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[queenofprinnies]

I think its time to confide a deep-seated pang that has been making me wriggle with anxiety for the longest time. I have not felt comfortable with playing Etna at camp for a very long time... and lord knows I've been struggling with keeping her or not for a long time. As more time has passed, RPing with her just hasn't been very comfortable or

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[queenofprinnies]

...actually, the advice to post to many threads make a lot of sense (and is one of those things that's like 'why didn't I realize that sooner?') Perhaps I should try to throw Etna more out there and see what happens.

Ah... the anonymous thing is a feeling of separateness from the group as a hole. Actually I was also really tired at the time so maybe posting it up was actually not the best of ideas. I've always sort of had a personal issue of not being a part of most communities I try to be a part of (growing up not being able to speak the native language might do that ^^;). So when I see people talk freely and happily with each other in IRC there are some times when I get so downcast that I'm not a part of that... while still being afraid to put myself out there because of some bad past experiences.

I think my biggest worry is what you've said in the last second in reverse: that as validation comes from IC changes, not receiving validation also comes from playing poorly. Because I'm afraid that I'm not RPing or playing my characters the right way, I am actually negatively effecting how I am in the eyes of everybody. This hich causes me to worry more about how I am playing. Ultimately, that probably effects my play and causes a vicious cycle.

Thanks for replying in. I am glad for the advice and well-wishes. I will definitely take what you've suggested to heart.