Can I really be THAT Stupid?
Can I really be THAT stupid?
I've despaired of ever getting any smarter. And at almost fifty, the medical world would say I'm on the downward slide, so I might as well stop tilting at that particular windmill anyway. I'm pretty OK with all this, except for one part. In the quest for intelligence I have gone just one teeny baby step too far for comfort. I have managed to reach the point where I can fully see and understand exactly HOW stupid I am, but can't get past it. Sigh..... I would have been happier with 3 fewer IQ points and leave me in the bliss that ignorance is supposed to ensure.
So here's where the gift of humor has to be brought to bear. Hey, if God wasn't going to give me more intelligence, then I suppose I should be grateful for my "consolation prize" of a great sense of humor to help me cope with it.
Today was a DOOZY. A real blonde moment, on a dark brunette. At least I caught myself in the middle of the most idiotic thing you've ever heard. So I'm proud of that anyway. Still leaked out half the stupidity, but at least I noticed it before anyone else did. But it was just SOOOO stupid, and therefore so funny, that I had to share it with the two in the car anyway, embarrassment be damned. And now I share it with you for your enjoyment, and so if you are ever THAT dumb, you will know you're not alone in the world.
Here's the scenario: My son called me up just after noon today and asked if I was busy. Stupid me didn't think to lie, LOL. (Of course, if you know me, you know I wouldn't refuse to help him anyway, and I don't, just don't lie. And once when you read how stupid I can be before my brain catches up to my mouth, you'll see one of the reasons I don't ever lie. It's not just a morality thing.)
James: "Hi Mom, are you busy? --- My car is gone. It got towed." This son only has one vehicle that he and Ashley manage to share to get to 2 jobs. She's also 7 months pregnant.
So I figure he needs a ride, and he needs it right now, and one of them may need a ride later on, too. He says they were at some Baby Safety class or something. And then he says it's in Detroit. Yes, Detroit, all the way into the city. Long way, dangerous place, plenty of highways to get lost on, plenty of exits to find closed and rerouted. Fabulous. So I torch up the laptop to look up YahooMaps. And of course it's one of those lovely No-Internet days. Fabuloso.
Then he tells me it's going to take FOUR HUNDRED dollars, in CASH to get the car, and it has to be done before 5PM. Fabulissimo. And I know what that next, pitiful sentence is going to be. And I love him madly, so I spared him from having to ask. Yes, I do happen to have that laying around here. (Now that first implies that I have gobs of money, but it's so much the other way. One of the best things I've learned to manage great poverty is to always have some emergency money socked away - and to not have it in the bank. Even the IRS doesn't search under the mattress - but they might take the bed...)
Yes, I'll come and save you, Little One.
So I pull out my telephone booth, and dig the red cape out of the closet, and velcro that yellow S on my chest. (SuperMom ! Able to leap tall earthworms in a single bound.)
So I pick them both up, and they start giving directions to where the car has been towed. It's a few towns away. Wow. I didn't have a clear idea where they had parked the car, since I picked them up somewhere else, and I was busy navigating a complicated web of one-way streets and jay-walking pedestrians (some of which may have been armed). So I didn't have an idea whether it was in the parking garage. “How can you mess up parking in a parking garage enough to get towed, and is my kid (still) that stupid?”, is what I was thinking. And I couldn't see anywhere else to leave a car. But they had the address where it was towed to, the name of the company, etc.
And here comes the stupidity.... It was halfway out of my mouth when my brain caught on. "So, how does one figure out their car is towed, and how did you know where to go to get it?" (Here it comes.... begin laughing)
"Did they leave a ticket, or a note, like on your windshield or something?"
I got all the way to "Did they lea....." before I caught myself !!!!
##########################I told my other son that this would definitely be one of those times my Dad would shake his head at me, despairingly, give that big, rare, ear-to-ear smile, and say..... "And YOU went to COLLEGE!" (He never got to go. Some malarkey about a World War interrupting, or some flimsy excuse. So he was jealous, and rubbed it in sometimes. Times just like this one.)
One last laugh......
The reason the kids bothered to go to this half-day baby class (not a childbirth class)?
They were promised a FREE CAR SEAT for the baby !!! AAAHAHAHAaaa !!!
(World's most expensive free car seat - $400 !)
I've despaired of ever getting any smarter. And at almost fifty, the medical world would say I'm on the downward slide, so I might as well stop tilting at that particular windmill anyway. I'm pretty OK with all this, except for one part. In the quest for intelligence I have gone just one teeny baby step too far for comfort. I have managed to reach the point where I can fully see and understand exactly HOW stupid I am, but can't get past it. Sigh..... I would have been happier with 3 fewer IQ points and leave me in the bliss that ignorance is supposed to ensure.
So here's where the gift of humor has to be brought to bear. Hey, if God wasn't going to give me more intelligence, then I suppose I should be grateful for my "consolation prize" of a great sense of humor to help me cope with it.
Today was a DOOZY. A real blonde moment, on a dark brunette. At least I caught myself in the middle of the most idiotic thing you've ever heard. So I'm proud of that anyway. Still leaked out half the stupidity, but at least I noticed it before anyone else did. But it was just SOOOO stupid, and therefore so funny, that I had to share it with the two in the car anyway, embarrassment be damned. And now I share it with you for your enjoyment, and so if you are ever THAT dumb, you will know you're not alone in the world.
Here's the scenario: My son called me up just after noon today and asked if I was busy. Stupid me didn't think to lie, LOL. (Of course, if you know me, you know I wouldn't refuse to help him anyway, and I don't, just don't lie. And once when you read how stupid I can be before my brain catches up to my mouth, you'll see one of the reasons I don't ever lie. It's not just a morality thing.)
James: "Hi Mom, are you busy? --- My car is gone. It got towed." This son only has one vehicle that he and Ashley manage to share to get to 2 jobs. She's also 7 months pregnant.
So I figure he needs a ride, and he needs it right now, and one of them may need a ride later on, too. He says they were at some Baby Safety class or something. And then he says it's in Detroit. Yes, Detroit, all the way into the city. Long way, dangerous place, plenty of highways to get lost on, plenty of exits to find closed and rerouted. Fabulous. So I torch up the laptop to look up YahooMaps. And of course it's one of those lovely No-Internet days. Fabuloso.
Then he tells me it's going to take FOUR HUNDRED dollars, in CASH to get the car, and it has to be done before 5PM. Fabulissimo. And I know what that next, pitiful sentence is going to be. And I love him madly, so I spared him from having to ask. Yes, I do happen to have that laying around here. (Now that first implies that I have gobs of money, but it's so much the other way. One of the best things I've learned to manage great poverty is to always have some emergency money socked away - and to not have it in the bank. Even the IRS doesn't search under the mattress - but they might take the bed...)
Yes, I'll come and save you, Little One.
So I pull out my telephone booth, and dig the red cape out of the closet, and velcro that yellow S on my chest. (SuperMom ! Able to leap tall earthworms in a single bound.)
So I pick them both up, and they start giving directions to where the car has been towed. It's a few towns away. Wow. I didn't have a clear idea where they had parked the car, since I picked them up somewhere else, and I was busy navigating a complicated web of one-way streets and jay-walking pedestrians (some of which may have been armed). So I didn't have an idea whether it was in the parking garage. “How can you mess up parking in a parking garage enough to get towed, and is my kid (still) that stupid?”, is what I was thinking. And I couldn't see anywhere else to leave a car. But they had the address where it was towed to, the name of the company, etc.
And here comes the stupidity.... It was halfway out of my mouth when my brain caught on. "So, how does one figure out their car is towed, and how did you know where to go to get it?" (Here it comes.... begin laughing)
"Did they leave a ticket, or a note, like on your windshield or something?"
I got all the way to "Did they lea....." before I caught myself !!!!
##########################I told my other son that this would definitely be one of those times my Dad would shake his head at me, despairingly, give that big, rare, ear-to-ear smile, and say..... "And YOU went to COLLEGE!" (He never got to go. Some malarkey about a World War interrupting, or some flimsy excuse. So he was jealous, and rubbed it in sometimes. Times just like this one.)
One last laugh......
The reason the kids bothered to go to this half-day baby class (not a childbirth class)?
They were promised a FREE CAR SEAT for the baby !!! AAAHAHAHAaaa !!!
(World's most expensive free car seat - $400 !)