Five vs. Eleven
The Lovemaps model of a split between saintly love and sinful lust is meant to explain the association of a behavior, interest, or identity with sex that is not associated with sex for most people. But it also beautifully models the contradictory and extreme ways I think and feel about selflessness and innocence, obligation and privilege.
On one hand, there's just being a nice, happy, innocent, carefree person. Not a care in the world. No agenda. I fetishize that type of an identity to an extent - literally so in the context of AB/DL. On the other hand, there's being a selfless, virtuous person wholly concerned with saving the world, which some deep part of me deems a moral imperative. When I think about it, the stereotyped, archetypal ways I view each of these - and the fact that I value both even though they're mutually exclusive - looks a lot like having divorced reasonable pursuit of happiness from reasonable concern for doing the right thing as a member of one's communities (local, fandom, planet). Essentially, having divorced fifth from eleventh house affairs.
I don't believe paraphilias strongly identified with can generally be undone, and this split runs about as deep under my Scorpionic waters as anything does. This might be a job for the Code.
On one hand, there's just being a nice, happy, innocent, carefree person. Not a care in the world. No agenda. I fetishize that type of an identity to an extent - literally so in the context of AB/DL. On the other hand, there's being a selfless, virtuous person wholly concerned with saving the world, which some deep part of me deems a moral imperative. When I think about it, the stereotyped, archetypal ways I view each of these - and the fact that I value both even though they're mutually exclusive - looks a lot like having divorced reasonable pursuit of happiness from reasonable concern for doing the right thing as a member of one's communities (local, fandom, planet). Essentially, having divorced fifth from eleventh house affairs.
I don't believe paraphilias strongly identified with can generally be undone, and this split runs about as deep under my Scorpionic waters as anything does. This might be a job for the Code.