Fandom is Going to the Dogs
This is another post that I’ve been meaning to make for some time. The reasons for not making it should be abundantly clear as no normal or mentally-well-balanced individual could create something like this.
Remember when I did the dolls? Yeah, this is much, much worse.
Okay, backstory:
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (or early December 2006 in the TWoP Criminal Minds forum, whatever) ... someone posited the question - “What kind of dog they would all be if they were dogs?”
Anyone who knows me at all knows that this sort of questioning is NEVER a good idea around me. My brain latches onto it and *fwooosh!* all chance of sanity is just ... gone.
And, naturally, being as obsessive as I am, I didn’t just stop with the cast of Criminal Minds. I dog-itized the characters of all my favorite procedurals.
I’ve just hung onto the basic post in my Word documents for the past ten months, being rather embarrassed to show my obsessive-compulsive dork side so VERY strongly out in public, as it were. (It's gotten worse, too. Since then, I’ve expanded my original pictures-only version for explanations that often include quotes from the AKC breed standard definitions. ... I am such a dork. *facepalm*)
We’ll start with CM, since they were what started it all.
Penelope Garcia - Australian Shepherd. Someone on the TWoP thread suggested “a border collie - smart but hyper” - Same theory but I expanded on it. Aussies are also eye-catching, unique-looking, solidly built dogs. (the breed definition says “coloring that offers variety and individuality.”) In addition to being scary-smart they are boisterously gregarious, and wizards at areas within their unique skill sets. Sounds about right.
Spencer Reid - Brittany Spaniel. The inquisitive attitude, the lean frame, the floppy hair, the coloring, even the facial expression. Seriously. Put a scarf on this fellow and tell me he’s not the canine version of our little BAU boy genius? Breed description: The face is intelligent and expressive, with eyes of various shades of amber or hazel. The dog’s frame is strong and leggy... The coat is dense and either flat or wavy with some feathering on the ears” “The breed is noted for being easy to train, sensitive, and sweet-natured. Many enthusiasts agree that it takes little more than a stern look or cross word to chastise a Brittany.”
Derek Morgan - Doberman, specifically, a red or liver Doberman. This one just seemed obvious to me. Sleek, strong, lethal. Reputation as a guard/police dog. Oh yeah, and they are really good at tackling the bad guy. “General Appearance: Compactly built, muscular and powerful, for great endurance and speed. Elegant in appearance, of proud carriage, reflecting great nobility and temperament. Energetic, watchful, determined, alert, fearless, loyal and obedient.” - See? Obvious.
Jason Gideon - Bloodhound. Another TWoP poster had labeled Gideon as an ol’ hound dog” - I had to assign him the breed best associated with manhunting. (Plus, I think there’s a rather strong resemblance.)
Aaron Hotchner - German Shepherd. Another one that just had to be. I mean, if there was ever a dog that screamed “Mr. FBI” (or "Captain America" for that matter) it would be the German Shepherd, the one traditionally associated with police keeping, obedience, service. (Even kinda looks like he’s wearing a suitjacket, don’t you think?) And, lest we forget, they can be downright scary at times. And have been known to enjoy taking down a bad guy or two, as well. If you don’t believe me read the breed standard: “The first impression of a good German Shepherd Dog is that of a strong, agile, well muscled animal, alert and full of life. ... It looks substantial and not spindly, giving the impression, both at rest and in motion, of muscular fitness and nimbleness without any look of clumsiness or soft living. The ideal dog is stamped with a look of quality and nobility -difficult to define, but unmistakable when present. The breed has a distinct personality marked by direct and fearless, but not hostile, expression, self-confidence and a certain aloofness that does not lend itself to immediate and indiscriminate friendships. The dog must be approachable, quietly standing its ground and showing confidence and willingness to meet overtures without itself making them. It is poised, but when the occasion demands, eager and alert; both fit and willing to serve in its capacity as companion, watchdog, blind leader, herding dog, or guardian, whichever the circumstances may demand.” - Hotch as a dog, ladies and gentlemen! I rest my case.
Jennifer ‘JJ’ Jereau - Golden Cocker Spaniel. The smallest member of the Sporting Group, Cockers are probably best known for their appearance, which is indeed adorable. However they are quite capable in their own right, even as accomplished hunting dogs, if required, belying their “soft” appearance. They are intelligent, friendly, confidant, and typically refuse to be intimidated by larger, fiercer dogs. I think the comparison speaks for itself.
Elle Greenaway - Saluki. I didn't really watch much of S1 so my main impression of Elle was her appearance - lean, angular, somewhat exotic, and especially that unfortuate fluffy haircut she got in S2. Hence, Saluki. (It’s the ears)
Emily Prentiss - English Pointer. Again, this is more appearance than personality, I think. Smooth, sleek to the point of shininess, black and white... Then again she does tend to get fixated on one point or another, so there you have it.
And, finally, just for fun (and to fully confirm if you weren’t already certain that I should be commited) -
The Baby Muppet Version of Criminal Minds: Canine Unit
Puppy!Garcia
Puppy!Reid
Puppy!Morgan
Puppy!Gideon
Puppy!Hotch
Puppy!JJ
Puppy!Elle
Puppy!Prentiss
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go hide and try to avoid completely deleting this post in a massive backwash of embarrassment.
Remember when I did the dolls? Yeah, this is much, much worse.
Okay, backstory:
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (or early December 2006 in the TWoP Criminal Minds forum, whatever) ... someone posited the question - “What kind of dog they would all be if they were dogs?”
Anyone who knows me at all knows that this sort of questioning is NEVER a good idea around me. My brain latches onto it and *fwooosh!* all chance of sanity is just ... gone.
And, naturally, being as obsessive as I am, I didn’t just stop with the cast of Criminal Minds. I dog-itized the characters of all my favorite procedurals.
I’ve just hung onto the basic post in my Word documents for the past ten months, being rather embarrassed to show my obsessive-compulsive dork side so VERY strongly out in public, as it were. (It's gotten worse, too. Since then, I’ve expanded my original pictures-only version for explanations that often include quotes from the AKC breed standard definitions. ... I am such a dork. *facepalm*)
We’ll start with CM, since they were what started it all.
Penelope Garcia - Australian Shepherd. Someone on the TWoP thread suggested “a border collie - smart but hyper” - Same theory but I expanded on it. Aussies are also eye-catching, unique-looking, solidly built dogs. (the breed definition says “coloring that offers variety and individuality.”) In addition to being scary-smart they are boisterously gregarious, and wizards at areas within their unique skill sets. Sounds about right.
Spencer Reid - Brittany Spaniel. The inquisitive attitude, the lean frame, the floppy hair, the coloring, even the facial expression. Seriously. Put a scarf on this fellow and tell me he’s not the canine version of our little BAU boy genius? Breed description: The face is intelligent and expressive, with eyes of various shades of amber or hazel. The dog’s frame is strong and leggy... The coat is dense and either flat or wavy with some feathering on the ears” “The breed is noted for being easy to train, sensitive, and sweet-natured. Many enthusiasts agree that it takes little more than a stern look or cross word to chastise a Brittany.”
Derek Morgan - Doberman, specifically, a red or liver Doberman. This one just seemed obvious to me. Sleek, strong, lethal. Reputation as a guard/police dog. Oh yeah, and they are really good at tackling the bad guy. “General Appearance: Compactly built, muscular and powerful, for great endurance and speed. Elegant in appearance, of proud carriage, reflecting great nobility and temperament. Energetic, watchful, determined, alert, fearless, loyal and obedient.” - See? Obvious.
Jason Gideon - Bloodhound. Another TWoP poster had labeled Gideon as an ol’ hound dog” - I had to assign him the breed best associated with manhunting. (Plus, I think there’s a rather strong resemblance.)
Aaron Hotchner - German Shepherd. Another one that just had to be. I mean, if there was ever a dog that screamed “Mr. FBI” (or "Captain America" for that matter) it would be the German Shepherd, the one traditionally associated with police keeping, obedience, service. (Even kinda looks like he’s wearing a suitjacket, don’t you think?) And, lest we forget, they can be downright scary at times. And have been known to enjoy taking down a bad guy or two, as well. If you don’t believe me read the breed standard: “The first impression of a good German Shepherd Dog is that of a strong, agile, well muscled animal, alert and full of life. ... It looks substantial and not spindly, giving the impression, both at rest and in motion, of muscular fitness and nimbleness without any look of clumsiness or soft living. The ideal dog is stamped with a look of quality and nobility -difficult to define, but unmistakable when present. The breed has a distinct personality marked by direct and fearless, but not hostile, expression, self-confidence and a certain aloofness that does not lend itself to immediate and indiscriminate friendships. The dog must be approachable, quietly standing its ground and showing confidence and willingness to meet overtures without itself making them. It is poised, but when the occasion demands, eager and alert; both fit and willing to serve in its capacity as companion, watchdog, blind leader, herding dog, or guardian, whichever the circumstances may demand.” - Hotch as a dog, ladies and gentlemen! I rest my case.
Jennifer ‘JJ’ Jereau - Golden Cocker Spaniel. The smallest member of the Sporting Group, Cockers are probably best known for their appearance, which is indeed adorable. However they are quite capable in their own right, even as accomplished hunting dogs, if required, belying their “soft” appearance. They are intelligent, friendly, confidant, and typically refuse to be intimidated by larger, fiercer dogs. I think the comparison speaks for itself.
Elle Greenaway - Saluki. I didn't really watch much of S1 so my main impression of Elle was her appearance - lean, angular, somewhat exotic, and especially that unfortuate fluffy haircut she got in S2. Hence, Saluki. (It’s the ears)
Emily Prentiss - English Pointer. Again, this is more appearance than personality, I think. Smooth, sleek to the point of shininess, black and white... Then again she does tend to get fixated on one point or another, so there you have it.
And, finally, just for fun (and to fully confirm if you weren’t already certain that I should be commited) -
The Baby Muppet Version of Criminal Minds: Canine Unit
Puppy!Garcia
Puppy!Reid
Puppy!Morgan
Puppy!Gideon
Puppy!Hotch
Puppy!JJ
Puppy!Elle
Puppy!Prentiss
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go hide and try to avoid completely deleting this post in a massive backwash of embarrassment.