darkest before dawn
Just came home from work. House is empty as parents went of to london for some reason. Did my usual i-net check up set... Feather told me not to read her latest entry as it was too depressing. But somehow I found it less distressing than Bubblegum's entries which included a dream of a visit to the hospital(scarily potentially prophetic). Of course I'm worried about F too. But in an emergency I can get to F. I can't really get to B very quickly.
In less depressing but irritating news. Of course my flipping online banking and related paypal acct has just been sorted today, way too late to get the cool diesel sweeties limited ed. anotated guide to the first 50 cartoons :( Bleugh. Might get the mini comic book or the 'I liked you better before you sold out' tshirt.
Although considering my frame of mind recently and recurring thoughts I really ought to print a tshirt saying 'I'm not likely to sleep with you if this is a problem please leave now' to save me the hassle of relationships that will implode. Bleugh. I just have this vision since me and Feather's convo that I am doomed. I wont meet anyone who will put up with my beliefs on sex. For a couple of months max in ignorance or continually pressuring me. And that's ghastly to have only doomed relationships. I mean that in the sense that it will always only be a matter of time before it becomes an issue and it's all just dust.
And in the absence of non forever relationships with men I utterly doubt that I'll ever meet anyone I will ever want marry who will want to marry me and accept that as well either. This casts an utter sense of gloom over everything. I have my career dreams but. I still want to fall in love get married have kids, eventually. And there will be no eventually. It's never going to happen. I don't believe it. Because there's always the befores, the not forevers. No befores, no afters.
On a lighter note - NO LAUNCH! NO LAUNCH! They're putting off the mayor till like the new year. We might start booking comps earlier but it won't be the launch and therefore not as pressured if the whole service isn't there yet.
Also, meeting Y for dinner tonight. Sounds terribly date-ish but it isn't. We always eat these days when we meet up. So why not. I imagine he wants to get stuff off his chest about his sister (who's claimed she's gonna kill herself 4 times, to serious distress of him mum. I did ask if she meant it, apparently she doesn't).
What else? Lalalalala....forgot to record late night uncut buffy but I borrowed the first official tape of buffy series 6(eps 1-3) from the library. So as long as I don't get sucked into watching all the way to the end of the tape, I will only have caught up, and not got ahead of myself.
We used my new phone card to call gb yesterday! it worked like a dream - no echo! woooooo and definatly hooooo.
It's only a week till the ball :D I must go and try for the godess dress in town one last time on monday. Won't find anythign but it's worth a try. Online banking has let me know I am very much in the money. So I can afford to.
That's it for now.
love QR
In less depressing but irritating news. Of course my flipping online banking and related paypal acct has just been sorted today, way too late to get the cool diesel sweeties limited ed. anotated guide to the first 50 cartoons :( Bleugh. Might get the mini comic book or the 'I liked you better before you sold out' tshirt.
Although considering my frame of mind recently and recurring thoughts I really ought to print a tshirt saying 'I'm not likely to sleep with you if this is a problem please leave now' to save me the hassle of relationships that will implode. Bleugh. I just have this vision since me and Feather's convo that I am doomed. I wont meet anyone who will put up with my beliefs on sex. For a couple of months max in ignorance or continually pressuring me. And that's ghastly to have only doomed relationships. I mean that in the sense that it will always only be a matter of time before it becomes an issue and it's all just dust.
And in the absence of non forever relationships with men I utterly doubt that I'll ever meet anyone I will ever want marry who will want to marry me and accept that as well either. This casts an utter sense of gloom over everything. I have my career dreams but. I still want to fall in love get married have kids, eventually. And there will be no eventually. It's never going to happen. I don't believe it. Because there's always the befores, the not forevers. No befores, no afters.
On a lighter note - NO LAUNCH! NO LAUNCH! They're putting off the mayor till like the new year. We might start booking comps earlier but it won't be the launch and therefore not as pressured if the whole service isn't there yet.
Also, meeting Y for dinner tonight. Sounds terribly date-ish but it isn't. We always eat these days when we meet up. So why not. I imagine he wants to get stuff off his chest about his sister (who's claimed she's gonna kill herself 4 times, to serious distress of him mum. I did ask if she meant it, apparently she doesn't).
What else? Lalalalala....forgot to record late night uncut buffy but I borrowed the first official tape of buffy series 6(eps 1-3) from the library. So as long as I don't get sucked into watching all the way to the end of the tape, I will only have caught up, and not got ahead of myself.
We used my new phone card to call gb yesterday! it worked like a dream - no echo! woooooo and definatly hooooo.
It's only a week till the ball :D I must go and try for the godess dress in town one last time on monday. Won't find anythign but it's worth a try. Online banking has let me know I am very much in the money. So I can afford to.
That's it for now.
love QR