Thumbs Up, and Down
Thumbs Up, and Down
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have more thumbs? Not ALL thumbs, mind you. Some folks have that condition already. Just one more on each hand. We could replace the useless pinky for another thumb. I mean, those of us who don't drink tea don't use it for anything anyway.
It would be set a bit further down the palm, like the original ones, and have much more autonomous movement than the weak pinky.
I can tell you one thing, those Intro to Keyboard 101 and 201 classes would have gone more smoothly back in music college. How did they expect me to go from the equivalent of an armless, one-fingered hunt-and-pecker typist to an executive secretary in one sememster - and not flunk all my other classes at the same time? I couldn't even reach the span of an octave without hanging my hand off the edge of the keys. Otherwise I'd be pulling down keys 2 and 7 also. Yeah, you try to “hang ten” like that when there are black keys involved. Childbirth took less time than mastering that Star-Spangled Banner for the final exam, and it was less painful. (OK, you caught me exaggerating. By about 2 hours. And there were no staples involved.)
I first thought that maybe we should have another pointer finger, also, to go with the new thumb upgrade. But then I remembered what little kids would do with them. Forget it. And then bratty little boys would be able to shoot at me with four guns ablazing. Also not good. Why double the bad manners?
More thumbs would make some things much more efficient. Hitchhikers could move from lonely roads to those five-lane avenues and advertise their desires to several cars at once, thereby maximizing the ride potential. Hmm.... what with the coordination quotient of some clods, perhaps they'd have to enact a law that this could only be done on those divided streets with the strip of land between the sides. We wouldn't want oncoming cars crossing over to your side to give you a ride while the ones at your back are also stopping. You'd better get that one-way pointing with two thumbs skill down, or you'll look like an undecided schizophrenic. Are there pills for that?
Movie reviews would take much less time, wouldn't they? Ebert and Roper could cover four at at time.
Gladiators would need a little more precise training, though. Maybe an anatomy class. No more slash and gouging. What if the new Caesar gave them three thumbs up and one down? “Uh....you want me to maim him a lot, but leave him hanging on by a thread? Is that it, Oh Great Sadist?”
Well, I'll have to leave you to your own ponderings of this subject. I'm very busy. I have to remaster the “Eensy Weensy Spider”. Poor thing gets halfway up the pipe, trips and falls off. He had a really lousy lot in life before, and those recurring nightmares about a flume ride......but now they're all laughing at him for his clumsiness, to boot.
(Hey, I just noticed something else funny. That little arachnid's initials are EWS. And that's just what he causes whenever I think of him..... I get the “Ews !” )
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have more thumbs? Not ALL thumbs, mind you. Some folks have that condition already. Just one more on each hand. We could replace the useless pinky for another thumb. I mean, those of us who don't drink tea don't use it for anything anyway.
It would be set a bit further down the palm, like the original ones, and have much more autonomous movement than the weak pinky.
I can tell you one thing, those Intro to Keyboard 101 and 201 classes would have gone more smoothly back in music college. How did they expect me to go from the equivalent of an armless, one-fingered hunt-and-pecker typist to an executive secretary in one sememster - and not flunk all my other classes at the same time? I couldn't even reach the span of an octave without hanging my hand off the edge of the keys. Otherwise I'd be pulling down keys 2 and 7 also. Yeah, you try to “hang ten” like that when there are black keys involved. Childbirth took less time than mastering that Star-Spangled Banner for the final exam, and it was less painful. (OK, you caught me exaggerating. By about 2 hours. And there were no staples involved.)
I first thought that maybe we should have another pointer finger, also, to go with the new thumb upgrade. But then I remembered what little kids would do with them. Forget it. And then bratty little boys would be able to shoot at me with four guns ablazing. Also not good. Why double the bad manners?
More thumbs would make some things much more efficient. Hitchhikers could move from lonely roads to those five-lane avenues and advertise their desires to several cars at once, thereby maximizing the ride potential. Hmm.... what with the coordination quotient of some clods, perhaps they'd have to enact a law that this could only be done on those divided streets with the strip of land between the sides. We wouldn't want oncoming cars crossing over to your side to give you a ride while the ones at your back are also stopping. You'd better get that one-way pointing with two thumbs skill down, or you'll look like an undecided schizophrenic. Are there pills for that?
Movie reviews would take much less time, wouldn't they? Ebert and Roper could cover four at at time.
Gladiators would need a little more precise training, though. Maybe an anatomy class. No more slash and gouging. What if the new Caesar gave them three thumbs up and one down? “Uh....you want me to maim him a lot, but leave him hanging on by a thread? Is that it, Oh Great Sadist?”
Well, I'll have to leave you to your own ponderings of this subject. I'm very busy. I have to remaster the “Eensy Weensy Spider”. Poor thing gets halfway up the pipe, trips and falls off. He had a really lousy lot in life before, and those recurring nightmares about a flume ride......but now they're all laughing at him for his clumsiness, to boot.
(Hey, I just noticed something else funny. That little arachnid's initials are EWS. And that's just what he causes whenever I think of him..... I get the “Ews !” )