WC Fic: Neal and LOLCat Henri vs. the Snowpocalypse
Title: Neal and LOLCat Henri vs. the Snowpocalypse
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Neal, LOLCat Henri
Spoilers: None
Content Notice: Crack
Word Count: 600
Summary: Henri’s just not a fan of bad weather, OK?
A/N: For all my friends affected by the Blizzard of the Century of the Week.
----
RING-RING
“Mmmph.”
RING-RING
“’m up.”
RING-RING
“Where is the freaking… hello?”
“Nealz.”
“Henri? What time is it? 3:47. Did you steal Elizabeth’s cell?”
“De weendz is blowingk.”
“It’s just snow, Henri, you’re safe over there.”
“De snowz iz cold. Iz bad 4 kittehs.”
“You haven’t seen much snow in your life, huh? Last winter was pretty mild.”
“How can tineh ices get bigger den kittehs?”
“Listen, buddy, I know the snow drifts can get pretty high, but please don’t let that cause another existential crisis. We were fine after the hurricane, remember?”
“U were dere. I wuz dere. Home iz best 4 kittehs. Togetherz.”
“Oh, I get it - we were at home during Sandy. I’m sorry the weather stranded Peter and me down here in DC, but you’re with Elizabeth, and Simone. And Satchmo.”
“De puppeh bounces in de snowz. Iz unseemleh.”
“Ah ha-ha-ha. He’s having fun. How’s Simone like it?”
“She thinkz iz funz 2. Elizabeth make tiny snow cupcakez she drizzle with tuna juice.”
“Tuna snowcones? Why didn’t I think of that? Were they good?”
“Not as good as ice cream.”
“No doubt. Listen, you don’t have anything to be afraid of, honestly. Just stay inside by the fire and enjoy your snow day.”
“What iz snow day?”
“It’s a human tradition of allowing the weather to force you to do nothing, like an unexpected vacation.”
“I cat. Every day iz vacashons.”
“Well, that’s true. Still, you should make the most of it. I’m sure El’s stocked up for the storm - I’ll bet there’s delicious whipped cream in your future if you play your cards right. And if you can stand it, try going out onto the deck - you might even find you like the snow.”
“Mebbe.”
“Or - hey! I can borrow one of Bugsy’s little sweaters and you and I can go to the park when I get back. Make little snowcat angels.”
“U iz not serious.”
“It would be so cute - the red one with the hoodie?”
“…”
“Fine. Listen, as soon as the roads are clear, Peter and I’ll come home, but it might not be until Sunday, so be nice to Elizabeth, OK?”
“I always good and polite kitteh.”
“You forget I know you, Henri. Don’t be all grumpy because of the storm. Sometimes your insecurities get in the way of your enjoyment of things.”
“Now U iz analyzing me.”
“It’s not difficult. Will you promise to keep an open mind about the snow? Some of my best memories as a kid were making snow forts and having snowball fights with my friends. If you just let yourself, you’ll have fun. Don’t be such a grumblepuss.”
“Once U label me, U negates me, Nealz.”
“Now you bust out the Kierkegaard? I suppose it was just a matter of time...”
“I seek self, Nealz.”
“Don’t let me stand in the way of your personal existential journey. Just, you know, lighten up. Try to have fun every once in a while.”
“U findz self in snow forts?”
“Don’t be a smartass. Now get to bed, it’s late.”
“U make me snow kitty when U home?”
“If you like.”
“Good night, Nealz.”
“Good night, Henri.”
----
Thank you for your time.
Next story: Henri's in the Cradle
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Neal, LOLCat Henri
Spoilers: None
Content Notice: Crack
Word Count: 600
Summary: Henri’s just not a fan of bad weather, OK?
A/N: For all my friends affected by the Blizzard of the Century of the Week.
----
RING-RING
“Mmmph.”
RING-RING
“’m up.”
RING-RING
“Where is the freaking… hello?”
“Nealz.”
“Henri? What time is it? 3:47. Did you steal Elizabeth’s cell?”
“De weendz is blowingk.”
“It’s just snow, Henri, you’re safe over there.”
“De snowz iz cold. Iz bad 4 kittehs.”
“You haven’t seen much snow in your life, huh? Last winter was pretty mild.”
“How can tineh ices get bigger den kittehs?”
“Listen, buddy, I know the snow drifts can get pretty high, but please don’t let that cause another existential crisis. We were fine after the hurricane, remember?”
“U were dere. I wuz dere. Home iz best 4 kittehs. Togetherz.”
“Oh, I get it - we were at home during Sandy. I’m sorry the weather stranded Peter and me down here in DC, but you’re with Elizabeth, and Simone. And Satchmo.”
“De puppeh bounces in de snowz. Iz unseemleh.”
“Ah ha-ha-ha. He’s having fun. How’s Simone like it?”
“She thinkz iz funz 2. Elizabeth make tiny snow cupcakez she drizzle with tuna juice.”
“Tuna snowcones? Why didn’t I think of that? Were they good?”
“Not as good as ice cream.”
“No doubt. Listen, you don’t have anything to be afraid of, honestly. Just stay inside by the fire and enjoy your snow day.”
“What iz snow day?”
“It’s a human tradition of allowing the weather to force you to do nothing, like an unexpected vacation.”
“I cat. Every day iz vacashons.”
“Well, that’s true. Still, you should make the most of it. I’m sure El’s stocked up for the storm - I’ll bet there’s delicious whipped cream in your future if you play your cards right. And if you can stand it, try going out onto the deck - you might even find you like the snow.”
“Mebbe.”
“Or - hey! I can borrow one of Bugsy’s little sweaters and you and I can go to the park when I get back. Make little snowcat angels.”
“U iz not serious.”
“It would be so cute - the red one with the hoodie?”
“…”
“Fine. Listen, as soon as the roads are clear, Peter and I’ll come home, but it might not be until Sunday, so be nice to Elizabeth, OK?”
“I always good and polite kitteh.”
“You forget I know you, Henri. Don’t be all grumpy because of the storm. Sometimes your insecurities get in the way of your enjoyment of things.”
“Now U iz analyzing me.”
“It’s not difficult. Will you promise to keep an open mind about the snow? Some of my best memories as a kid were making snow forts and having snowball fights with my friends. If you just let yourself, you’ll have fun. Don’t be such a grumblepuss.”
“Once U label me, U negates me, Nealz.”
“Now you bust out the Kierkegaard? I suppose it was just a matter of time...”
“I seek self, Nealz.”
“Don’t let me stand in the way of your personal existential journey. Just, you know, lighten up. Try to have fun every once in a while.”
“U findz self in snow forts?”
“Don’t be a smartass. Now get to bed, it’s late.”
“U make me snow kitty when U home?”
“If you like.”
“Good night, Nealz.”
“Good night, Henri.”
----
Thank you for your time.
Next story: Henri's in the Cradle