what to say?
so, i just hit 19. happy birthday to me, and everyone on the 29th of dec. i just started college. and to be honest...it kinda feels....normal. this shit is retarded. ummmm im kinda not normal. erik says im a man. erik is also a fairy...so his opinion doesnt count. anyways..this relationship is even normal. no...not really. not at all actually. the last two were normal...but everything else wasnt. and i just thought about chris the whole time. now dan is just as odd as chris but in a whole new way. now i compare them like i compared chris to dustin. except i cant stand what dustin has become. i dont really know anything about chris anymore...but i still think about him sometimes. i want to give everything i have to dan, but i keep holding back. sometimes i think of how long we've been together and how perfect everything is...but something isnt there. i dont want to let go of this before i know its done...but goddamn- whatever im looking for is so damn fickle. if i let go before im sure i'll regret it. just like last time. just like the time before. dan makes me happy. why do i want more. he gets on my nerves....i love it when we fight, and i remember why i like him in the first place. but something isnt right.