theatrical_muse: What was the longest day of your life?
[present (and bendy) time]
The last few minutes of October 31st are clicking by, and even if Remus should feel relieved and relaxed that the dreaded anniversary has finally passed, he doesn't. There's still a pressure against his chest that doesn't seem to want to let go. It has been getting stronger with each day that has been passing so they could land on this particular date, and the years have taught him that it won't go away just because October is over and done with. It'll linger, because the memories linger as well. Years have passed, but time does not heal all wounds. It simply numbs them out so they can live with them until it's time for them to re-open once more.
Right now all the wounds are gaping and raw. Not just for him, and he knows it. They can't help it. It's what happens, when lives get torn and ripped to shreds.
Remus remembers. He remembers everything, even if he doesn't want to.
He remembers finding out that Lily and James had been found dead, and how his knees had felt like they were going to give in from under him because how could that have happened? They were supposed to be safe. They were supposed to see the end of the war, because that was just how it was supposed to happen. They were the ones with a baby, and a family, and it hadn't been fair that it was them the ones targeted. It wasn't fair that two people so young, and that were so immensely loved, could be taken away like that.
He remembers looking for Sirius. He remembers that indecision at either wanting to comfort him or wanting to beg him to say that it wasn't true. That Lily and James were still fine, that the news of their death was just some nasty rumor that someone had thought of.
He remembers looking for Peter, when he couldn't find Sirius. He remembers the thoughts that kept running through his head, how he feared that they had been killed as well in whatever mission Dumbledore had sent them to.
And he remembers finding out. About Sirius. About Peter. About Harry.
Azkaban
Dead
Gone
After that everything else is a blur of denial and grief that had knocked the air out of his lungs, and that to this day he hasn't quite regained. Who could, after all, recover after that when he had lost everything? When they had all lost everything that they had and lived for?
October 31st marked them all forever, but that wasn't Remus' longest day of his life. It was the following day - that aftermath. The one that he still lives - the one that they still live - because years later it sometimes still feels as if the years have yet to pass. On days like these, on anniversaries like those, it felt as if that dreaded day was simply stretching on and on. It seems as if it just never manages to end.
The last few minutes of October 31st are clicking by, and even if Remus should feel relieved and relaxed that the dreaded anniversary has finally passed, he doesn't. There's still a pressure against his chest that doesn't seem to want to let go. It has been getting stronger with each day that has been passing so they could land on this particular date, and the years have taught him that it won't go away just because October is over and done with. It'll linger, because the memories linger as well. Years have passed, but time does not heal all wounds. It simply numbs them out so they can live with them until it's time for them to re-open once more.
Right now all the wounds are gaping and raw. Not just for him, and he knows it. They can't help it. It's what happens, when lives get torn and ripped to shreds.
Remus remembers. He remembers everything, even if he doesn't want to.
He remembers finding out that Lily and James had been found dead, and how his knees had felt like they were going to give in from under him because how could that have happened? They were supposed to be safe. They were supposed to see the end of the war, because that was just how it was supposed to happen. They were the ones with a baby, and a family, and it hadn't been fair that it was them the ones targeted. It wasn't fair that two people so young, and that were so immensely loved, could be taken away like that.
He remembers looking for Sirius. He remembers that indecision at either wanting to comfort him or wanting to beg him to say that it wasn't true. That Lily and James were still fine, that the news of their death was just some nasty rumor that someone had thought of.
He remembers looking for Peter, when he couldn't find Sirius. He remembers the thoughts that kept running through his head, how he feared that they had been killed as well in whatever mission Dumbledore had sent them to.
And he remembers finding out. About Sirius. About Peter. About Harry.
Azkaban
Dead
Gone
After that everything else is a blur of denial and grief that had knocked the air out of his lungs, and that to this day he hasn't quite regained. Who could, after all, recover after that when he had lost everything? When they had all lost everything that they had and lived for?
October 31st marked them all forever, but that wasn't Remus' longest day of his life. It was the following day - that aftermath. The one that he still lives - the one that they still live - because years later it sometimes still feels as if the years have yet to pass. On days like these, on anniversaries like those, it felt as if that dreaded day was simply stretching on and on. It seems as if it just never manages to end.