Life can only be interesting if you live it
Wow, well it's my first time doing this little journal thingie. Truth be told within the last 5 years, I have filled up a handful of journals but recently, in the last six months, i'm talking, I haven't written at all. Don't know why...It's so freezing outside, let me just share that with you all. It's awful and an hour after I have been inside the Student Union here, my hands still hurt. Oyve. Well, what should I say? I know that pretty much only leah is going to read this adn i tell her everything by phone or email anyways, so maybe this will be for me....for kellie to let out here feelings...how corny..:(
Living with Ausencio so far has been absolutey......unexplainable. I mean, i can't describe how complete I feel at night, next to him, his arms around me until we both get too hot and stuffy and have to separat..(tmi????) And when i wake up in the mornnig and we both make our early morning grumbles..it's cute. However, as everyone knows, he isn't the easiest boyfriend to have but mostly that's because of my insecurity. I mean, I watched him talk to his family and I watch him with his niece and newphew and he is so happy. I wonder if people see him that happy when he's with me. I feel like I can't complete his life enough. I mean, it's not that I am trying to compete with Mexico or his family there but I worry so much that I'll never have a place in his life like they do. Like I said, it's all my insecurity and my fear...I've never loved anyone like this and when you have everything...you have everthing to lose....but i must stop thinking like this. It's a hard habit to break though. Sylvia his sister-in-law told me she can tell he's happier since we've moved together.
Ok but excuse me for a minute----Holy Shit!!!!!!!!!!!! Eric just walked by with some guys...i watched him go by and I felt this sense of time being really really mutated and in slow motion. I don't believe him...I don't understand how someone can love someone so much and then say it is no longer there. I think that is only is defenses....he has built them up like Bush has built up the military prepared to fight against Iraq. I just don't get him...i know i know...i am not meant to. I just hurt so bad for Leah...when i put myself in her shoes....hell, i feel sick and nauseated. I can only imagine how hard this is on her. First of all it's not fair..no life isn't fair...yeah i've heard that bullshit line too many times. But you try to take that line when the person carrying your heart tries to give it back to you. I've been there and no not the extreme that Leah is in right now, but I'e had a few tastes of that pain and let me say...it frickin' hurts.
Well I guess that's all for today. I have to meet my mom for lunch now..
Living with Ausencio so far has been absolutey......unexplainable. I mean, i can't describe how complete I feel at night, next to him, his arms around me until we both get too hot and stuffy and have to separat..(tmi????) And when i wake up in the mornnig and we both make our early morning grumbles..it's cute. However, as everyone knows, he isn't the easiest boyfriend to have but mostly that's because of my insecurity. I mean, I watched him talk to his family and I watch him with his niece and newphew and he is so happy. I wonder if people see him that happy when he's with me. I feel like I can't complete his life enough. I mean, it's not that I am trying to compete with Mexico or his family there but I worry so much that I'll never have a place in his life like they do. Like I said, it's all my insecurity and my fear...I've never loved anyone like this and when you have everything...you have everthing to lose....but i must stop thinking like this. It's a hard habit to break though. Sylvia his sister-in-law told me she can tell he's happier since we've moved together.
Ok but excuse me for a minute----Holy Shit!!!!!!!!!!!! Eric just walked by with some guys...i watched him go by and I felt this sense of time being really really mutated and in slow motion. I don't believe him...I don't understand how someone can love someone so much and then say it is no longer there. I think that is only is defenses....he has built them up like Bush has built up the military prepared to fight against Iraq. I just don't get him...i know i know...i am not meant to. I just hurt so bad for Leah...when i put myself in her shoes....hell, i feel sick and nauseated. I can only imagine how hard this is on her. First of all it's not fair..no life isn't fair...yeah i've heard that bullshit line too many times. But you try to take that line when the person carrying your heart tries to give it back to you. I've been there and no not the extreme that Leah is in right now, but I'e had a few tastes of that pain and let me say...it frickin' hurts.
Well I guess that's all for today. I have to meet my mom for lunch now..