because my soap opera happens in the middle of the night too.
So I am about to flail and start crying because I so don’t deserve this. (all of this meant in the good way, not the bad way)
A small bit of background. When I was 15 the only other person to kiss me(the one I don’t count), Kolby, sexually molested me while at school(nothing overly awful, it was a hand up the skirt and he didn’t stop when I asked). Last Tuesday was literally the first time I was able to tell someone what happened and it’s been getting easier. My mom knows about it now too, which makes me feel a lot better. I’ll have to tell my Dad about it, which will be interesting. Along with the fact that I’m kind of together with a girl. He knows to suck it up and deal if he wants to keep talking to me though, so it’ll be fine. He’ll just get all Dad about it, ya know?
Well because of Kolby I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone because I would fuck it up before it began and then run and hide. Well I so don’t want to fuck this up with Nikki but it’s still there. When she kissed me I had a mini panic attack and she was really cool about it, trying to get me to relax and not doing anything more.
This evening at work, yay for stealing intarwebz at work!, we were texting and joking about a bunch of stuff when I told her my friend Cassie had joked with me saying I wasn’t allowed to have sex before she did because she was slutier than I was and that just wouldn’t be fair. Well she didn’t catch the joke part and all of a sudden we were having a Talk.
She said she noticed I had kind of backed off and that she figured I needed time to think and so she wasn’t going to do anything until I said it was okay. I told her that there’s still that part of me asking why I haven’t fucked it up and ran off yet and it’s because the other part doesn’t want to fuck it up. This then confuses the whole me and add the tension of Erika in the house and my Mom in town I had no idea how to behave. It’s all new to me.
She then said that I could go at whatever pace I needed to and she would just go along with it. There was no pressure and that she was here for me for whatever I needed. She had to work stuff out before so she knows what it’s like and she’s not going to do anything that I’m not fine with.
Gah I am about to flail and cry. I knew she was kind of unsure about me because she bought me twizzlers because she remembered I had said I could eat just twizzlers until I died and I would be happy. I wish she didn’t have clinicals tomorrow but Kansas is coming over so we can have girl time and I can spaz about Nikki and we can make sugar cookies. Because Nikki likes them.
I wonder if we have a relationship title yet?
A small bit of background. When I was 15 the only other person to kiss me(the one I don’t count), Kolby, sexually molested me while at school(nothing overly awful, it was a hand up the skirt and he didn’t stop when I asked). Last Tuesday was literally the first time I was able to tell someone what happened and it’s been getting easier. My mom knows about it now too, which makes me feel a lot better. I’ll have to tell my Dad about it, which will be interesting. Along with the fact that I’m kind of together with a girl. He knows to suck it up and deal if he wants to keep talking to me though, so it’ll be fine. He’ll just get all Dad about it, ya know?
Well because of Kolby I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone because I would fuck it up before it began and then run and hide. Well I so don’t want to fuck this up with Nikki but it’s still there. When she kissed me I had a mini panic attack and she was really cool about it, trying to get me to relax and not doing anything more.
This evening at work, yay for stealing intarwebz at work!, we were texting and joking about a bunch of stuff when I told her my friend Cassie had joked with me saying I wasn’t allowed to have sex before she did because she was slutier than I was and that just wouldn’t be fair. Well she didn’t catch the joke part and all of a sudden we were having a Talk.
She said she noticed I had kind of backed off and that she figured I needed time to think and so she wasn’t going to do anything until I said it was okay. I told her that there’s still that part of me asking why I haven’t fucked it up and ran off yet and it’s because the other part doesn’t want to fuck it up. This then confuses the whole me and add the tension of Erika in the house and my Mom in town I had no idea how to behave. It’s all new to me.
She then said that I could go at whatever pace I needed to and she would just go along with it. There was no pressure and that she was here for me for whatever I needed. She had to work stuff out before so she knows what it’s like and she’s not going to do anything that I’m not fine with.
Gah I am about to flail and cry. I knew she was kind of unsure about me because she bought me twizzlers because she remembered I had said I could eat just twizzlers until I died and I would be happy. I wish she didn’t have clinicals tomorrow but Kansas is coming over so we can have girl time and I can spaz about Nikki and we can make sugar cookies. Because Nikki likes them.
I wonder if we have a relationship title yet?