she reminded me....
right from the get-go we talked.. and talked and talked. i was dressed in nice clothes with a fresh haircut for the grad party, and had just finished a "nip" of bacardi. enough noty to get my drunk, but to make me pleasant, buzzed, "charming" Dan. tall, thin, some freckles, and once again, red hair...i don't know what it is with me and red-heads, a dancer, something very physically evident. sweet and friendly from the very begining. i'm almost positive she heard me exclaim "she's beautiful!" to quira, at least once from the other room. just standard conversation at 1st. "where are you from, what do you do" blah blah blah, somehow it came up that she studied abroad in mexico for a couple of months. it was all over from there. we shared a ride to the club and spent the entire time there talking. she explained to me her love for mexico and general spanish culture. this lead to talk of my trip to spain and both of our trips to italy. i offered to buy her a drink but she, instead of hanging out by the bar by ourselves all night, wanted to dance with me. now can you imagine? ME dancing? i kid you not it was VERY close to happening. i took her by the hand, walked her to the dancefloor, and somewhere in the process caught a glance at the time. OH NO! I had to catch the midnight train to winchester. upon saying goodbye the obviousl idea took over my mind "do it. kiss her" i stopped myself and settled for a hug. i'd been drinking...the 1st kis NEEDS to be sober. i think i did the right thing by doing that. what WASN'T the right thing, however was failing to ask for her number, which, for some reason i didn't think of until about halfway to north station. upon catching up with "the gang" that i had neglected since we'd gotten to the club, and telling them i had to leave, chris expressed his dissapointment as the girl and i "seemed to really be hitting it off" "i know" i said "believe me, nobody's more dissapointed about this than me, i'm ready to say forget the train and just WALK home later on". we have mutual friends, but without her number, there's no guarentee i'll see her again. but the moral of this little story is that last friday night was not only the best night i've had in quite sometime, but a wonderful reminder of how even after all of this time and doubt (i've been single for what? 2 years?) that even a weirdo like me can connect with someone.
see, for so long my problem was self depreciation. "what girl would want me" but now, it seems, it's almost the opposite. i'm smart, nice, alright looking and decently succesful. i have a good amount of confidence in myself, so all i need is a girl i actually LIKE. picky isn't the word. i'm a perfectionist. i'm the guy spending thousands of dollars "RE-restoring" my car because i don't think the previous owner did a good enough job. people were shocked when i bought it and my reply to "nice car" was "it's not nice...it SUCKS wait till i'm done with it, next summer, you'll see a REAL nice car". with almost every girl i meet, i instantly notice flaws. i think it's a habit i picked up back when i hated myself, like, so i could just say to myself "pff, i know she'd never go out with me, but i don't want her anyway" the question comes up once in awhile that "if i have so many female friends, how come i don't date any of them" well, i could probably give u a detailed list of things for each and every one of them. doesn't make them bad people. i love my friends and wouldn't trade them for anything...just wouldn't date them. let me give you an example using girls i met in italy. the "regulars" at the club we went to that ended up being our drinking buddies for the week. the ( ) indicate the initial thoughts going through my head upon meeting them
hi i'm girl#1 (look what you're wearing, you don't carewhat you leave with, long as it fits inside you huh"
girl#2 (just the way you say hello lets people know how stuck up you are. have fun being the coolest girl in the place...all by yourself
girl#3 (what are you 12? how the hell'd you get in here?)
girl#4 (i smell cigarette smoke "hey how do u like my perfume, it's called "i havent got a prayer")
girl#5 (BLONDE.....keep walkin.)
girl#6 (look how drunk you are. i'll let someone else have the pleasure of carrying you home)
girl#7 (oh a nursing major huh? hey, what do you call a nurse without a drug/alcohol problem, and/or a boatload of issues....A DOCTOR!)
hehe. this is fun. anyway, see what i mean? Instantly...INSTANTLY! i can't turn thius thing off. but friday night reminded me that there ARE girls out there, very few and far between, sure, that will not only pass Dan's oh-so-hard initial test, but also be able to make a connection with me capable of me using that oh so rare, dirty 4-letter word
LIKE
....amazing!
see, for so long my problem was self depreciation. "what girl would want me" but now, it seems, it's almost the opposite. i'm smart, nice, alright looking and decently succesful. i have a good amount of confidence in myself, so all i need is a girl i actually LIKE. picky isn't the word. i'm a perfectionist. i'm the guy spending thousands of dollars "RE-restoring" my car because i don't think the previous owner did a good enough job. people were shocked when i bought it and my reply to "nice car" was "it's not nice...it SUCKS wait till i'm done with it, next summer, you'll see a REAL nice car". with almost every girl i meet, i instantly notice flaws. i think it's a habit i picked up back when i hated myself, like, so i could just say to myself "pff, i know she'd never go out with me, but i don't want her anyway" the question comes up once in awhile that "if i have so many female friends, how come i don't date any of them" well, i could probably give u a detailed list of things for each and every one of them. doesn't make them bad people. i love my friends and wouldn't trade them for anything...just wouldn't date them. let me give you an example using girls i met in italy. the "regulars" at the club we went to that ended up being our drinking buddies for the week. the ( ) indicate the initial thoughts going through my head upon meeting them
hi i'm girl#1 (look what you're wearing, you don't carewhat you leave with, long as it fits inside you huh"
girl#2 (just the way you say hello lets people know how stuck up you are. have fun being the coolest girl in the place...all by yourself
girl#3 (what are you 12? how the hell'd you get in here?)
girl#4 (i smell cigarette smoke "hey how do u like my perfume, it's called "i havent got a prayer")
girl#5 (BLONDE.....keep walkin.)
girl#6 (look how drunk you are. i'll let someone else have the pleasure of carrying you home)
girl#7 (oh a nursing major huh? hey, what do you call a nurse without a drug/alcohol problem, and/or a boatload of issues....A DOCTOR!)
hehe. this is fun. anyway, see what i mean? Instantly...INSTANTLY! i can't turn thius thing off. but friday night reminded me that there ARE girls out there, very few and far between, sure, that will not only pass Dan's oh-so-hard initial test, but also be able to make a connection with me capable of me using that oh so rare, dirty 4-letter word
LIKE
....amazing!