Relief (now with added narcolepsy)
Today I got the fabulous news that my Abdominal Tumor of Unusual Size (a-T.O.U.S) is benign. While a large fraction of my looming nameless angst melted away, the anxiety over the surgery and dealing with my parents snuck right into its place. This is what relief feels like in my brain, it's dropping from a generalized state of stress that was keeping me from eating, sleeping and concentrating to a lower level worry about particular things. I can now name the stressors. Woo hoo! It's a ridiculous way to live, I know. There is still genuine, palpable relief. I just don't let myself enjoy it. The sudden change in anxiety had me falling asleep all day, my body kept trying to shut down, relax, reset. I fell deeply asleep for short periods of time, I might have even dreamt. Maybe my dreams were happy.
Anyway, the tumor is pretty aggressive, it grows quickly and recurrence is common. They'll have to take out wide margins around it to reduce the risk of leaving any behind. The surgeon said I'll have to have some abdominal wall reconstruction including a mesh prosthesis to hold me together. I find the idea both gross and fascinating.
This time next week I'll be a cyborg. Heh. Surgery is Friday the 28th. What should I do to enjoy my last week of having a belly button and all-natural abdominal wall?
Anyway, the tumor is pretty aggressive, it grows quickly and recurrence is common. They'll have to take out wide margins around it to reduce the risk of leaving any behind. The surgeon said I'll have to have some abdominal wall reconstruction including a mesh prosthesis to hold me together. I find the idea both gross and fascinating.
This time next week I'll be a cyborg. Heh. Surgery is Friday the 28th. What should I do to enjoy my last week of having a belly button and all-natural abdominal wall?