Yes, All Women
The other day a guy posted a manifesto on YouTube about how he was going to kill a ton of women for constantly rejecting him. He was pissed off that no one was fucking him. He insisted that it wasn't fair and that he was a perfect gentleman and they should all pay for the crime of not giving him the sex that he was owed. And then he killed them.
Welcome to the world of Men's Rights Activists.
MRAs aren't about men's rights, not one whit. They are about the systematic subjugation of women. They want us to serve them, give them sex when they want it, and to shut up. To be less than human.
In response to this, women in social media began pointing out that this killing spree is what women are afraid of men doing to them all the time and, inevitably, the "not all men" contingent began showing up.
Thus began the #YesAllWomen hashtag on Twitter. As in yes, all women know this fear. Yes, all women have had to do this or that to prevent being victimized or marginalized by men.
The prevailing consensus is yes, we know it's not all men doing this. But it's enough men that it's ruined it for all the good ones. It's enough men that we have to be wary of all of them because we don't know what you're thinking.
I've seen so much on Twitter over the last 24 hours. I've read so many stories. I've seen so many things I can relate to. I've seen predatorial trolls infiltrating the hashtag to harass women. I've seen men say "I didn't know this was happening" and beginning to learn from it.
I'm trying to write a coherent blog about how I feel about this, and honestly the best I can do is just throw some kind of narrative structural netting over my own tweets and hope for the best. So this is going to be a bit disjointed.
I'm fortunate. I know this. I have so many, many men in my life who believe in equality and mutual respect and who fight against stereotyping. Understanding where your faults are and actively working to better yourself is the mark of a real man. Or woman.
I'm lucky in that I was raised by a father who did not stereotype me because of my gender. He never looked at me cross-eyed for liking He-Man and Thundercats and Spider-Man along with my Jem dolls and Rainbow Brite. He never raised me to think that I was implicitly weak because of my gender.
I saw a lot of guys, including my own friends, shocked by what they learned in the #YesAllWomen tag because they honestly had no idea. But that's good. They're learning, and now they can help change the behavior from within. Of course it sucks that men will listen to another man over an actual woman about women's issues, but at least they're listening. Men teaching other men how to treat women by example is very valuable.
There are so many men out there who don't understand how feminism benefits THEM. There ARE actual men's issues out there. There IS societal pressure to be successful, be stoic, bang a ton of chicks, be into cars and and sports, don't act like a "fag," be an alpha male, be dominant all the time, fit a mold, be manly, be the best at everything. ALL OF THAT IS PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT. Feminism fights THAT TOO.
Men have to be mindful of the expectations they have and standards they set for other men, and don't shame one another for failing to meet those bullshit standards. Men are varied and different and wonderful and not a hive mind.
MRAs do not actually give a fuck about men's "rights." If they did, they would care about actual men's issues instead of believing they have a right to a woman at any given time.
No one is entitled to a woman's body. When I was 20, my boyfriend heard me tell him I didn't want to sleep with him and he did it anyway. Because he made me believe I "owed" him for the five-star restaurant and "this is what mature women do." Because I was so conditioned to believe things like that, I didn't fight. I figured it would be worse if I fought. And part of me believed I should feel badly for saying no. But I never did say yes.
Just because it's not forceful or traumatic, or it's from someone you're dating or married to or otherwise involved with, if you do not consent, it is rape. It took me years to realize I had even been raped; that's how insidiously women are subjugated. I didn't tell anyone for years after that because I figured no one would count it as rape because it wasn't violent. It wasn't violent, and I wasn't traumatized. But it was rape. I never consented. I just stopped arguing.
There are still men out there defending the shooter. I'm honestly just gonna leave that there without comment.
If you think "men have it rough too because X," think about whose standards those are. Change it from within. It's hard for guys - and some women - to understand why the concept of the "alpha male" is harmful to both sexes. It puts pressure on both of us to behave certain ways and expect certain things.Men and women were raised to believe in either being or wanting that stereotype, and men and women must work together to combat that. This is what feminism is.
There are horrible extremist women out there who believe that all sex is rape and all men should have their dicks cut off and NO. THEY ARE NOT FEMINISM. THEY DO NOT REPRESENT US. Real feminists want equality. NOT superiority. I love the men in my life. I was raised by a man. All you need to do to be a feminist is to treat men and women as equals.
My feminism includes transwomen. It includes men. It includes EVERYBODY.
Why not "equalism" or some other word? Because almost all of these problems are rooted in the marginalization of women. When we undo that, then we achieve harmonious coexistence and equality. We don't have to change the word "feminism" because extremist assholes are trying to wreck it. Why do you think it's a bad word in the first place? Because people who don't really understand it are trying to tell you what it is.
I first learned about feminism through Wonder Woman, of all places. Hey, I was a kid, okay? I can't recall if it was George Pérez or Mindy Newell writing at the time, but when I was reading Wonder Woman, she taught me that men and women have to work together to make the world better for everyone. That's the goal of feminism - equality. It's called feminism because it's women who are marginalized.
I've noticed over the years that for whatever reason, I've been getting some kind of "geek pass" that other female gamers do not get. I've never felt odd or wrong for liking traditional "guy stuff" like horror movies, guitars, comic books and video games. I feel odd when people tell me I shouldn't like that stuff because I don't understand why not.
I don't know why I so rarely experience the "lol ur a girl" bullshit that so many other women in my fandoms have. Is it because I know my shit? Because I don't show my boobs? Why does it even matter? Why do I get a pass but other women don't? I can pass your geek test but why is there one at all?
There's so much still to learn from #YesAllWomen. There's so much more to say, and so much to listen to. But I am seeing a difference. I am seeing men and women beginning a dialogue with one another. Even in the middle of the hate and the trolling, I've seen decent men trying to understand. It gives me hope. That someday yes, all women and yes, all men will finally treat each other with the respect yes, all people deserve.
Welcome to the world of Men's Rights Activists.
MRAs aren't about men's rights, not one whit. They are about the systematic subjugation of women. They want us to serve them, give them sex when they want it, and to shut up. To be less than human.
In response to this, women in social media began pointing out that this killing spree is what women are afraid of men doing to them all the time and, inevitably, the "not all men" contingent began showing up.
Thus began the #YesAllWomen hashtag on Twitter. As in yes, all women know this fear. Yes, all women have had to do this or that to prevent being victimized or marginalized by men.
The prevailing consensus is yes, we know it's not all men doing this. But it's enough men that it's ruined it for all the good ones. It's enough men that we have to be wary of all of them because we don't know what you're thinking.
I've seen so much on Twitter over the last 24 hours. I've read so many stories. I've seen so many things I can relate to. I've seen predatorial trolls infiltrating the hashtag to harass women. I've seen men say "I didn't know this was happening" and beginning to learn from it.
I'm trying to write a coherent blog about how I feel about this, and honestly the best I can do is just throw some kind of narrative structural netting over my own tweets and hope for the best. So this is going to be a bit disjointed.
I'm fortunate. I know this. I have so many, many men in my life who believe in equality and mutual respect and who fight against stereotyping. Understanding where your faults are and actively working to better yourself is the mark of a real man. Or woman.
I'm lucky in that I was raised by a father who did not stereotype me because of my gender. He never looked at me cross-eyed for liking He-Man and Thundercats and Spider-Man along with my Jem dolls and Rainbow Brite. He never raised me to think that I was implicitly weak because of my gender.
I saw a lot of guys, including my own friends, shocked by what they learned in the #YesAllWomen tag because they honestly had no idea. But that's good. They're learning, and now they can help change the behavior from within. Of course it sucks that men will listen to another man over an actual woman about women's issues, but at least they're listening. Men teaching other men how to treat women by example is very valuable.
There are so many men out there who don't understand how feminism benefits THEM. There ARE actual men's issues out there. There IS societal pressure to be successful, be stoic, bang a ton of chicks, be into cars and and sports, don't act like a "fag," be an alpha male, be dominant all the time, fit a mold, be manly, be the best at everything. ALL OF THAT IS PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT. Feminism fights THAT TOO.
Men have to be mindful of the expectations they have and standards they set for other men, and don't shame one another for failing to meet those bullshit standards. Men are varied and different and wonderful and not a hive mind.
MRAs do not actually give a fuck about men's "rights." If they did, they would care about actual men's issues instead of believing they have a right to a woman at any given time.
No one is entitled to a woman's body. When I was 20, my boyfriend heard me tell him I didn't want to sleep with him and he did it anyway. Because he made me believe I "owed" him for the five-star restaurant and "this is what mature women do." Because I was so conditioned to believe things like that, I didn't fight. I figured it would be worse if I fought. And part of me believed I should feel badly for saying no. But I never did say yes.
Just because it's not forceful or traumatic, or it's from someone you're dating or married to or otherwise involved with, if you do not consent, it is rape. It took me years to realize I had even been raped; that's how insidiously women are subjugated. I didn't tell anyone for years after that because I figured no one would count it as rape because it wasn't violent. It wasn't violent, and I wasn't traumatized. But it was rape. I never consented. I just stopped arguing.
There are still men out there defending the shooter. I'm honestly just gonna leave that there without comment.
If you think "men have it rough too because X," think about whose standards those are. Change it from within. It's hard for guys - and some women - to understand why the concept of the "alpha male" is harmful to both sexes. It puts pressure on both of us to behave certain ways and expect certain things.Men and women were raised to believe in either being or wanting that stereotype, and men and women must work together to combat that. This is what feminism is.
There are horrible extremist women out there who believe that all sex is rape and all men should have their dicks cut off and NO. THEY ARE NOT FEMINISM. THEY DO NOT REPRESENT US. Real feminists want equality. NOT superiority. I love the men in my life. I was raised by a man. All you need to do to be a feminist is to treat men and women as equals.
My feminism includes transwomen. It includes men. It includes EVERYBODY.
Why not "equalism" or some other word? Because almost all of these problems are rooted in the marginalization of women. When we undo that, then we achieve harmonious coexistence and equality. We don't have to change the word "feminism" because extremist assholes are trying to wreck it. Why do you think it's a bad word in the first place? Because people who don't really understand it are trying to tell you what it is.
I first learned about feminism through Wonder Woman, of all places. Hey, I was a kid, okay? I can't recall if it was George Pérez or Mindy Newell writing at the time, but when I was reading Wonder Woman, she taught me that men and women have to work together to make the world better for everyone. That's the goal of feminism - equality. It's called feminism because it's women who are marginalized.
I've noticed over the years that for whatever reason, I've been getting some kind of "geek pass" that other female gamers do not get. I've never felt odd or wrong for liking traditional "guy stuff" like horror movies, guitars, comic books and video games. I feel odd when people tell me I shouldn't like that stuff because I don't understand why not.
I don't know why I so rarely experience the "lol ur a girl" bullshit that so many other women in my fandoms have. Is it because I know my shit? Because I don't show my boobs? Why does it even matter? Why do I get a pass but other women don't? I can pass your geek test but why is there one at all?
There's so much still to learn from #YesAllWomen. There's so much more to say, and so much to listen to. But I am seeing a difference. I am seeing men and women beginning a dialogue with one another. Even in the middle of the hate and the trolling, I've seen decent men trying to understand. It gives me hope. That someday yes, all women and yes, all men will finally treat each other with the respect yes, all people deserve.