Top Gear Nativity Special
"You haven't been brave; you've been stupid!" Oh, the number of times someone could have aptly said that to Hammond...
"I didn't know...*lurches*...we're banking, aren't we?...I didn't know..." :)
Helpful James, as a howling Richard stares out the cargo hatch at thin air: "Hammond! Put your handbrake on!!"
"Land it this time, Sunshine!!"
I wonder if the boys entertained any of the troops while they were over there? Would have been a helpful thing to do I feel.
Hammond, rocketing around on the runway (and clearly loving it) at James and Jeremy safe back in the transport: "YOU BASTARDS!!!!!"
"I'm really sorry, Hammer." 'Hammer'?!?!
"Have you ever seen a television programme called...the news??"
"Can I just say, if I'm kidnapped, I don't want to hear any of this "well, you know, we don't give in to kidnap demands." Just pay. I don't want to be beheaded on the internet!"
Turtle Hammond in his little Fiat!
"You idiot!" "Oh you cock!"
"I am NOT going round the corne - I AM going round the corner; Hammond, don't be an arse!!"
"I didn't jump at that noise." *miserable look*
"I wish actually the Astra would stop just driving right behind me. He's made his point; I've triumphed over him, so he can sod off, frankly."
"I doubtless should be telling you all sorts of things about this car. I'm just more concerned about not being here anymore."
o/~ "We Three Blokes from BBC2, one colour gold car, one colour poo. Oh-ooooh, brought the wrong cars, brought the right; working heater, working lights; western going, gasket may be blowing what a piece of - " o/~
Hee, obligatory "rear-end James" moment.
"I bet the original Wise Men never had this problem." "Well they weren't BBC, were they?"
Oh thank god. *watches them strip off their ridiculous-looking military gear* I did find my disbelief rather difficult to suspend knowing that the BBC would never allow one of their top-earning shows to go anywhere REMOTELY as dangerous as they were making out it was.
:) Poor James, shouting abuse at the gear box. Lovely countryside though; quite digging the rock formations.
Hee! Jeremy = "Lawrence of Incompetence".
Aww, James and Jeremy whispering trying not to wake up the sleeping petrol man. "I don't like to wake a man up just for some petrol. Especially if I accidentally call him a bastard as he's getting it."
*snurk* Poor Hammond trying to explain his bullet lighter to the fierce Turkish guards... "Okay, I think I may have just had a wee."
o/~ "We Three Kings of Orient are, one in a Vauxhall, two in sports cars..." :)
*snurk* Poor Hamster getting bollocksed by Jeremy for his little legs sticking out the bonnet as he works on the car...
Obligatory vehicle sabotage moment. There really ought to be a Top Gear Specials drinking game (is sure there is already, but still).
I rather like Genesis. Poor Hamster for having the runs, though...maybe the healing power of PROG ROCK will cure him?
:) Jeremy speaking Yorkshire..."Wunn't it goah?"
"Stop, stop! GENTLY, I said!" *Clarkson bumps May, May bumps Hammond* Did they all three just form the vehicular equivalent of a daisy chain just then?
*hopes Hammond was drinking lots of fluids...dehydration in the desert isn't funny at all*
Obligatory A-Team theme music montage. *drinks*
"What I've done here is create a car of many colours. I am Joseph! Now I know that in the Bible he was kicked half to death by his brothers and then thrown in a well, but he did end up in the West End as Jason Donovan."
*almost snorts tea out my nose laughing at Jeremy looking like a little old lady in his bandana and sunglasses*
"So if that falls off, you are in the Vauxhall." *ponders this possible new phrase for 'up shit creek'*
"What a lovely evening. Traveling along with my mates...well, one of them..."
*enjoys the bong-fueled campfire nativity play nostalgia* "I was a shepherd. Because I had a dressing gown."
=8( *doesn't like seeing James bang his head owie owie owie* *notes that Jeremy is resolutely holding the cloth up to shade him, though...despite the trio's infamous macho bluster about leaving each other in peril, he's there when it counts. THE BIG SOFTIE.*
"Who am I?" "You're a big cock." "Who am I?" "Irritating little sod." "He's better."
Top Gear in burkas. Are they missing someone in masks now they've got no Stig?
"I'll tell you exactly what's happened is, the engine has changed its mind: on the road to Damascus it's decided it wants to be a three-cylinder engine."
"Oh god..." *lorry thunders past like a juggernaut* "Right up me burka!!"
"I've appeared on television in drag for nothing!"
"I've finally seen a present for Jeremy: oil of Tact."
"Lamb's head...brain..." "I'm in a horror film! I'm in a horror film."
"I'm in the Old Testament in an MX-5! As we go into second, power sliding through Leviticus! Now onto the main straight, into third and into Deuteronomy bend!"
"Old Testament NASCAR was the best motor sport EVER."
"My arse! I've lost an entire buttock off my beautiful pert little bottom on this car!" *meditates on Hammond's beautiful pert little bottom*
"This is just astonishing, this road! I want to marry it and have its babies!"
Jeremy: "It's a miracle - we've got enough fish to go round!" *OMG !!!~BUG~!!! WTFBBQ SWATS SPASTICALLY AT A LARGE AND AMOROUS INSECT* *Q literally hurts self from laughing so hard*
"I'm walking on water now!!" "Walk over there." *SPLASH!!!* "I've invented swimming!!"
"Unfortunately it wasn't an angel that came to me in the night...it was the trots. BAD." Could be worse, Hammond - I suspect you would find a divinely ordained MPREG marginally worse.
The second reading shall be from the Gearbox Gospel of St. May: "It's a case of many are called, but few are chosen. And many who are first shall be fourth. And many who are third will actually click down into second. It's hopeless."
"I covet my neighbor's Fiat."
God, are those searchlights on in Bethlehem all the time? That must be fucking annoying to the locals.
BABY STIG!!! *melts and coos at its precious ittle helmet*
Note: I am very glad I read about James's concussion beforehand so I wasn't freaking out quite as much as I might have been at the sight of all the blood and him looking so confused. Must have felt strange for Hammond, though, asking him questions to check how well his brain was working, and being on the other end of things for once.
I quite like May's quote about it, though: "I don't want to pretend I had an accident as bad as Hammond. He bashed his head on the whole of Yorkshire, I just hit mine on a stone."
:)
And the whole of Yorkshire has never recovered, I'm sure.
Q of Derby