10 guidelines for online dating.
These are some tips I've thought up after reflecting on my own personal experiences over nine years.
1. Try to avoid a LDR (long distance relationship). While it may work in the end it is hard to maintain, more often due to money than anything else. Often times will arise where you wish to be with them, or they you, and due to distance, being there in a matter of moments, or an hour will not be possible. Try very, very hard to avoid one that is with a person on the opposite side of the country, or in another Continent. Love is a magical and wonderful thing, but magic alone won't get you to their door.
2. If they live with their best friend, and said friend acts like a third-wheel and isn't too accepting of you being you (yet says they are who they are and expect -you- to deal with it) be wary.
3. If someone tells you they have a couple of psychiatric disorders and attended a school for those with emotional/social/behavioral disorders.... be cautious. The saying "the more the merrier" does NOT apply in this scenario.
4. If they tell you they love you in under a month (ie. a week), question this "love". Question it even further if they are the same person who confesses they have mental issues.
4a. If you wind up in a relationship with someone who fits #'s 3 and 4, keep your guard up. Something probably isn't right. Don't fall under the false pretense that you can help them, when they express no desire to help themselves.
5. If you are in a LDR, or in something that seems it might lead to one, use extreme caution when that person tells you they love you, yet they continue to date locally (and best bet is to turn off any interest when they tell you to accept it or STFU when you express displeasure at this).
6. Note how interested they are in communicating with you:
7. If they continue to express interest in you, yet show affection for others they've dated through various means that are put on public display, yet you observe no such action taken when you are concerned, once again question why they express interest but don't do similar acts for you.
8. What do you speak to this person about? Your life, their life? Daily events? The current status of the world, news/politics/etc? If you find yourself continually talking about only one subject and they express no interest in discussing other matters, and yet you wish to broaden the scope of discussion, consider looking elsewhere.
9. Is this person intellectually attractive to you? Can they stay on the same level as you when you discuss topics that are of interest to you? Do you constantly have to explain what you mean?
10. Finally, do you and this person see things working out in the very long-term? Are you able to overcome any obstacles that may be in the path that leads to this? If you're in a LDR, will either one of you be able to realistically relocate to be with the other within a reasonable time span?
Additional notes:
1. Try to avoid a LDR (long distance relationship). While it may work in the end it is hard to maintain, more often due to money than anything else. Often times will arise where you wish to be with them, or they you, and due to distance, being there in a matter of moments, or an hour will not be possible. Try very, very hard to avoid one that is with a person on the opposite side of the country, or in another Continent. Love is a magical and wonderful thing, but magic alone won't get you to their door.
2. If they live with their best friend, and said friend acts like a third-wheel and isn't too accepting of you being you (yet says they are who they are and expect -you- to deal with it) be wary.
3. If someone tells you they have a couple of psychiatric disorders and attended a school for those with emotional/social/behavioral disorders.... be cautious. The saying "the more the merrier" does NOT apply in this scenario.
4. If they tell you they love you in under a month (ie. a week), question this "love". Question it even further if they are the same person who confesses they have mental issues.
4a. If you wind up in a relationship with someone who fits #'s 3 and 4, keep your guard up. Something probably isn't right. Don't fall under the false pretense that you can help them, when they express no desire to help themselves.
5. If you are in a LDR, or in something that seems it might lead to one, use extreme caution when that person tells you they love you, yet they continue to date locally (and best bet is to turn off any interest when they tell you to accept it or STFU when you express displeasure at this).
6. Note how interested they are in communicating with you:
- Do you initiate contact first often, or do they do so an equal number of times? If they rarely if ever contact you (we'll use instant messaging in this case), probably not as interested as they claim.
- When they contact you, do they inquire as to how your day was, etc? If they don't.... question just how interested they are in you.
- If you wind up speaking via phone, note how often they call you and how much you call them. Also note how interested they are in speaking when you make the offer to call via instant messaging or email. If you find in a long period of time (ie. 6 months) they have only called you 3 times (returning voicemail is included in this number), they probably either don't enjoy speaking to you through that method or aren't as interested as you think/they want you to believe.
- On the flip side, if they call you frequently, return your calls, and express genuine care and concern for your daily well being, they are probably interested (note! continue to exercise caution if they struggle with mental issues the care/concern shown may be nothing more than a ruse).
7. If they continue to express interest in you, yet show affection for others they've dated through various means that are put on public display, yet you observe no such action taken when you are concerned, once again question why they express interest but don't do similar acts for you.
8. What do you speak to this person about? Your life, their life? Daily events? The current status of the world, news/politics/etc? If you find yourself continually talking about only one subject and they express no interest in discussing other matters, and yet you wish to broaden the scope of discussion, consider looking elsewhere.
9. Is this person intellectually attractive to you? Can they stay on the same level as you when you discuss topics that are of interest to you? Do you constantly have to explain what you mean?
10. Finally, do you and this person see things working out in the very long-term? Are you able to overcome any obstacles that may be in the path that leads to this? If you're in a LDR, will either one of you be able to realistically relocate to be with the other within a reasonable time span?
Additional notes:
- If various friends and family members urge caution, or generally dislike this person you're interested in, they may have good reason to. Weigh your options and choices. You may be right, or they might be, there's no way to know but to give it time. But I will note if there's an overwhelming amount of negative feelings toward the person that your interests lay, it may just be a matter of time before you see what everyone was warning you about.
- If you wind up in a relationship with someone, and you have intimate relations with them.... it should raise a huge red flag when afterward you find them crying and saying the 'voices' are calling them a "slut and a whore" (however this may wind up being true, the slut/whore factor, not the voices).
- If you confide in the person you are dating, and find that their friend has learned of the details you spoke to them in private about, this person clearly doesn't value the trust you've placed in them.
- If someone expresses interest in you, yet seems to "test" you often, claiming they want to see if you can "provide" for them (ie. buying things for them and continually being asked to buy items when they know you are low on funds) there's a pretty big chance they just like you for the size of your wallet. If you give in to buying them something once, they're more likely to ask repeatedly even if things don't work they may come back to you on and off being nice.... and then bringing up the subject of them still liking you.... and then comes the item they're wanting.