Anything At All 2/2, Sarah Jane Adventures, Rani/Luke/Clyde
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20
He still spends most of his time in the attic. He comes down to eat, and to sleep in Sarah Jane's bed, but the rest of the time he just...sits. And thinks. And doesn't think. And it gets better, he thinks. Slowly but surely. With emphasis on slowly, because he still doesn't feel fine, doesn't feel like he's going to be fine, but he's getting back to his P.D-state (pre-Doctor, he doesn't even want to think the name if he can help it). And he counts the days, and today it's been twenty days since the world ended, and he's maybe getting there. Getting to the point were he can survey the damage to his country. To his planet. Because the truth is, if Sarah Jane has gone away then he's the only one left. The only one standing between Earth and alien invasion. One geeky boy genius and his depressed supercomputer. And his best friends.
His best friends, without whom there wouldn't be any protection of the earth at all. Without his best friends he'd just be a genetically engineered freak, and both he and Mr. Smith would likely be dead now. It's a strangely comforting thought, that the only thing standing between him and certain suicide is downstairs poking around their little garden. Because they're still here. Rani hasn't tried to get to her parents across half the country, and Clyde hasn't even gone home to see his mum. They're staying with him. The three of them against the world. For the world.
He does wonder what's happened with the rest of the people on the street. Bannerman Road is quiet, no one is out playing or even walking. He doesn’t know if people are huddling inside, if they've fled or if they're dead. He thinks they should still be alive, but weak from not eating. The nightly riots have stopped, people are no longer fighting in the streets for the little food left. That will also make the death toll go up, all the violence and lawlessness, and Luke can't do anything about that either, the kids starving, the women trying to protect their young, being raped and killed for fun. Luke knows what happens when societies fall apart, he's even studied it in Uni, and it's not pretty. It's as if some people are just being decent because they fear retribution, and he can see why the D doesn't want to save them this time. It doesn't make him less bitter, but it does make him feel a bit better about himself. He has tried, after all. There's nothing more to do now than survive.
25
He's not spending the day in the attic, he's spending it in bed. And that could have been the start of something truly, magnificently, stupid, but he's alone. Because Clyde has decided to learn how to cook and he's given Luke food poisoning. Luke is holed up in his old room with a bucket and a glass of water beside him. It's boring him to tears, the times when he's just lying there, not puking his guts up, but he gets dizzy when he tries to read and he can't sit up. He's been at it for almost 24 hours and he knows that Rani is getting worried that it's something worse. Something they won’t be able to fix. Clyde's been worried from the get go, and guilty, even though he didn't do it on purpose. Luke can't stand it when he comes up, because he just hangs in the doorway, looking at Luke with sad eyes, and when Luke throws up he doesn't go out of the room like a normal person, just stands there as if making himself sick is going to lessen his guilt.
He does get up and goes down at one point, to wash himself up in the washing shed they've put up. It's just buckets of water and a tarpaulin hung between two trees in order to give the person washing some privacy, but at least they can wash, even if it's cold. They leave bottles out in the sun to warm it, but it’s not like taking a hot bath. Luke tries not to think about winter and the fact that it's going to get really cold inside the house. He's bound to have worked out some kind of system, gotten the heating to work. Maybe they can go into town and... no, he doesn't want to think about it. His pride won’t stop him from stealing clothes from an abandoned store, but he doesn't want to plan it, doesn't want to think about it before it's absolutely necessary.
He makes his way back up slowly, and Clyde looks at him like he wants to help, but Rani holds his wrist, making him stay with her. Luke smiles at her for that. He's going to be fine.
28
Luke is no longer throwing up, hasn't been for two days, but he's weak, and they don't really have anything to eat. Sure, the D gave them some stuff, and the garden is actually yielding some stuff, but not anything really nurturing yet, and Luke knows they need to save. It's turned into June, and the need for an excursion outside of the house is getting more and more urgent. Soon they won’t be able to avoid it. They need to see what kinds of food they can find, they need to go to the library and look into survival books and books on preserving food for the winter.
They need so many things if they're going to survive, and Luke would go today if only because then he won't have time to talk himself out of it, but when he gets down to the living room from his old room where he's still sleeping he finds Rani on top of Clyde. Naked. And he can't find words. She's riding him like she's made for this (like the Indian Godess he's never even told her he thinks she's like sometimes), and all Clyde has to do, all he can do, is hang on. And Luke just stands there, mouth half open, because he can't find any words. He's caught them before, but never like this. Never in the middle of the living room, with sunlight shining on their skin, and they're so beautiful together, Rani's skin like silk and Clyde's strong body, the way she moves on top of him, her hair flowing down her back, her breasts bouncing, and it hits him then. It's for him. They're making it a show for him, that's why they chose this place.
Rani looks at him and doesn't even stop her pace, and he knows what they want, they want him to break and join them, but he can't. His heart is broken enough as it is, he can't add this too, be a part of them, and then lose it. He can't have that once and then look at them for the rest of their lives together, and that's going to be the rest of their lives, no matter how long or short, and remember that. Remember how they felt. He already knows how they look, how they smell and taste, how they move and it's almost killing him sometimes. Before all this, before the crisis and before everything changed he thought it would kill him, and that is probably the only upside to the shithole they're in, he can't think about his personal feelings too much, he can't think of his own fucked up situation because the world is falling to pieces. It's not much, but it's something, and when Clyde's hand finds Rani's clit and she starts moaning he goes outside. At least it's not raining, but it has been, and he takes a drink directly from the oil drum full of water.
*
They come out to find him when they're done. They've washed away most of the evidence, but they all smell. It's not like they can wash all that properly, not with only cold water in buckets, but they've made the effort, even if they still smell like sex, and Luke supposes he should feel lucky. He's sitting on the lawn, not really doing anything. He was hard when he left them, there's no way he wouldn't be, but he thought cold thoughts, and he's mostly fine now. Of course, when Rani sits down more or less in his lap his blood starts making its way south. Clyde sits down behind him, making it almost impossible to escape, but neither of them do anything other than hold him, despite the fact that Rani must have felt that he was hard. Clyde holds them both and shelters them, and Luke almost thinks this is going to be one of those strange comfort-moments.
"Why do you run?" Rani asks after a while, and he should have known better, should have escaped when he could. Clyde tightens his hold on them, not much but enough for Luke to know that they're having this conversation now, not some time in the future. He doesn't have to look either of them in the face anyway, and for that he's glad.
"Why do you want me to stay?" he asks instead of answering the question, because he thought they knew, and if they don't he doesn't want to tell them.
"Because we like you", Clyde says, and Luke knows that, he's not that stupid. Sure, he might still be a bit socially awkward, but he's not that socially awkward.
"I know", he says.
"No, we like you, like you", Rani says, and yeah, he gets that too, they wouldn't want to have sex with him just out of pity. They just don't get his point.
"You are trying to get me to sleep with you", he says, and recognises the speech patterns he reverts to when he's trying to hold himself together. That strange way he spoke in the beginning, correct but essentially useless for expressing anything but facts. "I get that you 'like' like me."
"No, you don't", Rani says.
"Why can't you accept the fact that I'm telling you no?" he says, old feeling of not understanding the world around him creeping in with the speech patterns.
"Because you're not doing it very convincingly", Clyde says in his ear, and Luke has had enough. He pushes up, hitting Rani in the back, but he doesn't care.
"Because I can't live with it afterwards when you go back to each other", he hisses, and turns on his heels. He goes back to the attic and no one follows him.
29
He sits in the attic, alone.
30
He sits in the attic. Clyde comes up one time but Luke doesn't speak to him.
31
He sits in the attic.
32
He sits in the attic. And he isn't moping, he isn't, except suddenly Mr. Smith turns himself on.
"What are you doing?" Luke says, feeling kind of stupid, because obviously something is going on. Mr. Smith is as yellow as ever, but there’s a tone of orange in there that is new.
"I didn't say anything when you sat up here because you couldn't save the world", Mr Smith says, and Luke chokes a bit. "But if you don't stop moping over your love life, I'm going to eat you."
"What?" Luke says, because that's just bizarre.
"You have your loved ones here. Go away and let me suffer in peace", Mr Smith says and the screen flashes orange, so dark it's almost red.
"I'm going", Luke says, because Mr Smith hasn't ever done that before and it's scaring him.
*
Downstairs he finds Clyde and Rani in the kitchen, making some kind of food. They look up, and Rani smiles at him, and no one talks about what happened four days ago. They eat in near silence, and while it's not exactly comfortable it could have been much more awkward than it is. Luke brings the dishes out with him, they wash them next to the 'shower stall', and he needs to freshen up. He can smell himself, and that's bad. They've gotten much less concerned with smelling, like all the things society taught them have been unlearned, but when you can smell yourself it's still pretty bad, and if they go into town now it's good to be as fresh as possible. He doesn't think there's still a functioning society out there, but hope springs eternal (or is at least more stubborn than you might think), and he wants to be at his best just in case.
He washes his hair with the last of the soap, which makes it all bristly, but at least it doesn't smell greasy any more. He wonders if they should try to find some proper scissors for cutting their hair, since it will make it easier to keep clean. Maybe he can convince Rani to cut hers shorter, but he's not sure. Clyde would probably trim his with a razor, if all the blades weren't getting blunt. They need a shaving knife if they can find one, because it will be sturdier. And Rani will need some girl stuff. He's going to have to ask her about that, because if she gets pregnant they will have a real problem. He has no idea how they protect themselves, if they even do, but he should talk to them about it. That's not really a conversation he looks forward to.
Clyde and Rani are ready to go, which doesn't really say anything, except they're wearing clothes that don't stink. Much. They need to do laundry at some point too. In fact, the list of stuff they need to do is so long it's got subclauses and varying degrees of urgency. It's colour coded. In Luke's brain that is. He hasn't written it down, because that might be too depressing.
The walk into the centre is slow. Usually they'd take the bus, but now they have to walk the entire way. They've all got backpacks with some stuff they need in case of attacks, and they've got bags for carrying the loot back. Luke still feels bad about stealing stuff, but the situation is getting extreme. They need some things really bad, toilet paper for one. And they need to find some source of protein. Canned meat is what comes to mind immediately, and beans. Hopefully there will be some of it, because Luke does not fancy trying to catch rabbits, not even with a book detailing exactly what he needs to do. He's thought about trying to grow beans, but he doesn't know how to do that. Maybe the library will know. Strangely he feels so much less apprehensive about stealing from the library. It's probably because the library is supposed to be public, all the knowledge in there is for all the people, and they really need the books. He thinks they're going to return the books when they're done with them, if there's still a library then, and people who need them.
*
In town it's quiet. Too quiet. It's eerie, but the buildings show signs of rioting, so there have probably been people around somewhere not long ago. Clyde and Rani are trying to talk, but Luke can't find any words. They go to the supermarket, and it's got broken windows, rotting produce lying around, but they do find some canned foods, not any of the good stuff, but when they leave they've got beans, lentils, chick peas and spam. Luke shudders to think how their digestive systems are going to feel after a week of that diet. They also take spices, and lots of salt. Predictably, the only stuff they can't find at all is candy, because people apparently have no self preservation.
There's a health store that Rani insists they go to, and get vitamin tablets. She says they'll get iron deficiency and other stuff, and Luke just agrees with her. She probably knows these things, brilliant as she is. He doesn't want to think about them, so he hasn't learned a lot about that. She gets a lot of things in the health store, protein powder and omega-3 capsules, because no one has raided it. They also go to a pharmacy, which still has things like paracetamol, but of course no hard drugs left. Rani takes a whole bag of various pills and contraceptives, which makes Luke happy, because he won’t have to talk to her about it.
In a flower shop they find seeds for various vegetables, and they pick up some tomato plants that have survived. It's amazing, Luke thinks, how humans have made themselves so dependent on electricity, but the rest of the species on Earth just continue on as if nothing had happened. And nothing has, really. It's the society they have built. Fifty or sixty years ago everything would have been different, and people would have survived in much greater numbers.
In the library it is silent, and almost scary. It's not the silence of people talking in hushed voices or concentrating on their reading, it's the quiet of a dead space. Just all these books around. They get in and find what they want quickly, because none of them want to lounge around in there, in the dust and gloom. Outside the sun is shining again, and it feels good to go back home.
Luke helps with the unpacking, and then he goes back to the attic. They are going to need to go into town a lot the next week, to salvage anything that can be salvaged, build up some kind of storage for the winter, and for the rest of their lives, and Luke needs to get on solving the problems with heating the house, and powering Mr Smith in the winter, but he just wants to sit by himself for a while. Not to mope, just to think.
35
Mr Smith has talked to him, but he hasn't been angry again, so when he starts suddenly Luke doesn't think anything is really going on. Sure, he's been hiding in the attic, but he's been down for food, and he's slept downstairs at least once, and he even went with Rani on another supplies run. So he has no reason to think Mr Smith is angry with him.
"Luke", Mr Smith says, and Luke just knows Clyde would make Star Wars jokes at that.
"Yeah", he replies absently from where he's fiddling with his wind turbine, not really trying to make it work.
"If you don't leave I'm going to play the Jonas Brothers over and over until your ears can't stand it anymore", Mr Smith says, everything delivered in an even, calm voice, so it's not until Luke actually thinks about what he heard that he gets it. He stands up quickly.
"I'm leaving", he says and hurries down the stairs. He doesn’t even stop to ask why Mr Smith would even have something like that on his hard drive.
*
The house is quiet, and he looks through every room before going outside. Clyde and Rani have obviously been working in the garden, and it's all growing nicely, as far as he can see. They're apparently having a break now, since they're lying on the grass, touching each other idly. Rani spots him coming up to them, and she tries to put some space between her and Clyde, but he lies down on her other side and puts his arms around her, resting his head next to hers and breathing in the scent of her hair. It doesn't smell completely clean, but he's learning to deal with that smell, and it's not disgusting either. He just lies there and breathes with them, and that's fine. That's ok. He doesn't need more than this, doesn't need anything else, just knowing that they're his friends and they're going to be here always is fine, even if they won’t love him as he loves them.
"I love you", he murmurs into Rani's skin, and then he falls asleep.
*
He wakes up with the feeling of having done something he shouldn't have, but he has no idea what it might be. The sun hasn't moved at all, so he can’t have been out for long, but long enough that Clyde has moved, and he's now lying in the middle of a Clyde-Rani sandwich. Clyde has turned him over somewhat, so he's now the little spoon, and Rani has curled up against him. They're not doing anything, not trying to seduce him, but he still feels a bit nervous. Clyde kisses his neck, and his nervousness increases.
"I can hear you thinking", Clyde mutters. Luke tenses some more.
"Relax", Rani says, and he tries.
"I really do like you, you know", Clyde says, and it takes Luke a while to realize this is the continuation of the conversation they had days ago.
"Yeah", he breathes, because he might as well have it now, since they both seem so determined to have it. "I know, that's not the point."
"No, the point is that you're being dense", Rani says, and he should take offence at that, really.
"Say that I am", Luke says, "then what are you trying to tell me." Clyde tightens his hold on Luke somewhat, and Luke realizes he's not going to like whatever they have to say.
"I love you, too", Rani says, and it's so very unexpected. So very, very unexpected.
"I..." Luke says. And then he stops. Because what can he say to that.
"And I love you", Clyde says, and while it doesn't sound like he's entirely comfortable saying the words he still sounds sincere. And Luke just doesn't know what to do with that.
"I... I need a moment alone, I think", he says, because running away hasn't actually worked all that well. He starts to get up, but then he leans down to give Rani a quick kiss, and then Clyde. He doesn't know what possesses him to do that, but when he finally gets to the shower place he's blushing furiously, and smiling, and he can't decide if he should laugh or scream or cry. Except this time it actually feels good.
He washes up, and takes his time about it, getting as clean as he can with their new shampoo and their soap. He wants to go back to Clyde and Rani, but he doesn't know what to say yet. Because he wants to say yes, but he hasn't thought this through, and he's sure Rani wants to talk some more. And while it would be a good idea to talk some more he wants to sort out himself first, so he goes to his old room, because he thinks Mr Smith would threaten him with strange things if he went to the attic, and he picks up paper and pen to make a proper pros and cons list.
Two hours later and the only thing written down is 'I love them'.
39
Things don't go back to the way they used to be, but then, they didn't actually use to be in a special way, since everything has been more or less chaos. It's more like he doesn't go back, and for once it's actually like something positive. Like he's changing for the better. Sure, it's slow and all, and he's not exactly stable yet, but he's getting there. To a place where he thinks he'll be able to actually think about it, the world, and not break down. He's getting to a place where he can finally process the things that have happened, and not be overwhelmed.
He sleeps in the same bed as Rani and Clyde, and he lets them cuddle him, he cuddles back, and it's touches and kisses during the day, all kept pretty chaste, with some notable exceptions. But they don't have sex, and Luke is grateful. He knows Clyde and Rani have sex, he can see it and smell it, but it's fine. They're trying to figure out their new dynamic, and they're doing it slowly, and that's good. It's a pace that doesn't scare him, even if the pretty frequent admissions of love and adoration from Clyde do. Rani only says it when they're going to sleep in the evenings, murmurs "I love you", instead of good night, and it is sort of nice. Clyde has more of a habit of cornering him, kissing him and saying "I love you", while looking Luke in the eyes. He doesn't doubt either of them, but it's still scary. He didn't think he'd have this, have them, but he does, he can, and he worries that he'll break them somehow. Not that they're fragile, and maybe it's himself he worries that he'll break.
*
Outside it's raining, and Rani decided that this would be a good day for laundry. They have brought back a lot of clothes and random fabric from different stores in the city, but they still need to wash the stuff they have. They have a ridiculously large number of washing powder boxes from different brands, and all sorts of sanitary products, so it's not like they're going to run out before they figure out how to make it themselves, or someone else figures out how to make it for them. So they take off their clothes, Clyde and Luke in just underpants and Rani in a bikini she found somewhere, and they wash all their clothes. It's probably smarter to do it when the sun is shining, Luke thinks, because this way it will never dry, but Rani claimed that they didn't have enough water for that, so he does as she says. They keep water in bottles inside, lots of bottles, but living demands a huge amount of it. And washing in the closest river is not an option, since it's probably even more dirty now than it used to be. In a couple of years it might be better, but Luke doesn't want to take that chance.
When they're done washing they bring the clothes and bed linen inside and hang them in the living room, where Clyde has put up some clothes lines. The stuff they don't manage to hang there they put up on chairs around the house. When they're done they dry off (and thank God for towels) and fall into bed together to get warm. It's nice, Luke is in the middle because he's so thin, and he's incredibly cold, and Rani and Clyde are both holding him, touching him. He gets turned on, and he hasn't been all that turned on in a while. He doesn't know if he should hide it or not, be ashamed, because even if they're doing this thing he's not comfortable with this level of intimacy yet. Clyde touches him, lightly, but when Luke tenses he stops and puts his hand on Luke's chest instead. They lie like that for a while, and eventually Luke's hard-on goes down. Not like it wouldn't come back with a vengeance at the smallest provocation, but still.
42
Luke counts the days, thinks this might be a new calendar, a new new years or something like that. He has trouble really justifying it to himself, but he still counts. It's the last day of June, and it's hot. He has spent the last few days trying to figure out a way to store heat, maybe making a large battery for the solar power they're getting, or lots of batteries tied together. He needs to find some supplies, but he's not exactly sure how to do it yet, and that frustrates him. Because it will be winter, and even though they've gotten supplies for insulating the house really well they are still going to need some kind of heat source. Because they can't make it a passive house, no matter how much they try. It's always going to leak heat out somewhere, it's just a question of how much heat. So he spends time in the attic, because that's where he can get some work done. Mr Smith seems to have calmed down now that he is trying with Clyde and Rani, and has even been helpful, in between bouts of sulking and claiming his power is running out. It isn't, Luke has checked and re-checked, but he lets Mr Smith get away with it. He's probably lonely as hell; even if the computers he had to talk to weren't very stimulating they were at least something.
Luke still doesn't feel up to dealing with the rest of the world, but he pulls up satellite pictures anyway. Not the close up kinds, just the ones where he can see if there are fires or explosions killing people. India looks really weird, and he makes a mental note to check it out later, and around every nuclear power plant there is stuff going on, probably meltdowns, and the effects of that are going to be slow and long lasting.The fires raging in parts of southern Europe, Africa and North America are far more worrying right now, but that's all he really feels up to dealing with. After he turns Mr Smith off he goes downstairs. He doesn't want to be alone, even if he doesn't want to share this with Luke and Rani.
They're in the kitchen, making food, but since it's boiling in the pan they've started making out. Rani is sitting on the kitchen table and Clyde is standing between her legs, hands in her hair. They're not kissing in that intense way that means they're about to have sex, it looks like it's more because it's cosy, but he's almost instantly hard anyway. He doesn't know what to do, so he stands in the doorway, leaning awkwardly on the door frame and presses a hand against his dick. It's like Rani has a sixth sense about these things (even though Luke knows there are far more than six senses he still thinks it's a useful phrase) and she looks at him, lips shiny with spit and a deep red. He doesn't know whether to be embarrassed about the fact that he's essentially jerking off while looking at them, or more turned on that they're looking back. He can't let go of the feeling of wrongness, that there shouldn't be more than two people in a relationship, but that's society's rules, and only this society, not all societies in all times, and this society is dead. And maybe he should let the idea of monogamy in a relationship of only two people die with it.
So he walks up to the table and grabs onto Rani's hair, kisses her in a way that he's sure will make his intent clear. She moans into his mouth, and Clyde presses up against him, kissing his neck and biting down. Luke knows this isn't going to be anything fantastic, he's going to come really quickly, and they have to eat, they can't afford to let any food go to waste, but he wants it, and he can have it, and to hell with the rules, he's going to take what he's been offered.
Clyde moves away, and Luke is standing where he stood, between Rani's thighs. She's kissing him, holding on to him and he touches her stomach, her breast. She's not wearing a bra, and he can feel her nipples through the fabric of her shirt, and it makes him even harder. Clyde is standing behind him, has put his hands up under Luke's t-shirt, and he's touching Luke's chest. It's awesome, the both of them, but he needs more, he's been turned on for days, his body waiting for his mind to give in, and he presses his hips forward into Rani's body.
"I think he's a bit impatient", she says to Clyde, and then they kiss over Luke's shoulder. It's incredibly hot, having the both of them, but at the same time them having each other, and him. Clyde finally takes mercy on him and puts his hand down Luke's shorts. The first touch, just feeling out the lay of the land, is still electric. Luke whines, and Rani kisses him silent. Clyde holds on to him, one hand around his torso and one down his shorts, and it's so good. Luke doesn't last for more than what he estimates to be one minute and 37 seconds. When he comes he feels like he's going to fall apart, but Clyde and Rani are there, and they wont let him fall far.
He's breathing hard when he comes back to himself, and smiling like a lunatic. Rani looks indulgent and Clyde kisses his neck. Luke turns his head so he can kiss Clyde on the mouth, and then he kisses Rani too.
"You didn't die", Clyde says. "Wasn't so bad was it?"
Luke just smiles and heads out to clean up. He tries to think while in the shower, washing his hair properly now that it’s short again, but he just keeps smiling. He’s happy, in that high on your own endorphins way you only get from a hard workout or a really nice orgasm. And happy isn’t really conducive to thinking deep thoughts, as he’s just discovering.
When he gets back inside Clyde and Rani have finished with the food and they eat together. It's like something is loosened up inside him, even though he knows it probably hasn't. It's just a good orgasm But he still can’t deny the feeling that things look brighter. Maybe it will turn out all right. Maybe everything is going to to be, if not fine, then acceptable. Maybe they're going to survive to build a new world, a better world, and maybe he's going to spend his life with the people he loves most, safe in the knowledge that his mum is doing what she wanted, travelling with the Doctor again, without guilt. Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a good summer.