(no subject)
So, I have this job interview tomorrow, but I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm gonna be homeless again in eight more days [and probably all alone and broken in five], so what's the point? Bunny Boy is going to be gone because there aren't a lot of ovens on the streets, and the ones that are most likely won't have any kind of independent power source anyway. EVERYTHING that makes me happy, that keeps me sane and makes me want to keep on going are gonna be gone in the space of a couple of days.
I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of continually working to better myself and just have a meager life. I'm tired of no matter what I do or what I try, I have to start all over again from the beginning every three to six months. It doesn't matter if I work harder than I've ever worked before in my life or if I simply sit on my ass and do nothing at all. I get the same results. I'm tired of coming in last place. I'm tired of allowing myself to be lulled into the false sense of "maybe things WILL work out. Maybe it's ok to be happy this time." I deserve better than this. I don't want to give up. I'm trying really hard not to. But I don't know how much more fucking fight I have left in me.
I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of continually working to better myself and just have a meager life. I'm tired of no matter what I do or what I try, I have to start all over again from the beginning every three to six months. It doesn't matter if I work harder than I've ever worked before in my life or if I simply sit on my ass and do nothing at all. I get the same results. I'm tired of coming in last place. I'm tired of allowing myself to be lulled into the false sense of "maybe things WILL work out. Maybe it's ok to be happy this time." I deserve better than this. I don't want to give up. I'm trying really hard not to. But I don't know how much more fucking fight I have left in me.