Have Fun At Work
That is the purpose of today. Why? For, lo, it is yet ANOTHER random holiday - that being, namely "Have Fun At Work Day."
And, we all know what that translates into in the world of livejournal, right?
SPAM!!!
How To Annoy Your Co-Workers
Dont use any punctuation
TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Suggest that the Coke machine be filled with beer.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
When You Can't Say Anything Nice...
"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
"I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care."
"It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."
"What am I? Flypaper for freaks !?"
"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
"Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."
"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
"I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... "
"Who me? I just wander from room to room."
"It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy."
"At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits."
"I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me."
"You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication."
Fun Things to SAY in an Elevator
"Is this the one they fixed after the last accident?"
"Beam me up, Scotty."
"The free clinic told me it isn't contagious."
"Anyone smell smoke?"
"Going up is sure tough on hemorrhoids."
"Wonder what this button is for?"
"Don't you just love muzak?"
"The French are right. One bath a week is more than enough."
"Who called this meeting?"
"I try not to push other people's buttons."
"8th floor: Ladies hand bags."
"I'm claustrophobic. May I hold your hand?"
"What do you think the weight limit is here?"
To a nervous pregnant lady: "Uh...when are you due?"
Fun Things to DO in an Elevator
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, damnit, all of you just shut UP!"
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"
Meow occasionally.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Hum or whistle over and over the first refrain of "It's a small world after all."
Sleeping? Who, Me? Top 10 Excuses
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
8. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."
7. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
6. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper!"
5. "Testing my cubicles sleeping conditions satisfies ISO-9000" norms.
4. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress."
(and the followup)
"Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
3. Explain that this is a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) they told you about at the last mandatory seminar you were sent to.
2. "I'm increasing everyone else's productivity by reducing my oxygen consumption."
1. Quickly say "Amen"
Remember...only a few more hours until the weekend!
And, we all know what that translates into in the world of livejournal, right?
SPAM!!!
How To Annoy Your Co-Workers
Dont use any punctuation
TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice)
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Suggest that the Coke machine be filled with beer.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
When You Can't Say Anything Nice...
"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
"I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care."
"It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."
"What am I? Flypaper for freaks !?"
"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
"Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."
"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
"I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... "
"Who me? I just wander from room to room."
"It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy."
"At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits."
"I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me."
"You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication."
Fun Things to SAY in an Elevator
"Is this the one they fixed after the last accident?"
"Beam me up, Scotty."
"The free clinic told me it isn't contagious."
"Anyone smell smoke?"
"Going up is sure tough on hemorrhoids."
"Wonder what this button is for?"
"Don't you just love muzak?"
"The French are right. One bath a week is more than enough."
"Who called this meeting?"
"I try not to push other people's buttons."
"8th floor: Ladies hand bags."
"I'm claustrophobic. May I hold your hand?"
"What do you think the weight limit is here?"
To a nervous pregnant lady: "Uh...when are you due?"
Fun Things to DO in an Elevator
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, damnit, all of you just shut UP!"
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"
Meow occasionally.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Hum or whistle over and over the first refrain of "It's a small world after all."
Sleeping? Who, Me? Top 10 Excuses
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
8. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."
7. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
6. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper!"
5. "Testing my cubicles sleeping conditions satisfies ISO-9000" norms.
4. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress."
(and the followup)
"Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
3. Explain that this is a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) they told you about at the last mandatory seminar you were sent to.
2. "I'm increasing everyone else's productivity by reducing my oxygen consumption."
1. Quickly say "Amen"
Remember...only a few more hours until the weekend!