So much to process
You responded and I was set in my place. I responded and now wait for your response, if any. This sux, I thought I had moved on from this. It's hard to accept I've been holding in feelings. I'm really good at doing that. Acting like I'm a stone wall when everyone knows I'm such a mush ball.
Lets lay it out.
I fell in love for the first time with C1 and she broke my heart. We ended and I moved on rather quickly sexually. I got close to C2 and it was great. But only a friendship emerged and I pushed back my feelings. I thought I was getting over C1 and then she falls in love with someone else. Before I do. She moved on and is happy. Its hard for me to take, but I eventually do and we are now all in a good space. I start dating M and its all good. Then quickly I start to deny those feelings. C2 starts acting weird and then breaks off our friendship to get back with her ex. The ex doesn't want us to be friends and has thrown out an ultimatum. I'm heartbroken and pissed. I talk to C1 and she helps me deal with my feelings. M and I break up and get back together a few times. Now M is dating someone and wants to love this person and has been very clear with me, that she doesn't love me. I have a miscommunication with C2 after months of not talking and realize that I fucking love or loved her. And that I also love M. WTF!!!!!!! Now I'm trying to figure this all out. So confusing and to anyone who is reading this, I'd be surprised if you followed it.
Throughout all this I dated, screwed, fucked, played etc. with many other women, but these three have left an impression on my heart. I fucking hate being in love when its not reciprocated. With C1 it was great in the middle, because she loved me back. In the beginning she resisted and in the end she pushed me away. Love and life suck.
Right now I'm seeing someone and hopefully going to start seeing someone else soon. And its fun and carefree. I really enjoy it. But its so weird to process my sluthood when I'm in love with others. I don't want to be in love with anybody. When I'm in love I want monogamy. When I'm in lust, I want multiple partners and fun. Having both is a emotional fuck.
On the bright side, at least I'm dealing with this all now, before I move.
Lets lay it out.
I fell in love for the first time with C1 and she broke my heart. We ended and I moved on rather quickly sexually. I got close to C2 and it was great. But only a friendship emerged and I pushed back my feelings. I thought I was getting over C1 and then she falls in love with someone else. Before I do. She moved on and is happy. Its hard for me to take, but I eventually do and we are now all in a good space. I start dating M and its all good. Then quickly I start to deny those feelings. C2 starts acting weird and then breaks off our friendship to get back with her ex. The ex doesn't want us to be friends and has thrown out an ultimatum. I'm heartbroken and pissed. I talk to C1 and she helps me deal with my feelings. M and I break up and get back together a few times. Now M is dating someone and wants to love this person and has been very clear with me, that she doesn't love me. I have a miscommunication with C2 after months of not talking and realize that I fucking love or loved her. And that I also love M. WTF!!!!!!! Now I'm trying to figure this all out. So confusing and to anyone who is reading this, I'd be surprised if you followed it.
Throughout all this I dated, screwed, fucked, played etc. with many other women, but these three have left an impression on my heart. I fucking hate being in love when its not reciprocated. With C1 it was great in the middle, because she loved me back. In the beginning she resisted and in the end she pushed me away. Love and life suck.
Right now I'm seeing someone and hopefully going to start seeing someone else soon. And its fun and carefree. I really enjoy it. But its so weird to process my sluthood when I'm in love with others. I don't want to be in love with anybody. When I'm in love I want monogamy. When I'm in lust, I want multiple partners and fun. Having both is a emotional fuck.
On the bright side, at least I'm dealing with this all now, before I move.