Kingdom Hearts is light I guess?
So I just finally beat Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days and now I'm gonna ramble about it and try to summarize it for the benefit of people who don't want to play it but are still for some reason curious what happened.
First off I'll just mention that it's been a reeeally long while since I've played either Kingdom Hearts or Kingdom Hearts 2, perhaps less since I've played Chain of Memories but hahaha that game. Anyway the point is my memory of the plot of any of these games is rather fuzzy, which is not helped by the fact that the plots of these games are pretty inscrutable in the first place.
The format of the game is basically a mission based thing. You are Roxas, and you are Organization XIII's bitch. Saïx is your taskmaster, and he sends you out to other worlds to go do various tasks, smacking down heartless, collecting shit, that sort of thing. You get to team up with other members of the Organization from time to time, which is pretty neat for O13 fans, especially since you can talk to them between missions and get a bit more characterization, or just get sick of their various catchphrases and personality quirks. You do get to see a little more of the members that were introduced in Chain of Memories as well, at least until they get shipped off to Castle Oblivion. In addition to that, there's a mission mode where you can actually play as the rest of the Organization (as well as a couple other characters), and they all have different fighting styles and also joke weapons, so that's interesting.
Anyway, as you might guess, this game is all about Roxas and his time playing lackey for Organization XIII. He is an extra special snowflake for them because he has the keyblade, and thus only he can collect hearts from heartless to create Kingdom Hearts. I know, I know, just go with it. It starts at the very beginning from when he joined and is all quiet until he finally befriends Axel and stops being such a zombie. Axel teaches him how to do missions, introduces the awkward shorthand RTC for "Return To Castle" (that the other members unfortunately pick up on), and takes him out for ice cream. (The other Organization members take their turns training him too, or at least half of them do, since this is their only chance to team up before they all get murdered in Castle Oblivion.) Axel and Roxas start hanging out on the top of the clock tower in Twilight Town after missions to eat sea salt ice cream together and a slashable bromance is born.
Unfortunately their regular dates are interrupted by the order for Axel to go off to Castle Oblivion, and Roxas is paired with No. XIV, or Xion, another mysterious cloaked figure who has shown up to the party that and also has a keyblade! XIV stays hooded and quiet for a while until she finally opens up shows off how suspiciously like Kairi/Naminé she looks, and Roxas invites her up to the clock tower while Axel is away at C.O. killing spying on his teammates and assures her that the three of them can be buds. Somewhere along the way he finds out that at least one of the members at Castle Oblivion has been terminated, learns because they're Nobodies that means nothing is left of them (As if! says Xigbar. Fifty times.) and starts worrying about his boyfriend Axel. He is so worried, in fact, that he passes out and is in a coma for like 25 days. Okay that might not be why he passed out, I actually don't remember what happened, probably some pre-identity crisis bullshit. He's been seeing visions of a boy with spiky hair and ugly red shorts for some reason after all.
Roxas wakes up to a bunch of seashells Xion has left by his pillow, and also the news that the entire Castle Oblivion team has been annihilated. This makes him terribly sad despite supposedly not having emotions and he goes to binge on ice cream alone. Of course we all know Axel's fine, and he eventually comes back and seems totally fine with letting Xion hang out with them (whatever, he's totally jelly and three's a crowd) so they all have ice cream parties every day. All seems fine, except not really because Xion's being secretive about something and ends up going missing. When Roxas and Axel get sent to find her, it turns out she's lost the ability to use the Keyblade, so Axel suggests she and Roxas go on missions together to hide the fact that only one of them is collecting hearts. Eventually Saïx gets fed up with this and says they can't go together anymore, so on their last mission together Roxas lets Xion borrow his keyblade and fights with a stick and that apparently works so everyone is happy. Somewhere along the way, Kingdom Hearts has formed in the sky due to all the hearts Roxas and Xion have been collecting, so the Organization is closer to their goal of gaining hearts for themselves, I guess?
Missions go on, Xion starts her identity crisis issues, has fights with Riku, Saïx, and Roxas, and drama and avoidance ensues. Roxas has to eat ice cream alone for a while, and then it's Xion's turn to be in a coma. When she wakes up, it's pretty much back to normal, except she starts acting weird almost immediately, and goes missing yet again. Roxas and Axel start looking for her after missions until they've checked everywhere except Castle Oblivion, where Xion is apparently from, but as soon as Roxas gets Axel to take him there his head explodes and he passes out. When he wakes up, Axel has brought him to Twilight Town, where they find Xion hanging out with a mysterious Organization impostor (Riku) for some reason. Axel ends up knocking Xion out to drag her back, which does not please Roxas. Things are rather awkward between the three of them after that for some reason.
At some point Roxas asks Xemnas who Sora is after I guess remembering the name and is told that Sora is the connection between him and Xion, which answers pretty much nothing. Interpersonal relationships improve, but Roxas does not. He starts losing strength and has weird dreams and cries in his sleep. Xion, apparently, is a replica that Vexen created to wield the power of the keyblade, and she has been getting stronger as Roxas gets weaker. She has also been stealing Sora's memories, without which he can't wake up, which is supposedly why she looks like Kairi. Riku is trying to convince her to give them back I guess. So Xion disappears (again) to meet Naminé but Axel drags her back (again) and Roxas finally gets told that Xion is a puppet which prompts his identity crisis bitchfit. If she's a puppet maybe he is too! He confronts Axel who knew about Xion for a while and breaks up with him because boy best friends are honest with eachother, then ragequits the Organization, kicking Saïx's ass on the way out the door. He goes to mope on the clock tower, where Xion finds him and does a creepy trick where she has turned into Sora but still sounds like a girl, then she turns into ROBOT SORA and is the last boss (4 forms of it). Roxas beats her/it up, it turns back into Xion and he's already starting to forget about her but he's sad that she's crystallizing/disintegrating anyway.
Now Roxas has those two keyblades we saw him with in Kingdom Hearts 2 and it goes to that scene where he and Riku have a tiff. He's apparently trying to free Kingdom Hearts or something because he thinks that will somehow make it so he can have ice cream with Xion and Axel again? I don't even know. But he beats Riku up and then Riku takes off his blindfold and suddenly has a tan and a deep voice and force chokes Roxas except not really because he has the creepy heartless thing hanging out behind him do it for him. And I guess then Roxas gets put into Twilight Town to hang out with three losers and beat on people with foam bats or something the end.
Bonus drinking game! Take a shot when:
Xemnas is melodramatic
Xigbar says "As if!"
Xaldin is condescending
Vexen insults you
Lexaeus actually talks
Zexion is a snob
Saïx bitches at you
Axel says some form of "got it memorized?"
Demyx whines about having to work or pushes his work off on you
Luxord makes a ridiculous gambling metaphor
Marluxia says something suspicious
Larxene is a bitch
Roxas hallucinates red shorts
Xion has an identity crisis
So yeah that was 358/2 Days. Don't ask me to explain what this all means in the ongoing plot of these games. I can't even remember why completing Kingdom Hearts was supposedly a bad thing and why Sora had to mess up Xemnas's plans, but whatever, that was years ago.
Next up, Birth By Sleep, I guess. I really need to not try to do all the extra crap in this silly game.
First off I'll just mention that it's been a reeeally long while since I've played either Kingdom Hearts or Kingdom Hearts 2, perhaps less since I've played Chain of Memories but hahaha that game. Anyway the point is my memory of the plot of any of these games is rather fuzzy, which is not helped by the fact that the plots of these games are pretty inscrutable in the first place.
The format of the game is basically a mission based thing. You are Roxas, and you are Organization XIII's bitch. Saïx is your taskmaster, and he sends you out to other worlds to go do various tasks, smacking down heartless, collecting shit, that sort of thing. You get to team up with other members of the Organization from time to time, which is pretty neat for O13 fans, especially since you can talk to them between missions and get a bit more characterization, or just get sick of their various catchphrases and personality quirks. You do get to see a little more of the members that were introduced in Chain of Memories as well, at least until they get shipped off to Castle Oblivion. In addition to that, there's a mission mode where you can actually play as the rest of the Organization (as well as a couple other characters), and they all have different fighting styles and also joke weapons, so that's interesting.
Anyway, as you might guess, this game is all about Roxas and his time playing lackey for Organization XIII. He is an extra special snowflake for them because he has the keyblade, and thus only he can collect hearts from heartless to create Kingdom Hearts. I know, I know, just go with it. It starts at the very beginning from when he joined and is all quiet until he finally befriends Axel and stops being such a zombie. Axel teaches him how to do missions, introduces the awkward shorthand RTC for "Return To Castle" (that the other members unfortunately pick up on), and takes him out for ice cream. (The other Organization members take their turns training him too, or at least half of them do, since this is their only chance to team up before they all get murdered in Castle Oblivion.) Axel and Roxas start hanging out on the top of the clock tower in Twilight Town after missions to eat sea salt ice cream together and a slashable bromance is born.
Unfortunately their regular dates are interrupted by the order for Axel to go off to Castle Oblivion, and Roxas is paired with No. XIV, or Xion, another mysterious cloaked figure who has shown up to the party that and also has a keyblade! XIV stays hooded and quiet for a while until she finally opens up shows off how suspiciously like Kairi/Naminé she looks, and Roxas invites her up to the clock tower while Axel is away at C.O. killing spying on his teammates and assures her that the three of them can be buds. Somewhere along the way he finds out that at least one of the members at Castle Oblivion has been terminated, learns because they're Nobodies that means nothing is left of them (As if! says Xigbar. Fifty times.) and starts worrying about his boyfriend Axel. He is so worried, in fact, that he passes out and is in a coma for like 25 days. Okay that might not be why he passed out, I actually don't remember what happened, probably some pre-identity crisis bullshit. He's been seeing visions of a boy with spiky hair and ugly red shorts for some reason after all.
Roxas wakes up to a bunch of seashells Xion has left by his pillow, and also the news that the entire Castle Oblivion team has been annihilated. This makes him terribly sad despite supposedly not having emotions and he goes to binge on ice cream alone. Of course we all know Axel's fine, and he eventually comes back and seems totally fine with letting Xion hang out with them (whatever, he's totally jelly and three's a crowd) so they all have ice cream parties every day. All seems fine, except not really because Xion's being secretive about something and ends up going missing. When Roxas and Axel get sent to find her, it turns out she's lost the ability to use the Keyblade, so Axel suggests she and Roxas go on missions together to hide the fact that only one of them is collecting hearts. Eventually Saïx gets fed up with this and says they can't go together anymore, so on their last mission together Roxas lets Xion borrow his keyblade and fights with a stick and that apparently works so everyone is happy. Somewhere along the way, Kingdom Hearts has formed in the sky due to all the hearts Roxas and Xion have been collecting, so the Organization is closer to their goal of gaining hearts for themselves, I guess?
Missions go on, Xion starts her identity crisis issues, has fights with Riku, Saïx, and Roxas, and drama and avoidance ensues. Roxas has to eat ice cream alone for a while, and then it's Xion's turn to be in a coma. When she wakes up, it's pretty much back to normal, except she starts acting weird almost immediately, and goes missing yet again. Roxas and Axel start looking for her after missions until they've checked everywhere except Castle Oblivion, where Xion is apparently from, but as soon as Roxas gets Axel to take him there his head explodes and he passes out. When he wakes up, Axel has brought him to Twilight Town, where they find Xion hanging out with a mysterious Organization impostor (Riku) for some reason. Axel ends up knocking Xion out to drag her back, which does not please Roxas. Things are rather awkward between the three of them after that for some reason.
At some point Roxas asks Xemnas who Sora is after I guess remembering the name and is told that Sora is the connection between him and Xion, which answers pretty much nothing. Interpersonal relationships improve, but Roxas does not. He starts losing strength and has weird dreams and cries in his sleep. Xion, apparently, is a replica that Vexen created to wield the power of the keyblade, and she has been getting stronger as Roxas gets weaker. She has also been stealing Sora's memories, without which he can't wake up, which is supposedly why she looks like Kairi. Riku is trying to convince her to give them back I guess. So Xion disappears (again) to meet Naminé but Axel drags her back (again) and Roxas finally gets told that Xion is a puppet which prompts his identity crisis bitchfit. If she's a puppet maybe he is too! He confronts Axel who knew about Xion for a while and breaks up with him because boy best friends are honest with eachother, then ragequits the Organization, kicking Saïx's ass on the way out the door. He goes to mope on the clock tower, where Xion finds him and does a creepy trick where she has turned into Sora but still sounds like a girl, then she turns into ROBOT SORA and is the last boss (4 forms of it). Roxas beats her/it up, it turns back into Xion and he's already starting to forget about her but he's sad that she's crystallizing/disintegrating anyway.
Now Roxas has those two keyblades we saw him with in Kingdom Hearts 2 and it goes to that scene where he and Riku have a tiff. He's apparently trying to free Kingdom Hearts or something because he thinks that will somehow make it so he can have ice cream with Xion and Axel again? I don't even know. But he beats Riku up and then Riku takes off his blindfold and suddenly has a tan and a deep voice and force chokes Roxas except not really because he has the creepy heartless thing hanging out behind him do it for him. And I guess then Roxas gets put into Twilight Town to hang out with three losers and beat on people with foam bats or something the end.
Bonus drinking game! Take a shot when:
Xemnas is melodramatic
Xigbar says "As if!"
Xaldin is condescending
Vexen insults you
Lexaeus actually talks
Zexion is a snob
Saïx bitches at you
Axel says some form of "got it memorized?"
Demyx whines about having to work or pushes his work off on you
Luxord makes a ridiculous gambling metaphor
Marluxia says something suspicious
Larxene is a bitch
Roxas hallucinates red shorts
Xion has an identity crisis
So yeah that was 358/2 Days. Don't ask me to explain what this all means in the ongoing plot of these games. I can't even remember why completing Kingdom Hearts was supposedly a bad thing and why Sora had to mess up Xemnas's plans, but whatever, that was years ago.
Next up, Birth By Sleep, I guess. I really need to not try to do all the extra crap in this silly game.