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[ these were meant to be individually locked, but are all public ]I just want to thank everyone here for -- for bein more than I ever expected. I know that livin in Chiago can be hardd and I guess I'm kind of testamnet of that, but
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Elizabeth will not walk into this situation making the assumption that Tabitha is really dying. She forces herself to have hope even if Tabitha believes she's dying, even if the doctor's think it's true, even if it feels like death when she walks in the room.
She shoves back the painful feeling in her chest, swallowing it back and looking to the bed with concern and love in her gaze. Her hands are shaking. If she's dying from sickness, there's nothing she can do. She can't take the pain away, but she wishes she could. She wants to. "Tabitha?"
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This isn't the first time Elizabeth has seen her friend sick, but she's never seen Tabitha in this bad of shape.
But then she recognizes that is actually is Elizabeth in the room, not some fevered delusion, and that brings a smile to her face. Even if it's wiped away pretty quickly by a bout of coughs. Once those are over, though, the smile comes back.
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Her hand slides over her stomach, and she shuts her eyes, trying to block out the image. It's making her feel sick and terrible and good (because it's what she's meant to do for her friend), but she pushes past it all and steps further into the room, swallowing back the tightness in her throat.
Her eyes burn, and she sits down because she has to. It's not far away, the death but not too close either. She looks so sick, so thin, and all she can think is that death will be a relief for her because there will be no more pain. At the same time, some other part of her (the human, teenager part) is screaming because she doesn't want to lose her friend.
"Hey," Elizabeth says, wincing at the coughing sound and fighting past the imagery.
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Neither of her parents are there. Her mother hasn't even responded to her, and her father's busy taking care of more important things. The nurses haven't been consistent either, as they keep getting sick, so she hasn't even had that comfort.
Which is why she can't help it but break down crying at Elizabeth's simple greeting. "Hey," she says after a few moments, not even bothering to wipe the snot off her face, or brush the tears away. She then chokes up, not able to stop crying.
She's just so afraid. She thought she was ready, but she's not.
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Elizabeth remains by her bedside, holding her breath as she waits for Tabitha to say something in response. It's like standing on an edge, and it's a different edge than the one she'd stood upon at the end of fifty deaths.
It's an edge she's standing on because one of her best friends is dying, and she's obviously scared. Elizabeth can feel it, sense it. She starts to cry and Elizabeth stands, reaching for her hand.
"Hey," she says, trying to fight back tears of her own. Where is the angel in a time like this? Doesn't she usually come into control in these situations? Elizabeth bites down on her lip, forcing emotion back, trying to find that other part of herself. "I'm here. I'm here, okay? I'm right here. Can you-- Would it hurt if I got in bed with you and held you? I don't want to hurt you more, but I don't want... to leave you alone... on this bed."
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"They've got me on so many drugs," Tabitha says. She was meaning to make a joke out of that. There was one in there somewhere. To break the tension. Stop making Elizabeth look like that. It'll hurt, she knows, to have the other girl climb in bed with her, but she doesn't care. She's so tired of being alone. She's so scared.
"I -- just, please." She doesn't even know how to ask properly. What words are right. This is probably the last time she'll ever see her best friend again, and she just doesn't know what to say. She feels like over and over she's screwing all of it up. Like she should be making a better impression on Elizabeth. Or -- She doesn't even know. Just.
Not this.
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Like its crushing down on her heart.
She climbs up into the bed with her at the please. It's all the incentive that she needs, and she rests her hands against her, gently. Her forehead against Tabitha's head as soft and graceful and gentle as she can possibly manage.
"It's going to be okay," Elizabeth says as firmly and as gently and as lovingly as she can. "I'm with you to the end, and I love you very much."
This is hard. This is the hardest thing she's ever had to do.
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