(no subject)
Today is Australia day.
it's also my brothers birthday, so happy birthday to my Jonny. he's umm... *thinks* ouch! *mental maths* 31 today. I feel old by association now that he is 30.. poor jon.
Mum left this morning. I diddnt get to see her off at the airport, and her phone is off so that I cant get a hold of her! *wories* I mean, I know she's my mum and all, and quite capable of looking after herself, and she has gone on like 2 or 3 of these holidays alone before.. but she isnt feeling well and her back is sore and she doesnt know how to use the phone and probably doesnt know how to turn it back on, and I cant talk to her and make sure she is ok! last time she missed her plane home and I had to book her onto a train and a bus and all sorts of things to get her home again! so.. you know *worries*
gaaaa. she's my MUM she should be worrying about me, not the other way around!! I'm such a dag.
so anyway, mum is away, pete n his family are away my aunt next door is away, my uncle will be going away in a few days (I think.. no on etells me stuff).. I feel very left behind! HELLO *echo - 'lo.. 'lo...'lo* my house just feels very alone at the moment! its a good thing, dont get me wrong, I love being here on my own.. but its kinda like my house feels sad today.. does that sound crazy?? but its true! even the cats are very subdued.
Went out clubbing last night.. wanted to show rhi a good time. cairns was the most dead I"ve ever seen it! all my plans for a great night with the boy kinda fell in a heap though, his party was all wrapped up before I got there, then he was going to go out n stay at his mates place to play D'n'D. and it's like, he's always getting upset at me for not going to his party's or things like that with him, and I went to heaps of effort and stuff to get to his party and to spend the night with him, I even swapped shifts at work, and agreed to drive perople all over the countryside in order to be there sooner for him.. but then I get there and he's all like, "well, its over and I"m going out with my mates, too bad you wanted to be nice to your mum and diddnt come earlier today" (mind you, thats not ACTUALLY what he said.. thats just what it FELT like he was saying..) so I got all upset n stuff, and re-organised all kinds of things in order to still have fun (to his credit, he did give me some money so that I could actually go out, cause he's wonderful even when he's not ;-p) and he rang n said he felt bad and was going to come out with me after all, so then I felt bad all over again for guilting him into going with me, but then.. we DID have plans (however loose) of being togeather for the night and he changed them and stuff, so I felt a lil better. but then we were in town for all of 5 mins (possibly 10 ;-p) before he went home cause he felt sick. so then I felt bad again.. again!
GAAAA!
but it all worked out ok in the end I guess.. rhi and I bummed around in town, untill we got WAAAAY bored and so we went home. blergh!
I just dont know what to do. I mean, he gets upset that I never make any plans before hand and just go with the flow and do everything on the spur of the moment.. but then, I TRY and make plans and be what he wants, but then he goes and breaks those plans and GRRRRRR.
ENOUGH!!!! I'm sick of bitching about my boy! I mean, this morning was great! I havnt been that happy with him in.. *thinks* about a week or more, it was great! we mucked around and cuddled and felt all warm n fuzzy n stuff! it was great.
and now he's out with his mates, but thats a good thing. I have no problems with him spending time with his mates. I just feel insecure when he chooses them over me.. which I realise that he doesnt do half as much as I think he does.. it just feels like he chooses them more than he chooses me. gawd I"m paranoid and insane and insecure. *hides in a corner*
anyway.. I have to find something good to write about today.. *thinks* well... there IS all that chocolate in the fridge *grins* and only me to eat it *grins even more* OOHHH and I might be watching a movie or two with rhi this arvy.. but alas, that also involves the dreaded walk. lol.
bugger! just rememberd I have to do my washing again this afternoon.
gaaaa.
I wish I was a kitten. you get hugs and cuddles for no reason and everyone loves you etc etc etc.
well.
love n kisses.
Queen Cazza. - Jolly Swagman.
it's also my brothers birthday, so happy birthday to my Jonny. he's umm... *thinks* ouch! *mental maths* 31 today. I feel old by association now that he is 30.. poor jon.
Mum left this morning. I diddnt get to see her off at the airport, and her phone is off so that I cant get a hold of her! *wories* I mean, I know she's my mum and all, and quite capable of looking after herself, and she has gone on like 2 or 3 of these holidays alone before.. but she isnt feeling well and her back is sore and she doesnt know how to use the phone and probably doesnt know how to turn it back on, and I cant talk to her and make sure she is ok! last time she missed her plane home and I had to book her onto a train and a bus and all sorts of things to get her home again! so.. you know *worries*
gaaaa. she's my MUM she should be worrying about me, not the other way around!! I'm such a dag.
so anyway, mum is away, pete n his family are away my aunt next door is away, my uncle will be going away in a few days (I think.. no on etells me stuff).. I feel very left behind! HELLO *echo - 'lo.. 'lo...'lo* my house just feels very alone at the moment! its a good thing, dont get me wrong, I love being here on my own.. but its kinda like my house feels sad today.. does that sound crazy?? but its true! even the cats are very subdued.
Went out clubbing last night.. wanted to show rhi a good time. cairns was the most dead I"ve ever seen it! all my plans for a great night with the boy kinda fell in a heap though, his party was all wrapped up before I got there, then he was going to go out n stay at his mates place to play D'n'D. and it's like, he's always getting upset at me for not going to his party's or things like that with him, and I went to heaps of effort and stuff to get to his party and to spend the night with him, I even swapped shifts at work, and agreed to drive perople all over the countryside in order to be there sooner for him.. but then I get there and he's all like, "well, its over and I"m going out with my mates, too bad you wanted to be nice to your mum and diddnt come earlier today" (mind you, thats not ACTUALLY what he said.. thats just what it FELT like he was saying..) so I got all upset n stuff, and re-organised all kinds of things in order to still have fun (to his credit, he did give me some money so that I could actually go out, cause he's wonderful even when he's not ;-p) and he rang n said he felt bad and was going to come out with me after all, so then I felt bad all over again for guilting him into going with me, but then.. we DID have plans (however loose) of being togeather for the night and he changed them and stuff, so I felt a lil better. but then we were in town for all of 5 mins (possibly 10 ;-p) before he went home cause he felt sick. so then I felt bad again.. again!
GAAAA!
but it all worked out ok in the end I guess.. rhi and I bummed around in town, untill we got WAAAAY bored and so we went home. blergh!
I just dont know what to do. I mean, he gets upset that I never make any plans before hand and just go with the flow and do everything on the spur of the moment.. but then, I TRY and make plans and be what he wants, but then he goes and breaks those plans and GRRRRRR.
ENOUGH!!!! I'm sick of bitching about my boy! I mean, this morning was great! I havnt been that happy with him in.. *thinks* about a week or more, it was great! we mucked around and cuddled and felt all warm n fuzzy n stuff! it was great.
and now he's out with his mates, but thats a good thing. I have no problems with him spending time with his mates. I just feel insecure when he chooses them over me.. which I realise that he doesnt do half as much as I think he does.. it just feels like he chooses them more than he chooses me. gawd I"m paranoid and insane and insecure. *hides in a corner*
anyway.. I have to find something good to write about today.. *thinks* well... there IS all that chocolate in the fridge *grins* and only me to eat it *grins even more* OOHHH and I might be watching a movie or two with rhi this arvy.. but alas, that also involves the dreaded walk. lol.
bugger! just rememberd I have to do my washing again this afternoon.
gaaaa.
I wish I was a kitten. you get hugs and cuddles for no reason and everyone loves you etc etc etc.
well.
love n kisses.
Queen Cazza. - Jolly Swagman.