Custody ramble/rant
Gearing up for what will likely be another custody fight ...
A month or so ago, Shay had agreed we should try to work this out without lawyers, that we could continue to dialogue about where Nattie would attend school.
Apparently, they were just words ... words, words, words.
Last night we tried to discuss it with her & she wouldn't even respond with real answers. We're guessing she's talking with her attorney today, unless those random answers & lack of answers were just her way of trying to stall until it was too late.
We're in the process of retaining a new lawyer who keeps father's rights in mind.
We know that our home is the best environment for Nattie. If you ask her where she wants to live, Nattie says our house. She tells us she doesn't want to leave & tells Shay & Dale that she wants to run away to Daddie's house.
That's proof enough right there - at mommy's house there are no real rules or boundaries that are enforced with regularity, she doesn't have to take naps, stays up late, has a plethora of toys, and a tv in her bedroom. At our house she knows the many rules & boundaries, knows that we will enforce them with timeouts & loss of privileges with consistency, takes naps, goes to bed at a decent hour, has a decent amount of toys bit not over kill, and no tv in her room, though tons of books. Kids need what we're giving her, but you wouldn't think a 4 year old would realize it ... they do. She always says mommy is mean to her, that she wants our house ... she never says we're mean or that she wants mommy ... even when she's in trouble. She says mommy is sometimes mean to her because Nattie is mean to her baby brother, J.J. We told her that's not acceptable to be mean to J.J. and that he's just a baby (toddler). I asked if she was going to be mean to the baby that Daddie & I have next year, and she said, "no, I not be mean to THAT baby ... just at mommy's."
She is starving for boundaries & attention there, so much so that she's constantly acting out & I'd almost even say she's semi-aware of it by this point, which a 4 year old should not be.
Please pray that we can work this out without going to court, but that if we do have to go as we believe we will, that the judge will be able to see the obvious: having a uterus does not make you a good parent, and a 4 year old girl should go with the parents that will raise her to be the best person she can be.
I made promises to Nattie the day we, as she puts it, "all got married together." I intend on keeping those promises up close, every day. My inner momma bear doesn't care if I carried her in my belly or not, because for the past 3 years I've carried that little girl in my heart.
If Shay & Dale were equally good parents, in an equally stable situation then I wouldn't be so up in arms about this. I'd still want custody, I'd still miss her every day ... but at least I could be at peace with it. But sadly, they are not ... not even close. They are not abusive, but they are neglectful, and they have poor judgement, and have no natural parenting instincts. I will never be at peace with Nattie being there more than here. She belongs in a place where she comes first.
You know what the worst part is?? I don't want Shay to drop out of Nat's life, after all, she is Nat's mom. I just wish she wasn't such a poor influence (saying smoking won't make her sick, being bulimic & loudly down on her own body image, being pathological about lying & a need to be either pitied or envied, allowing Nat around media that is too violent/graphic for a child her age, constantly moving, etc). I honestly pity her. I believe some very bad things likely happened to her in her childhood. I know that she's unmedicated bi-polar. Even if she wasn't abused, I do know her childhood was crappy and that her parents are horrible people.
But my in-laws tried to help her, took her to see professionals, and try to help her still. To me, I will always pity her, but it is high time she took responsibility for the fact that she is the mother of 2 (with a possible 3rd on the way now, she's not for certain) and took the help she's been offered. Until she gets help for her major issues, she has no business being the primary care giver of a child.
I will back down off my soap box now. But I will probably be using this journal to get out my feelings on custody for awhile. It's private/friends only just like facebook, but unlike facebook, Shay doesn't know this exists, so if there's ever a hiccup in the privacy settings, these words can remain away from ears that will take offense. I don't want to offend or hurt her ... I want custody of Nattie, and if she would let me, I'd even like to help Shay get better.
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