& then you wonder;
“And then you wonder” Something I always hear. I suppose it’s a shot back at you during an argument to make you feel like, shit about something you did. Or what one specific person or situation did to someone and how they re-acted, and by how they re-acted made other people feel like shit. Complicated, right? I mean, how do other people know what I’m wondering? When I’m clueless, I’m not acting, I’m fucking clueless. Now I’m contradicting myself here, wouldn’t be the first time, because I have said that before. “And then you wonder…” I know when things I say make sense. I know when they dunt. But, this makes sense. And I’ve said it more than twice to the same person. “And then you wonder why I do the things I do” to my mom.
I do what I want. Sure, I think about the consequences-sometimes. But, there’s a lesson behind every miniature mistake. Who’s there to stop me from doing wrong? Nobody but myself. & I’ll be just fine. Nobody tugs my shirt before doing something and says “wait, think about this” just, me, myself and my sub-conscience. “And then you wonder why I do the things I do” I say, because I know she wonders why I do the things I do. There’s this kid right? Broke my heart. But, I’m not untitled to say that. I dug my own grave. I carved the tomb stone and everything. It’s like, I shot a dart that hit them and it miraculously came back and hit me too. I learned my lesson, I learn from my mistakes and I have. So, why can’t that kid know that? It hit me this time.
And then you wonder…