Sweeping Up the Shatter Pieces...
... of this mistake, of my life. It's been a rough week filled with a monsoon of a million crystal tears, a cascade of regret, a flood of empty longing, and endless embraces. I've found a sense of resolve and resolution within the awkwardness of life.
Through everything, Derek and I have only binded together even more strongly. Once in a while I transform in a god-forsaken moody woman, and his embraces only become stronger. One day when I started a fight before he had to go to work, he came back with flowers and a loving hug and we talked everything out. When he is sad, or happy he will write poetry to share with me. I just love this bond of mutual compassion, sympathy and love. I love not having contingencies, judgement and someone I simply connect with. It's constantly like breathing in a sigh of relief; a breath of fresh, clean spring air.
It's just so weird when one thing in life is going right, so many other things are going wrong. My imbecilic school student teaching coordinator is impossible to get a hold of, and the whole education department seems to have amnesia in regard to fixing their inadequacies. Reslife needs a lie in order to induce change. Phone tag begins again Monday. Oh joy. As I venture into my senior year of college, the only thoughts that continually cross my mind are, "Good gods, is this all over yet?" I will feel so liberated once I have my bachleor's degree and this mess will be over... finally. I've had enough and the year hasn't even started yet.
I have been working different product demos here and there, but as far as lining up consistant work, I've felt too emotionally broken to work a job. I acquired one job offer, but I turned it down (because the management already seemed rude and inconsiderate) and that probably was a good thing in retrospect. I'm at the threshold of apathy, I don't care. I work too much during the rest of the year, I should be able to enjoy a couple months off.
As far as wedding plans go, we both are very ready to get married. I'm so excited, this truly is my soulmate. My mother is at the constantly complaining about my fiance in this stage of this process, but I don't care. I could have fallen in love with anyone and she would have her endless complaints. I wish she could just cool down. As I mentioned in my June entry, she was really dead set on having someone officiate our ceremony. It wasn't worth the arguement, so I told her if she could find someone to read the ceremony that I had written, we could be flexible. First, my uncle knew someone from where he worked that was an officiate. I e-mailed my non-religious ceremony to him. He lied about e-mailing me back (I receieved nothing) but told my uncle he e-mailed me back because he wanted to add something in my ceremony about Jesus. No way would that work, so we declined. I can't believe some of these people with Christian morals. This guy was such a discriminating liar, but I guess because he believes in Jesus it makes it justifiable for him to lie to other people. Another strike. Would his God be happy?
After headache after headache, things finally got better. We are having the Mayor of Zelienople officiate. He seems like a really laid back and nice guy. I also really think it is neat to have the mayor for that region at our wedding. It gives me a weird magical feeling, like I am Dorothy seeing the Wizard of Oz... I'm so strange.
That pretty much wraps up my current life. I'm lonely, if you are ever in Erie, please visit me. Ciao.
Through everything, Derek and I have only binded together even more strongly. Once in a while I transform in a god-forsaken moody woman, and his embraces only become stronger. One day when I started a fight before he had to go to work, he came back with flowers and a loving hug and we talked everything out. When he is sad, or happy he will write poetry to share with me. I just love this bond of mutual compassion, sympathy and love. I love not having contingencies, judgement and someone I simply connect with. It's constantly like breathing in a sigh of relief; a breath of fresh, clean spring air.
It's just so weird when one thing in life is going right, so many other things are going wrong. My imbecilic school student teaching coordinator is impossible to get a hold of, and the whole education department seems to have amnesia in regard to fixing their inadequacies. Reslife needs a lie in order to induce change. Phone tag begins again Monday. Oh joy. As I venture into my senior year of college, the only thoughts that continually cross my mind are, "Good gods, is this all over yet?" I will feel so liberated once I have my bachleor's degree and this mess will be over... finally. I've had enough and the year hasn't even started yet.
I have been working different product demos here and there, but as far as lining up consistant work, I've felt too emotionally broken to work a job. I acquired one job offer, but I turned it down (because the management already seemed rude and inconsiderate) and that probably was a good thing in retrospect. I'm at the threshold of apathy, I don't care. I work too much during the rest of the year, I should be able to enjoy a couple months off.
As far as wedding plans go, we both are very ready to get married. I'm so excited, this truly is my soulmate. My mother is at the constantly complaining about my fiance in this stage of this process, but I don't care. I could have fallen in love with anyone and she would have her endless complaints. I wish she could just cool down. As I mentioned in my June entry, she was really dead set on having someone officiate our ceremony. It wasn't worth the arguement, so I told her if she could find someone to read the ceremony that I had written, we could be flexible. First, my uncle knew someone from where he worked that was an officiate. I e-mailed my non-religious ceremony to him. He lied about e-mailing me back (I receieved nothing) but told my uncle he e-mailed me back because he wanted to add something in my ceremony about Jesus. No way would that work, so we declined. I can't believe some of these people with Christian morals. This guy was such a discriminating liar, but I guess because he believes in Jesus it makes it justifiable for him to lie to other people. Another strike. Would his God be happy?
After headache after headache, things finally got better. We are having the Mayor of Zelienople officiate. He seems like a really laid back and nice guy. I also really think it is neat to have the mayor for that region at our wedding. It gives me a weird magical feeling, like I am Dorothy seeing the Wizard of Oz... I'm so strange.
That pretty much wraps up my current life. I'm lonely, if you are ever in Erie, please visit me. Ciao.