Obsessions of electrons and thread
That'd make a great line of poetry. But all I mean is that my present obsessions of time filling are embroidery (currently in the lead) and the internet.
Obsessions of electrons and thread,
Confessions hereafter so guiltily said,
I said what I felt
Before I wrote, but after, the deed done,
The point of no return passed
I wondered whether
I should have waited, thought twice
If the deed purifies, makes me good,
Or even well, unhealthily uncertain
Am I angel or destined for hell?
Or something in between
I broke my own code.
Proud to have acted, stood up for self,
Not shivered sadly, in victimhood,
But nothing holds me now except her words,
Nothing except
Hope.
Cramps eugh! Again! And after I hoovered/murdered the dining room carpet within an inch of its life as an attempt to get some exercise to protect myself against that. Will try doing lots of tai chi thingys tommorow or something. REALLY hate cramps.
I have this feeling me and B are kind of circling around each other waiting for the other to explode. Her diary certainly sounded like that. I've done my explosion, maybe it's B's turn ((giggles manically))
If she can bear it, I hope B will let me speak to her of my concerns on Tuesday. If not or even regardless, I plan to get unhealthily drunk. Been dying to do that for a while.
OK this is because I'm lazy and all my important judges monitor this page. That poetry competition - well I'd like you to choose between the following by the date of next months deadline 15May02. Sorry there's a lot of romance going on but I seem to have more short love poetry than any other kind. Who'm I kidding I have more love poetry generally than any other kind ;) MEN! Wish I didn't need 'em, or maybe I don't :)
Hauntings
Once the faces were demons
Once they were left behind
Once my heart believed them
Now I know my own mind
Oh I'm tired of all the shadows,
The whispers of men not mine
Who demand my loving attention
Hidden, I give no sign.
Each one tinged with obsession
A longing I hate to deny
And yet I keep on in silence
There is no-one to ask me why
'You cannot help what you feel' (they said)
'But you can help what you do'
And knowing this feeling as foolish
Each day I keep it secret,
Each day I do it anew.
Snowdrop 16th October ‘98
The gentle sweep of your eye
Like a brush with snowdrops, open wide
Your smile already mine
Yet you are at a distance
I should be more wise
And yet I catch glimpses of delight
When you catch my eyes
You smile
Oh the gentleness, your soul, your eyes
I cannot think why
I see all this with no surprise
Your gaze meets mine
Already a friend seeing eye to eye
And I have only seen you
But once or twice
Daydreams melt on sunrise
Half-formed wishes
Disappears before my eyes
But still I think I remember
Your gentleness, your soul, your eyes
Sigh 31st May/1st June '01
Mystery feeling
I just watch you walk away
I close my eyes
But I know you're still there
If you look
That darkness in your eyes
Like mine
Present or history
It all seems like
Trying not to
Again
Where came this
Guilt
Inaction eats me away
But there's nothing
And no time
Whinge/Wince 22nd February '02
I could have been a fireball
A sex addicts wet dream
But you were content to stand by
You're not worth the mess
You let me get in
You're just gonna stand there and let be
I've done that game before
But I crossed the line
Pity you didn't cross it with me
Burn
(nessy's current choice no 1)
Fire in the night that burns you down
Tries to make your chains as ashes
Will as weak as water battling
Trying, trying to remain,
Molten lava of desires
Strictures cold as iron
But as good, as true I know
Fence me in on either side
Yet how do I reign it in with only knowledge?
How can will e’er overcome
Emotions powered like the sun?
And I am not as chained as some.
Spells of Desire
Nature longs to attain
Nomos keeps in line
Once chained,
Now I am trapped once again
By the endless cycle
Of twisting desire
The tyranny of mind o’er body
With the heart betwixt the two
The only one who sees reason
If body only knew
Mind is not in tyranny
There is naught to hide
No opportunity
Not even the time
Goals sharp as ice
Slip/stick in my fingers
Trying to run and hide
Can’t hold onto the present
The future’s a lie
Stranger/Friend (song lyrics)
(nessy's current choice no.2)
As cool as ice
As hot as flames from the sun
As soft as a breeze
As hard as stone
But when I see
Your face before me
I know that I'm wrong
It's just when you leave
I learn it's true
'Cause you're as soft as a breeze
As cool as flames from a stone
As smooth as ice
As hot as flames from above
As soft as a breeze
As hard as stone.
Shudder 8th January ‘02
Born into the day in a fever of fire
I shudder awake to stumble
Blinded, through the dark
Flame light dancing over vision
Shivered Shattered Shadows
Fade into view
As the fame flowers subside
I creep into the world like a victim
Wounded, weeping, in pain
Like a guttering star
Like death from life
I crumble and quiver into rebirth
Pushed and shovel
Dying death
To burn with life.
Crumble ?1st March '00
Box of bones
One touch
And it is shattered
Life slips out
And what to trust?
Memory blocked
Sceptical of senses,
Lost.
Shiver, flesh easily breached
And bones crumble to dust
Image hovers on the edge
But not close enough
To warn, filled with mistrust
When will fear go?
Obsessions of electrons and thread,
Confessions hereafter so guiltily said,
I said what I felt
Before I wrote, but after, the deed done,
The point of no return passed
I wondered whether
I should have waited, thought twice
If the deed purifies, makes me good,
Or even well, unhealthily uncertain
Am I angel or destined for hell?
Or something in between
I broke my own code.
Proud to have acted, stood up for self,
Not shivered sadly, in victimhood,
But nothing holds me now except her words,
Nothing except
Hope.
Cramps eugh! Again! And after I hoovered/murdered the dining room carpet within an inch of its life as an attempt to get some exercise to protect myself against that. Will try doing lots of tai chi thingys tommorow or something. REALLY hate cramps.
I have this feeling me and B are kind of circling around each other waiting for the other to explode. Her diary certainly sounded like that. I've done my explosion, maybe it's B's turn ((giggles manically))
If she can bear it, I hope B will let me speak to her of my concerns on Tuesday. If not or even regardless, I plan to get unhealthily drunk. Been dying to do that for a while.
OK this is because I'm lazy and all my important judges monitor this page. That poetry competition - well I'd like you to choose between the following by the date of next months deadline 15May02. Sorry there's a lot of romance going on but I seem to have more short love poetry than any other kind. Who'm I kidding I have more love poetry generally than any other kind ;) MEN! Wish I didn't need 'em, or maybe I don't :)
Hauntings
Once the faces were demons
Once they were left behind
Once my heart believed them
Now I know my own mind
Oh I'm tired of all the shadows,
The whispers of men not mine
Who demand my loving attention
Hidden, I give no sign.
Each one tinged with obsession
A longing I hate to deny
And yet I keep on in silence
There is no-one to ask me why
'You cannot help what you feel' (they said)
'But you can help what you do'
And knowing this feeling as foolish
Each day I keep it secret,
Each day I do it anew.
Snowdrop 16th October ‘98
The gentle sweep of your eye
Like a brush with snowdrops, open wide
Your smile already mine
Yet you are at a distance
I should be more wise
And yet I catch glimpses of delight
When you catch my eyes
You smile
Oh the gentleness, your soul, your eyes
I cannot think why
I see all this with no surprise
Your gaze meets mine
Already a friend seeing eye to eye
And I have only seen you
But once or twice
Daydreams melt on sunrise
Half-formed wishes
Disappears before my eyes
But still I think I remember
Your gentleness, your soul, your eyes
Sigh 31st May/1st June '01
Mystery feeling
I just watch you walk away
I close my eyes
But I know you're still there
If you look
That darkness in your eyes
Like mine
Present or history
It all seems like
Trying not to
Again
Where came this
Guilt
Inaction eats me away
But there's nothing
And no time
Whinge/Wince 22nd February '02
I could have been a fireball
A sex addicts wet dream
But you were content to stand by
You're not worth the mess
You let me get in
You're just gonna stand there and let be
I've done that game before
But I crossed the line
Pity you didn't cross it with me
Burn
(nessy's current choice no 1)
Fire in the night that burns you down
Tries to make your chains as ashes
Will as weak as water battling
Trying, trying to remain,
Molten lava of desires
Strictures cold as iron
But as good, as true I know
Fence me in on either side
Yet how do I reign it in with only knowledge?
How can will e’er overcome
Emotions powered like the sun?
And I am not as chained as some.
Spells of Desire
Nature longs to attain
Nomos keeps in line
Once chained,
Now I am trapped once again
By the endless cycle
Of twisting desire
The tyranny of mind o’er body
With the heart betwixt the two
The only one who sees reason
If body only knew
Mind is not in tyranny
There is naught to hide
No opportunity
Not even the time
Goals sharp as ice
Slip/stick in my fingers
Trying to run and hide
Can’t hold onto the present
The future’s a lie
Stranger/Friend (song lyrics)
(nessy's current choice no.2)
As cool as ice
As hot as flames from the sun
As soft as a breeze
As hard as stone
But when I see
Your face before me
I know that I'm wrong
It's just when you leave
I learn it's true
'Cause you're as soft as a breeze
As cool as flames from a stone
As smooth as ice
As hot as flames from above
As soft as a breeze
As hard as stone.
Shudder 8th January ‘02
Born into the day in a fever of fire
I shudder awake to stumble
Blinded, through the dark
Flame light dancing over vision
Shivered Shattered Shadows
Fade into view
As the fame flowers subside
I creep into the world like a victim
Wounded, weeping, in pain
Like a guttering star
Like death from life
I crumble and quiver into rebirth
Pushed and shovel
Dying death
To burn with life.
Crumble ?1st March '00
Box of bones
One touch
And it is shattered
Life slips out
And what to trust?
Memory blocked
Sceptical of senses,
Lost.
Shiver, flesh easily breached
And bones crumble to dust
Image hovers on the edge
But not close enough
To warn, filled with mistrust
When will fear go?