It’s one of those days…
Hormones drop off the graph, see red…day steadily goes more bleugh…. In a blurry kinda way. Started the day in a negative way when worrying that short staffing had meant someone hadn’t noticed they were on counter with me I started doing stuff, only to be told I should leave it for the senior who is a newbie senior and also accidentally turning on the phones half an hour early.
Later on the last session was told off for ‘interfering’ or trying to be too helpful and was possibly being a bit over firm with customers. I also gave very vague details about the library to some student over the phone, another faux pas according to someone on counter. I was mumbling about it afterwards and no-one seemed too worried. I can’t see that telling someone we don’t get a budget for videos is really secret stuff. Or the other things were too big but we’ll have to see…I can always blame the hormones…
I have noticed recently a mild tendency to talk/think about said newbie senior - a beardy young married guy who likes star wars… Mainly cos I have convos with him regularly… But I suspect it’s to do my recent anxt/ resentment/ anger/ aggression spiral because I suspect I will reside permanently in singledom due to not planning to sleep with anyone (except my future husband).
I see this an an attempt to attach my emotions onto someone completely unattainable in the sure knowledge I can’t have them. Unlike other men who are single, who I could potentially be with but won’t be with me in the longer term (longer than two minutes) because I’ll never sleep with them.
I told feather I want a t-shirt saying ‘I’ll never sleep with you, do you still want to talk to me?’ Or one saying ‘I can’t have any of you so I’m going to make you suffer’ although the latter needs reworking to make snappier…on the upside minor minor crush has really blunted the SA obsession. Silver linings I guess.
Am getting majorly pissed off with mum on the phone when I’m trying to talk to people on the internet too. Being tired am willing to kill over this. I really want to tell her that “Some of us would like to finish of other conversations and things they need to do on the internet and go to bed before they die of old age’. But of course I’m hanging on to myself with a massive grip not to. This being adolescent to the extreme, if one step higher than stamping loudly (which I’ve already done). And now they’re bugging me about the video. I am such an adolescent when I’m tired.
Just for a second I asked myself why I live here when they drive me nuts. Then I reminded myself. Because if I lived on my own I wouldn’t have any company most of the time when I’m not out and about. This way I at least have them, whom I love…most of the time, even if they do occasionally drive me crazy. I stand there dreaming for a second of better housemates….and I can think of no-one. F and B would be lovely but I’d drive them mad. F for being too company needy and B for food issues. Neither deliberately. Sigh.
Ah well. Bed now.
Love QR or rather QR who is her own granddaughter or a drinks machine…. (googlisms)
Later on the last session was told off for ‘interfering’ or trying to be too helpful and was possibly being a bit over firm with customers. I also gave very vague details about the library to some student over the phone, another faux pas according to someone on counter. I was mumbling about it afterwards and no-one seemed too worried. I can’t see that telling someone we don’t get a budget for videos is really secret stuff. Or the other things were too big but we’ll have to see…I can always blame the hormones…
I have noticed recently a mild tendency to talk/think about said newbie senior - a beardy young married guy who likes star wars… Mainly cos I have convos with him regularly… But I suspect it’s to do my recent anxt/ resentment/ anger/ aggression spiral because I suspect I will reside permanently in singledom due to not planning to sleep with anyone (except my future husband).
I see this an an attempt to attach my emotions onto someone completely unattainable in the sure knowledge I can’t have them. Unlike other men who are single, who I could potentially be with but won’t be with me in the longer term (longer than two minutes) because I’ll never sleep with them.
I told feather I want a t-shirt saying ‘I’ll never sleep with you, do you still want to talk to me?’ Or one saying ‘I can’t have any of you so I’m going to make you suffer’ although the latter needs reworking to make snappier…on the upside minor minor crush has really blunted the SA obsession. Silver linings I guess.
Am getting majorly pissed off with mum on the phone when I’m trying to talk to people on the internet too. Being tired am willing to kill over this. I really want to tell her that “Some of us would like to finish of other conversations and things they need to do on the internet and go to bed before they die of old age’. But of course I’m hanging on to myself with a massive grip not to. This being adolescent to the extreme, if one step higher than stamping loudly (which I’ve already done). And now they’re bugging me about the video. I am such an adolescent when I’m tired.
Just for a second I asked myself why I live here when they drive me nuts. Then I reminded myself. Because if I lived on my own I wouldn’t have any company most of the time when I’m not out and about. This way I at least have them, whom I love…most of the time, even if they do occasionally drive me crazy. I stand there dreaming for a second of better housemates….and I can think of no-one. F and B would be lovely but I’d drive them mad. F for being too company needy and B for food issues. Neither deliberately. Sigh.
Ah well. Bed now.
Love QR or rather QR who is her own granddaughter or a drinks machine…. (googlisms)