My Circle of Content - ( WARNING- deep content )
Well it's nearing the end of another year. 2002 seems to be leaving us as quickly as it arrived. As the years go by, wisdom builds in oneself as a result of past experience whilst the quest for knowledge never ends as we seek to travel that never ending learning curve of life.
So what are my thoughts, I ask myself. What have I learned, unlearned and gained this year?
This year has been possibly my BIGGEST triumph. There has been many changes and priority shifts within myself. It's not often I speak my innermost thoughts ( expect to Cin ), letalone actually write ( or in this case 'type' ) them down.
I have learned many things this year. I have always considered myself lucky and content sharing my life with Cindy, but for some reason this year has really made me STOP and think.... HEY I REALLY AM LUCKY!!!
There has been so may phases of our lives together since we were teen sweethearts. We've had our ups and downs, been through the usual hassles that come from being parents, had our share of arguments and stages in our lives that we would rather forget.
Cindy is my 'rock'. She is the reason I strive, the reason I have become the man I am.
I wont go into too much detail here, being a public post, but for those you know Cin, She has accomplished so much this year on a personal level. I have seen a side to her which makes me so PROUD. Her determination in the self-improvement area is something to look up to. She has always been a wonderful person. In the past few years I have seen her self-esteem drop, she seem to feel unhappy with herself, her life, her body. The Cindy I see today realises what I have always known to be true. She has made a huge effort in helping herself physically and emotionally. GOD knows I adore her, always have, but lately I cannot help but feel so much PRIDE in her determination. She truly has become her OWN person.
Anyway, enough on that subject..and back to me.
This year has also been a year of self discovery for myself.
1998-2001 --- the worst years
During this time I have endured emotional and financial stress. Trouble with 'private' matters relating to 'ghosts' from the past in my late childhood years seem to haunt me with false accusations and a silent war had begun. A war that will I now realise will never end, but one that I have now learned is not worth fighting and has now beome insignificant in our lives. On top of that the financial burden our then failing business left me almost to the brink of self destruction emotionally. The trouble with an out of control teenage daughter and constant disruptions to our lives left us both in danger as our marriage had begun to shake it's foundations. I begun to dislike myself, felt I was a failure in all departments.
The only thing that kept me from taking the wrong path was my love for Cindy, the kids and a strong sense of morals. I am no angel, ( as I often tell Cin, ) But I have never done anything to hurt Cin in that way, nor have I ever considered it an option. I am just not built that way. My love and commitment to Cindy makes this senario an impossible one.
Then terrorism hits us in the face and we all begin to fear for our lives and the lives of our loved ones.
Well we have come through all this ok. Actually BETTER than I would have imagined.
I cant speak for Cin, but I feel much WISER, much STRONGER and feel I have learned so much from these experiences. I have re-learned to appreciate the important things in life.
Today I have become a man who is not afraid to stand up and be counted. A man who has become even more a patriot than ever before. A man who has become more tolerant of others and their opinions and beleifs. Someone who pays alot more attention to the world around us, the enviroment, animals, people who dont have we what take for granted.
I often walk outside at night and just gaze at the sky, trying to take in the AWE of our beautiful universe. I have become more alert, more caring, more appreciative of what we have. And most important of all I have again begun to like myself as a person.
Thinking back, I really have no regrets. There never was anything I did or did not do that was cause for regret.
Last night I was watching a movie " Family Man" - Nicolas Cage.
He said something to his wife that echoed so true to me.
" Right now there is nowhere else I would rather be...than here with You"
That about sums it up for me. I wouldnt change a thing, wouldnt want to be anywhere else, wouldnt want to have anything more.
We have begun to come around Full Circle. Another stage of our lives has begun, and I would not want to be ANYWHERE else but here with Cin, and our kids living our lives together. For better or worse, I embrace what we have and feel grateful to be inside what I call ....
.... My Circle of Content
So what are my thoughts, I ask myself. What have I learned, unlearned and gained this year?
This year has been possibly my BIGGEST triumph. There has been many changes and priority shifts within myself. It's not often I speak my innermost thoughts ( expect to Cin ), letalone actually write ( or in this case 'type' ) them down.
I have learned many things this year. I have always considered myself lucky and content sharing my life with Cindy, but for some reason this year has really made me STOP and think.... HEY I REALLY AM LUCKY!!!
There has been so may phases of our lives together since we were teen sweethearts. We've had our ups and downs, been through the usual hassles that come from being parents, had our share of arguments and stages in our lives that we would rather forget.
Cindy is my 'rock'. She is the reason I strive, the reason I have become the man I am.
I wont go into too much detail here, being a public post, but for those you know Cin, She has accomplished so much this year on a personal level. I have seen a side to her which makes me so PROUD. Her determination in the self-improvement area is something to look up to. She has always been a wonderful person. In the past few years I have seen her self-esteem drop, she seem to feel unhappy with herself, her life, her body. The Cindy I see today realises what I have always known to be true. She has made a huge effort in helping herself physically and emotionally. GOD knows I adore her, always have, but lately I cannot help but feel so much PRIDE in her determination. She truly has become her OWN person.
Anyway, enough on that subject..and back to me.
This year has also been a year of self discovery for myself.
1998-2001 --- the worst years
During this time I have endured emotional and financial stress. Trouble with 'private' matters relating to 'ghosts' from the past in my late childhood years seem to haunt me with false accusations and a silent war had begun. A war that will I now realise will never end, but one that I have now learned is not worth fighting and has now beome insignificant in our lives. On top of that the financial burden our then failing business left me almost to the brink of self destruction emotionally. The trouble with an out of control teenage daughter and constant disruptions to our lives left us both in danger as our marriage had begun to shake it's foundations. I begun to dislike myself, felt I was a failure in all departments.
The only thing that kept me from taking the wrong path was my love for Cindy, the kids and a strong sense of morals. I am no angel, ( as I often tell Cin, ) But I have never done anything to hurt Cin in that way, nor have I ever considered it an option. I am just not built that way. My love and commitment to Cindy makes this senario an impossible one.
Then terrorism hits us in the face and we all begin to fear for our lives and the lives of our loved ones.
Well we have come through all this ok. Actually BETTER than I would have imagined.
I cant speak for Cin, but I feel much WISER, much STRONGER and feel I have learned so much from these experiences. I have re-learned to appreciate the important things in life.
Today I have become a man who is not afraid to stand up and be counted. A man who has become even more a patriot than ever before. A man who has become more tolerant of others and their opinions and beleifs. Someone who pays alot more attention to the world around us, the enviroment, animals, people who dont have we what take for granted.
I often walk outside at night and just gaze at the sky, trying to take in the AWE of our beautiful universe. I have become more alert, more caring, more appreciative of what we have. And most important of all I have again begun to like myself as a person.
Thinking back, I really have no regrets. There never was anything I did or did not do that was cause for regret.
Last night I was watching a movie " Family Man" - Nicolas Cage.
He said something to his wife that echoed so true to me.
" Right now there is nowhere else I would rather be...than here with You"
That about sums it up for me. I wouldnt change a thing, wouldnt want to be anywhere else, wouldnt want to have anything more.
We have begun to come around Full Circle. Another stage of our lives has begun, and I would not want to be ANYWHERE else but here with Cin, and our kids living our lives together. For better or worse, I embrace what we have and feel grateful to be inside what I call ....
.... My Circle of Content