my name is toadstool

[qube912]

hmmm i should really be asleep right now. i have an eye doctor's appointmentt later today at noonish and i kinda sorta can't miss it considering this guy is only around two days a week every other week. i'm still up cause i was cleaning the living room cause obviously no one else is going to do it. when i came home, i found my brother and his friend just sitting in the middle of a catastrophic mess. i, being the lunatic that i am, decided to undertake this colossal feat. turned out pretty good. my mom woke up and walked in and was genuinely shocked. i think she had pretty much given up on anyone even touching the room. luckily for her, when i'm recovering from a really shitty mood, i tend to go on a cleaning binge. today was a better day than the last two. wednesday i didn't go to class because i woke up in the morning looking like a toad. my eyes were nearly puffed shut from the ridiculous amounts of crying i did on tuesday night. there was no way i could possibly leave my house looking like that ("that" being a hot shitty mess). let alone go to class. i really must look up solutions for puffy, red eyes. it took nearly another eight hours for them to go back to normal. crying sucks. it doesn't help at all. i guess i feel a little bit better today because i faced one of my stressors square in the eye: my first cal 2 exam. i'm pretty sure i failed with flying colors but at least it's over. there's something to be said about the feelings brought about by an impending doom that you really can't do much about. i considered just not going to class and withdrawing from calculus right that moment but then decided that wasn't too smart of an idea. plus there would be no one on my side (including myself), if i didn't even try. so i sucked it up and went to bullshit my way through 100 minutes of integrals, washers, spheres, arcs, and reduction formulas. sounds fun, doesn't it? the funniest thing is that at the end of the exam i ended up explaining one of the problems to one of my fellow classmates. a question i had figured out only minutes before myself. i imagine if i hadn't completely broken down on tuesday, i could've managed to teach myself all the things i needed to know for the exam. maybe even slid through with 70-80%; but unfortunately the torrent of tears took care of that. oh well. the weekend is here and as always its a chance for me to start fixing the mistakes i made throughout the week. plus i get to get my eyebrows done this weekend. hooray! long overdue! there are some silver linings out there, i suppose. hmmmm...as long as i don't think about the future....or the past...or the present.....i think i'll be okay.

***BTW** the phrase "mass exodus" is currently banned from my vocabulary