (Kan-chan, Kan-chan, my Kan-chan).
He breaks off. "We're naked on a bed and you're going off in a few hours and why why why are we not touching each other and Yuu y'know I feel lots of shit f'you, and 'm sorry t'have gotten hurt 'nd maybe hurtin' Yuu, so, so, please, so, let's get on."
Yet Kanda sounds almost calm when he asks "What if you'd died?"
(This while he is doing things to himself. Oh, how scandalous.)
"I didn't. Thinking about it is like, pointless, Yuu. And before y'start breakin' my heart, think about this. If we don't do this now, you, what if you die?"
Which is more than likely, with Kamikaze Kanda, and it's phys'cal, Lavi's mentioned this before, what they're doing now is phys'cal and not soulful or sappy or any of that stuff, but....
But this is all they have.
Neither were soft enough to make anything kinder, but fuuuuuuck it, Lavi believes they were both awesome enough to make just the phys'cal be enough for everything.
Another little shudder from Kanda, and a hand wraps around Lavi's arm.
It was a warning, don't talk about this.
It was an invitation, there're better things to do than talk about this.
And (this is Lavi's fervent hope), there was a little bit of l-o-v-e, maybe.
"Lavi," Kanda growls under his breath, and swings a leg to straddle him.
And as if that wasn't enough, Kanda loomed over him, stretching slightly to reach Lavi's arms, and began worrying the stitches with his teeth. Lavi would have been worried that the string would snap and out would come blood and maybe a detached muscle would slap Yuu in the face and thus bring Lavi's life to an end, but then again there was none so careful as Kanda, who demands method from his madness (and is wary in his recklessness). Those teeth in that mouth were probably safer than Lavi's bleeding mess of an arm had been in the hands of the surgeon.
This, somehow, makes him feel delirious, more so even than the fact that there was contact where contact was needed so badly, and they were rubbing against each other the way a man was meant to rub against another man.
It shouldn't be erotic or arousing, to have I-Won't-Let-You-Die-on-Another-Day (Die-Now) Kanda nibbling at his wound, because Lavi couldn't even stomach the thought of licking a scab, but Kanda and his goddamn magic made everything he touched (with tongue and teeth included) seem so sublime (in a God-let's-fuck-please way).
"Why're you doin' that, Yuu?" Lavi's curiosity is shockingly more overwhelming than his libido.
Kanda moves back to reply, and Lavi misses that mouth. "The existence of a gash on that arm fucking offends me, Lavi."
Since Kanda was very, very verbal when it came to his displeasure, perhaps this boy has an oral fixation. Lavi prefers a press of lips to having his arm shouted at (though with his kinkiness level being where it is, it's not entirely impossible that that wouldn't get a rise out of him).
Instead of mulling further over how deranged his sex drive has become (and how, in a manner incomparably worse, his mind has been corrupted and his objectivity fucked) Lavi executes a sharp snap of the hips, causing an almost profound sensation of contact between their cocks. "Take care of this, yeah, Yuu?"
"God knows you can't take care of anything."
Lavi takes the slight with grace because Kanda's gnawed a little at his ear (and Lavi might've moaned but his ear had been too occupied being deep in adoration with Kanda's pearly whites to register anything) and has moved back to settle his weight on Lavi's hips, and damn responsibility and dignity and humanity and the entire world, this was the only weight he would ever be completely willing to bear.
Kanda should have spread himself, to make it easier for himself and for Lavi, but despite the frequent mischief they got up to that involved copious amounts of nudity and gratuitous sex, the Japanese has remained completely adamant that while being on the receiving end did not make him less of a man (Lavi didn't think anything could make Kanda less of a man), compliance to the demands of his body to take it easy was an insult unto his person.
Which meant that it was always rough-going, when initial penetratin' occurs, yeah.
Rough-going hurts-like-a-holy-hell-ouch type of pain, but there's this little bright spark in Lavi's brain, a point that keeps gleaming like a smug bastard that keeps him going even when he can't see out his eye for the bruising and the bleeding, that when this happens, with Kanda's body completely taut from the discomfort, is that fuckin' 'ell, remember this, Lavi is going into Kanda and in Kanda there is Lavi and around Lavi there is Kanda.
So when thought of like that, Lavi cannot help but groan and shake shake shake like a can of worms, trying to hold back something, and he's not completely sure what that something is, just that if he shouts it out Things Will Happen and eventually, one day, the time may come where it'll be perfectly fine for them Things to Happen, but now is not that time, so he carries on shaking and groaning and memorising at the speed of light the look on Kanda's face.
Kanda settles; Lavi is all in.
Ah, more of Kanda's weight on him, around him, but Lavi slams a stopper on himself because he doesn't want Kanda to hurt (much).
Lavi whistles out a breath.
Kanda's back is bowed, and the slight curve wasn't greatly obvious or anything, but Kanda's usual regulation posture was what rulers aspired to be like, and this unusual blurring of the edges (among other, more easily carnal ways) quite moves the heart that ought not exist to begin with.
"Fucking stay still, Lavi."
Trying m'best, dear, trying m'best.
Kanda breathes in, Kanda breathes out, and Lavi looks at the motion, the black tattoo coming closer, moving off, coming closer, moving off, inhalation and exhalation is a gentle swaying of the chest, and Lavi wants to grab onto that dark mark and rip it out because that fucking thing was competition for Kanda's bloody life, somehow, and Lavi will pretty happily rip it in half, bite out its throat (just because he has a heart doesn't mean he can't be heartless).
"Stop staring at me like that."
Kanda could sound menacing in any position, so Lavi thrusts his hips a little because Kanda was not allowed to have so much control when Lavi has almost none.
There is a little sudden growl, and when that sound first makes its way out Lavi swears to himself it's a purr (Kanda deludes himself into thinking it's not).
"Can't help m'self." He really can't.
They observe a moment of silence.
Lavi twitches upwards, because Kanda is there.
Kanda's breath hitches; might be pain, might be pleasure, but it sounds like a song to Lavi's ears. "Move, Yuu, move, please." So much heat is around him, and damned if it didn't feel excrutiating(ly good). Sex without any emotional attachment was possible, of course, Lavi has been thriving on it until he fell into bed with Kanda, but doing it with a burning sense of care makes it so. Much. Better, that once you fall into it you cannot come out of it.
(Don't ask what it is, it isn't their place to think about it).
Kanda is completely curved over Lavi's body now; Lavi thinks his spine must hurt, but the feel of Kanda pressing his forehead to Lavi's chest, the bite of Kanda's nails on his shoulders, for that, he'd give the Japanese the best damned back massage in the entire world after this (which could, hopefully, be used as an excuse to repeat all of this). "Shut it, rabbit," bit out Kanda, and the tension in his voice reminds Lavi that initially it hurts pretty cripplingly. That tension, that tension needs to be drowned in pleasure because Kanda needs to be shown just how hopelessly appreciative Lavi is of all this.
Lavi forces himself to observe yet another moment of silence.
"You okay?"
Incoherent growl.
Lavi is concerned. He whines in worry.
Which was when Yuu, Yuu had another moment of mercy which made Lavi suspect that the world may, in fact, end today.
Kanda's hands detached from Lavi's shoulders and move down, and Kanda starts rubbing slow, calming circles into his sides. Yeah, he's still growling incoherently, but Lavi thinks this might be Kanda attempting to be comforting, and damned if he didn't feel better. In response of course, Lavi shudders quite badly because Kanda is not a comforting man and that made this special.
"Hurry, Yuu, please."
Kanda starts to move, agonisingly slowly. His hands are still unbelievably careful on Lavi's sides; Kanda's weight is on his wrists, the fingers still making small circles, as he propels himself slightly up, slightly down, slightly up, slightly down. Shallow thrusts, at first, and Lavi's breathing is just as shallow, panting like a dog-gone dog.
There is so much calm in Kanda, when there is never a calm Kanda, so maybe Lavi's usual cheerfully immoveable nature is soaking through his pores, out of him and into Kanda because of such darling proximity. It seemed Kanda's need for speed has Lavi drunk, at least, because there is nothing he wants to do as much as move faster and harder.
So close to a shouting explosion (and that wound, it has to be oozing slightly, because blood was pounding so furiously around and about his body), but Lavi thinks about manly, stoic things because if not he'll come first and Kanda isn't enjoying himself enough to get to that same, breathless place of white, white ah-ness.
"Feels good, hmmm." Oh no, Lavi is very close to breaking in pleasure, and Kanda is sliding (sliding at least, not forcing himself up and down in discomfort and pain, a soft little yay! in Lavi's mind) heat, sliding warmth, sliding Kanda (which is the nicest part of this all), yes, sometimes Lavi more than a little suspects he can fall into completion head-first eye shut just thinking about Kanda.
For fuck's sake, he's gotten an erection thinking about the one time he'd seen Kanda's ankle while the Japanese was practising (shirtless, of course) with his sword, and a suicidal move to apparently fly and murder other people at the same time had his pants flare and flutter just the slightest bit.
Oh what an ankle.
With thoughts of bony joints, Lavi is somehow closer to coming than he was while concentrating solely on the feel of Kanda. His mind, his mind has been blown, and it has been blown for a while now.
Let's make this a mutualistic relationship, Lavi believes to himself. Let's make this mutualistic, and let me make you want to scream with all your heart because it's eating at me, the thought of an imbalance when you're within an arm's reach (Lavi feels this whole-heartedly, Lavi feels this).
So finally, finally Lavi pulls his hands off the headboard, one going to rub circles into Kanda's shoulder, the other (the injured one, that's meant to stand for something, in sickness and in health) wrapped around Kanda's erection.
Kanda's insides, they tighten and force such a lovely, lovely sound out of that foul mouth.
Lavi shakes and shudders and performs a little bedroom jig in hoo-hoo delight. Yes, this is around about the response he was going for, gorgeous sound and indications of enjoyment from the man he is hopelessly in(to).
"Your, hands." Kanda isn't exhaling silent as a ninja anymore, baby half-growls decorating the escape of air, and his eyes are half-lidded so Lavi only gives half his attention. The rest he puts into tugging and pulling the bit of Kanda (whose corresponding bit of Lavi is in Kanda, o happy day!) with a big fat grin like the cat who got the cream.
Kanda abruptly halts all movement, and Lavi is swung a little into despair. His mouth hangs open in a silent scream of discontent, truly, as he sends a look of pure shock at his partner. "Yuu-" he doesn't really know how to continue, but if nothing else came out calling out Kanda's name wasn't a waste (Lavi is fully aware that doing this with this man made him immensely stupid and utterly insensible).
A smirk on those thin lips, and Lavi wants to kiss them and inhale them and puff them up and lick them down. "Listen, Lavi. Your arm's out of commission, move it the fuck away."
Kanda's voice remains sturdy and stoic and unbreaking and unflinching, smooth and deep, and this could well have been an excerpt from a relatively civil conversation with the disagreeable Japanese, but for the undertone (or grumble) of a continuous growl. A needing purr, again, Lavi wants to think it is.
Though perhaps the rumble, it was closer to that of a natural disaster, a precursor to an imminent explosion that will cost ever so many lives.
"Babe," Lavi calls out breathlessly (he means the endearment with all his heart, because Kanda has become near 'nd dear, more near now than dear, maybe, but oh, babe, burn in the depths of my affection for you). "I'm on holiday; they can worry 'bout my injuries for the next few weeks, yeah? What sort of a man would I be if I don't do at least this for you?"
There was a smart flicking of wrist from side to side, Lavi's grip changing direction and slowly dying off to become the lightest of brushes of fingers at the tip of Kanda's cock. Scientific experimentation (doing this, doing that, doing everything and committing to memory what makes Kanda most mellow, for a given value of mellow, afterwards) has proven that this move always made Kanda groan in dissatisfaction (it promised more for later fulfilment than it actually gave when done; Lavi, you tease, you).
Kanda is not big on loud noises, so whether in pain or in passion his sounds weren't attention-grabbing, but Lavi would like to think that there is a richness to the inflections in Kanda's groaning that worked better to get Lavi arching his back in responsive appreciation than a scream would (with the added bonus of being kinder on his ear drums). Which is why his plan of teasing Kanda into admitting his love of Lavi's touch died a swift death, because it had worked too well, and Kanda had responded too well and now all Lavi wants to do is pick his boy (that Kanda man!) up by the waist and stumble and rush for the finish line (they've been dancing the waltz, smooth and controlled by Yuu, but Lavi's declaring a race and has hoisted up his skirts. Let's both blow our minds, yes?).
"Lavi."
It never stops being horrendously beautiful, to hear Kanda say his name, and to hear Kanda say his name when his voice is scratchy and growly and sexy as all fuck and his hair is unbound and flying and sexy as all fuck and his face showing pleasure and the odd twinge of pain and looking...
sexy as all fuck.
Kanda's hands move from Lavi's side to curl in his hair, the Japanese man's upper body supported by his forearms pressed into the pillow on either side of Lavi's head, framing Lavi's grinning face (which, the redhead would cheerfully admit, was nowhere near the sexiness level of Kanda, who often looked like he was surprised his body could feel things not pain so well). Their faces were close now, almost static in comparison to what went on further down their bodies.
Lavi is lending a hand to help Kanda's front, and Kanda has started moving again, faster now because Lavi has called it a race and Kanda isn't one to lose (so much for his attempt to make sure the fucking idiot did not hurt himself with overzealous sex).
The redhead is making light sounds (ah, Yuu, Yuu, babe, oh, oh yes, mmm), Kanda is making low sounds (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, and sometimes Lavi, Lavi, Lavi)(which has Lavi making even sillier light sounds). They were sharing breath; what Kanda breathes out Lavi breathes in, which might have contributed to his giddy light-headedness, but seriously.
Sharing breath? Didn't that make their lungs indirectly kissing, or something?
The thought strikes Lavi as romantic.
The hand on Kanda's shoulder migrates (or slips, seeing the sweat they have generated) to the small of the man's back, and rests most comfortably in that little homely indentation of bits of bone, urging Kanda to be the best you can be, dear one, you certainly are good enough to do us both justice.
Kanda moves (and breaks eye contact, damn) to bury his face in the bit of pillow available between Lavi's head and shoulder, curving his back even more and causing his vertebra to press against his skin, bumps obvious and somehow glorious in their unusual appearance.
The angle at which they are doing this, it changes a little.
Lavi is hitting something good more often now, he can feel Kanda reacting, can hear Kanda slurring Lavi's name like a curse, so Lavi's grin just grew that tiny bit bigger and he works that tiny bit harder on Kanda's erection.
Lavi bites at Kanda's neck, Kanda bites at Lavi's shoulder, and this unsophisticated marking, it's stupid and unnecessary and the red welts say that it's cruel, but as they do this (to forget everything else that is terrifying and despairing) being branded is a beloved cruelty (a badge of honour?).
A testament to a bond between the living; the teeth marks are fresh, right now.
Kanda grips harder with his insides, Lavi grips harder on Kanda's outside.
They chomp down instinctively; everything hurts so good right now.
Lavi's skin breaks first, and the sudden taste of blood somehow, somehow throws Kanda clear off the edge.
A stifled scream into the curve of a shoulder, and Lavi wished he could have heard it better.
It's a clampdown, completely and utterly so, internally. Kanda's insides, they grip Lavi's cock with a vengeance, and he falls under the attack (happily goes down under enemy fire, this is a cause worth dying for, the opposition is worth submitting to) and he's goinggoing gone, making a strangled sound that's a moan and Kanda's name moving past his lips in a confused, dazed jumble.
He draws a happy breath, after.
Kanda is already moving off, and Lavi notices the scrunched up look of mild discomfort. "Hey," he slurs, tongue as happily spent as the rest of him. "You okay?" He probably wasn't; they weren't gentle, either of them in either position, and there was always soreness and sometimes blood (though that beat the record of going out to fight fight fight, all blood no rest no warmth. Give Lavi lower back pain any day, he will embrace them with an honest smile).
"Fine." Which is Kanda's standard answer. As if that glorious, gorgeous Exorcising man could be anything less than offensively fine.
As if.
Lavi flops his hand onto the bed, patting the space next to him invitingly. "C'mere, I'll give you a back rub. Got me magical hands, yeah?"
Kanda sees straight through him (as those blue eyes are wont to do). "You just want to do it again, you pervert."
Got it in one.
But there's more than one part to the request. At the bottom of it all, Lavi just wants to make Kanda feel better, ease away the sharp sting and discomfort that was unavoidable, swift healing or not. "Lemme speed up the healing process, yeah? You're going t'have t'go 'nd fight monsters in a bit, 'nd we both need Yuu to be in tip-top shape. Because Yuu in tip-top shape can kind'f kick butt, and we need you to kick quite a lot of butts to save the world and shit."
A pregnant pause. "Mostly I need you t'kick butt so that no one kicks yours. Because if anything happens t'you, Yuu... the existence of an injury on you that I didn't make yeah, it would fucking offend me."
It takes a moment for Kanda to realise he has just been quoted. He's a little bit baffled, but mostly annoyed. The mellowing of the soul that usually accompanies exhilarating completion fades as swiftly as a blue bruise, and while his muscle memory is reminding him that he should feel sated, boneless and warm, his mind is angry as ever. "It wouldn't last long enough for you to see, idiot. And any injury that follows me back to the Order is going to matter a fucking lot more than your opinion."
"You say that, but I'm promisin', yeah, that if y'come back unconscious I'm going t'sit at your bedside 'nd talk your ear fucking off. When y'wake up with a bitch of a headache, we're going t'break that hospital bed." The smile is full of lascivious promise, too wide on Lavi's face yet perfectly welcoming because Kanda knows it is meant. It makes Kanda feel warm and vaguely scratchy, like a wool blanket spread open in under his skin. Kanda runs his nails down his tattoo idly.
"I don't need your concern."
If the mountain (of aggravation) refuses to move for a red-headed apostle of God, said red-headed apostle of God will move to the mountain (of aggravation).
Lavi rolls over to get closer to Kanda, hissing when his stitches catch a little on the sheets. A burning pain that gives depth to his short journey, like the blisters on his feet after a long day walking to get to somewhere to do something to help someone, only in this case Lavi's sacrifice is more self-serving than anything else. He just wants a little proximity (a lie, a lie, he wants never-ending close contact to this one man).
"Idiot." The voice is hard, but Kanda's touch is soft as he checks Lavi's arm.
"Mmm. Whatever the hell else, babe, y'can count on me bein' worried all of the fucking time. 'm a messed-up maybe Bookman, Yuu, 'nd a big chunk of that mess 's your fault. Y'don't need to need it, but you sure as fuck are going t'get it."
"That is irritatingly unnecessary," Kanda grumbles.
Lavi shrugs and thinks about pink elephants to avoid thinking about Kanda's touch because that might tip that silly Japanese man-boy that Lavi is really liking the feel of those fingers (which will make Kanda stop because he's a contrary person). "Not really. Asking me not t'give a fuck is what's unnecessary."
"Idiot."
"A kiss, a kiss, m'kingdom for a kiss!"
A miraculous night, there must be a thousand shooting stars plummeting right outside the window, the fucking Earl must've been struck with a terrible case of indigestion and heartburn, because Kanda the nearly-heartless shifts onto his side, pushes himself up on an elbow, and obliges.
Black hair shrouds Lavi's vision, and Kanda's lips shroud pretty much everything else.
It was chaste. They were both naked, within touching distance, and this was just a touch, a lick for taste.
Just contact.
Just enough.
Kanda pulls back, and Lavi sighs happily. "Thanks, Yuu."
"Tch."
Lavi raises a hand to Kanda's face, and tugged him closer by his bangs. "Sleep now, yeah? You're going off tomorrow, sleep-deprivation's not a good thing t'have on a mission."
They weren't spooning, they weren't cuddling, but they were facing each other and Lavi buries himself in the crook of Kanda's shoulder, which is one of his favourite places in the entire world (the Taj Mahal and Kanda's lap, to name but a few of the others).
Lavi's eyes close in comfort. He hums softly, because mild non-affection (Kanda insists) sometimes feels better than orgasmic bliss, somehow. "It'll hurt if y'don't come back. I'd have t'rip out the heart y'forced me int'having, Yuu, and I like having one, mmm, thanks ver' much."
Kanda bites Lavi's shoulder, a reminding nip. "Rabbit, try to keep it in your fucking head. I don't do cruelty against dumb animals."
"Lovely. Stay in my moronic company for as long as you can, yeah?"
Kanda ignores him, but that's okay, the things that needed saying and the things that needed doing have been said and done, there's a warm hand wrapped around Lavi's left arm, shielding the wound from the rest of the Universe, and it'll sting and hurt and be awful to have Kanda gone after only one day, but...
If Kanda can't be cruel to him, then Lavi will get his boy back.
*
A/N: Uh, yeah. I have no idea what to say. Sometimes I really like this fic, sometimes I think it drags on unto forever. Beta-ed by Tossino <3 Summary is fail because I fail at summaries :D I hope it wasn't bad, at least. May eventually be cross-posted.