A Fork in the Road
Sometimes life doesn't quite pan out the way you plan it. Sometimes you encounter fork after fork, and though you may expect to have failures and victories, you end up with only a string of defeats.
Even now, I still feel that a man can conquer any mountain, ford any raging torrent, and do anything he can if he has the determination. Now, I still don't know if that's true or not, but now I know the limitations of my own determination, fortitude, and willpower. Unfortunately, I have been neither blessed with a "high will save" nor do I have the constitution of an ox; instead, I have the mental faculties of a college graduate -- a brain degraded by years of alcohol, partying, and restless nights combined with the lifestyle of a hedonist. Needless to say, I am running out of gas.
Now my road forks again, yet I continue to have hopes in pursue of a pipe dream? Why chase a pipe dream? Why chase after something that might seem reachable yet infinitely far away? Am I looking for more disappointment?
Fortunately, I am not, as of yet, completely consumed by boundless ambition; I still have some sense of reason and I do have a goal. The question is: have I burnt too much of myself, have I sacrificed too many things, to go on to pursue this goal? I do not know. I do not know.
But the worst part is it seems like everyone else is happy and that they have their "small little house with a white picket fence". Does that mean there are people who aren't meant to find happiness in life? I know that's not true, but knowing is different from feeling. Unfortunately, I have yet to develop the mental capacity to unify the logic and emotions, so while I know "what to do" and "where to go", I am running out of the drive and running out of hope.
The grass is so much greener on the other side. Maybe that just means I have a brown thumb.
Edit: I apologize to everyone who has lost a brain cell reading this drivel; I'm just being arrogant, self-centered, and selfish. Too bad.
Even now, I still feel that a man can conquer any mountain, ford any raging torrent, and do anything he can if he has the determination. Now, I still don't know if that's true or not, but now I know the limitations of my own determination, fortitude, and willpower. Unfortunately, I have been neither blessed with a "high will save" nor do I have the constitution of an ox; instead, I have the mental faculties of a college graduate -- a brain degraded by years of alcohol, partying, and restless nights combined with the lifestyle of a hedonist. Needless to say, I am running out of gas.
Now my road forks again, yet I continue to have hopes in pursue of a pipe dream? Why chase a pipe dream? Why chase after something that might seem reachable yet infinitely far away? Am I looking for more disappointment?
Fortunately, I am not, as of yet, completely consumed by boundless ambition; I still have some sense of reason and I do have a goal. The question is: have I burnt too much of myself, have I sacrificed too many things, to go on to pursue this goal? I do not know. I do not know.
But the worst part is it seems like everyone else is happy and that they have their "small little house with a white picket fence". Does that mean there are people who aren't meant to find happiness in life? I know that's not true, but knowing is different from feeling. Unfortunately, I have yet to develop the mental capacity to unify the logic and emotions, so while I know "what to do" and "where to go", I am running out of the drive and running out of hope.
The grass is so much greener on the other side. Maybe that just means I have a brown thumb.
Edit: I apologize to everyone who has lost a brain cell reading this drivel; I'm just being arrogant, self-centered, and selfish. Too bad.