graduation and holidays
ugh . . .
I should be happy . . .
but im not . . .
Im sitting here smelling roses that my aunt got me for grad
and am literally depressed
My fathers sister probably thinks I'm stupid now . . . (traffic was heavy and yes aggressive driving was used because well when your trying to get to the mall on a Saturday night, its kinda hard)
My fathers sister also hated my purse its this little coffin shaped purse I've had for 4 years I always liked it because it was cute . . . granit I still think it has its cute ness but not as much as an appeal to me. I carried it because its shiny, but she just out right said "that's gross" . . .
well its not like I carry dead body parts in it . . damn . . .
I feel like my fathers sisters will never really understand me . . and probably wont ever accept me and my quirky ness . . . hell I already feel like im exiled from that part of my family person I talk to most from that family is my younger cousin about games.
it doesn't even feel like holidays . . . it just feels like Im going threw the motions that don't mean anything.
I enjoy going out and seeing Christmas lights but . . Im really not looking forward to Christmas . . at all
I want to close my eyes and wake up to dec 26th . . a day that means more to me then the 25th does
and yes I call them my fathers sisters . . . with how little I see them and how i've been treated in the past . .
I dont feel any connetion to them any more
The eldist I hate her and her husband and daughters the whole stuck up lot of them and go rot away
the older one I never see except at family dinners . . . she smiles and acts interested but I dont feel anything from her . . .
the youngist hurt me . . . I use to stay at her house and play with my cousin . . . but one day she told me "I dont want you staying here any more, your not helping clean you might as well just stay some where else"
I've helped her clean in the past . . and the one weekend she said that my dad had needed me any time she started cleaning . . it was really un fair.
I hate my mothers middle sister . . . shes nothing but a user I wish I wasnt related to . .
Im gonna go have my cry fit now . . . because I would rather stay home then go up there and face a family I feel doesnt want to see me . .