improvement?
Things seem to be a bit better lately. Not perfect by any means, but better. Last night we had a babysitter for the first time since moving down here, and we were able to go to dinner and have quiet time. It wasn't anything too special, but it was just the two of us...no pressure, no definite plans, it was nice.
I still feel like my feelings are not as important as they should be, and that I have to fight too hard to make my voice heard. I still feel like I need to have my plans in place, in regards to moving out, learning to live without him. I can't let my guard down completely, can't let him all the way back in. I'm too afraid of what inevitably happens, me getting hurt again. But this weekend that was not my entire focus. We were able to get along all weekend, and there was even a small amount of affection. No late night fights, no crying. Maybe not butterflies and goosebumps, but a move in the right direction. That's all I can ask for, for now.
I still feel like my feelings are not as important as they should be, and that I have to fight too hard to make my voice heard. I still feel like I need to have my plans in place, in regards to moving out, learning to live without him. I can't let my guard down completely, can't let him all the way back in. I'm too afraid of what inevitably happens, me getting hurt again. But this weekend that was not my entire focus. We were able to get along all weekend, and there was even a small amount of affection. No late night fights, no crying. Maybe not butterflies and goosebumps, but a move in the right direction. That's all I can ask for, for now.