The Anatomy of an Indie Boy
So I beta read for this woman on the website we post our stories on, and she's working on a story with a guy she pictures to be an indie rocker.
She wanted some background on what an elitist indie snob from Seattle might be like, so this is the novel I wrote her. I forgot to add a couple things, but I'll add them later.
I just thought I'd post it here because I had fun writing it and I think it would crack people up to read it. :)
I'll send you some of my Pandora radio stations so you can get a feel for the indie music. A typical indie guy would likely be wearing an old pair of jeans with Chucks and a vintage t-shirt he found at a secondhand store. He'd have floppy hair and probably black horn-rimmed glasses. He'd have a studded belt with an ironic buckle (saying something like Cowboys Do It On A Horse or something like that), and he'd probably have something pierced or tattooed.
He'd frequent websites like Daytrotter http://www.daytrotter.com/ and go to festivals like Coachella http://coachella.com/ and SxSW http://sxsw.com/ but talk crazy shit about Bumbershoot because it's gone downhill and nobody cool plays there anymore. He'd scoff at Warped Tour.
He'd drop band names like Sonic Youth, Pavement, Sunny Day Real Estate, The Smiths, and The Pixies. He'd know that Rites of Spring was the first emo band. He'd go to local shows at El Corazon http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=el+corazon+seattle&gbv=2&aq=1&oq=El+Cora and The Showbox http://www.showboxonline.com/sodo/ or The Crocodile Cafe http://thecrocodile.com/index.html .
Local Seattle/Portland bands he might be into: the Myriad, Death Cab for Cutie, The Divorce, The Shins, Himsa, Minus the Bear, Pedro the Lion, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Modest Mouse, Fleet Foxes, Mirah....
He'd read The Stranger http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Home
He'd listen to bands from labels like Slowdance Records, Subpop, and Saddle Creek Records. He'd find David Cross and Patton Oswald hilarious. He'd likely defend Seattle's claim to grunge culture and wax poetic on how Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) overtook the hair metal scene and crushed it with grunge rock.
In Seattle, he'd hang out at restaurants like Mini's and The Hurricane. In Tacoma, he'd hang out at Hell's Kitchen to drink and go to Bertolino's for coffee. He'd go to The Grand http://www.grandcinema.com/ to see indie movies.
In Seattle, he'd go to Pioneer Square for art walk and see people he knew there selling their art and handmade goods. His tattoos would be from Slave to the Needle and he'd make fun of people who have stupid meaningless ink. If he has a car, it'll be a beat up station wagon no earlier than mid-90s with an ironic "Soccer Mom" bumper sticker on the back, among the other bumper stickers showing his love for bands and vegan donut shops. If he's rich enough, he'll have a brand new Prius but still cover it in stickers. He probably walked or took the bus in Seattle, but now he lives in Tacoma and it's not so cool or easy to walk everywhere.
He'll talk about indie movies and film festivals and he'll give some grudging respect to Mandy Moore because she married Ryan Adams. He'll talk shit about Wal-Mart and drink Diet Coke. He'll have an acoustic guitar or, if he's super duper nerdy obscure indie boy, he'll own a theremin http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theremin
He'd die if he could hang out with Jeremy Enigk or Brian Eno. He'll read books like Being and Nothingness by Sartre or On the Road by Jack Kerouac. He'll quote Nietzsche and talk like a pompous prick about "amor fati" and "the overman." He'll discuss literature and make fun of people who don't read the deep shit like he does.
And without a doubt...he will hate Nickelback, Britney Spears, Creed, Linkin Park, or any other shitty nu-metal/alt rock/pop princess musician. He'll tear John Mayer a new one.
And he'll secretly rock out to Jay-Z or Kanye West because it makes him feel like a badass.
But wait, there's more!
He'll wear hooded sweatshirts ("hoodies") under either a jean jacket or a gas pump jockey jacket (a grey or black Dickies coat, to be exact). His keys would hang on a belay clip like they use in rock climbing, even though he probably doesn't rock climb. Though that would be an appropriate indie boy workout.
If he doesn't like a band that everyone else likes, especially his friends or people he knows have better taste in music than he does, he'll say something like "I never really got into them" or "I just haven't absorbed that yet."
He'll love characters like Rob Gordon in High Fidelity and he'll aspire to own a record store or be a music journalist.
He'll wear a messenger bag and have iPod earbuds permanently attached to his person at all times. He'll be a txtaholic and he'll have special ringtones.
I forgot about Jawbreaker, Small Brown Bike, Appleseed Cast, and Dinosaur Jr. He'll know all those bands too.
He'll also need to know basic indie band family trees, like Jawbreaker became Jets to Brazil, At the Drive-In became Mars Volta AND Sparta, Jonah Matranga is an indie god, Jeremy Enigk was in Sunny Day Real Estate, then Fire Theft, and then struck out on his own and found Christianity. Minus the Bear descended from Botch and Sharks Keep Moving.
He'll use initials to refer to bands: SDRE for Sunny Day Real Estate, STD for Saves the Day, JEW for Jimmy Eat World, MTB for Minus the Bear, ATDI for At the Drive-In (this becomes obvious after you get used to it).
He'll cry about how The Graceland was awesome and was ruined when they turned it into El Corazon.
He'll also be sad about the stupid tweeners taking over the indie/emo scene and fucking it up with their retarded pre-pubescent ways, so he'll only go to shows that are 21+.