(no subject)
Hello livejournal world,
I know we've been somewhat estranged, but I'm having some major life decision issues, and need to just let it all out somewhere.
Here I am in utopian Vermont, the promised land, picture-perfect and summer-beautiful. I'm really unhappy here. I think it's a combination of the lack of contra dancing and folk jams(?!), lameness of the other interns, stress of working 7 days a week with [wonderful but] challenging co-workers. But perhaps most importantly, I'm not really learning or growing from this experience. I am not gaining any kind of skills related to gardening or cooking or managing a kitchen or anything else - I'm just doing things I already know how to do. In fact, I know more about whole/seasonal/organic food than the kitchen boss. Yet, I get paid nothing. (room, board and $400/month). Also, I work full-time in the kitchen; the garden is just an afterthought. At least they haven't noticed that I don't have health insurance (which is supposed to be required for the internship, and I cannot remotely afford to be paying)
So, I've pretty much decided to leave. Although, this will pretty much screw over the woman who runs the kitchen, who really deserves to take a vacation in August and probably can't if I leave. But I am just going insane! I don't know what to do.
Anyway, Leaving brings up the next question. What to do? I am very fond of this boy who lives in Florida and we are thinking of going to do something together. Perhaps farming in New England? But I am recalling how happy i was in Asheville and thinking maybe i should try to return there.
I think i'm having some serious self-confidence issues when it comes to jobs. I have applied for so many jobs and gotten rejected from all of them. The only ones that take me are these internships that don't pay anything and don't really provide any stimulation or challenge or learning. (It turns out that basically no one else applied for the Yestermorrow position I have) I've been rejected so many times that I'm starting to get scared of having a real job where I would have real responsibility. Maybe I should go back to grad school and get a degree and then people will hire me. I don't know what to do. I'm feeling incompetent and awkward and just generally depressed. And it's not just moodyness; I've felt that way pretty much constantly since I arrived in Vermont.
Someday, I imagine having a job that is fulfilling and enjoyable, that pays me money, in a place that I enjoy living. But then, I guess that's what everyone dreams of, and no one ever really gets. Man, it sucks to grow up.
I know we've been somewhat estranged, but I'm having some major life decision issues, and need to just let it all out somewhere.
Here I am in utopian Vermont, the promised land, picture-perfect and summer-beautiful. I'm really unhappy here. I think it's a combination of the lack of contra dancing and folk jams(?!), lameness of the other interns, stress of working 7 days a week with [wonderful but] challenging co-workers. But perhaps most importantly, I'm not really learning or growing from this experience. I am not gaining any kind of skills related to gardening or cooking or managing a kitchen or anything else - I'm just doing things I already know how to do. In fact, I know more about whole/seasonal/organic food than the kitchen boss. Yet, I get paid nothing. (room, board and $400/month). Also, I work full-time in the kitchen; the garden is just an afterthought. At least they haven't noticed that I don't have health insurance (which is supposed to be required for the internship, and I cannot remotely afford to be paying)
So, I've pretty much decided to leave. Although, this will pretty much screw over the woman who runs the kitchen, who really deserves to take a vacation in August and probably can't if I leave. But I am just going insane! I don't know what to do.
Anyway, Leaving brings up the next question. What to do? I am very fond of this boy who lives in Florida and we are thinking of going to do something together. Perhaps farming in New England? But I am recalling how happy i was in Asheville and thinking maybe i should try to return there.
I think i'm having some serious self-confidence issues when it comes to jobs. I have applied for so many jobs and gotten rejected from all of them. The only ones that take me are these internships that don't pay anything and don't really provide any stimulation or challenge or learning. (It turns out that basically no one else applied for the Yestermorrow position I have) I've been rejected so many times that I'm starting to get scared of having a real job where I would have real responsibility. Maybe I should go back to grad school and get a degree and then people will hire me. I don't know what to do. I'm feeling incompetent and awkward and just generally depressed. And it's not just moodyness; I've felt that way pretty much constantly since I arrived in Vermont.
Someday, I imagine having a job that is fulfilling and enjoyable, that pays me money, in a place that I enjoy living. But then, I guess that's what everyone dreams of, and no one ever really gets. Man, it sucks to grow up.