[Halloween Fics] - TWENTY-NINE

[quakewithfear]

            Riku closed the door to the laboratory behind it quietly.  It wasn’t supposed to be in here.  Master would be angry if he found out… or perhaps not.  But Even would be.  In fact, Even would be furious.  The clone’s fear of its creator was far outstripped by its respect for its master, but Even could still hurt it (and justifiably) if he

Comments

[kacfrog711]

That... was sexy. And creepy. And sexy. Very nice job. <3 Admittedly, it was kind of hard to get into at first. the writing was choppy and you had some awkward phrasing and cliche descriptions. But by the time you got to the description of Riku's brothers, everything was smooth and captivating and just GUH. Poor Way (great name <3), and lovely Riku, and tonguing his stitches is gross and awesome and gross. <3 Really nice sense of touch and sight in this. The only thing I really wanted was smell. You know, stitches and laboratories... they have that antiseptic, or formaldehyde smell. It's really distinctive and makes me sick to my stomach, so I would've liked to have some mention of it. But I really loved all the other descriptions and sad little dialogue and thoughts you wrote in there. This is definitely one of my favorites of the month. But then, I am a LITTLE biased towards the BA universe <3

ps
Randomly, my darkart of the day has stitches, too~ OUR GREAT MINDS THINK SO ALIKE. No amputation, though. And no sexy Riku clones, sadly. :

[quakewithfear]

Thanks so much for the crits! I'll definitely keep this in mind so that next time is better. I can't believe I forgot to mention smells. WTF was I on?

YAY STITCHES! Stitches are always sexy!