yay? .. OH MY GOSH YAY!
Here we go:
I have alot to say... I don't wanna myspace it because those bastards read everything and PASS judgement. who the heck are they?! I just want to vent somewhere you know? good and bad stuff that I just can't say outloud.
So here I go:
1. I am so happy. I can't believe I spent that long talking to him. I am so happy. That was so.. RELIEVING. Makes me feel like I finished on a good note. It's a relief I never thought I would get. so yea... I like it : ) K.. Here are some secrets:
a) I missed his friendship more than ANYTHING I have ever missed before. [now I have TWO of those 'missed friendships']
b) cute.. so... cute... and missed by me.
c) I can't believe its been a year.
d) I cant believe I was so calm and collected. I am proud of me.
e) i cant believe ... I .. I can't explain him,that, the SITUATION...I am STILL BREATHELESS. So, much relief. So much joy. So much familiarity. So, wow... I have been needed that feeling of...Reminiscense...
Like I told Chris:
I always see him.. like.. we drive past each other on streets that I just "get a feeling about" and drive on randomly for the first time... or we are in the elevator together... i am telling you.. i firmly believe that people are interertwined by something... I don't know if God is saying it means "to be" with that person or if it means God is "REMINDING" us of moments in our life [so that we remember something...like.. our behavior/happiness/whatever...] maybe it doesn't mean we are meant to be with them Chris. maybe signs are just that.. SIGNS literally screaming out at us, "do you remember when you were this happy? go find it!" or "do you realize the kind of person you were when you were with this person? become YOU again" I don't know... Signs can be ANYTHING. all I know is that they exist. i don't know what they are.
Chris, all I know is that a couple of days ago I was plagued with this thought: [shh our secret k Chrissy?]
- Why won't they call me? Why am I so indespensible? I may not have time for anyone...But is that because I noticed no one had time for me? [all the guys I like thats how i feel about them]
AND NOW since yesterday, after he told me he has been trying to call me since the last time we hung out [he has been calling the house phone and not leaving messages..i don't use the house phone and on my cell messages REMIND me after class to call my friends back] after he told me that THIS is how I feel:
-why is it we are meant to bump into each other so much? why is it the supjects he brings up are things that i already thought about [he brought up the play! THE EXACT day I was there and his bday! and stuff i wonder about him all the time] what is this? WHY am I supposed to be constantly reminded of certain people?
This is my conclusion Chris: maybe there is a REASON you are reminded of her..but DONT assume it is because you are supposed to be with her. I have learned the hard way: fate isn't forever...its a DESTINED present... make sense? you are SUPPOSED to have these encounters NOW but maybe not FOREVER.
Chris, she is there.. and you are here. AND she is with that guy she's been with for a LONG time.
Watch what fate does... maybe it is being tricky. maybe this is a sign of somesort but NOT the kind we think it is.
all i know is that...yesterday i realized after running into him [and then hearing all he said and noticing his nervous behavior like when he liked me] I realized: there IS a reason I am meant to talk to this boy. whether i am supposed to like him or not.. i like who I AM when i am around him/think about him...
so MAYBE that HAPPINESS that came out of me is what the signs are for.. maybe THATS IT... that lovely reminiscense feeling like.. when you remember your favorite ice cream's taste. maybe you don't NEED the ice cream chris.. but its GOOD to sit back remember and enjoy..you know?
ya.. i need a nap .... again. last time i tried i couldnt sleep sleep it was like.. doze. lemme try again. i'll fix this blog lata. i know it is confusing. haha.
<3
I have alot to say... I don't wanna myspace it because those bastards read everything and PASS judgement. who the heck are they?! I just want to vent somewhere you know? good and bad stuff that I just can't say outloud.
So here I go:
1. I am so happy. I can't believe I spent that long talking to him. I am so happy. That was so.. RELIEVING. Makes me feel like I finished on a good note. It's a relief I never thought I would get. so yea... I like it : ) K.. Here are some secrets:
a) I missed his friendship more than ANYTHING I have ever missed before. [now I have TWO of those 'missed friendships']
b) cute.. so... cute... and missed by me.
c) I can't believe its been a year.
d) I cant believe I was so calm and collected. I am proud of me.
e) i cant believe ... I .. I can't explain him,that, the SITUATION...I am STILL BREATHELESS. So, much relief. So much joy. So much familiarity. So, wow... I have been needed that feeling of...Reminiscense...
Like I told Chris:
I always see him.. like.. we drive past each other on streets that I just "get a feeling about" and drive on randomly for the first time... or we are in the elevator together... i am telling you.. i firmly believe that people are interertwined by something... I don't know if God is saying it means "to be" with that person or if it means God is "REMINDING" us of moments in our life [so that we remember something...like.. our behavior/happiness/whatever...] maybe it doesn't mean we are meant to be with them Chris. maybe signs are just that.. SIGNS literally screaming out at us, "do you remember when you were this happy? go find it!" or "do you realize the kind of person you were when you were with this person? become YOU again" I don't know... Signs can be ANYTHING. all I know is that they exist. i don't know what they are.
Chris, all I know is that a couple of days ago I was plagued with this thought: [shh our secret k Chrissy?]
- Why won't they call me? Why am I so indespensible? I may not have time for anyone...But is that because I noticed no one had time for me? [all the guys I like thats how i feel about them]
AND NOW since yesterday, after he told me he has been trying to call me since the last time we hung out [he has been calling the house phone and not leaving messages..i don't use the house phone and on my cell messages REMIND me after class to call my friends back] after he told me that THIS is how I feel:
-why is it we are meant to bump into each other so much? why is it the supjects he brings up are things that i already thought about [he brought up the play! THE EXACT day I was there and his bday! and stuff i wonder about him all the time] what is this? WHY am I supposed to be constantly reminded of certain people?
This is my conclusion Chris: maybe there is a REASON you are reminded of her..but DONT assume it is because you are supposed to be with her. I have learned the hard way: fate isn't forever...its a DESTINED present... make sense? you are SUPPOSED to have these encounters NOW but maybe not FOREVER.
Chris, she is there.. and you are here. AND she is with that guy she's been with for a LONG time.
Watch what fate does... maybe it is being tricky. maybe this is a sign of somesort but NOT the kind we think it is.
all i know is that...yesterday i realized after running into him [and then hearing all he said and noticing his nervous behavior like when he liked me] I realized: there IS a reason I am meant to talk to this boy. whether i am supposed to like him or not.. i like who I AM when i am around him/think about him...
so MAYBE that HAPPINESS that came out of me is what the signs are for.. maybe THATS IT... that lovely reminiscense feeling like.. when you remember your favorite ice cream's taste. maybe you don't NEED the ice cream chris.. but its GOOD to sit back remember and enjoy..you know?
ya.. i need a nap .... again. last time i tried i couldnt sleep sleep it was like.. doze. lemme try again. i'll fix this blog lata. i know it is confusing. haha.
<3