The Safeword is “Quinjet”
Title: The Safeword is “Quinjet”
Author: quietprofanity
Fandom: New Avengers/Spider-Man
Pairing … er, Those Involved: Captain America/Iron Man/Luke Cage/Spider-Man
Warnings: Mature Content, S&M, Crude Humor. 18 and older only.
Disclaimer: Characters all property of Marvel Comics, used for non-profit, entertainment purposes.
Summary: After Captain America and Iron Man revive the Avengers, they also revive the Avengers’ Initiation tradition.
Notes: Set during/around the first New Avengers trade paperback. Loose continuity. Unbetaed.
2008 Update: I wrote this in 2006. So I guess the Jessica in this fanfic would have been a Skrull or whatever. Eh ... I don't have a preference over whether she is in this fanfic or not, so you can believe whatever makes you happy.
~*~*~
“I’ll go assemble the team.”
Steve Rogers removed his hand from Tony Stark’s metal-encased shoulder and turned toward the main section of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier. Tony sighed in exasperation. Of course Steve would take his “Let me think about it” as a yes. When did anyone ever tell Captain America “no” … or even “maybe”?
He took another sip of his coffee. Tony wasn’t eager to re-form the Avengers … and yet, he did have that new Quinjet lying around. He did miss the camaraderie of being on a team. Also, having Luke Cage, Daredevil and the Spider-People as new recruits would give him a chance to interact with some of the “outsiders” in the superhero community, feed new information back to the Illuminati. This could all open up worlds of possibility and …
Wait, Tony thought to himself, “new recruits”?
His lips formed a wicked smile. He called back over his shoulder. “Steve?”
The man better known as Captain America was about to open the door to the main part of the Helicarrier when he heard Tony. He turned back. “Tony, don’t worry,” he called. “The new team will go great.”
“It’s not that,” Tony said. “This is a … um, a *protocol* question.”
Steve walked back to Tony’s side. “Protocol?”
“Well, you know … that thing we used to do with the new recruits? Are we going to do that with the New Avengers?”
“What thing?”
“You know, that thing we always do with the new recruits …”
Steve’s eyes widened; Tony thought he caught a bit of a blush, as well. “Oh, that!” Steve coughed. “Well, I don’t think we necessarily have to, but …”
Tony laughed. “Steve, we never have to do it. It’s just fun.”
“Well, it is. But with this group … they may not want to be on the team if we do it.”
Tony scoffed and shook his head. “Come on. You know that no Avenger has ever dropped out because of this. A few of them have even found it fun.”
Steve thought for a minute. “We’ll have to call back some of the women to take care of Jessica if she says ‘yes’…”
“I’m sure they won’t mind. Janet’s always gotten a kick out of these things.”
“True …”
“So, you want to do it?”
“I suppose.”
Tony pumped his fist. “Great! I’ll call the office and tell them to make some new chains.”
Steve had to smile, even if he wasn’t very proud of it.
~*~*~
Spider-Man woke up feeling stiff in his arms, legs, and neck. He blinked multiple times and shook his head. The clanging of metal knocking against metal rang his ears. As he woke up further, shaking off the effects of the knockout gas, he realized he was shackled. Metal handcuffs held his wrists together behind his back. Rings encircled his neck and ankles, and were connected by a chain that split off into two parts in the center for his ankles.
Great, just great. Spider-Man tried to retrace his steps. He woke up this morning, kissed his wife, went to work, graded some papers, put on his Spider-Suit, and swung off to the Avengers building for a “preliminary meeting” with Cap, Iron Man and Luke Cage. When he arrived he suddenly felt woozy … and then he woke up here.
But where was “here”? Spider-Man looked around. He couldn’t see much in the dark. The metal floor felt cold against his left side. Well, he would find out more soon.
Although it hurt to use his recently-broken arm, he tried to pull his wrists apart. His spider-sense blared as a shock ran through his body. Okay, bad idea. He tried to roll over onto his stomach. His moving legs yanked down on the metal circle around his neck. Another bad idea. It seemed like he could move, but not very well. If he were on his feet, he certainly couldn’t stand upright. So now what? Spider-Man tried his best to relax on the floor and considered his options. Since he was tied up and not, well … dead, he probably just had to wait for the bad guy to inevitably come back and screw up so that he could escape Or he could lay here and try to find a more unconventional method of escape.
A door creaked open behind him. So much for option two. He strained his ears. One, two, three sets of footsteps walked into the room. The slam of the door echoed against metal walls.
“Okay, let me guess. You guys are either going to tell me your diabolical plan or set up the inevitable death trap. I feel like today is a ‘tell me your diabolical plan’ day, am I right?”
“Is your Spider-sense going off, Peter?”
Spider-Man breathed a sigh of relief. “Tony, your metallic voice is music to my ears. You have anything in that suit that’ll break these chains?”
“Not yet,” said Captain America. He walked around Spider-Man, stopping when he stood above his head. Iron Man and Luke Cage stood on either side of him.
“What do you mean, ‘not yet?’” Spider-Man looked up at the three. They stared back down at him with stern faces.
“Okay, what? Is this about the quips? I can cut down on the quips. Well … a little. I’ll make an attempt.”
The three continued to stare.
“So … are you guys just going to stand here and not get the bad guy at all, then?”
“There’s no bad guy here, man,” answered Luke.
“No bad guy?” Spider-Man looked at Iron Man, then Captain America. “What is this, then? Are you guys hazing me or something?”
“Yes, actually,” answered Iron Man.
Spider-Man laughed. “Very funny, guys.” He laughed harder. Nobody else did. Spider-Man stared at them all again. “Oh come on, you can’t be serious!”
Captain America turned to Iron Man. “Tony, get the whips.”
Spider-Man sputtered as Iron Man walked over to the wall in back of them. “Whips? What whips? What kind of whips?”
“Oh, quit being a wuss,” Luke chided. He looked in back of him to see Iron Man press a button on the wall, which opened up to reveal a compartment full of whips, chains, and gags. “Tony, you have way too many butt-plugs for a straight man.”
“BUTT-PLUGS?” Spider-Man yelped.
Iron Man laughed. “Man, I love it when they have that reaction.” He picked up a whip and cracked it. “Never gets old.” He then threw whips to Captain America and Luke.
Captain America cracked his whip. He put his foot on Spider-Man’s chest, pushing him toward the ground. “Listen to me, Spider-Man. For the next two hours, you will do whatever we say, when we say it, and as fast as you can. We’ve all fought with and against you - so remember that we’ll know when you’re slacking. If we hear any complaints, any or all of us will punish you. And we’re not sparing you. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it,” said Spider-Man. “And I say ‘No damn way.’”
His spider-sense warned him, but he had no way of avoiding Captain America’s whip as it lashed across his rear.
“You don’t have a choice, soldier.” Captain America stepped off of Spider-Man and called to Iron Man. “Tony, get him on his feet. We need to soften him up before the game.”
Spider-Man’s head was swimming. “All right, you know what? I’m calling you out on this.”
“Calling us out?” asked Captain America.
“I get it, okay? You are the great Avengers. I am lowly, inexperienced Spider-Man. The ‘young fool’ who always screws up and makes stupid jokes and so it’s totally okay to whip him and butt-plug him.” His voice raised a few decibels. “Okay? I get it. Now can you let me go so I can get back my boring life where I actually have to go to work and wash my own costumes because I don’t have a multibillion bank account to play with and a butler to do it for me?”
His captors looked down at him in numb surprise. Iron Man coughed. “So, uh … how long have you been keeping that in?”
“Too long,” Spider-Man spat.
“That’s enough.” Captain America crouched down and lifted Spider-Man up, placing the wall-crawler on his feet. He then ripped off Spider-Man’s mask and grabbed him by the hair. “Gag him, Luke.”
“Steve, he’s really pissed off. Don’t you think we should explain to …?”
“I said, ‘Gag him, Luke.’”
Luke sighed and shrugged. As he went to get the ball gag, Spider-Man struggled to pull away.
“Stop it, Peter,” said Captain America. As if to echo Captain America’s sentiment, Iron Man sent his whip in Spider-Man’s direction. Spider-Man lowered his butt before it could hit.
Iron Man groaned. “I forgot about that damn Spider-sense.” He grabbed Spider-Man around the waist, keeping him in place, and whacked the handle of the whip against Spider-Man’s butt.
“OW!”
“Listen to what we say, Peter.” Captain America took the just-received gag from Luke and thrust it in Spider-Man’s mouth. Spider-Man spit it out.
“Steve?” asked Iron Man.
“Go ahead.”
Iron Man whipped Spider-Man again. Captain America put the gag back in as Spider-Man opened his mouth to yell. Spider-Man spit it out again.
Captain America yanked on Spider-Man’s hair again, forcing Spider-Man’s face upward so that he looked up at Captain America. “We can do this all day, Peter.”
Spider-Man glared back at Captain America. “I want out.”
Captain America sighed. “It’s really not so bad. In the army we used to play ‘Oookie Cookie.’”
“What cookie?”
Iron Man spoke up. “It’s a race. Basically, you put a cookie on the floor and have all the new recruits stand in the circle. Then they pull down their pants and go at it and the last one to finish …”
“I am NOT doing this.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Pete, it’s two damn hours out of your whole life. If you’ve taken on Firelord and the Juggernaut all by yourself there’s no reason you can’t take a few whacks on the ass!”
“That’s …” Spider-Man’s shoulders slumped. “I know, but …”
“So, there’s no problem!” Captain America flashed a smile that reminded Spider-Man of a toothpaste ad.
“Yeah,” added Iron Man. “You’ll be a great little bitch.”
“I still can’t believe this …” Spider-Man said, his former anger fading into resigned incredulousness. “When I first tried to join the Avengers, you guys just made me fight the Hulk.”
“Peter, would you REALLY rather fight the Hulk?”
Spider-Man sighed in defeat. He bent his head down towards the floor and picked up the ball gag with his mouth.
Captain America gave the wall-crawler a wide smile. “Good man.” He tied the ball gag’s straps around Spider-Man’s head and replaced his mask, rolling it up so that Captain America could still see Spider-Man’s mouth. “Tony, spread his legs.”
Iron Man released Spider-Man’s waist. Spider-Man inhaled sharply through the gag as Iron Man’s cold metallic hands spread his legs as far as the chains would allow.
“I suggest you stick to the ground,” said Iron Man.
Spider-Man muttered a “Why?” between the gag, and was rewarded with a slap across the butt with a metal hand. It was too quick for his spider-sense to warn him. The impact sent him falling face-first onto the ground. He let out a cry of pain.
“Get yo’ ass up!” Luke yelled, whipping Spider-Man as he did so. “I said get up.”
Spider-Man groaned and tried to push himself up onto his knees. This wasn’t good. Normally a whip like that wouldn’t hurt so badly, but Luke was putting a good amount of his super-strength behind it. But at least it wasn’t as bad as …
Spider-Man cried out again as Iron Man’s metal-covered hand whapped his ass. That hurt, that REALLY hurt. He winced as he tried to get up again. This time he curled his legs underneath him and shifted his weight back so that he could hold up his head and torso. The chains rubbed against his thighs, making him shudder. Iron Man and Luke were whipping him in tandem now, one after the other while Captain America looked on. Spider-Man bit on the gag hard, making his best attempts to ignore the blows and the pain as he curled up his left leg, planting his left foot on the ground and then did the same thing for the right. He stood on his feet, still bent over as his chains demanded, but he was on his feet.
Captain America held up his hand. “Hold!”
The blows stopped. Spider-Man gasped and panted. He hadn’t quite realized just how hard they were hitting him until they stopped. The lashes from the whip and the bruises from the metal felt like an enormous brand on his rear. Speaking of which, he hoped that wasn’t coming next …
Captain America removed the ball gag. “Now, was that so horrible?”
Spider-Man tried to smile. “Um … still not worse than fighting the Hulk?” Actually, for all that he ached, that struggle wasn’t so bad. His bimonthly push-self-out-from-under-incredibly-huge-weights were about ten times worse; despite the fact that he could tell that Iron Man and Luke were both giving it their all.
Captain America smiled back at him. “Glad to hear it. That was barely the warm-up.”
Spider-Man froze. “Huh?”
“Steve, do you want a go?” asked Tony
“Sure, let me get back there.”
Luke grabbed Spider-Man’s hands, holding him in place as Captain America and Iron Man switched places. Iron Man grabbed the chain hanging from Spider-Man’s neck. His armor started to hum. He levitated very slightly off the ground, enough to allow Iron Man to move but not enough to immediately choke Spider-Man. Luke handed Captain America a large paddle with the American flag painted on it.
The words escaped Spider-Man’s mouth before he could stop them. “Great. Now I’m in a bad anti-Arab flash cartoon.” He groaned as the paddle whacked him. Oh God, that was hard. That was much harder than what Iron Man or Luke hit him with. Still …
“Did I say bad? I meant mediocre. There are fart jokes in the bad ones.”
The paddle came down on him again. Five times.
“Wait, did I say mediocre? I meant glorious. I love blind patriotism combined with offensive vulgarity.”
“Peter, for your own sake stop talking,” said Iron Man.
Luke nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it’s just sad right now.”
Spider-Man took their words to heart as Captain America paddled him, now doing it ten times. As the last hit came down and Captain America paused, Spider-Man sighed. At least now he would have a break. As if to deliberately prove him wrong, Captain America reached between his thighs and grabbed his cock and balls.
Spider-Man felt his heart leap into his throat. The hero of World War II had him by the balls. He repeated that in his head for shameless dramatic effect. The HERO of WORLD WAR II had him by the BALLS.
And he wasn’t allowed to make a joke about it.
Life was not fair.
“Listen to me, Peter. Tony is going to pull you around the room and you’re going to run after him as fast as you can while I paddle you. If Tony goes too fast, yell ‘quinjet’ and he’ll slow down. Just concentrate on running. Luke will follow you on the side and will pick you up again if you fall. We’re going to circle the room ten times. Any questions?”
“Um …” Spider Man tried to think. God, Captain America had his balls! How could he think of a question? “Um … Oh, what if Tony chokes me before I can yell out ‘quinjet’?”
“Luke will watch that, too.” Captain America let go of Spider-Man and looked up at Iron Man. “Tony, start!”
Iron Man’s armor hummed again and he started to levitate backwards. He was slow at first, as if anticipating that Spider-Man would fall, but Spider-Man’s enhanced agility and ability to stick to the ground kept him from toppling over, despite his limited movement. Captain America started striking him now. Luke jogged next to Spider-Man, his dark eyes focused on Spider-Man’s throat and feet. By the time they cleared the first lap, they had Spider-Man running.
“Is that the fastest you can go?” taunted Captain America. “I think you can go faster.”
Luke joined in. “Yeah, bitch! I’ve seen your ass run much faster than that.”
Spider-Man tried to obey, but the chains were making it hard. He tried to stifle his groans as Captain America paddled him. He thought Captain America’s blows would be softer as they started running, that the necessary exertion would prevent him from throwing more power into the blows. It actually didn’t make much of a difference. His hope that his rear would eventually give out and lose all feeling wasn’t happening, either. He kept thinking about what Captain America said about the Hulk, what Luke said about Firelord. This is nothing, Pete, he told himself. This is just a stupid game and afterward they’re all going to laugh about it with you and it will all be a big joke. At least … at least he hoped so.
Iron Man pulled on Spider-Man’s chain like a dog’s leash. “You’re slacking. Run faster!”
“I’m …” Spider-Man panted. “I’m trying.”
Luke slapped his face. “Who gave the Spider-bitch permission to speak?”
“I know I just told him to run,” said Iron Man. “Now run faster!”
Another harsh blow to the rear underlined Iron Man’s command. Spider-Man ran faster. They still pushed him; Iron Man flew faster and Captain America ran after him, hitting harder. Luke’s taunts continued. His spider-sense was warning him of the blows, but Spider-Man was so focused on running fast that he could do little to avoid them. At first he thought the advance warning was a good thing; that it would prepare him and allow him to steel himself before they happened. Now his power just seemed like an annoyance. He couldn’t get away from the hits, so why bother with the instinct to escape?
As soon as Spider-Man thought that, it scared him. He may not have had the experience or trust of the public that Captain America and Iron Man did, but he was still a superhero. A superhero with about fifteen years of experience, to boot! And he was giving himself up on a hazing? He glared beneath his mask as the latest paddle-strike hit him. He wasn’t going to stand for this anymore!
He then realized that he was on lap eight.
Aw, heck, he thought. Might as well hang in there for the last two.
“You’re pathetic, bitch!”
Luke was making it hard, though. And he was getting tired of being called “bitch” - something like “slut” or “faggot” would have shook things up a bit. Damn, he thought. It had been years since he thought something like that …
The paddle also made it rough. Captain America’s blows slowed down, but the old wounds were making it unbearable. Spider-Man knew his enhanced stamina and sheer force of will were the only things keeping him going now.
Yet the last lap came quicker than he thought. They all began to slow down. Half-way through Captain America even stopped hitting him. As they got to the end, Iron Man let go. Spider-Man stumbled at the sudden lack of support, but Luke caught him easily. Luke held him firmly, but not roughly, as he lowered him to the ground.
Luke whispered in Spider-Man’s ear. “You did good, man.” He patted him on the back. “My ass fell down on the second lap. You did real good.”
Spider-Man was stunned. He wanted to smile back, but this was the guy who was calling him a bitch a minute ago and --
Before he could ponder it too longer, Captain America grabbed onto Spider-Man’s ankles and pulled him away, back towards the center of the room. Spider-Man groaned as his body scraped against the metal floor. Captain America turned Spider-Man over so he was on his back, lying on his arms. Spider-Man had to hold a crunch to prevent the chain from yanking on his neck.
“Um, do we have to do it like this? I really don’t like having my legs spread in front of you, Cap. I mean, you’re a very attractive man and all, but …”
Captain America ignored him. “Is this your only costume?”
“No …”
Captain America nodded at Luke. Luke pulled a knife out from his pants pocket and walked toward Spider-Man. Iron Man held down Spider-Man’s shoulders.
“Like an old high school dissection.”
It didn’t take Spider-Man long to realize what that meant. “Wait, I …”
Luke grabbed onto the top of Spider-Man’s pants, pulled it out, and made a slice right through the fabric covering his groin.
“QUINJET!” Spider-Man yelled.
“That was for the last game. It doesn’t work anymore,” said Iron Man.
Luke lifted Spider-Man’s hips up and cut even lower, back around to his ass.
Spider-Man continued to yell. “Avengers Mansion! Jarvis! Heroes Reborn!”
“You getting the butt-plug, Cap?” asked Luke.
“PLEASE, stop. PLEASE!”
Captain America bent down between Spider-Man’s legs, the plastic plug in hand. Spider-Man’s eyes widened when he realized how close Captain America was. An out! He crushed Captain America’s head between his knees before he could come any further and shifted his waist to the side, throwing Captain America to the ground.
Luke jumped up and slapped Spider-Man across the face. “You’re not supposed to do that, bitch!”
Spider-Man glared directly back at Luke. “Stop talking to me like that! I told you I’m not playing this game anymore. I told you to STOP!”
“Why do you have to rock the boat? This is an awesome opportunity! Can’t you just suck it up and play the game?”
“How could you just sit down and take this when they’re clearly mocking us?”
“Stop it, both of you!” Iron Man’s metallic voice echoed across the room. He looked at Captain America, who was rubbing his own head after its knock against the floor. “Luke, hold on to his ankles. Steve, can you take my place?”
Luke did as Iron Man asked. Captain America nodded and got behind Spider-Man. He held Spider-Man’s shoulders just as Iron Man released them. Iron Man moved over to Spider-Man and straddled him across his waist. He took off his helmet, tossing his head back in an effort to straighten out his hair. He put his helmet down and got on his knees.
Tony took off Spider-Man’s mask as he spoke. “Peter, what’s the real problem here?”
“Besides you three knocking me out and playing ‘9 1/2 Weeks’ with me?”
“Yes, besides that.”
Peter glared back at Tony. “Well, I don’t know. That’s kind of taken up all my attention now.”
“I’m talking about when you said we were mocking you. Because, honestly, I see this as a stupid game, but you seem to think this goes deeper.”
Peter sighed and laid his head back on the metal floor. He tried to avoid Captain America’s curious stare. “Tony, I just … I think I just want to go home. I told Cap that I wasn’t a team guy when he tried to talk to me. I still don’t think I am, and …”
“Peter, we WANT you on this team. We really do.” As Tony spoke, Captain America and Luke nodded in agreement. “There’s a reason we bumped you right up here instead of making you a reserve Avenger. This isn’t like fighting the Hulk. This isn’t a test. This game means you made it.”
“One of us, one of us?” chanted Peter.
The other three chuckled.
“Yeah,” said Tony. “Exactly.”
“I just … I don’t really do well with this fraternity stuff. I mean, I was the school nerd.”
“Cap was scrawny, too,” Tony pointed out.
Peter shook his head. “No, no. You don’t get it. When I say ‘school nerd’ I don’t mean guy-in-his-basement-playing-D&D school nerd. I mean sweater vests and polished shoes and pocket protectors. THAT kind of nerd. And it’s sort of like, I get to be a superhero to get my ass kicked by the big kids on the playground again? That’s kind of a gyp …”
Tony laughed. “Okay, I kind of see your point.”
“That, and you called me a ‘young fool’ the last time I tried to join.”
Tony’s smile left his face. He bit his lower lip, and then looked at Peter again. “I did?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Well, you did.”
“Sure it wasn’t Cap?”
“Hey! Why are you bringing me into this?”
“It was you, Tony,” said Peter.
“Oh …” Tony smiled weakly and shrugged. “I’m sorry about that.”
Peter sighed. “Look, guys. I kind of get it. I guess this is supposed to be some bonding experience but … I guess I’m not feeling it, is what I’m saying. I want to go.”
Captain America spoke up again. “But, Peter, you did excellent. I had a great time and I think …”
“Steve, wait …” Tony Stark bent over, moving his mouth towards Peter’s. Later, Peter would wonder why he didn’t struggle, would rationalize it as him being tired of fighting. Nevertheless, he let it happen.
Tony Stark kissed him.
Tony kept his mouth closed (and Peter didn’t try to entice him further), but nevertheless the kiss was long … long, soft and tender. Peter couldn’t do anything but blink as Tony pulled away.
Luke was the first to speak up. “Um … what the hell?”
Tony ignored him. “Look, I’m sorry for whatever I said in the past. I’ve … I’ve been through a lot over the years. I’m sure you know that. From what you told me just now, it seems you have, too. And, well, Steve still hasn’t convinced me that this is a good idea. But if we’re going to have a team at all, I want you on it.”
“Is that why you kissed me? You know I’m married, right?”
“It was a Spartan kiss. We’re battle-mates now,” explained Tony. “You stay on this team, and I’ll look out for you. Not in fighting - we all know you can do that. But I’ll make you my protégé, make you a team player. Sound fair?”
Peter squinted at Tony. “Spartans still had sex with each other. You know that, right?”
“So yes or no?”
Peter thought for a minute, Tony’s speech sounded genuine … even if that kissing thing was a little weird. (He hoped Tony didn’t do that all the time.) He opened his mouth to say yes … but then remembered the butt-plug. Peter sighed. He looked at Tony once again.
“Okay.”
Tony beamed. “All right.” He stood up. “You think we’re done here, Steve?”
Captain America took off his mask and nodded. “Yeah, we’re done.”
Peter looked around. “Really?” Steve pushed him back up into a full sitting position. “Owww … still bruised.” He heard a click as Steve released his handcuffs. “So, no butt-plug?”
“Oh,” said Tony as he removed the ring from Peter’s neck. “We never use the butt-plug. It’s just a scare tactic. If you didn’t freak out we would have stopped.”
Peter’s jaw dropped. “WHAT?”
“It’s okay, we do it to everybody.”
“Everybody? What do you mean by ‘everybody’?”
~*~*~
“And just when were they going to tell me that they’ve done this to every new recruit since Hawkeye and the Maximoffs?”
Luke rolled his eyes and leaned back on the couch that he was sharing with Peter. It was an hour after the session and both of them were relaxing in the common living room of Stark Tower. “You still dwelling on that? Man, did you really think that they would think up those hazing tactics just for you?”
Peter shrugged as he shifted his weight once again on the rubber donut underneath his butt. “Well, yeah …”
“Sheesh. The universe doesn’t revolve around you, man.”
“You’re just jealous because Tony kissed me.”
“Oh, knock it off you two.” Jessica Drew kept her legs far apart as she staggered into the room, a donut of her own in her hand. She let out a loud sigh as she sat down on the couch across from them.
“They hazed you too, Jess?” asked Peter. “Nice John Wayne impression, by the way.”
“Ha-fucking-ha. No, THEY didn’t haze me.” Jessica moaned again and pushed her long, black hair out of her eyes. “They split it up by sexes. I forget why … something about the Scarlet Witch hexing away everyone’s clothes and trying to hump the Vision way back when.”
“And they were surprised when she went crazy?” asked Peter. Luke hit him. “Ow!”
Jessica rolled her eyes. “They bought in the Wasp, She-Hulk and Ms. Marvel to haze me, anyway.”
“Oh yeah? Got any details?”
“Maybe after you tell me about that kiss.”
Peter coughed. “Point taken.”
“Where’s Jarvis?” asked Jessica. “He was supposed to bring me some champagne on ice.”
Luke lifted his head back up off the couch. “Champagne? I thought liquor doesn’t work on you.”
“It doesn’t. I want the bucket of ice. She-Hulk did a number on my thighs …”
“But …” Luke shook his head. “Never mind. … Say, can I use some of that ice? My ass still kind of hurts.”
“Huh? But you were fine when you were hazing me,” said Peter.
“Yeah, but my session was, like, two hours before we started.”
Jessica scoffed. “At least you GOT to take it out on someone else. You too, Peter. Who knows when a new woman is going to join the Avengers?”
Peter suddenly sat up. “Wait, what do you mean ‘I got to take it out on someone else’?”
Jessica looked at Luke. “You mean you haven’t …” Luke shook his head. Jessica looked back at Peter. “Logan formally said that he was going to join the Avengers earlier this morning.”
Peter stared back at Jessica. “You serious?”
“Dead serious.”
A wide smile overtook Peter’s face. “… Cool.”
The End.
Author: quietprofanity
Fandom: New Avengers/Spider-Man
Pairing … er, Those Involved: Captain America/Iron Man/Luke Cage/Spider-Man
Warnings: Mature Content, S&M, Crude Humor. 18 and older only.
Disclaimer: Characters all property of Marvel Comics, used for non-profit, entertainment purposes.
Summary: After Captain America and Iron Man revive the Avengers, they also revive the Avengers’ Initiation tradition.
Notes: Set during/around the first New Avengers trade paperback. Loose continuity. Unbetaed.
2008 Update: I wrote this in 2006. So I guess the Jessica in this fanfic would have been a Skrull or whatever. Eh ... I don't have a preference over whether she is in this fanfic or not, so you can believe whatever makes you happy.
~*~*~
“I’ll go assemble the team.”
Steve Rogers removed his hand from Tony Stark’s metal-encased shoulder and turned toward the main section of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier. Tony sighed in exasperation. Of course Steve would take his “Let me think about it” as a yes. When did anyone ever tell Captain America “no” … or even “maybe”?
He took another sip of his coffee. Tony wasn’t eager to re-form the Avengers … and yet, he did have that new Quinjet lying around. He did miss the camaraderie of being on a team. Also, having Luke Cage, Daredevil and the Spider-People as new recruits would give him a chance to interact with some of the “outsiders” in the superhero community, feed new information back to the Illuminati. This could all open up worlds of possibility and …
Wait, Tony thought to himself, “new recruits”?
His lips formed a wicked smile. He called back over his shoulder. “Steve?”
The man better known as Captain America was about to open the door to the main part of the Helicarrier when he heard Tony. He turned back. “Tony, don’t worry,” he called. “The new team will go great.”
“It’s not that,” Tony said. “This is a … um, a *protocol* question.”
Steve walked back to Tony’s side. “Protocol?”
“Well, you know … that thing we used to do with the new recruits? Are we going to do that with the New Avengers?”
“What thing?”
“You know, that thing we always do with the new recruits …”
Steve’s eyes widened; Tony thought he caught a bit of a blush, as well. “Oh, that!” Steve coughed. “Well, I don’t think we necessarily have to, but …”
Tony laughed. “Steve, we never have to do it. It’s just fun.”
“Well, it is. But with this group … they may not want to be on the team if we do it.”
Tony scoffed and shook his head. “Come on. You know that no Avenger has ever dropped out because of this. A few of them have even found it fun.”
Steve thought for a minute. “We’ll have to call back some of the women to take care of Jessica if she says ‘yes’…”
“I’m sure they won’t mind. Janet’s always gotten a kick out of these things.”
“True …”
“So, you want to do it?”
“I suppose.”
Tony pumped his fist. “Great! I’ll call the office and tell them to make some new chains.”
Steve had to smile, even if he wasn’t very proud of it.
~*~*~
Spider-Man woke up feeling stiff in his arms, legs, and neck. He blinked multiple times and shook his head. The clanging of metal knocking against metal rang his ears. As he woke up further, shaking off the effects of the knockout gas, he realized he was shackled. Metal handcuffs held his wrists together behind his back. Rings encircled his neck and ankles, and were connected by a chain that split off into two parts in the center for his ankles.
Great, just great. Spider-Man tried to retrace his steps. He woke up this morning, kissed his wife, went to work, graded some papers, put on his Spider-Suit, and swung off to the Avengers building for a “preliminary meeting” with Cap, Iron Man and Luke Cage. When he arrived he suddenly felt woozy … and then he woke up here.
But where was “here”? Spider-Man looked around. He couldn’t see much in the dark. The metal floor felt cold against his left side. Well, he would find out more soon.
Although it hurt to use his recently-broken arm, he tried to pull his wrists apart. His spider-sense blared as a shock ran through his body. Okay, bad idea. He tried to roll over onto his stomach. His moving legs yanked down on the metal circle around his neck. Another bad idea. It seemed like he could move, but not very well. If he were on his feet, he certainly couldn’t stand upright. So now what? Spider-Man tried his best to relax on the floor and considered his options. Since he was tied up and not, well … dead, he probably just had to wait for the bad guy to inevitably come back and screw up so that he could escape Or he could lay here and try to find a more unconventional method of escape.
A door creaked open behind him. So much for option two. He strained his ears. One, two, three sets of footsteps walked into the room. The slam of the door echoed against metal walls.
“Okay, let me guess. You guys are either going to tell me your diabolical plan or set up the inevitable death trap. I feel like today is a ‘tell me your diabolical plan’ day, am I right?”
“Is your Spider-sense going off, Peter?”
Spider-Man breathed a sigh of relief. “Tony, your metallic voice is music to my ears. You have anything in that suit that’ll break these chains?”
“Not yet,” said Captain America. He walked around Spider-Man, stopping when he stood above his head. Iron Man and Luke Cage stood on either side of him.
“What do you mean, ‘not yet?’” Spider-Man looked up at the three. They stared back down at him with stern faces.
“Okay, what? Is this about the quips? I can cut down on the quips. Well … a little. I’ll make an attempt.”
The three continued to stare.
“So … are you guys just going to stand here and not get the bad guy at all, then?”
“There’s no bad guy here, man,” answered Luke.
“No bad guy?” Spider-Man looked at Iron Man, then Captain America. “What is this, then? Are you guys hazing me or something?”
“Yes, actually,” answered Iron Man.
Spider-Man laughed. “Very funny, guys.” He laughed harder. Nobody else did. Spider-Man stared at them all again. “Oh come on, you can’t be serious!”
Captain America turned to Iron Man. “Tony, get the whips.”
Spider-Man sputtered as Iron Man walked over to the wall in back of them. “Whips? What whips? What kind of whips?”
“Oh, quit being a wuss,” Luke chided. He looked in back of him to see Iron Man press a button on the wall, which opened up to reveal a compartment full of whips, chains, and gags. “Tony, you have way too many butt-plugs for a straight man.”
“BUTT-PLUGS?” Spider-Man yelped.
Iron Man laughed. “Man, I love it when they have that reaction.” He picked up a whip and cracked it. “Never gets old.” He then threw whips to Captain America and Luke.
Captain America cracked his whip. He put his foot on Spider-Man’s chest, pushing him toward the ground. “Listen to me, Spider-Man. For the next two hours, you will do whatever we say, when we say it, and as fast as you can. We’ve all fought with and against you - so remember that we’ll know when you’re slacking. If we hear any complaints, any or all of us will punish you. And we’re not sparing you. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it,” said Spider-Man. “And I say ‘No damn way.’”
His spider-sense warned him, but he had no way of avoiding Captain America’s whip as it lashed across his rear.
“You don’t have a choice, soldier.” Captain America stepped off of Spider-Man and called to Iron Man. “Tony, get him on his feet. We need to soften him up before the game.”
Spider-Man’s head was swimming. “All right, you know what? I’m calling you out on this.”
“Calling us out?” asked Captain America.
“I get it, okay? You are the great Avengers. I am lowly, inexperienced Spider-Man. The ‘young fool’ who always screws up and makes stupid jokes and so it’s totally okay to whip him and butt-plug him.” His voice raised a few decibels. “Okay? I get it. Now can you let me go so I can get back my boring life where I actually have to go to work and wash my own costumes because I don’t have a multibillion bank account to play with and a butler to do it for me?”
His captors looked down at him in numb surprise. Iron Man coughed. “So, uh … how long have you been keeping that in?”
“Too long,” Spider-Man spat.
“That’s enough.” Captain America crouched down and lifted Spider-Man up, placing the wall-crawler on his feet. He then ripped off Spider-Man’s mask and grabbed him by the hair. “Gag him, Luke.”
“Steve, he’s really pissed off. Don’t you think we should explain to …?”
“I said, ‘Gag him, Luke.’”
Luke sighed and shrugged. As he went to get the ball gag, Spider-Man struggled to pull away.
“Stop it, Peter,” said Captain America. As if to echo Captain America’s sentiment, Iron Man sent his whip in Spider-Man’s direction. Spider-Man lowered his butt before it could hit.
Iron Man groaned. “I forgot about that damn Spider-sense.” He grabbed Spider-Man around the waist, keeping him in place, and whacked the handle of the whip against Spider-Man’s butt.
“OW!”
“Listen to what we say, Peter.” Captain America took the just-received gag from Luke and thrust it in Spider-Man’s mouth. Spider-Man spit it out.
“Steve?” asked Iron Man.
“Go ahead.”
Iron Man whipped Spider-Man again. Captain America put the gag back in as Spider-Man opened his mouth to yell. Spider-Man spit it out again.
Captain America yanked on Spider-Man’s hair again, forcing Spider-Man’s face upward so that he looked up at Captain America. “We can do this all day, Peter.”
Spider-Man glared back at Captain America. “I want out.”
Captain America sighed. “It’s really not so bad. In the army we used to play ‘Oookie Cookie.’”
“What cookie?”
Iron Man spoke up. “It’s a race. Basically, you put a cookie on the floor and have all the new recruits stand in the circle. Then they pull down their pants and go at it and the last one to finish …”
“I am NOT doing this.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Pete, it’s two damn hours out of your whole life. If you’ve taken on Firelord and the Juggernaut all by yourself there’s no reason you can’t take a few whacks on the ass!”
“That’s …” Spider-Man’s shoulders slumped. “I know, but …”
“So, there’s no problem!” Captain America flashed a smile that reminded Spider-Man of a toothpaste ad.
“Yeah,” added Iron Man. “You’ll be a great little bitch.”
“I still can’t believe this …” Spider-Man said, his former anger fading into resigned incredulousness. “When I first tried to join the Avengers, you guys just made me fight the Hulk.”
“Peter, would you REALLY rather fight the Hulk?”
Spider-Man sighed in defeat. He bent his head down towards the floor and picked up the ball gag with his mouth.
Captain America gave the wall-crawler a wide smile. “Good man.” He tied the ball gag’s straps around Spider-Man’s head and replaced his mask, rolling it up so that Captain America could still see Spider-Man’s mouth. “Tony, spread his legs.”
Iron Man released Spider-Man’s waist. Spider-Man inhaled sharply through the gag as Iron Man’s cold metallic hands spread his legs as far as the chains would allow.
“I suggest you stick to the ground,” said Iron Man.
Spider-Man muttered a “Why?” between the gag, and was rewarded with a slap across the butt with a metal hand. It was too quick for his spider-sense to warn him. The impact sent him falling face-first onto the ground. He let out a cry of pain.
“Get yo’ ass up!” Luke yelled, whipping Spider-Man as he did so. “I said get up.”
Spider-Man groaned and tried to push himself up onto his knees. This wasn’t good. Normally a whip like that wouldn’t hurt so badly, but Luke was putting a good amount of his super-strength behind it. But at least it wasn’t as bad as …
Spider-Man cried out again as Iron Man’s metal-covered hand whapped his ass. That hurt, that REALLY hurt. He winced as he tried to get up again. This time he curled his legs underneath him and shifted his weight back so that he could hold up his head and torso. The chains rubbed against his thighs, making him shudder. Iron Man and Luke were whipping him in tandem now, one after the other while Captain America looked on. Spider-Man bit on the gag hard, making his best attempts to ignore the blows and the pain as he curled up his left leg, planting his left foot on the ground and then did the same thing for the right. He stood on his feet, still bent over as his chains demanded, but he was on his feet.
Captain America held up his hand. “Hold!”
The blows stopped. Spider-Man gasped and panted. He hadn’t quite realized just how hard they were hitting him until they stopped. The lashes from the whip and the bruises from the metal felt like an enormous brand on his rear. Speaking of which, he hoped that wasn’t coming next …
Captain America removed the ball gag. “Now, was that so horrible?”
Spider-Man tried to smile. “Um … still not worse than fighting the Hulk?” Actually, for all that he ached, that struggle wasn’t so bad. His bimonthly push-self-out-from-under-incredibly-huge-weights were about ten times worse; despite the fact that he could tell that Iron Man and Luke were both giving it their all.
Captain America smiled back at him. “Glad to hear it. That was barely the warm-up.”
Spider-Man froze. “Huh?”
“Steve, do you want a go?” asked Tony
“Sure, let me get back there.”
Luke grabbed Spider-Man’s hands, holding him in place as Captain America and Iron Man switched places. Iron Man grabbed the chain hanging from Spider-Man’s neck. His armor started to hum. He levitated very slightly off the ground, enough to allow Iron Man to move but not enough to immediately choke Spider-Man. Luke handed Captain America a large paddle with the American flag painted on it.
The words escaped Spider-Man’s mouth before he could stop them. “Great. Now I’m in a bad anti-Arab flash cartoon.” He groaned as the paddle whacked him. Oh God, that was hard. That was much harder than what Iron Man or Luke hit him with. Still …
“Did I say bad? I meant mediocre. There are fart jokes in the bad ones.”
The paddle came down on him again. Five times.
“Wait, did I say mediocre? I meant glorious. I love blind patriotism combined with offensive vulgarity.”
“Peter, for your own sake stop talking,” said Iron Man.
Luke nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it’s just sad right now.”
Spider-Man took their words to heart as Captain America paddled him, now doing it ten times. As the last hit came down and Captain America paused, Spider-Man sighed. At least now he would have a break. As if to deliberately prove him wrong, Captain America reached between his thighs and grabbed his cock and balls.
Spider-Man felt his heart leap into his throat. The hero of World War II had him by the balls. He repeated that in his head for shameless dramatic effect. The HERO of WORLD WAR II had him by the BALLS.
And he wasn’t allowed to make a joke about it.
Life was not fair.
“Listen to me, Peter. Tony is going to pull you around the room and you’re going to run after him as fast as you can while I paddle you. If Tony goes too fast, yell ‘quinjet’ and he’ll slow down. Just concentrate on running. Luke will follow you on the side and will pick you up again if you fall. We’re going to circle the room ten times. Any questions?”
“Um …” Spider Man tried to think. God, Captain America had his balls! How could he think of a question? “Um … Oh, what if Tony chokes me before I can yell out ‘quinjet’?”
“Luke will watch that, too.” Captain America let go of Spider-Man and looked up at Iron Man. “Tony, start!”
Iron Man’s armor hummed again and he started to levitate backwards. He was slow at first, as if anticipating that Spider-Man would fall, but Spider-Man’s enhanced agility and ability to stick to the ground kept him from toppling over, despite his limited movement. Captain America started striking him now. Luke jogged next to Spider-Man, his dark eyes focused on Spider-Man’s throat and feet. By the time they cleared the first lap, they had Spider-Man running.
“Is that the fastest you can go?” taunted Captain America. “I think you can go faster.”
Luke joined in. “Yeah, bitch! I’ve seen your ass run much faster than that.”
Spider-Man tried to obey, but the chains were making it hard. He tried to stifle his groans as Captain America paddled him. He thought Captain America’s blows would be softer as they started running, that the necessary exertion would prevent him from throwing more power into the blows. It actually didn’t make much of a difference. His hope that his rear would eventually give out and lose all feeling wasn’t happening, either. He kept thinking about what Captain America said about the Hulk, what Luke said about Firelord. This is nothing, Pete, he told himself. This is just a stupid game and afterward they’re all going to laugh about it with you and it will all be a big joke. At least … at least he hoped so.
Iron Man pulled on Spider-Man’s chain like a dog’s leash. “You’re slacking. Run faster!”
“I’m …” Spider-Man panted. “I’m trying.”
Luke slapped his face. “Who gave the Spider-bitch permission to speak?”
“I know I just told him to run,” said Iron Man. “Now run faster!”
Another harsh blow to the rear underlined Iron Man’s command. Spider-Man ran faster. They still pushed him; Iron Man flew faster and Captain America ran after him, hitting harder. Luke’s taunts continued. His spider-sense was warning him of the blows, but Spider-Man was so focused on running fast that he could do little to avoid them. At first he thought the advance warning was a good thing; that it would prepare him and allow him to steel himself before they happened. Now his power just seemed like an annoyance. He couldn’t get away from the hits, so why bother with the instinct to escape?
As soon as Spider-Man thought that, it scared him. He may not have had the experience or trust of the public that Captain America and Iron Man did, but he was still a superhero. A superhero with about fifteen years of experience, to boot! And he was giving himself up on a hazing? He glared beneath his mask as the latest paddle-strike hit him. He wasn’t going to stand for this anymore!
He then realized that he was on lap eight.
Aw, heck, he thought. Might as well hang in there for the last two.
“You’re pathetic, bitch!”
Luke was making it hard, though. And he was getting tired of being called “bitch” - something like “slut” or “faggot” would have shook things up a bit. Damn, he thought. It had been years since he thought something like that …
The paddle also made it rough. Captain America’s blows slowed down, but the old wounds were making it unbearable. Spider-Man knew his enhanced stamina and sheer force of will were the only things keeping him going now.
Yet the last lap came quicker than he thought. They all began to slow down. Half-way through Captain America even stopped hitting him. As they got to the end, Iron Man let go. Spider-Man stumbled at the sudden lack of support, but Luke caught him easily. Luke held him firmly, but not roughly, as he lowered him to the ground.
Luke whispered in Spider-Man’s ear. “You did good, man.” He patted him on the back. “My ass fell down on the second lap. You did real good.”
Spider-Man was stunned. He wanted to smile back, but this was the guy who was calling him a bitch a minute ago and --
Before he could ponder it too longer, Captain America grabbed onto Spider-Man’s ankles and pulled him away, back towards the center of the room. Spider-Man groaned as his body scraped against the metal floor. Captain America turned Spider-Man over so he was on his back, lying on his arms. Spider-Man had to hold a crunch to prevent the chain from yanking on his neck.
“Um, do we have to do it like this? I really don’t like having my legs spread in front of you, Cap. I mean, you’re a very attractive man and all, but …”
Captain America ignored him. “Is this your only costume?”
“No …”
Captain America nodded at Luke. Luke pulled a knife out from his pants pocket and walked toward Spider-Man. Iron Man held down Spider-Man’s shoulders.
“Like an old high school dissection.”
It didn’t take Spider-Man long to realize what that meant. “Wait, I …”
Luke grabbed onto the top of Spider-Man’s pants, pulled it out, and made a slice right through the fabric covering his groin.
“QUINJET!” Spider-Man yelled.
“That was for the last game. It doesn’t work anymore,” said Iron Man.
Luke lifted Spider-Man’s hips up and cut even lower, back around to his ass.
Spider-Man continued to yell. “Avengers Mansion! Jarvis! Heroes Reborn!”
“You getting the butt-plug, Cap?” asked Luke.
“PLEASE, stop. PLEASE!”
Captain America bent down between Spider-Man’s legs, the plastic plug in hand. Spider-Man’s eyes widened when he realized how close Captain America was. An out! He crushed Captain America’s head between his knees before he could come any further and shifted his waist to the side, throwing Captain America to the ground.
Luke jumped up and slapped Spider-Man across the face. “You’re not supposed to do that, bitch!”
Spider-Man glared directly back at Luke. “Stop talking to me like that! I told you I’m not playing this game anymore. I told you to STOP!”
“Why do you have to rock the boat? This is an awesome opportunity! Can’t you just suck it up and play the game?”
“How could you just sit down and take this when they’re clearly mocking us?”
“Stop it, both of you!” Iron Man’s metallic voice echoed across the room. He looked at Captain America, who was rubbing his own head after its knock against the floor. “Luke, hold on to his ankles. Steve, can you take my place?”
Luke did as Iron Man asked. Captain America nodded and got behind Spider-Man. He held Spider-Man’s shoulders just as Iron Man released them. Iron Man moved over to Spider-Man and straddled him across his waist. He took off his helmet, tossing his head back in an effort to straighten out his hair. He put his helmet down and got on his knees.
Tony took off Spider-Man’s mask as he spoke. “Peter, what’s the real problem here?”
“Besides you three knocking me out and playing ‘9 1/2 Weeks’ with me?”
“Yes, besides that.”
Peter glared back at Tony. “Well, I don’t know. That’s kind of taken up all my attention now.”
“I’m talking about when you said we were mocking you. Because, honestly, I see this as a stupid game, but you seem to think this goes deeper.”
Peter sighed and laid his head back on the metal floor. He tried to avoid Captain America’s curious stare. “Tony, I just … I think I just want to go home. I told Cap that I wasn’t a team guy when he tried to talk to me. I still don’t think I am, and …”
“Peter, we WANT you on this team. We really do.” As Tony spoke, Captain America and Luke nodded in agreement. “There’s a reason we bumped you right up here instead of making you a reserve Avenger. This isn’t like fighting the Hulk. This isn’t a test. This game means you made it.”
“One of us, one of us?” chanted Peter.
The other three chuckled.
“Yeah,” said Tony. “Exactly.”
“I just … I don’t really do well with this fraternity stuff. I mean, I was the school nerd.”
“Cap was scrawny, too,” Tony pointed out.
Peter shook his head. “No, no. You don’t get it. When I say ‘school nerd’ I don’t mean guy-in-his-basement-playing-D&D school nerd. I mean sweater vests and polished shoes and pocket protectors. THAT kind of nerd. And it’s sort of like, I get to be a superhero to get my ass kicked by the big kids on the playground again? That’s kind of a gyp …”
Tony laughed. “Okay, I kind of see your point.”
“That, and you called me a ‘young fool’ the last time I tried to join.”
Tony’s smile left his face. He bit his lower lip, and then looked at Peter again. “I did?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Well, you did.”
“Sure it wasn’t Cap?”
“Hey! Why are you bringing me into this?”
“It was you, Tony,” said Peter.
“Oh …” Tony smiled weakly and shrugged. “I’m sorry about that.”
Peter sighed. “Look, guys. I kind of get it. I guess this is supposed to be some bonding experience but … I guess I’m not feeling it, is what I’m saying. I want to go.”
Captain America spoke up again. “But, Peter, you did excellent. I had a great time and I think …”
“Steve, wait …” Tony Stark bent over, moving his mouth towards Peter’s. Later, Peter would wonder why he didn’t struggle, would rationalize it as him being tired of fighting. Nevertheless, he let it happen.
Tony Stark kissed him.
Tony kept his mouth closed (and Peter didn’t try to entice him further), but nevertheless the kiss was long … long, soft and tender. Peter couldn’t do anything but blink as Tony pulled away.
Luke was the first to speak up. “Um … what the hell?”
Tony ignored him. “Look, I’m sorry for whatever I said in the past. I’ve … I’ve been through a lot over the years. I’m sure you know that. From what you told me just now, it seems you have, too. And, well, Steve still hasn’t convinced me that this is a good idea. But if we’re going to have a team at all, I want you on it.”
“Is that why you kissed me? You know I’m married, right?”
“It was a Spartan kiss. We’re battle-mates now,” explained Tony. “You stay on this team, and I’ll look out for you. Not in fighting - we all know you can do that. But I’ll make you my protégé, make you a team player. Sound fair?”
Peter squinted at Tony. “Spartans still had sex with each other. You know that, right?”
“So yes or no?”
Peter thought for a minute, Tony’s speech sounded genuine … even if that kissing thing was a little weird. (He hoped Tony didn’t do that all the time.) He opened his mouth to say yes … but then remembered the butt-plug. Peter sighed. He looked at Tony once again.
“Okay.”
Tony beamed. “All right.” He stood up. “You think we’re done here, Steve?”
Captain America took off his mask and nodded. “Yeah, we’re done.”
Peter looked around. “Really?” Steve pushed him back up into a full sitting position. “Owww … still bruised.” He heard a click as Steve released his handcuffs. “So, no butt-plug?”
“Oh,” said Tony as he removed the ring from Peter’s neck. “We never use the butt-plug. It’s just a scare tactic. If you didn’t freak out we would have stopped.”
Peter’s jaw dropped. “WHAT?”
“It’s okay, we do it to everybody.”
“Everybody? What do you mean by ‘everybody’?”
~*~*~
“And just when were they going to tell me that they’ve done this to every new recruit since Hawkeye and the Maximoffs?”
Luke rolled his eyes and leaned back on the couch that he was sharing with Peter. It was an hour after the session and both of them were relaxing in the common living room of Stark Tower. “You still dwelling on that? Man, did you really think that they would think up those hazing tactics just for you?”
Peter shrugged as he shifted his weight once again on the rubber donut underneath his butt. “Well, yeah …”
“Sheesh. The universe doesn’t revolve around you, man.”
“You’re just jealous because Tony kissed me.”
“Oh, knock it off you two.” Jessica Drew kept her legs far apart as she staggered into the room, a donut of her own in her hand. She let out a loud sigh as she sat down on the couch across from them.
“They hazed you too, Jess?” asked Peter. “Nice John Wayne impression, by the way.”
“Ha-fucking-ha. No, THEY didn’t haze me.” Jessica moaned again and pushed her long, black hair out of her eyes. “They split it up by sexes. I forget why … something about the Scarlet Witch hexing away everyone’s clothes and trying to hump the Vision way back when.”
“And they were surprised when she went crazy?” asked Peter. Luke hit him. “Ow!”
Jessica rolled her eyes. “They bought in the Wasp, She-Hulk and Ms. Marvel to haze me, anyway.”
“Oh yeah? Got any details?”
“Maybe after you tell me about that kiss.”
Peter coughed. “Point taken.”
“Where’s Jarvis?” asked Jessica. “He was supposed to bring me some champagne on ice.”
Luke lifted his head back up off the couch. “Champagne? I thought liquor doesn’t work on you.”
“It doesn’t. I want the bucket of ice. She-Hulk did a number on my thighs …”
“But …” Luke shook his head. “Never mind. … Say, can I use some of that ice? My ass still kind of hurts.”
“Huh? But you were fine when you were hazing me,” said Peter.
“Yeah, but my session was, like, two hours before we started.”
Jessica scoffed. “At least you GOT to take it out on someone else. You too, Peter. Who knows when a new woman is going to join the Avengers?”
Peter suddenly sat up. “Wait, what do you mean ‘I got to take it out on someone else’?”
Jessica looked at Luke. “You mean you haven’t …” Luke shook his head. Jessica looked back at Peter. “Logan formally said that he was going to join the Avengers earlier this morning.”
Peter stared back at Jessica. “You serious?”
“Dead serious.”
A wide smile overtook Peter’s face. “… Cool.”
The End.