Finally an update...
Considering the possibility that all I've come to believe about myself and the way I interact with the world may be wrong. I thought that I could make it, that I could do it, and yet every day I sit and stare at this screen totally ignoring everything I need to be doing. Is it ADHD or a real part of myself just trying to make its prescence known? If I could do one thing for the rest of my life it would be to help other people make their lives better. Why is that? I can't even do that for myself. I'm still in move in mode. I don't have the time to leave the house, yet I do. Equestrian eats up alot of my time. I want to progress in my workouts and my diet. I want to lose 5 more pounds or else gain some muscle or do I? I shaved my legs cause I thought I liked them smooth and realized I only like smooth legs on other boys? Or do I? My head is this constant jarring of belief and disbelief and I can't seperate them from each other and I don't have the time to try.
Well, all has been basically ok except for all that since I got back from Prague. I had a fucking fantastic time and really came to a new realization of myself. I met so many people and was impacted by so much. Everyday something reminds me of it and I dream of it. Hopefully this winter I will go to Cali to visit my friends from the program that live out there. There are so many dreams and wants and ideas within me clawing to get out but I can't seperate them all into something applicable. I'm working on it. This is a rant I know but I needed it tonight. No more like this. Promise. And as the Queen says after taking a laxative: "I'm a bit pooped!" Night all.
-DAvid
Well, all has been basically ok except for all that since I got back from Prague. I had a fucking fantastic time and really came to a new realization of myself. I met so many people and was impacted by so much. Everyday something reminds me of it and I dream of it. Hopefully this winter I will go to Cali to visit my friends from the program that live out there. There are so many dreams and wants and ideas within me clawing to get out but I can't seperate them all into something applicable. I'm working on it. This is a rant I know but I needed it tonight. No more like this. Promise. And as the Queen says after taking a laxative: "I'm a bit pooped!" Night all.
-DAvid