What's the difference between a bowl of clam chowder and a kettledrum, you ask?
What's the difference between a bowl of clam chowder and a kettledrum, you ask?
Well, it's not the sound, as you might think. I have discovered an easy, hands-free way to make a bowl of chowder sound just like a kettledrum. I can't recommend it to the Boston Symphony Orchestra, though.
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EWwww - Well, today just went down the tubes. I put a bowl of clam chowder in the microwave.
Ba BOOM ! Boom b boom ! Yes, that many. Odd, I'd never heard that many before, and in that rhythm. Not everyone has had the benefit of a Bachelor's degree in music, so as to analyze the tempo, rhythm, pitch, volume, and timbre of their exploding lunch. And that's a real shame. Gives you something to mull over during the icky cleanup.
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My son and I recently had the scientific discussion over how to remember which were stalactites and which were stalagmites in a cave. An easy way to remember is that the 'Tites are up Top, while mites are little bugs that crawl on the ground, in search of homes in the ears of kittens. (If you think I have digressed totally from the clam chowder subject, then you're someone who always covers his food in the microwave.) So once I was done analyzing just how chowder could be used as a musical instrument, I still had plenty of cleanup time to feel superior about knowing 'Tites vs. 'Mites.
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(As for the C vs. G part - Try this mnemonic: the C in stalactite stands for ceiling; the G in stalagmite stands for ground.)
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To make matters worse, I don't have a garbage disposal in my sink for goopy solids, so there were several gloppy marches to the bathroom, where I keep the other “Food Disposal Unit”.
This is rather inconvenient, and I have considered relocating the FDU to the kitchen, despite what Martha Stewart might say. And relocating the toidy to the kitchen is not just for cooking mishaps. It's not a bad idea for families who eat a lot of chili, if you get my point.
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So the next time the Boston Pops wants to play the 1812 Overture,
with its thrilling cannon imitations at the end, but the tympanist just broke through the skin of his last kettledrum, I suggest having on hand a couple of microwaves, and a few bowls of yummy New England Clam Chowder. You'd think they would have taught us that in Music College ...after all, it was in Massachusetts. I wonder what acoustical effect one could get with Boston Baked Beans?
You try it, and report back to us. I still have some mighty tight 'mites to scrape up.
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In case you weren't lucky enough to grow up in Massachusetts, hearing the Boston Pops playing the 1812 Overture every Fourth of July, with fireworks in the background, here's a little clip of the music. The whole piece is around 15 minutes (which is why I think fireworks are necessary), but this clip is just the very end, the most dramatic part. I only wish my chowder's explosion was as SMALL as the one from the Battleship. Sigh....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9Dct0l2uVM&feature=related
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It's not the 1812 Overture, and nothing to do with chowder (thankfully), but here's a really hilarious clip of Shaq trying to conduct the Boston Pops.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoyiR3ob7yk&feature=related
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And in case you have no idea who even fought in the War of 1812, here's the Wiki - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_1812 (Notice, the “Star Spangled Banner” was from 1814.)