so confused
so lately i've been going through pictures to try and sort out the ones i want to keep or throw away. i found a picture of my nana (on my father's side) when she was pregnant with my father.
i don't talk to my father anymore for my own reasons. but for the last couple days, my mind has really been on my nana. it's an old black and white picture from 1948 and she's standing outside her apartment. You can only tell she's pregnant if you look really closely. she passed away when i was very young, but i couldn't help wondering how she feels about the fact that i don't talk to my father anymore.
finally i framed the picture and i'm staring at it now. i feel really close to her for some reason, like i need her spirit to guide me.
i'm not a religious person, but i am very spiritual. but something crazy happened while i was watching tv today.
for the first time ever, this voice in my heart was telling me i needed to really talk to god and ask for his help. i pray every night and thank the lord and universe for my blessings, and i've really wanted to feel close to the universe but this is the first time i've ever really felt this uncontrollable need to sit down and just accept god into my heart and ask for help.
i really don't know what it means. my brain is busy trying to pick it apart. i've looked into getting spiritual training before this, but i never found any schools that could teach me what i desire to know.
i want to be a spiritual teacher and guide. i feel like that is my calling. but i can't find what i need in order to become the teacher i want to be.
i guess my soul needs a drink of water. it's thirsty.
i don't know how this is going to turn out, but i guess i will just have to go sit in a dark room and dwell on this until i understand what is happening inside me just now.
"what is happening in your innermost self is worthy of your entire love..."
"that you may find in yourself enough patience to endure and enough simplicity to have faith; that you may gain more and more confidence in what is difficult and in your soluitude among other people. And as for the rest, let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always."
sigh.
i don't talk to my father anymore for my own reasons. but for the last couple days, my mind has really been on my nana. it's an old black and white picture from 1948 and she's standing outside her apartment. You can only tell she's pregnant if you look really closely. she passed away when i was very young, but i couldn't help wondering how she feels about the fact that i don't talk to my father anymore.
finally i framed the picture and i'm staring at it now. i feel really close to her for some reason, like i need her spirit to guide me.
i'm not a religious person, but i am very spiritual. but something crazy happened while i was watching tv today.
for the first time ever, this voice in my heart was telling me i needed to really talk to god and ask for his help. i pray every night and thank the lord and universe for my blessings, and i've really wanted to feel close to the universe but this is the first time i've ever really felt this uncontrollable need to sit down and just accept god into my heart and ask for help.
i really don't know what it means. my brain is busy trying to pick it apart. i've looked into getting spiritual training before this, but i never found any schools that could teach me what i desire to know.
i want to be a spiritual teacher and guide. i feel like that is my calling. but i can't find what i need in order to become the teacher i want to be.
i guess my soul needs a drink of water. it's thirsty.
i don't know how this is going to turn out, but i guess i will just have to go sit in a dark room and dwell on this until i understand what is happening inside me just now.
"what is happening in your innermost self is worthy of your entire love..."
"that you may find in yourself enough patience to endure and enough simplicity to have faith; that you may gain more and more confidence in what is difficult and in your soluitude among other people. And as for the rest, let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always."
sigh.