Truefacts Icelandic Folktale:
Once upon a time there was this old couple. They had a bit of gold that had been passed down from generation to generation (but stuck with them, possibly because they had no kids? or their kids were fuck ups. choose your own adventure.)
One day an elf prince who was living in a nearby mound decided BAM! He needed that gold. Even though it had been sitting there for decades. And he's got magic powers, so I don't know why he couldn't just magic himself some gold, but we'll get to that in a second.
So the wife tells her husband to get the gold back, and the guy goes to the mound and is like, "UM, HEY." And the elf prince is like, "Lol no finders keepers." And the guy is like, "Well fine, but you have to give me something in return for it." And the elf prince is like, "Ugh fine," so the guy asks for a lifetime's supply of milk.
So the old couple are like, swimming in all this milk, it's great, they're very happy, until one day they're both like, you know what would be great? A lifetime's supply of porridge. So the old man goes back to the mound. (I have no idea how porridge is made, but I've always assumed before now that it was made with milk. Apparently not so.) The guy asks and the elf prince is like, "FUCKING FINE if it will get you off my lawn." Presto, oodles of porridge.
SO MUCH PORRIDGE, in fact, that they're like, "You know what would be great? Sharing some of this porridge with the Virgin Mary."
...yes.
So they go back to the elf prince and ask for a ladder to heaven.
......YES.
And the elf goes, "...okayyy," and poof they have a ladder to heaven. And about halfway up, they get dizzy and fall to earth and their skulls crack open and splatter their brains and the porridge onto the rocks.
And that, children, is where we get ~LICHEN~~
One day an elf prince who was living in a nearby mound decided BAM! He needed that gold. Even though it had been sitting there for decades. And he's got magic powers, so I don't know why he couldn't just magic himself some gold, but we'll get to that in a second.
So the wife tells her husband to get the gold back, and the guy goes to the mound and is like, "UM, HEY." And the elf prince is like, "Lol no finders keepers." And the guy is like, "Well fine, but you have to give me something in return for it." And the elf prince is like, "Ugh fine," so the guy asks for a lifetime's supply of milk.
So the old couple are like, swimming in all this milk, it's great, they're very happy, until one day they're both like, you know what would be great? A lifetime's supply of porridge. So the old man goes back to the mound. (I have no idea how porridge is made, but I've always assumed before now that it was made with milk. Apparently not so.) The guy asks and the elf prince is like, "FUCKING FINE if it will get you off my lawn." Presto, oodles of porridge.
SO MUCH PORRIDGE, in fact, that they're like, "You know what would be great? Sharing some of this porridge with the Virgin Mary."
...yes.
So they go back to the elf prince and ask for a ladder to heaven.
......YES.
And the elf goes, "...okayyy," and poof they have a ladder to heaven. And about halfway up, they get dizzy and fall to earth and their skulls crack open and splatter their brains and the porridge onto the rocks.
And that, children, is where we get ~LICHEN~~