What to Buy a Mourning Dove for Mother's Day
What to Buy a Mourning Dove for Mother's Day
(May 8, 2011 - Mother's Day)
Ever wonder if Mourning Doves get annoyed at that odd whirring sound their wings make when they fly? You know, like a cat must hate a bell around its neck all darned day? (Never mind changing positions when it sleeps. Now that's torture. Can you imagine that? We can't even stand the sound of our snooze alarms, and that's after the entire night's sleep.)
It's a weird sound, too. Go ahead and try to imitate it. Or even describe it. It's not just a whirring, but the internet calls it a wing-whistling. That's not enough either. It's really both, I think, along with some flapping as they take off. So that's whirring and whistling and flapping. Let's call it "whirrstleflapping". No wonder no one calls it that. A word that big is practically German.
Ever wonder if all the other birds make fun of them for this? Scene: Telephone Wire, Suburbia, Sunny Afternoon. Crow on the left says to the other crows, "Don't look now, but here comes that fat old Wanda Whirrstlewinger. Better make room. No, more room than that." Other birds sigh in annoyance. "Dang, she's even fatter that last week !" Crow on the right pipes in, "Don't forget to HOLD ON this time. Remember what happened last time she joined us? Everyone slid down the sides of the bowing wire, all crushed together at the bottom? My wife still has some rope-burn on her claws! "
Between you and me, it doesn't look like a great life. Poor Wanda....Laughed at by all the other birds, the most hunted species in the country, having to suffer up to 6 broods of ungrateful children a season, forced to eat nothing but seeds and grit, and the only Mother's Day gift she ever got was an Ipod with only one song on it - "Bird on a Wire". (Of course.) No wonder their calls sound like that ! Forget the girlish figure ! Heck, if this were my lot in life, I might be tempted to fly behind a McDonald's when no one was looking and sneak in a double cheeseburger, too !
This being Mother's Day, I decided to go out and try to make woeful Wanda Whirrstlewinger smile just for a moment. So I got her a new tune for that Ipod.
She's downright popular over there now ! Oh, she's still at the bottom of the crush of birds on that telephone wire - but they're all cackling in evil glee now for a different reason.
Crow on the left: "Play it again, play it again, Wanda ! You know how Felicia Finch has that bladder control problem when she laughs that much. And here comes that arrogant jerk who parked her SUV in two spaces underneath us. Play it again !" Wanda: "Oh, all right, one more time."
You haven't guessed the song yet? "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof", of course !