[exo & henry] this is fantastic
Title: this is fantastic
Fandom: EXO + Henry
Pairing: ~
Rating: T
Genre: crack, melodrama, parody
Word Count: 1,641w
Summary: Henry's the minotaur in EXO's labyrinth. Think of the MVs for Fantastic and Overdose. Not much more to say except they're fighting for the same girl.
“Report to me!” Imperious and all-knowing, Minotaur Henry the Fifth implores as he stares down his nose at his quavering subordinate. He crosses his arms across his chest and assumes an expression of great self-importance and narcissism; blessed from birth with amazingly good looks, he has spent the eighteen years prior to his ascension to the throne perfecting his mighty, holier-than-thou countenance.
Kneeling, his subordinate sinks to his knees and refuses to meet Henry’s gaze. Henry knows this stance all too well; it means trouble for the kingdom. “S-Sir!” The subordinate’s voice quavers as he reports, cracking an octave higher in his nervous fright. “They’re at it again! The Bucket Hat Guys are after the Unnamed Princess!”
“The Bucket Hat Guys?” Henry roars, beating a mighty fist upon his chest.
His subordinate shrinks back into himself at the display of mighty power. “Yes! But that’s not all…” he pauses, terrified as Henry turns an expectant glare upon him, “They have teamed up with the Poofy Shirts!”
The Poofy Shirts! No way, this must be some mistake. Henry’s mind whirs wildly as he tries to make sense of this madness. There are six members in the Bucket Hat Guys, and six amongst the Poofy Shirts. Six plus six equals twelve, twelve is comprised of the numbers one and two, one plus two equals three… and three is an odd number. The first odd number is one. There is no coincidence; his enemies have banded together as one!
“How dare those nincompoops do such a thing as conspire against me?!” Henry roars with the vocal chords of a singer, adding a bit of vibrato to his voice. “I thought I had successfully driven them away, back when they had gone on that ridiculous little spiel about shooting anonymously and being so careless. But, no matter! I have dealt with them once, and I shall deal with them again!”
During his spiel, his subordinate sneaks away. He knows that once his master starts ranting, he never stops; kind of like an author, minus the purple prose.
Rising from his seat with another angry roar (years of vocal training have paid off; he manages to take it up an octave from the previous one), Henry grabs his silver violin from where it rests upon soft velvet as red as the most crimson of blood. His bow follows soon after, and after playing an impromptu tune on the silver strings, he allows the final note to linger as he bellows out loud enough for the entire kingdom to hear.
“So, they think they can steal the Unnamed Girl from me?” Memories of his sweet, sweet seraphic darling arise in his mind, her beautiful features and flowing locks more precious than the most delicate of treasures.
“It’s going to be fantastic!”
-
On the other side of the labyrinth lies the Kingdom of Koreaboo. There, within the dwelling of the keep in one of the training rooms are the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts. They train by day with their powers, by night evade the fervent screams of the ladies who wish to procreate (which really does not make a lot of sense to any of them, because if their ‘ovaries are exploding’, which they claim, is that really possible?), a task fit only to the most masterful of the masterful. That, and those who were tricked by the King into throwing their lives away for an unprecedented amount of time to aspire to one day achieve fame and fortune.
Pausing in the act of throwing a ball of flames towards Sehun, Chanyeol tilts his head to the side. “Does anyone hear that?”
Everyone collectively halts, listening to the fast staccato of the solo violin.
“There’s no auto-tune.” Yixing, deceptively observant remarks cautiously.
Joonmyun, a lot more confident ever since that time they accidentally painted his hair sunshine yellow and gave him a gold medallion looks them over gravely. “Does everyone know what this means?”
Jongdae shifts from foot to foot nervously. Everyone has varying expressions of anticipation and anxiety, but they know that this has been heading their way for a while. There is no way of deterring the Minotaur from its tracks once it has started its journey. Together they adjust the shirts tied around their waists so that the sleeves fall directly before their pelvises. Maximal protection is needed for the arduous task ahead.
“Prepare for battle!” Joonmyun booms.
No one moves.
Minseok coughs. “Prepare for battle!”
Everyone obeys.
-
“You!” Gathered at the ends of one of the many unending corridors in the labyrinth, the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts stare down the Minotaur who stands proud and regal, armed with naught but the deadly silver violin in his grasp.
“Me!” Henry roars with a mighty roar, sending shudders of terror throughout the vicinity. The proud Bucket Hat Guys and Poofy Shirts do not quake, however; the soles of their shoes have good grip. Well, except for Jongin. They need him to do those ballerina spins.
Joonmyun, ever the brave leader (coerced into stepping forward by his cheeky subordinates) addresses Henry courageously. “This…. This is overdose! You are overdosing on your foolishness!”
The almighty Minotaur glares with such ferocity it could rival that of the best Vampire Concept Male Idol Group. “I have laid claim on the Unnamed Princess ever since I first caught sight of her so long ago! We danced a beautiful dance, and I liked her so I put a ring on her, as Teacher Beyonce taught me.” Disappointed by the uneducated plebeians before him, Henry shakes his head tragically. “Our love is going to be fantastic! It makes me fly!”
It is Zitao next who shouts out, though the effect is ruined slightly by the cracking of his voice and the fact that he is shaking quite fearfully behind a rather amused Sehun. “You lie! We saw the Vision of your Desires! You just… you just want to play her like your violin! Turn her into a weapon for your own amusement!”
Scandalised, the Minotaur takes a step backward. “No, you have it wrong! That was just the really confusing and incomprehensible special effects! Haven’t you heard? That type of thing is really in. Just look at the Red Light Vision of f(x)! Why do you not blame them of militarism?”
“He raises a good point.” Yixing tactlessly comments. Lu Han shushes him. Glances are shared between the rest of the Bucket Hat Guys and Poofy Shirts. They know what the next course of action is.
“BACON ATTACK!” Baekhyun, jumping forward shoots a ray of light towards the Minotaur.
Henry immediately responds, ducking out of the way; but alas, the attack is not directed towards him. Instead, the ray of light separates into multiple smaller ones in the form of glaring, strobe lights that surrounds Minotaur Henry.
“My eyes!” Minotaur Henry wails.
Baekhyun cackles in sardonic glee. “Kkaebsong!”
“Yehet!” Sehun chimes in.
The double combo of Attack by Burning Retinas followed directly with Ridiculous Overused Phrase is almost enough to make Henry concede defeat. Almost, but not quite, for Henry still has a deadly weapon in his grasp. The silver violin catches the moonlight, a beautiful threat to all but the player.
Raising his violin, Henry begins to play whilst doing some complicated moonwalking backwards, accompanied with some other bits of fancy footwork. The Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts screech in panic, remembering the deadly attack combo that cast their forces into peril the last time they battled. Rushing forward, Joonmyun courageously readies himself to slay the Minotaur, but his raised fists come into contact with a magical barrier. Angry and helpless, his expressions twists into something quite nasty as his fists beat upon the barricade.
“Resist! Everyone, resist!” He barks to his troops, but when he turns around he realises it is too late. They have all paired up, some sinking to their knees, some air-drumming the heads of those who have fallen. Joonmyun weeps at the tragic state of his forces, before standing firm and gathering his senses. No, it is not too late! They trained for this; they know what to do!
“Everyone, commence the final stage of the plan!”
The act of Joonmyun actually sounding like a leader as he gives orders is enough to shock the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts into action. Henry, with his eyes closed and playing his silver violin is oblivious to his enemies moving into position; this will prove to be his ultimate downfall.
Furious and with angry expressions, the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts channel all their vengeance into their hands as they clap with the ferocity of a crowd of a million, Jongdae delivering the final blow to Henry’s unprepared ear drums with a killer high note; “You’re in, MAH HAR-HARRRRT!”
Caught by surprise, the cacophony is too much for Henry to bear, and he disappears into black dust, which Kyungsoo finds himself scooping into a box. Just in case; he wants to be sure he won’t ever escape.
The Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts rejoice. They have finally won the age-old battle against the Minotaur. This will go down in History; and they will be able to enjoy the mayo with the burden lifted from their shoulders. Jongin happily reflects that dreadlocks will now be part of his past, not his future.
(However, later on they realise something quite startling; the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts still cannot find the Unnamed Princess. They’re trapped, doomed to forever roam the labyrinth like prey caught in a spider’s web.)
-
No one realises that the box containing Minotaur Henry’s dust particles has burst open.
In the distance, if one listens very carefully the sound of a mournful piano solo can be heard.
“I’m trapped.”
a/n:
- It was about time crack!fic was written. I'm only surprised it didn't happen sooner.
- This was the product of a v/ serious, in-depth analysis on AIM
- Written to Akmu + Vanilla Late, in a noisy cafe whilst nursing a warm hazelnut latte.
- I would apologise, but everyone knows I'm not sorry at all. At. All.
Fandom: EXO + Henry
Pairing: ~
Rating: T
Genre: crack, melodrama, parody
Word Count: 1,641w
Summary: Henry's the minotaur in EXO's labyrinth. Think of the MVs for Fantastic and Overdose. Not much more to say except they're fighting for the same girl.
“Report to me!” Imperious and all-knowing, Minotaur Henry the Fifth implores as he stares down his nose at his quavering subordinate. He crosses his arms across his chest and assumes an expression of great self-importance and narcissism; blessed from birth with amazingly good looks, he has spent the eighteen years prior to his ascension to the throne perfecting his mighty, holier-than-thou countenance.
Kneeling, his subordinate sinks to his knees and refuses to meet Henry’s gaze. Henry knows this stance all too well; it means trouble for the kingdom. “S-Sir!” The subordinate’s voice quavers as he reports, cracking an octave higher in his nervous fright. “They’re at it again! The Bucket Hat Guys are after the Unnamed Princess!”
“The Bucket Hat Guys?” Henry roars, beating a mighty fist upon his chest.
His subordinate shrinks back into himself at the display of mighty power. “Yes! But that’s not all…” he pauses, terrified as Henry turns an expectant glare upon him, “They have teamed up with the Poofy Shirts!”
The Poofy Shirts! No way, this must be some mistake. Henry’s mind whirs wildly as he tries to make sense of this madness. There are six members in the Bucket Hat Guys, and six amongst the Poofy Shirts. Six plus six equals twelve, twelve is comprised of the numbers one and two, one plus two equals three… and three is an odd number. The first odd number is one. There is no coincidence; his enemies have banded together as one!
“How dare those nincompoops do such a thing as conspire against me?!” Henry roars with the vocal chords of a singer, adding a bit of vibrato to his voice. “I thought I had successfully driven them away, back when they had gone on that ridiculous little spiel about shooting anonymously and being so careless. But, no matter! I have dealt with them once, and I shall deal with them again!”
During his spiel, his subordinate sneaks away. He knows that once his master starts ranting, he never stops; kind of like an author, minus the purple prose.
Rising from his seat with another angry roar (years of vocal training have paid off; he manages to take it up an octave from the previous one), Henry grabs his silver violin from where it rests upon soft velvet as red as the most crimson of blood. His bow follows soon after, and after playing an impromptu tune on the silver strings, he allows the final note to linger as he bellows out loud enough for the entire kingdom to hear.
“So, they think they can steal the Unnamed Girl from me?” Memories of his sweet, sweet seraphic darling arise in his mind, her beautiful features and flowing locks more precious than the most delicate of treasures.
“It’s going to be fantastic!”
-
On the other side of the labyrinth lies the Kingdom of Koreaboo. There, within the dwelling of the keep in one of the training rooms are the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts. They train by day with their powers, by night evade the fervent screams of the ladies who wish to procreate (which really does not make a lot of sense to any of them, because if their ‘ovaries are exploding’, which they claim, is that really possible?), a task fit only to the most masterful of the masterful. That, and those who were tricked by the King into throwing their lives away for an unprecedented amount of time to aspire to one day achieve fame and fortune.
Pausing in the act of throwing a ball of flames towards Sehun, Chanyeol tilts his head to the side. “Does anyone hear that?”
Everyone collectively halts, listening to the fast staccato of the solo violin.
“There’s no auto-tune.” Yixing, deceptively observant remarks cautiously.
Joonmyun, a lot more confident ever since that time they accidentally painted his hair sunshine yellow and gave him a gold medallion looks them over gravely. “Does everyone know what this means?”
Jongdae shifts from foot to foot nervously. Everyone has varying expressions of anticipation and anxiety, but they know that this has been heading their way for a while. There is no way of deterring the Minotaur from its tracks once it has started its journey. Together they adjust the shirts tied around their waists so that the sleeves fall directly before their pelvises. Maximal protection is needed for the arduous task ahead.
“Prepare for battle!” Joonmyun booms.
No one moves.
Minseok coughs. “Prepare for battle!”
Everyone obeys.
-
“You!” Gathered at the ends of one of the many unending corridors in the labyrinth, the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts stare down the Minotaur who stands proud and regal, armed with naught but the deadly silver violin in his grasp.
“Me!” Henry roars with a mighty roar, sending shudders of terror throughout the vicinity. The proud Bucket Hat Guys and Poofy Shirts do not quake, however; the soles of their shoes have good grip. Well, except for Jongin. They need him to do those ballerina spins.
Joonmyun, ever the brave leader (coerced into stepping forward by his cheeky subordinates) addresses Henry courageously. “This…. This is overdose! You are overdosing on your foolishness!”
The almighty Minotaur glares with such ferocity it could rival that of the best Vampire Concept Male Idol Group. “I have laid claim on the Unnamed Princess ever since I first caught sight of her so long ago! We danced a beautiful dance, and I liked her so I put a ring on her, as Teacher Beyonce taught me.” Disappointed by the uneducated plebeians before him, Henry shakes his head tragically. “Our love is going to be fantastic! It makes me fly!”
It is Zitao next who shouts out, though the effect is ruined slightly by the cracking of his voice and the fact that he is shaking quite fearfully behind a rather amused Sehun. “You lie! We saw the Vision of your Desires! You just… you just want to play her like your violin! Turn her into a weapon for your own amusement!”
Scandalised, the Minotaur takes a step backward. “No, you have it wrong! That was just the really confusing and incomprehensible special effects! Haven’t you heard? That type of thing is really in. Just look at the Red Light Vision of f(x)! Why do you not blame them of militarism?”
“He raises a good point.” Yixing tactlessly comments. Lu Han shushes him. Glances are shared between the rest of the Bucket Hat Guys and Poofy Shirts. They know what the next course of action is.
“BACON ATTACK!” Baekhyun, jumping forward shoots a ray of light towards the Minotaur.
Henry immediately responds, ducking out of the way; but alas, the attack is not directed towards him. Instead, the ray of light separates into multiple smaller ones in the form of glaring, strobe lights that surrounds Minotaur Henry.
“My eyes!” Minotaur Henry wails.
Baekhyun cackles in sardonic glee. “Kkaebsong!”
“Yehet!” Sehun chimes in.
The double combo of Attack by Burning Retinas followed directly with Ridiculous Overused Phrase is almost enough to make Henry concede defeat. Almost, but not quite, for Henry still has a deadly weapon in his grasp. The silver violin catches the moonlight, a beautiful threat to all but the player.
Raising his violin, Henry begins to play whilst doing some complicated moonwalking backwards, accompanied with some other bits of fancy footwork. The Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts screech in panic, remembering the deadly attack combo that cast their forces into peril the last time they battled. Rushing forward, Joonmyun courageously readies himself to slay the Minotaur, but his raised fists come into contact with a magical barrier. Angry and helpless, his expressions twists into something quite nasty as his fists beat upon the barricade.
“Resist! Everyone, resist!” He barks to his troops, but when he turns around he realises it is too late. They have all paired up, some sinking to their knees, some air-drumming the heads of those who have fallen. Joonmyun weeps at the tragic state of his forces, before standing firm and gathering his senses. No, it is not too late! They trained for this; they know what to do!
“Everyone, commence the final stage of the plan!”
The act of Joonmyun actually sounding like a leader as he gives orders is enough to shock the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts into action. Henry, with his eyes closed and playing his silver violin is oblivious to his enemies moving into position; this will prove to be his ultimate downfall.
Furious and with angry expressions, the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts channel all their vengeance into their hands as they clap with the ferocity of a crowd of a million, Jongdae delivering the final blow to Henry’s unprepared ear drums with a killer high note; “You’re in, MAH HAR-HARRRRT!”
Caught by surprise, the cacophony is too much for Henry to bear, and he disappears into black dust, which Kyungsoo finds himself scooping into a box. Just in case; he wants to be sure he won’t ever escape.
The Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts rejoice. They have finally won the age-old battle against the Minotaur. This will go down in History; and they will be able to enjoy the mayo with the burden lifted from their shoulders. Jongin happily reflects that dreadlocks will now be part of his past, not his future.
(However, later on they realise something quite startling; the Bucket Hat Guys and the Poofy Shirts still cannot find the Unnamed Princess. They’re trapped, doomed to forever roam the labyrinth like prey caught in a spider’s web.)
-
No one realises that the box containing Minotaur Henry’s dust particles has burst open.
In the distance, if one listens very carefully the sound of a mournful piano solo can be heard.
“I’m trapped.”
a/n:
- It was about time crack!fic was written. I'm only surprised it didn't happen sooner.
- This was the product of a v/ serious, in-depth analysis on AIM
- Written to Akmu + Vanilla Late, in a noisy cafe whilst nursing a warm hazelnut latte.
- I would apologise, but everyone knows I'm not sorry at all. At. All.