Say Anything
Title: Say Anything
Fandom: All Time Low
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
Rating: NC-17. (Rather rate this too high than too low and this is dealing with some adult themes. No sex, though.)
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Wouldn't be writing if I did :P
Summary: Alex is having a bad day and while usually he would make some new scars, Jack won't let him.
Warnings: Self-harm. Not actually doing it, but Alex thinks about it a whole lot. Dubious consent and D/s since Jack takes charge but Alex never explicitly consents to it.
A/N: This has been sitting in my GDocs account for a while now and I thought it time to finally post it up xD I honestly hope that this is at least somewhat good. Comments are appreciated :) Title comes from the Marianas Trench song 'Say Anything'.
--------------------------------
His hand’s itching for a knife.
No, that’s not the entire truth. His skin is itching for something to slice through it, something that would cut through the fog in his head, that would make him feel in control again, and he doesn’t know where else to get that. How could he? There is no better way to cope that he knows of.
His arm is bright red from all the times he scratched it, sometimes that helps, giving him just enough relief to get a grip on things again and look for a drink.
But of course, not this time.
Alex is just starting to rummage through his bag - he knows he packed his knife just in case, where is it? - when Jack waltzes into the room, cheerful as ever.
‘C’mon, Lex, we’ve got an interview in an hour and Matt says he’ll kick your ass if you don’t get downstairs within the next ten minutes.’
Jack actually looks at Alex then and his face falls.
‘Alex? Is something wrong?’
‘Of course not, you fucker, just you being so cheery in the morning.’ Alex’s attempts at banter fail ever before they leave his mouth. Dammit.
‘Okay then.’ Jack isn’t convinced, Alex knows that, but apparently he’s going to let it slide anyway and Alex sighs in relief.
‘You get in the bathroom and do your business, I’ll pick out some clothes for you to wear. Don’t want Matt to kick your ass.’ Jack is already on his way to Alex’s suitcase, while Alex does as Jack told him. Maybe there are sharp things in the bathroom, or actually, there’s bound to be some, Alex knows for a fact that his razor is there and he’s used his razor before...
‘And I don’t want you doing anything but fix your hair, brush your teeth and maybe take a piss, got that?’ Jack yells from the room, timing so perfect it’s almost eerie. Alex feels busted, and maybe a little bit guilty too.
His hand twitches in the direction of his razor, wanting so badly but he forces it towards the toothbrush instead and tries to focus on brushing his teeth instead of ignoring Jack and using the razor anyway. Shame, he could use a shave. (A really close one, actually, but he stops that train of thought right there)
He finishes brushing his teeth, does his hair and then Jack throws open the door.
‘You done yet?’
‘Fucking hell, Jack, I could’ve been naked for all you know!’
Jack smirks.
‘And what a sight it would’ve been. Now hurry up, I don’t want you to get your ass kicked.’
Alex quickly puts on the clothes Jack laid out for him - an old Blink-182 shirt, skinnies and his favourite shoes. He tries to shove a beanie on his head but Jack just as quickly pulls it off and throws it on the bed.
‘No beanie. Now shoot!’
Somehow Alex manages to roll his eyes while putting on his shoes (Jack doesn’t see it, luckily) and he follows Jack out of the room.
Today’s gonna be a long day, he thinks.
------------------------------------------
When they’re in the back of the van (God knows why they have a van if it’s just the two of them and the driver but there you go) Jack takes Alex’s hand and squeezes it to get his attention.
‘So listen, Alex, I thought I’d give you some rules to follow today.’
Alex’s eyes widen but he doesn’t protest, doesn’t say Jack’s a complete freak for wanting to give Alex rules, can’t even think about saying no.
‘First of all,’ Jack continues, ‘I want you to stay close to me, within touching distance. Okay?’
Alex nods, this isn’t anything different than usual. Why would Jack even make it a rule?
‘Second, if you have to go somewhere else, you have to ask me permission.’
That might be a little odd but Alex is still down with it so he nods again.
‘Third, any other orders given throughout the day will be followed to the letter. Got that?’
Alex nods one final time. Jack pecks him on the cheek and leans his head against Alex’s.
‘Good.’
And it’s not like the orders are so hard to follow, or like they are anything different than usual. He’s always close to Jack and when he’s not he always takes care to let Jack know he’s going somewhere. It’s just, when it’s the rules is something else entirely. Alex thinks he might like it and if Jack does, well, he’ll roll with it.
So he curls up next to Jack, maybe purrs a little when Jack puts an arm around him, and finally feels himself relax a little. He dozes a little (he hasn’t had a proper night sleep in he doesn’t even know how long), so it feels like no time before they reach their destination. Jack shakes him fully awake and pulls him out of the car and into the building.
Jack spots a coffee vending machine and tugs on Alex’s hand.
‘Here,’ he gives him a couple of dollars, ‘can you get us some coffee? Don’t spill.’
Alex takes the money and looks at it, unsure of what to do. Jack did just ask him to do something, but maybe it’s just a trick, maybe Jack just wants to have something to tease him with for all of eternity and oh God Alex would not be able to deal with that. He doesn’t want Jack to think he’s stupid and gullible and always does what everyone says.
Jack looks around - Alex glances too, they’re alone - and grabs Alex’s hair, pulling it hard. Alex can’t help but move with it, exposing his throat, and to his own surprise his knees buckle and the only thing keeping him upright is Jack’s hand in his hair.
‘Didn’t I tell you to get us some coffee?’ Jack asks conversationally, like he does this every single day. ‘Do it.’
He releases Alex then and Alex has to resist the urge to clutch Jack’s arm like a lifeline. Instead, he walks to the coffee machine to do as Jack told him.
It’s nice to have Jack order him around, he decides. Somehow it helps him stay calm, makes the fog in his head more bearable.
As Jack specified, Alex tries his best to not spill anything as he walks the short distance back to Jack.
‘Thanks, Lex,’ Jack says, ruffling Alex’ hair with the hand that’s not holding hot coffee. Alex has to bite his lip to keep himself from making a pleased sound.
‘Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat?’ A lady - probably the producer or something - puts her head around the corner and beckons them. ‘The interview starts in five, we need to get you all settled in.’
They get up, still holding hands. The woman leads them to a separate room with three chairs, one of which is already occupied, and a lot of equipment. Jack stumbles over a cable lying around and Alex stifles a giggle.
When they’re in their chairs the interviewer introduces herself.
‘Hi, I’m Maureen,’ she says, holding out her hand. Alex shakes it and Jack briefly lets go of Alex’s hand to do the same.
Alex tries to make Jack let his hand go but fails miserably, and finally he gives up and asks Jack softly if he can please let go. Jack just smiles and says no, think up an excuse, you’re the one who’s good with words after all. He finishes his coffee and puts the empty cup next to his chair.
‘Interview starts in five, four, three, two...’
‘Hello, this is Maureen Dawson and I’m here with All Time Low’s Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat.’
Alex is already finding his attention wavering and lets Jack do most of the talking. At least, until he feels a pull on his hand and realizes he was asked a question.
‘Sorry, can you repeat that? I was dozing off a little,’ Alex apologizes, smiling sheepishly.
‘I asked, why are you and Jack holding hands? You got something to tell us?’ Maureen asks with a wink.
‘No, no,’ Alex hastens to reassure her, ‘there’s nothing going on between us. It’s just because of, eh, a bet. Yeah, that’s it, it’s just a stupid bet. The loser has to buy the other one alcohol for a night. And believe me, buying alcohol for Jack is not cheap.’
Alex is fairly proud of himself - a rather plausible excuse for something that the fangirls will definitely run away with.
He zones out again, daydreaming about knives and red and ropes.
Sooner than he expected it to be, the interview is over and they stumble outside, searching for the van but it isn’t even there.
‘Guess they thought we’d be done later,’ Jack says.
‘Can we go back inside for a little while?’ Alex asks. ‘I have to go to the bathroom and I’m hungry. I didn’t have anytime to eat this morning.’
‘Yeah, and that’s no one’s fault but your own,’Jack laughs. ‘Let’s go find a place where we can get some food.’
‘But...’ Alex manages to stammer out before Jack starts pulling him along. He missed half of the sentence, stupid fucker, he thinks. He doesn’t even know he’s said it out loud until Jack stops without warning and Alex nearly walks into him.
‘I know I ignored half your sentence, Lex,’ Jack says, ‘for good reason. You can’t go yet. And if you don’t apologize right now for calling me a stupid fucker I won’t allow you to go until you’ve peed yourself.’
‘Sorry,’ Alex immediately says, because hey, he really needs to go and he doesn’t feel inclined at all to wait for God knows how long.
The idea to just go without Jack’s permission doesn’t even enter his mind.
‘Good. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.’
They start walking again and Alex hopes they find something soon. Luckily there’s a Subway a little down the street and Jack decides they’ll get something to eat there.
Jack finds them a table and sits Alex down.
‘So,’ he starts, ‘you’re going to order for the both of us, bring it back here and after that you can go to the bathroom. Got that?’
Alex nods, hoping he can do everything quickly. Jack gives him some money and sends him off, playing with his phone.
The line isn’t too big, thank God, but nevertheless when it’s Alex’s turn he’s shifting his weight from one foot to another. It relieves a little of the pressure.
He orders the usual once he’s at the front of the line, waits patiently (not) until it’s done and pays. He takes it back to their table, puts it down in front of Jack and waits until he gets his attention.
‘Back already?’ Jack asks.
Alex nods. Please, just say I can go, please please...
But Jack doesn’t seem too concerned about that. Instead, he unwraps his sandwich and starts eating it.
Finally Alex gets over his embarrassment and just asks it himself.
‘Can I go to the bathroom please?’
‘Sure, go ahead.’
Alex hurries off.
It doesn’t take long before he’s back. Jack’s halfway through his sandwich already, though, so Alex unwraps his quickly and starts eating it. Jack’s phone starts ringing and he sighs, looking at the caller ID and picking it up.
‘Hey Matt, what’s up.’
Alex can’t hear anything from the other side of the line so he just continues eating his food. If it’s important he’ll hear about it later, he’s sure.
‘Fine, we’ll get outside in a bit. We’re in the Subway a little down the street, shouldn’t be too hard to find.’
Jack closes his phone and rolls his eyes.
‘The driver couldn’t find us and started panicking. Matt wasn’t too pleased. We need to get outside like, now so the driver can pick us up.’
Alex stuffs the last of the sandwich in his mouth and grabs his coat. They get outside just when the driver arrives and hop in the car. Alex feels the corners of his mouth tug up when Jack wraps his arm around Alex’s shoulders.
When he floats in that in-between state of not-yet-sleeping but not-quite-awake, he sees knives and collars and ropes.
----------------------------------
The rest of the day is rather uneventful. Jack and Alex spend most of their time in Jack’s room. They watch a movie, Alex writes a little, nothing out of the ordinary.
Until Matt walks in and announces that they’re going to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Rian and Zack are hungry and burst in right after, practically dragging the other two guys out. Alex shoves a beanie on his hair again, Jack pulls it off, and they run after their bandmates to the van (okay maybe that was a smart idea after all).
The ride there doesn’t take too long, but Alex still finds time to worry. Is Jack going to enforce the rules there, too? He can’t exactly ask it right there in the car, but Jack is still toying with his fingers so he thinks it must be. He doesn’t know.
Once they’re all settled in at the restaurant, Rian immediately jumps up and starts tugging on Alex’s sleeve.
‘C’mon dude, let’s get to the food, I’m starving!’
Alex stops thumb-wrestling Jack long enough to look at him. Jack nods and Alex knows that yes, the rules still stand, and luckily he can go with Rian to get food.
To be honest, he kind of expected Jack to make some stupid rule like ‘let me feed you everything’ or something equally ridiculous. It would be exactly like Jack, but then again this day hasn’t really been like Jack at all.
Alex loads up his first plate, shoves it down, and waits for Jack to come back before he does anything else.
Finally Jack comes back, but instead of carrying one plate he’s carrying two and Alex realizes what took him so long.
‘I thought you’d be done by now so I got you more food,’ Jack explains while sitting down and putting one of the plates in front of Alex. He feels a rush of gratitude surge through him and as soon as he can he slips his hand into Jack’s, giving it a small squeeze. From the corner of his eyes he sees Jack smile and that warms him up inside.
‘Shall I get us drinks, then?’
Jack nods. ‘And bring me another spring roll while you’re at it.’
Alex salutes and then the other three starts telling him to bring beer and Alex waves, causing them to shout and Alex laughs.
He hums while he collects the items, he has a strong image in his head of whips and collars and ropes and submitting and he wants to put it into song.
The rest of the evening is spent stuffing their faces with Chinese food and beer, and Rian, Zack and Matt have a lot of fun together, or so Alex thinks. He only has his attention on Jack, how it feels when their hands brush together, the way Jack smiles when Alex asks him for permission to do something, the little flutters in his stomach, it’s all he can think about.
Once they (finally) go back to the hotel, Jack pulls Alex up to his room immediately. Alex wonders briefly why they just didn’t get a shared room like always, but then Jack locks the door and Alex stops thinking completely.
Jack sits down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. Alex gets the hint and sits down next to him.
‘So, are you feeling better now?’ Jack asks, the dominant attitude leaving him completely.
Alex is unsure what he’s talking about.
‘I saw your arms this morning,’ Jack explains, taking Alex’s wrist and tracing one of the lines up his arm, one where he scratched particularly viciously.
‘I noticed you always trying to please people when you’re like that, always searching for reassurance and a purpose, I guess? I thought maybe this is what you need, anyhow.’ Jack’s not looking at him, tracing the line over and over. ‘Was I right? Or do you think I’m a freak now?’
Alex has to think about that. It’s true that he was in a very bad place that morning and that now he felt way better. He also knows he liked the dominant Jack, and following those rules wasn’t that bad either.
Okay, maybe he’s a little submissive. And maybe this is exactly what he needed.
Jack thinks his silence means Alex thinks he’s a freak, apparently, and starts slowly untangling his hand from Alex’s.
And that just won’t do.
‘I liked it,’ Alex manages to force out. ‘It made my head clear. Maybe you know me better than I know myself.’
‘It didn’t freak you out?’ Jack seems honestly surprised.
‘Not at all. In fact,’ Alex tries to worm his way underneath Jack’s arm, who laughs and pulls Alex against him, ‘I might want you to do it more often.’
‘Really? Awesome!’
They cuddle in silence for a while, until Alex musters up enough courage to ask for the one thing he’s wanted almost all day now.
‘Can I... kiss you?’
‘Sure.’
Alex doesn’t see the way Jack’s eyes light up when he asks that, he just feels his own heart flutter when he presses his lips against Jack’s.
Jack pulls back long before Alex’s had enough, but he just laughs and turns his head when Alex tries to get another one.
‘Maybe tomorrow, Lex,’ he says. ‘Now let’s sleep.’
They let themselves fall backwards and find their way underneath the blanket. Alex lets Jack arrange him on the bed, curled up on his side. When Jack’s satisfied he manoeuvres himself so he can spoon Alex.
Alex doesn’t want to fall asleep but he’s had a rough day, and Jack’s stroking his hair, and he really can’t help it. He falls asleep quickly, dreaming of him and Jack and being happy.
His knife lies forgotten in his suitcase.
Fandom: All Time Low
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
Rating: NC-17. (Rather rate this too high than too low and this is dealing with some adult themes. No sex, though.)
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Wouldn't be writing if I did :P
Summary: Alex is having a bad day and while usually he would make some new scars, Jack won't let him.
Warnings: Self-harm. Not actually doing it, but Alex thinks about it a whole lot. Dubious consent and D/s since Jack takes charge but Alex never explicitly consents to it.
A/N: This has been sitting in my GDocs account for a while now and I thought it time to finally post it up xD I honestly hope that this is at least somewhat good. Comments are appreciated :) Title comes from the Marianas Trench song 'Say Anything'.
--------------------------------
His hand’s itching for a knife.
No, that’s not the entire truth. His skin is itching for something to slice through it, something that would cut through the fog in his head, that would make him feel in control again, and he doesn’t know where else to get that. How could he? There is no better way to cope that he knows of.
His arm is bright red from all the times he scratched it, sometimes that helps, giving him just enough relief to get a grip on things again and look for a drink.
But of course, not this time.
Alex is just starting to rummage through his bag - he knows he packed his knife just in case, where is it? - when Jack waltzes into the room, cheerful as ever.
‘C’mon, Lex, we’ve got an interview in an hour and Matt says he’ll kick your ass if you don’t get downstairs within the next ten minutes.’
Jack actually looks at Alex then and his face falls.
‘Alex? Is something wrong?’
‘Of course not, you fucker, just you being so cheery in the morning.’ Alex’s attempts at banter fail ever before they leave his mouth. Dammit.
‘Okay then.’ Jack isn’t convinced, Alex knows that, but apparently he’s going to let it slide anyway and Alex sighs in relief.
‘You get in the bathroom and do your business, I’ll pick out some clothes for you to wear. Don’t want Matt to kick your ass.’ Jack is already on his way to Alex’s suitcase, while Alex does as Jack told him. Maybe there are sharp things in the bathroom, or actually, there’s bound to be some, Alex knows for a fact that his razor is there and he’s used his razor before...
‘And I don’t want you doing anything but fix your hair, brush your teeth and maybe take a piss, got that?’ Jack yells from the room, timing so perfect it’s almost eerie. Alex feels busted, and maybe a little bit guilty too.
His hand twitches in the direction of his razor, wanting so badly but he forces it towards the toothbrush instead and tries to focus on brushing his teeth instead of ignoring Jack and using the razor anyway. Shame, he could use a shave. (A really close one, actually, but he stops that train of thought right there)
He finishes brushing his teeth, does his hair and then Jack throws open the door.
‘You done yet?’
‘Fucking hell, Jack, I could’ve been naked for all you know!’
Jack smirks.
‘And what a sight it would’ve been. Now hurry up, I don’t want you to get your ass kicked.’
Alex quickly puts on the clothes Jack laid out for him - an old Blink-182 shirt, skinnies and his favourite shoes. He tries to shove a beanie on his head but Jack just as quickly pulls it off and throws it on the bed.
‘No beanie. Now shoot!’
Somehow Alex manages to roll his eyes while putting on his shoes (Jack doesn’t see it, luckily) and he follows Jack out of the room.
Today’s gonna be a long day, he thinks.
------------------------------------------
When they’re in the back of the van (God knows why they have a van if it’s just the two of them and the driver but there you go) Jack takes Alex’s hand and squeezes it to get his attention.
‘So listen, Alex, I thought I’d give you some rules to follow today.’
Alex’s eyes widen but he doesn’t protest, doesn’t say Jack’s a complete freak for wanting to give Alex rules, can’t even think about saying no.
‘First of all,’ Jack continues, ‘I want you to stay close to me, within touching distance. Okay?’
Alex nods, this isn’t anything different than usual. Why would Jack even make it a rule?
‘Second, if you have to go somewhere else, you have to ask me permission.’
That might be a little odd but Alex is still down with it so he nods again.
‘Third, any other orders given throughout the day will be followed to the letter. Got that?’
Alex nods one final time. Jack pecks him on the cheek and leans his head against Alex’s.
‘Good.’
And it’s not like the orders are so hard to follow, or like they are anything different than usual. He’s always close to Jack and when he’s not he always takes care to let Jack know he’s going somewhere. It’s just, when it’s the rules is something else entirely. Alex thinks he might like it and if Jack does, well, he’ll roll with it.
So he curls up next to Jack, maybe purrs a little when Jack puts an arm around him, and finally feels himself relax a little. He dozes a little (he hasn’t had a proper night sleep in he doesn’t even know how long), so it feels like no time before they reach their destination. Jack shakes him fully awake and pulls him out of the car and into the building.
Jack spots a coffee vending machine and tugs on Alex’s hand.
‘Here,’ he gives him a couple of dollars, ‘can you get us some coffee? Don’t spill.’
Alex takes the money and looks at it, unsure of what to do. Jack did just ask him to do something, but maybe it’s just a trick, maybe Jack just wants to have something to tease him with for all of eternity and oh God Alex would not be able to deal with that. He doesn’t want Jack to think he’s stupid and gullible and always does what everyone says.
Jack looks around - Alex glances too, they’re alone - and grabs Alex’s hair, pulling it hard. Alex can’t help but move with it, exposing his throat, and to his own surprise his knees buckle and the only thing keeping him upright is Jack’s hand in his hair.
‘Didn’t I tell you to get us some coffee?’ Jack asks conversationally, like he does this every single day. ‘Do it.’
He releases Alex then and Alex has to resist the urge to clutch Jack’s arm like a lifeline. Instead, he walks to the coffee machine to do as Jack told him.
It’s nice to have Jack order him around, he decides. Somehow it helps him stay calm, makes the fog in his head more bearable.
As Jack specified, Alex tries his best to not spill anything as he walks the short distance back to Jack.
‘Thanks, Lex,’ Jack says, ruffling Alex’ hair with the hand that’s not holding hot coffee. Alex has to bite his lip to keep himself from making a pleased sound.
‘Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat?’ A lady - probably the producer or something - puts her head around the corner and beckons them. ‘The interview starts in five, we need to get you all settled in.’
They get up, still holding hands. The woman leads them to a separate room with three chairs, one of which is already occupied, and a lot of equipment. Jack stumbles over a cable lying around and Alex stifles a giggle.
When they’re in their chairs the interviewer introduces herself.
‘Hi, I’m Maureen,’ she says, holding out her hand. Alex shakes it and Jack briefly lets go of Alex’s hand to do the same.
Alex tries to make Jack let his hand go but fails miserably, and finally he gives up and asks Jack softly if he can please let go. Jack just smiles and says no, think up an excuse, you’re the one who’s good with words after all. He finishes his coffee and puts the empty cup next to his chair.
‘Interview starts in five, four, three, two...’
‘Hello, this is Maureen Dawson and I’m here with All Time Low’s Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat.’
Alex is already finding his attention wavering and lets Jack do most of the talking. At least, until he feels a pull on his hand and realizes he was asked a question.
‘Sorry, can you repeat that? I was dozing off a little,’ Alex apologizes, smiling sheepishly.
‘I asked, why are you and Jack holding hands? You got something to tell us?’ Maureen asks with a wink.
‘No, no,’ Alex hastens to reassure her, ‘there’s nothing going on between us. It’s just because of, eh, a bet. Yeah, that’s it, it’s just a stupid bet. The loser has to buy the other one alcohol for a night. And believe me, buying alcohol for Jack is not cheap.’
Alex is fairly proud of himself - a rather plausible excuse for something that the fangirls will definitely run away with.
He zones out again, daydreaming about knives and red and ropes.
Sooner than he expected it to be, the interview is over and they stumble outside, searching for the van but it isn’t even there.
‘Guess they thought we’d be done later,’ Jack says.
‘Can we go back inside for a little while?’ Alex asks. ‘I have to go to the bathroom and I’m hungry. I didn’t have anytime to eat this morning.’
‘Yeah, and that’s no one’s fault but your own,’Jack laughs. ‘Let’s go find a place where we can get some food.’
‘But...’ Alex manages to stammer out before Jack starts pulling him along. He missed half of the sentence, stupid fucker, he thinks. He doesn’t even know he’s said it out loud until Jack stops without warning and Alex nearly walks into him.
‘I know I ignored half your sentence, Lex,’ Jack says, ‘for good reason. You can’t go yet. And if you don’t apologize right now for calling me a stupid fucker I won’t allow you to go until you’ve peed yourself.’
‘Sorry,’ Alex immediately says, because hey, he really needs to go and he doesn’t feel inclined at all to wait for God knows how long.
The idea to just go without Jack’s permission doesn’t even enter his mind.
‘Good. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.’
They start walking again and Alex hopes they find something soon. Luckily there’s a Subway a little down the street and Jack decides they’ll get something to eat there.
Jack finds them a table and sits Alex down.
‘So,’ he starts, ‘you’re going to order for the both of us, bring it back here and after that you can go to the bathroom. Got that?’
Alex nods, hoping he can do everything quickly. Jack gives him some money and sends him off, playing with his phone.
The line isn’t too big, thank God, but nevertheless when it’s Alex’s turn he’s shifting his weight from one foot to another. It relieves a little of the pressure.
He orders the usual once he’s at the front of the line, waits patiently (not) until it’s done and pays. He takes it back to their table, puts it down in front of Jack and waits until he gets his attention.
‘Back already?’ Jack asks.
Alex nods. Please, just say I can go, please please...
But Jack doesn’t seem too concerned about that. Instead, he unwraps his sandwich and starts eating it.
Finally Alex gets over his embarrassment and just asks it himself.
‘Can I go to the bathroom please?’
‘Sure, go ahead.’
Alex hurries off.
It doesn’t take long before he’s back. Jack’s halfway through his sandwich already, though, so Alex unwraps his quickly and starts eating it. Jack’s phone starts ringing and he sighs, looking at the caller ID and picking it up.
‘Hey Matt, what’s up.’
Alex can’t hear anything from the other side of the line so he just continues eating his food. If it’s important he’ll hear about it later, he’s sure.
‘Fine, we’ll get outside in a bit. We’re in the Subway a little down the street, shouldn’t be too hard to find.’
Jack closes his phone and rolls his eyes.
‘The driver couldn’t find us and started panicking. Matt wasn’t too pleased. We need to get outside like, now so the driver can pick us up.’
Alex stuffs the last of the sandwich in his mouth and grabs his coat. They get outside just when the driver arrives and hop in the car. Alex feels the corners of his mouth tug up when Jack wraps his arm around Alex’s shoulders.
When he floats in that in-between state of not-yet-sleeping but not-quite-awake, he sees knives and collars and ropes.
----------------------------------
The rest of the day is rather uneventful. Jack and Alex spend most of their time in Jack’s room. They watch a movie, Alex writes a little, nothing out of the ordinary.
Until Matt walks in and announces that they’re going to an all-you-can-eat buffet. Rian and Zack are hungry and burst in right after, practically dragging the other two guys out. Alex shoves a beanie on his hair again, Jack pulls it off, and they run after their bandmates to the van (okay maybe that was a smart idea after all).
The ride there doesn’t take too long, but Alex still finds time to worry. Is Jack going to enforce the rules there, too? He can’t exactly ask it right there in the car, but Jack is still toying with his fingers so he thinks it must be. He doesn’t know.
Once they’re all settled in at the restaurant, Rian immediately jumps up and starts tugging on Alex’s sleeve.
‘C’mon dude, let’s get to the food, I’m starving!’
Alex stops thumb-wrestling Jack long enough to look at him. Jack nods and Alex knows that yes, the rules still stand, and luckily he can go with Rian to get food.
To be honest, he kind of expected Jack to make some stupid rule like ‘let me feed you everything’ or something equally ridiculous. It would be exactly like Jack, but then again this day hasn’t really been like Jack at all.
Alex loads up his first plate, shoves it down, and waits for Jack to come back before he does anything else.
Finally Jack comes back, but instead of carrying one plate he’s carrying two and Alex realizes what took him so long.
‘I thought you’d be done by now so I got you more food,’ Jack explains while sitting down and putting one of the plates in front of Alex. He feels a rush of gratitude surge through him and as soon as he can he slips his hand into Jack’s, giving it a small squeeze. From the corner of his eyes he sees Jack smile and that warms him up inside.
‘Shall I get us drinks, then?’
Jack nods. ‘And bring me another spring roll while you’re at it.’
Alex salutes and then the other three starts telling him to bring beer and Alex waves, causing them to shout and Alex laughs.
He hums while he collects the items, he has a strong image in his head of whips and collars and ropes and submitting and he wants to put it into song.
The rest of the evening is spent stuffing their faces with Chinese food and beer, and Rian, Zack and Matt have a lot of fun together, or so Alex thinks. He only has his attention on Jack, how it feels when their hands brush together, the way Jack smiles when Alex asks him for permission to do something, the little flutters in his stomach, it’s all he can think about.
Once they (finally) go back to the hotel, Jack pulls Alex up to his room immediately. Alex wonders briefly why they just didn’t get a shared room like always, but then Jack locks the door and Alex stops thinking completely.
Jack sits down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. Alex gets the hint and sits down next to him.
‘So, are you feeling better now?’ Jack asks, the dominant attitude leaving him completely.
Alex is unsure what he’s talking about.
‘I saw your arms this morning,’ Jack explains, taking Alex’s wrist and tracing one of the lines up his arm, one where he scratched particularly viciously.
‘I noticed you always trying to please people when you’re like that, always searching for reassurance and a purpose, I guess? I thought maybe this is what you need, anyhow.’ Jack’s not looking at him, tracing the line over and over. ‘Was I right? Or do you think I’m a freak now?’
Alex has to think about that. It’s true that he was in a very bad place that morning and that now he felt way better. He also knows he liked the dominant Jack, and following those rules wasn’t that bad either.
Okay, maybe he’s a little submissive. And maybe this is exactly what he needed.
Jack thinks his silence means Alex thinks he’s a freak, apparently, and starts slowly untangling his hand from Alex’s.
And that just won’t do.
‘I liked it,’ Alex manages to force out. ‘It made my head clear. Maybe you know me better than I know myself.’
‘It didn’t freak you out?’ Jack seems honestly surprised.
‘Not at all. In fact,’ Alex tries to worm his way underneath Jack’s arm, who laughs and pulls Alex against him, ‘I might want you to do it more often.’
‘Really? Awesome!’
They cuddle in silence for a while, until Alex musters up enough courage to ask for the one thing he’s wanted almost all day now.
‘Can I... kiss you?’
‘Sure.’
Alex doesn’t see the way Jack’s eyes light up when he asks that, he just feels his own heart flutter when he presses his lips against Jack’s.
Jack pulls back long before Alex’s had enough, but he just laughs and turns his head when Alex tries to get another one.
‘Maybe tomorrow, Lex,’ he says. ‘Now let’s sleep.’
They let themselves fall backwards and find their way underneath the blanket. Alex lets Jack arrange him on the bed, curled up on his side. When Jack’s satisfied he manoeuvres himself so he can spoon Alex.
Alex doesn’t want to fall asleep but he’s had a rough day, and Jack’s stroking his hair, and he really can’t help it. He falls asleep quickly, dreaming of him and Jack and being happy.
His knife lies forgotten in his suitcase.