'Fire up the Quattro, Hamster!'
so, while i'm feeling vaguely smug for having had the same good idea as the children in need folks (scroll down to the last two pictures and the comments thereon), i'm trying not to hope too hard that we get an actual filmed comedy sketch out of this. because, simply put, that would be the awesomest thing in the history of ever.
if we do get a sketch, though - *makes burnt offerings to the gods of television* - there are only two things i'd really, really like to see in it: first, the guv lifting hammond bodily off the ground by his lapels, and second -
EXT. LEEDS, BACK ALLEYS -- DAY (YES, LEEDS, GODDAMMIT. LIFE ON MARS WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE FILMED THERE AND HAMMOND USED TO LIVE THERE, SO HUSH. IT'S MY SCENE AND I CAN HAVE IT BE IN LEEDS IF I WANT TO)
A red Audi Quattro is tearing through the narrow alleyways in pursuit of the baddies' getaway car, pulling manuevers that the Stig would be proud of. M.S. QUATTRO, where GENE HUNT has been wounded and is unable to drive. He has therefore grudgingly handed the keys over to RICHARD HAMMOND, with the instructions, 'Try not to get overtaken by any pensioners with wheelie-carts.'
They are words that the Guv might well live to regret, as HAMMOND is doing such daredevil stunts that the mighty DCI HUNT is actually clinging to the safety straps.
GENE HUNT
Oi! Evel Knievel! Slow down, you daft Brummie git; you want to put us both in a bloody coma?!
HAMMOND
(macho)
Been there, done that; got the Lego set!
HAMMOND TAKES A HAIRPIN CURVE AND SKIDS TO A HALT, finally boxing the baddies into a police barricade.
C.S. QUATTRO: HAMMOND pats the steering wheel.
HAMMOND
There you are, Guv - all safe and sound!
HUNT staggers up from behind the back seat, taking a swig from his flask.
HUNT
Next time I'm bloody driving.
FADE OUT
sam tyler, you have your revenge at last. :)
Q
'you dress like my DI. talk like him, an' all. where d'you both come from; planet of the ponces?'