las fantasmas
Just found out that my old friend who I haven't seen since 1994 or so, Chris, died suddenly in May. Chris and I worked together at Mish Mish, the art supply store in downtown Roanoke. I was in high school, Chris was a twenty-something. Chris was the first gay person I ever knew 'in real life.' What I mean is, he was the first gay person I knew when I was old enough to understand what gay was, and also the first gay person to talk openly with me about his homosexuality. Knowing him changed my world view. After knowing him I stuck up for him, when someone made jokes or slurs toward gay people. Chris also taught me the dangers of fishing for a compliment. Turned out he didn't really like my new ring, after all.
This is the second person in a fucking month to die, both under the age of 40. I keep pictures beside my computer at work of friends who die, which is growing increasingly sad and maybe not such a good idea since I have to keep adding to it, and I am running out of room. But, I like to look at them, every day. So I'll just keep adding...
Is this the new season, the season of death? First it was marriage, then divorce, then babies, then more divorce, and now DEATH? Is this life's gentle nudge, the constant reminder that it is but a wee one, sardonically brief and maybe a bit enlightened, if you're lucky? If you're lucky, you have some really great moments, if you're paying enough attention, which so many of us aren't because we are too busy keeping ourselves afloat, OR, too busy planning for the days when we will have the time to do all the things we should be doing RIGHT NOW. (Or is it just me?)
I feel the urgency, which I guess is a good thing. Thank you Chris, thank you Stewart. Did I even tell you about Stewart? That is a whole 'nother entry. Gawd. But, I do kinda believe in angels. Ever since Fernando died in Mexico and everything grew so mystical, everything became a gift from him, and then from my grandparents, I have believed in the spirits of those people I love who have died. I don't know what that means, really, if anything, but there it is. My 'I Believe' segment. I believe in ghosts! Incidentally, I was wondering...I don't have children but I have a godson, and y'all have them and tell stories, and I've just noticed a common thread, the fascination that kids seem to have with stories about ghosts. Is this a real 'trend' or is it just my imagination? Is this is just another thing that we once had as kids, before we became our poisoned adult selves?
Bring back the ghost stories, I say. Bring back wonderment. Bring back the fascination with life, that came before all this death.
This is the second person in a fucking month to die, both under the age of 40. I keep pictures beside my computer at work of friends who die, which is growing increasingly sad and maybe not such a good idea since I have to keep adding to it, and I am running out of room. But, I like to look at them, every day. So I'll just keep adding...
Is this the new season, the season of death? First it was marriage, then divorce, then babies, then more divorce, and now DEATH? Is this life's gentle nudge, the constant reminder that it is but a wee one, sardonically brief and maybe a bit enlightened, if you're lucky? If you're lucky, you have some really great moments, if you're paying enough attention, which so many of us aren't because we are too busy keeping ourselves afloat, OR, too busy planning for the days when we will have the time to do all the things we should be doing RIGHT NOW. (Or is it just me?)
I feel the urgency, which I guess is a good thing. Thank you Chris, thank you Stewart. Did I even tell you about Stewart? That is a whole 'nother entry. Gawd. But, I do kinda believe in angels. Ever since Fernando died in Mexico and everything grew so mystical, everything became a gift from him, and then from my grandparents, I have believed in the spirits of those people I love who have died. I don't know what that means, really, if anything, but there it is. My 'I Believe' segment. I believe in ghosts! Incidentally, I was wondering...I don't have children but I have a godson, and y'all have them and tell stories, and I've just noticed a common thread, the fascination that kids seem to have with stories about ghosts. Is this a real 'trend' or is it just my imagination? Is this is just another thing that we once had as kids, before we became our poisoned adult selves?
Bring back the ghost stories, I say. Bring back wonderment. Bring back the fascination with life, that came before all this death.