(no subject)
I've been really upset about my grades. But, its not anyone's fault but mine. I was the one who procrastinated, didn't concentrate and didn't work to my full potential. I was so caught up in other, less important things that I put school second. I compared myself to everyone else, thinking "If they can do it then whats wrong with me? Why can't I?" I would get so jealous and think that I needed to compete with them. But now I realize that its not a battle against anyone but myself. I'm fighting with myself to improve, to make sure I work to my full potential so that I can do better each time. I've been letting the little things get to me even though they seem so important right now. There's one big thing that's really been bothering me. I don't know how to act anymore or what to say. I think I'm just going to stop communicating with this person and see what happens. I'm not a toy that can be turned on and off whenever he pleases. That's not how it works. I have a heart that he's breaking and feelings that he's hurting. I don't know, maybe it really is because of the 'busyness' factor or I'm just being paranoid. I hope that I'm just being paranoid. I don't understand how it went from the way it was before to this. I really don't understand.