FACTS ARE FOR THE WEAK.
i've come to the conclusion that i seriously need comedy in my life.
for some reason i've been in a HORRENDOUS mood for the past 8 hours. ever been angry at everyone and everything and couldn't figure out why exactly? it's not a good feeling.
maybe it's because not one person on this fucking planet agrees with me on ANYTHING. seems like it anyway. no matter what, i'm wrong. i might as well just quit talking altogether. and it's not like any of my views change really. once in a while someone can convince me of something, but for the most part, i'm hellbent on my opinion no one can tell me SHIT. but it would be nice to actually express myself and have someone go "yeah, you're right." sometimes ray or jon do, but i'm convinced that i'm just a fucking retard. or maybe i'm actually insane. not like in the "man, you're one crazy guy!" type of way either. more like in the "man, this guy is fuckin' off his rocker" type of way. i'm just fuckin' weird and that's that. and there's nothing i'd wanna do to change it, i like myself, i just wish someone would agree with me on something.
yesterday i was gonna make a post saying that yesterday was the best day ever. it still pretty much was... alot of funny shit happened, and did nothing but solidify my theory that my life is a movie, that myself and everyone else i encounter throughout it are characters.
(just for the record, i don't actually believe this. it's a just a rediculous thing that pops in my head every so often.)
i talk in monologue sometimes. i make jokes that no one else understands, like they don't even know i'm joking. they think i'm serious or something. it'll be something completely assinine though, like... well, i can't think of anything at the moment, but i get the feeling sometimes that i'm all alone in my way of thinking and everyone else thinks i'm some kind of fucking moron.
but back to yesterday's installment of my life/movie:
ummm, i woke up, did my everyday thing, took a shower, all that uninteresting bullshit, then went to ray's house.
ray stays up real late then, in effect, wakes up real late. i got to his house at, like, 2:30 p.m.
"ray? ray, you here?" i peered into the darkness behind the half-opened door. the alarm clock blinked a steady claim of 11:46. i tried like hell to shake my friend's wolf/dog half-breed off my leg, with little success. oh well, at least SOMEONE's gettin' some action around here, i thought with an internal chuckle.
"hmmm? what time is it?"
"two-thirty."
ray stirred for a second, probably trying to find his glasses to look at the alarm clock.
"my alarm never went off."
"yeah, i think the electric went off again during the night. but only partially off, though. one of my clocks in my room was still set and the other wasn't. and both clocks in the kitchen were fucked up, but the one in my dad's room was okay. it's like half the house got blacked out at some point during the night."
"that's fucked up."
"yep."
he thought about it for a second. "that's REALLY fucked up, man."
"yeah kinda."
"alright, gimme a minute and i'll be out."
i went back out to the kitchen. i looked around at the DIVE, as we all so lovingly named it, then sat down at the table. i took out my cancer sticks and lit one up.
"you wanna go with me to get jon?" i called to the other room.
"ummm, sure. why not," he said after climbing over the wooden gate separating us from sudden urination. greywind's head popped up for a second to look at his master before descending once again to dig an imaginary hole in the concrete floor.
::lotsa boring shit taken out for the interest of the reader::
i decided to put in my "new yawk dolls" CD for the ride. the sound of johnny thunders' guitar filled the interior of my car, a chuck berry intro to start their version of "back in the USA". by the fifth song, "seven day weekend" (gary u.s. bonds cover), we were at a complete stop, along with about 20 other cars.
"what the FUCK?" i asked, as if someone was gonna tell me what i wanted to know.
"i have no idea," ray replied from the passenger seat.
we sat there until "7 day" ended and the SUV in front of me decided to leave the procession and turn onto the street directly to our left.
"yeah. do what he did," ray commanded. so i did.
by the time we got back on track all of the cars that were in our way were now passing the intersection we were sitting at... and getting backed-up not 50 yards up the road again.
"what the FUCK?" i asked, as if someone was gonna tell me what i wanted to know.
"i have no idea," ray replied from the passenger seat.
...
we got to jon's around 3:45. the "nettin' pink" trailer, as jon calls it, stared back at me like something from a tarrentino movie. i beeped the horn.
after a few seconds, jon emerged from under the corrogated aluminum canopy that covers his patio.
"raymond...!"
"jonathan."
"samuel...!"
"jonathan!"
after we were all re-aquainted, we left the mobile home park for the local mom-and-pop record store, disc junkie.
disc junkie is owned by a guy named paul... paul, ummm... er, paul something. i don't know his last name. but he's a pretty cool guy. whenever we come into his store he always seems generally excited to see us.
"hey, man! what's goin' on?"
"nothin much." i looked at the five CD's in my hand for a moment then held them up for display. "you buyin'?"
"yeah, oh yeah, man. lemme see what you got."
i put 'em on the counter in front of the bleach-blonde late-twenty something. paul knows his shit. i mean, you'd kinda HAFTA know at least a LITTLE about music to own a record store. but paul's well-versed in punk rock, which is strange for someone who owns a store with a top 40 rack in the front and a Mya calendar behind the counter.
"you're lookin' at... nine bucks in-store, man. which, unfortunately, is about what i wanna get outta that disc there." i looked up from the back flag "everything went black" CD i was perusing.
"hmmm. i really need gas money." i thought about it for a second. "i'm gonna have a look around."
after about 15 minutes of "looking around" i decided to go with cash instead.
"hey, paul, i think i'm just gonna cash out. i gotta get gas an' shit."
paul parted with the phone attached to the side of his face for a moment. "alright, that's no problem. you just want cash?"
"yeah."
he leafed back through the 5 discs again. "umm, i'll give ya eight." he shuffled them again on the counter in the reversed order. "yeah, eight."
"okay, that'll work." he handed me a five and three one's.
jon was over in the adjacent corner of the store searching desperately for the "10 things i hate about you" soundtrack. "come on, jon! we're leaving," i said. he was still looking.
"sam, come help me find the '10 things i hate about you' soundtrack. i can't find it!"
"maybe that's because they don't have it," ray offered.
"jon, if you spend the rest of your money on a CD don't ask me for any smokes later."
he kept looking. "come help me, dude."
"ugh." i started off towards the soundtracks section. "ahright. but don't ask me for any smokes later."
after deciding that there is no "10 things" sountrack at disc junkie and laughing at mudhoney's collaboration with sir mix-a-lot on "airheads", we started to leave.
"hey sam!" paul called from where jon and ray were still hovering. "are you doin' anything right now? can i like borrow you for about 15 minutes?"
"ummmm..." i automatically assumed, as everyone else had, i later found out, that he wanted us to move something (ain't guys fuckin stupid?). "depends on what you need me to do." i'm such a dick.
"can you watch the store for me for just 15 minutes? i gotta run out real quick."
we all looked at each other with a collective expression of excitement and canned amusement. "uh, yeah, i guess we could do that."
"oh, great, man, thanks. just if someone comes in, help em find what they're looking for and then- you know how to work one of these things?" he walked over to the cash register.
"no, but HE does." i pointed at jon.
"gimme a quick crash course and i can do it." jon walked over to where paul was standing behind the counter.
10 minutes later i'm sitting behind the counter "looking pretty", ray's standing 5 feet away directly to my right, and jon's on the other side of the counter looking around aimlessly. weird jaws-like music came from the store's sound system. we're all laughing: our very own record store.
for the next half hour we had about 5 customers. we were only able to sell 2 CD's, everything else was either out-of-stock or not yet released. shit like usher and drowning pool. real gay shit like that. we listened to the descendents' "i don't wanna grow up". paul finally came back. i got my black flag CD for free.
...
we continued on our journey back to new castle. i had to return a couple of movies. when we got to the video store, jon wanted to get some "DVD porn".
"how much is a porn DVD here?"
"3-something."
"damn! what about VHS?" (note: jon doesn't own a VCR)
"same. i think. yeah, it's the same here."
"fuck. can i borrow some change?" he looked through my center console for some change. i didn't even have a dollar. "it's not enough. nevermind, i don't need it anyway."
"are we renting the clerks cartoon again?" i asked.
ray looked at me. "i dunno, ARE WE?"
"do you guys wanna watch it later?"
"we probably won't have time."
"yeah," jon agreed.
"yeah, fuck it," i said as i started towards the doors of Family Video. "you guys might as well stay here then."
"i gotta pee," jon informed us. "where's the bathroom in this place?"
"by the porn section."
"really?"
"yeah, so you can pick a title and take it in the bathroom with you." i pictured someone walking out of one door with a video in his hand and into the next one. "they probably got a tv and VCR in each stall."
we headed to the entrance. two greyhairs walked together from their car towards quizno's. "i just wanna rent porn at family video!!!" jon yelled. i started laughing hysterically as the couple sped up. "i wanna rent porn from FAMILY VIDEO!!!" he was now yelling AT them. "pooooorrrn!!!" i lost it.
"you're insane."
i dropped my DVD's into the return slot and headed back to the car. "fuck it, i'll just wait til we get to ray's," he decided. "I WANT PORN AT FAMILY VIDEO!!! PORN!"
"porn for the whole family," i added.
"PORN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!!! CHICKEN & PORN!!!"
when we got back to the car, ray was rolling around in the backseat, dying of laughter.
...
after getting back to ray's house, and calling brianne to see if she wanted to practice (she was busy cleaning her room and probably studying), we decided to make some noise. i played rhythm guitar on the first 3 or 4 songs, jon played drums, and ray played lead and some rhythm. after that jon and i switched. the session's gonna become an album once we put vocals over it. and possible some piano on some of the songs or something. i dunno. it's up to the other 2. i don't care one way or another.
oh yeah, and before that jon tried to make raman noodles in the microwave and forgot to add water. it was the stinkiest, most wretched fucking thing i've ever smelled. except that time at frito's house when his parents were downstairs smokin' rock. that was pretty bad. it's gotta be a close tie though. burnt raman noodles are fuckin' rank.
p.s. that political discussion towards the end of the night was like a total fuckin waste of 20 minutes of my life. fuck politics. if people want to try to affect change then that's their perrogative, but sitting around bitching about it is one thing and doing something about it is another. i for one don't know shit about jack and don't wish to take the time required to do so. so i stay out of it... which is probably better. you don't send a monkey with a gun out to do something a trained specialist should. that's just retarded. it's my choice to leave it to other people. and jumping into that conversation made me look like a fucking moron anyway cuz no one agreed with me anyway, and the things i actually said that i thought were solid got misunderstood. so i'll stick with my punk rock, cartoons, and porn, thank you very much. those things are a helluva lot more interesting than the election if you ask me. fuck you if you disagree with me.
for some reason i've been in a HORRENDOUS mood for the past 8 hours. ever been angry at everyone and everything and couldn't figure out why exactly? it's not a good feeling.
maybe it's because not one person on this fucking planet agrees with me on ANYTHING. seems like it anyway. no matter what, i'm wrong. i might as well just quit talking altogether. and it's not like any of my views change really. once in a while someone can convince me of something, but for the most part, i'm hellbent on my opinion no one can tell me SHIT. but it would be nice to actually express myself and have someone go "yeah, you're right." sometimes ray or jon do, but i'm convinced that i'm just a fucking retard. or maybe i'm actually insane. not like in the "man, you're one crazy guy!" type of way either. more like in the "man, this guy is fuckin' off his rocker" type of way. i'm just fuckin' weird and that's that. and there's nothing i'd wanna do to change it, i like myself, i just wish someone would agree with me on something.
yesterday i was gonna make a post saying that yesterday was the best day ever. it still pretty much was... alot of funny shit happened, and did nothing but solidify my theory that my life is a movie, that myself and everyone else i encounter throughout it are characters.
(just for the record, i don't actually believe this. it's a just a rediculous thing that pops in my head every so often.)
i talk in monologue sometimes. i make jokes that no one else understands, like they don't even know i'm joking. they think i'm serious or something. it'll be something completely assinine though, like... well, i can't think of anything at the moment, but i get the feeling sometimes that i'm all alone in my way of thinking and everyone else thinks i'm some kind of fucking moron.
but back to yesterday's installment of my life/movie:
ummm, i woke up, did my everyday thing, took a shower, all that uninteresting bullshit, then went to ray's house.
ray stays up real late then, in effect, wakes up real late. i got to his house at, like, 2:30 p.m.
"ray? ray, you here?" i peered into the darkness behind the half-opened door. the alarm clock blinked a steady claim of 11:46. i tried like hell to shake my friend's wolf/dog half-breed off my leg, with little success. oh well, at least SOMEONE's gettin' some action around here, i thought with an internal chuckle.
"hmmm? what time is it?"
"two-thirty."
ray stirred for a second, probably trying to find his glasses to look at the alarm clock.
"my alarm never went off."
"yeah, i think the electric went off again during the night. but only partially off, though. one of my clocks in my room was still set and the other wasn't. and both clocks in the kitchen were fucked up, but the one in my dad's room was okay. it's like half the house got blacked out at some point during the night."
"that's fucked up."
"yep."
he thought about it for a second. "that's REALLY fucked up, man."
"yeah kinda."
"alright, gimme a minute and i'll be out."
i went back out to the kitchen. i looked around at the DIVE, as we all so lovingly named it, then sat down at the table. i took out my cancer sticks and lit one up.
"you wanna go with me to get jon?" i called to the other room.
"ummm, sure. why not," he said after climbing over the wooden gate separating us from sudden urination. greywind's head popped up for a second to look at his master before descending once again to dig an imaginary hole in the concrete floor.
::lotsa boring shit taken out for the interest of the reader::
i decided to put in my "new yawk dolls" CD for the ride. the sound of johnny thunders' guitar filled the interior of my car, a chuck berry intro to start their version of "back in the USA". by the fifth song, "seven day weekend" (gary u.s. bonds cover), we were at a complete stop, along with about 20 other cars.
"what the FUCK?" i asked, as if someone was gonna tell me what i wanted to know.
"i have no idea," ray replied from the passenger seat.
we sat there until "7 day" ended and the SUV in front of me decided to leave the procession and turn onto the street directly to our left.
"yeah. do what he did," ray commanded. so i did.
by the time we got back on track all of the cars that were in our way were now passing the intersection we were sitting at... and getting backed-up not 50 yards up the road again.
"what the FUCK?" i asked, as if someone was gonna tell me what i wanted to know.
"i have no idea," ray replied from the passenger seat.
...
we got to jon's around 3:45. the "nettin' pink" trailer, as jon calls it, stared back at me like something from a tarrentino movie. i beeped the horn.
after a few seconds, jon emerged from under the corrogated aluminum canopy that covers his patio.
"raymond...!"
"jonathan."
"samuel...!"
"jonathan!"
after we were all re-aquainted, we left the mobile home park for the local mom-and-pop record store, disc junkie.
disc junkie is owned by a guy named paul... paul, ummm... er, paul something. i don't know his last name. but he's a pretty cool guy. whenever we come into his store he always seems generally excited to see us.
"hey, man! what's goin' on?"
"nothin much." i looked at the five CD's in my hand for a moment then held them up for display. "you buyin'?"
"yeah, oh yeah, man. lemme see what you got."
i put 'em on the counter in front of the bleach-blonde late-twenty something. paul knows his shit. i mean, you'd kinda HAFTA know at least a LITTLE about music to own a record store. but paul's well-versed in punk rock, which is strange for someone who owns a store with a top 40 rack in the front and a Mya calendar behind the counter.
"you're lookin' at... nine bucks in-store, man. which, unfortunately, is about what i wanna get outta that disc there." i looked up from the back flag "everything went black" CD i was perusing.
"hmmm. i really need gas money." i thought about it for a second. "i'm gonna have a look around."
after about 15 minutes of "looking around" i decided to go with cash instead.
"hey, paul, i think i'm just gonna cash out. i gotta get gas an' shit."
paul parted with the phone attached to the side of his face for a moment. "alright, that's no problem. you just want cash?"
"yeah."
he leafed back through the 5 discs again. "umm, i'll give ya eight." he shuffled them again on the counter in the reversed order. "yeah, eight."
"okay, that'll work." he handed me a five and three one's.
jon was over in the adjacent corner of the store searching desperately for the "10 things i hate about you" soundtrack. "come on, jon! we're leaving," i said. he was still looking.
"sam, come help me find the '10 things i hate about you' soundtrack. i can't find it!"
"maybe that's because they don't have it," ray offered.
"jon, if you spend the rest of your money on a CD don't ask me for any smokes later."
he kept looking. "come help me, dude."
"ugh." i started off towards the soundtracks section. "ahright. but don't ask me for any smokes later."
after deciding that there is no "10 things" sountrack at disc junkie and laughing at mudhoney's collaboration with sir mix-a-lot on "airheads", we started to leave.
"hey sam!" paul called from where jon and ray were still hovering. "are you doin' anything right now? can i like borrow you for about 15 minutes?"
"ummmm..." i automatically assumed, as everyone else had, i later found out, that he wanted us to move something (ain't guys fuckin stupid?). "depends on what you need me to do." i'm such a dick.
"can you watch the store for me for just 15 minutes? i gotta run out real quick."
we all looked at each other with a collective expression of excitement and canned amusement. "uh, yeah, i guess we could do that."
"oh, great, man, thanks. just if someone comes in, help em find what they're looking for and then- you know how to work one of these things?" he walked over to the cash register.
"no, but HE does." i pointed at jon.
"gimme a quick crash course and i can do it." jon walked over to where paul was standing behind the counter.
10 minutes later i'm sitting behind the counter "looking pretty", ray's standing 5 feet away directly to my right, and jon's on the other side of the counter looking around aimlessly. weird jaws-like music came from the store's sound system. we're all laughing: our very own record store.
for the next half hour we had about 5 customers. we were only able to sell 2 CD's, everything else was either out-of-stock or not yet released. shit like usher and drowning pool. real gay shit like that. we listened to the descendents' "i don't wanna grow up". paul finally came back. i got my black flag CD for free.
...
we continued on our journey back to new castle. i had to return a couple of movies. when we got to the video store, jon wanted to get some "DVD porn".
"how much is a porn DVD here?"
"3-something."
"damn! what about VHS?" (note: jon doesn't own a VCR)
"same. i think. yeah, it's the same here."
"fuck. can i borrow some change?" he looked through my center console for some change. i didn't even have a dollar. "it's not enough. nevermind, i don't need it anyway."
"are we renting the clerks cartoon again?" i asked.
ray looked at me. "i dunno, ARE WE?"
"do you guys wanna watch it later?"
"we probably won't have time."
"yeah," jon agreed.
"yeah, fuck it," i said as i started towards the doors of Family Video. "you guys might as well stay here then."
"i gotta pee," jon informed us. "where's the bathroom in this place?"
"by the porn section."
"really?"
"yeah, so you can pick a title and take it in the bathroom with you." i pictured someone walking out of one door with a video in his hand and into the next one. "they probably got a tv and VCR in each stall."
we headed to the entrance. two greyhairs walked together from their car towards quizno's. "i just wanna rent porn at family video!!!" jon yelled. i started laughing hysterically as the couple sped up. "i wanna rent porn from FAMILY VIDEO!!!" he was now yelling AT them. "pooooorrrn!!!" i lost it.
"you're insane."
i dropped my DVD's into the return slot and headed back to the car. "fuck it, i'll just wait til we get to ray's," he decided. "I WANT PORN AT FAMILY VIDEO!!! PORN!"
"porn for the whole family," i added.
"PORN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!!! CHICKEN & PORN!!!"
when we got back to the car, ray was rolling around in the backseat, dying of laughter.
...
after getting back to ray's house, and calling brianne to see if she wanted to practice (she was busy cleaning her room and probably studying), we decided to make some noise. i played rhythm guitar on the first 3 or 4 songs, jon played drums, and ray played lead and some rhythm. after that jon and i switched. the session's gonna become an album once we put vocals over it. and possible some piano on some of the songs or something. i dunno. it's up to the other 2. i don't care one way or another.
oh yeah, and before that jon tried to make raman noodles in the microwave and forgot to add water. it was the stinkiest, most wretched fucking thing i've ever smelled. except that time at frito's house when his parents were downstairs smokin' rock. that was pretty bad. it's gotta be a close tie though. burnt raman noodles are fuckin' rank.
p.s. that political discussion towards the end of the night was like a total fuckin waste of 20 minutes of my life. fuck politics. if people want to try to affect change then that's their perrogative, but sitting around bitching about it is one thing and doing something about it is another. i for one don't know shit about jack and don't wish to take the time required to do so. so i stay out of it... which is probably better. you don't send a monkey with a gun out to do something a trained specialist should. that's just retarded. it's my choice to leave it to other people. and jumping into that conversation made me look like a fucking moron anyway cuz no one agreed with me anyway, and the things i actually said that i thought were solid got misunderstood. so i'll stick with my punk rock, cartoons, and porn, thank you very much. those things are a helluva lot more interesting than the election if you ask me. fuck you if you disagree with me.